Day 2

Yesterday after finding out about me having cancer, was also the day you came back to Seoul. How was I going to tell you this? You would be so heartbroken, just like the other time when you found out your pet tortise had died. You wouldn't eat or sleep, you didn't go to dance practise for a week. It was a life, but it was only your pet tortise, but if you found out about my illness, what will become of you? 

You looked healthier and prettier than ever. I watched you walk out of the airport with your friends. You looked so happy. If I didn't have this cancer, I would be elated to see you back too. However, unfatefully, I had to develop this illness. Perhaps it is God's calling. Maybe it's time for me to reunite with my brother in heaven. 

Day 4

How I wish to pick up your calls and chat with you throughout the night until you fall asleep and I can hear your heavy breathing through the phone just like in the past. Listening to you beautiful voice on the voice messages, I miss you so. But it hurts, I don't want you to be hurt because of me. Soon, I will have to leave. I cannot return to you, you will be heartbroken. I'm afraid you would also take your life with you. I know how rash you are. You are simple-minded and would do anything for me... Just like that time when my hair was caught and I had to get it cut in school. I hated the way they cut my hair. I was very upset. And then when I saw you, you had the same short bangs as I had. You cut your hair short that it ended on top of your shoulders. Your hair was originally down to your waist but you did not want me to go through this alone therefore you cut off your long and beautiful hair away for me. Hyomin-ah, thank you for being such a brave and wonderful girl for me... 

Day 7

I saw you backstage on the music show that day. You were taking those pills again. However, you spilled them as I was peeking through the little gap of the unclosed door. I didn't know why but I couldn't control myself. I went forward to help you pick up your pills as I saw you were struggling. You didn't quite realise my presence. But then you looked up to me. Your face was as pale as ever. I'm sorry I have to leave you, Hyomin... It's for the better. Please live better. You passed out and I sent you to the hospital. I waited for you to settle down in the hospital before leaving, so that no one else would see me. So that you wouldn't see me when you were awake. But seeing you like this, it hurts me... But it's only for the better. Please live better.

Day 11

I watched you clear the things of your old house. I was hiding outside your house. I then went into your house as always, I knew where the spare keys were, as I would always go to your place when we were still together and wake you up for school. The blur you, would always oversleep. Once, I overslept and went to your house late, you were still sleeping. We then decided not to go to school. How I miss our high school days...  

There was a box left in your house, I wonder if it was deliberately. The box contained all of our memories, all the things i gave to you and my spare shirt was there. As I always stayed over at your place, I had a few spare clothes there. The house was now cold and empty. It wasn't as warm as it was anymore. But i want to treasure the last moments I have to live. To live and embrace the memories we've had, although you can't be with me anymore. I don't want you to be heartbroken. 

Day 22

I saw you at the club that day. Why did you wear that lipstick again? The way Myungsoo looks at you, I can tell that he loves you. I should let him have you, to take care of you so that you won't think of me again. But I just felt that urge to grab you away from him. The way his body danced near yours... We weren't together anymore, but i couldn't help to feel that surging jealousy in me.. As if my body made me, I walked towards you and dragged you out of the club. You were furious. I kissed you. I think I scared you as you didn't know who I was. For a stranger to do this on the first meeting... And then you realized it was me. You fainted. I did not want your friends to see that I was with you. So i sent you back to your dorm. I took your phone and made a text to your friends that you felt unwell and went back to the dorms first, so that they wouldn't suspect anything. 
I helped you to change that day.. I made sure to be careful. I helped you remove your make up. Your face without makeup... It has been long since i've seen it. You always put make up even to school. I knew you were vain so i let you, you hardly had thick make up on anyway. Your innocent bare face was seen by me again. If you were awake now, you would definetely shy away. I miss how you always complained that you didn't have the perfect body. But I always told you that you were good enough for me. Now that you've become a celebrity, it seems you have the perfect body now. Did they force you to this? I knew I couldn't stay longer so after seeing that you were changed and asleep on your bed, I left your place without a trace. 

Day 30

The doctor told me that I only have 2 months left to live. I only nodded and accepted the fact. I've went to the places that we would always go before, I've done all the things we've done together, except alone now. But one thing that makes my heart feel unsettled is the fact that you seem to still be thinking of me. I hope that someone else would take care of you so you would be genuinely happy again. You were a person that found it hard to open up to others, especially of the opposite . It would be hard for you to be comfortable with another man again. I hoped the Myungsoo guy would love you as much as I did, seeing him for those few times, he looked like a decent man. I hope he could take care of you well. I needed to do something before i leave, so that i can leave peacefully, knowing that you are in safe hands. I decided I should find Myungsoo some time this week. 

Day 31

I didn't have to find him, but he came to me today. He demanded an explanation. I didn't know how to tell him. He told me about your condition, you are suffering now. Hyomin-ah, why are still as weak and innocent as the past? You always needed extra care. I told him all about you, I told him to take care of you. He didn't believe me at first, but when he finally flared up, I saw the look of determination in his eyes. And then I told him. He found it hard to accept at first, he still feels that I should see you, he says that since my mind isn't clear now, he would think of a plan so that I could be with you for a day. And after that day, he thinks you will fully recover. But i have to do the right things and say the right things on that day. Maybe after that day, you would think it is a dream. Or you would forget about it and get better, and continue your life as a celebrity dancer. I hope he is right, and I hope that day would be the best last day of our meeting. Being with you for so many years, and finally meeting again for a day, and to leave you for infinite years. We met on an autumn morning... In a few weeks it it going to be autumn again. I'll see you then, Hyomin-ah.