I know everyone wants to be loved, but I don’t know its weird but I don’t want to. Maybe its because im not ready for it yet. Now that he’s gone I want him back to me. But I guess im a little too late.

As I look through the window I can see the bright city, so busy and doesn’t really care about every single person that lives there. I remember at this time of the night he would call me and have late phone calls that last to hours. But now everything was gone.

Flashback….

I still remember our first meet. It was a text from my friend dara, it was his number. I don’t want to text that number or anything since im not interested but they said I should since we could have a little fun with the guy. You know something like a joke or a prank? I texted him and of course he would ask what’s my name, I told him my name was jenny and that started everything.

Every single night he would call me and ask me if I was ok or something. Then I told him my real name, Park Bom. And he told me his Kwon Jiyong, it was like magic how him and I met. I didn’t expect someone like him would come in my life.

1 am

“hey bom, how are yah?”

“im fine, how about you?”

“hmm a bit nervous. But still ok “

“nervous? Why? Come on you can tell me im your friend”

He let out a deep sigh, his breath was heavy you can clearly hear it. That night when he first ask me if it was ok for him to court me. That night where I become so paranoid and confused, I don’t want this to happen all I want is for us to be friends; I know it’s too good to be true, someone like him? Court me?

“im nervous to tell you that, I like you a lot”

Yeah, it was hard to believe but wait it gets worse. After 2 months of being calling-buddies, he became more personal and very open to me. He would always say that he loves me and all but I wont believe him that’s the problem with me I don’t want to believe him since I know I would end up being broken.

“why wont you believe me? If this was all a lie, I wont waste 2 months on calling you, I wont tell you my problems for fun. I love you that’s all that matters” I can hear his voice was shaky, I know I want to end things nicely but even I cant let go of him, and he’s not even mine.

“you’re just carried away, don’t worry you’ll find someone sooner or later”

“I already found her, and that’s you bom, what more can I do to prove it to you?”

“I don’t like you, ok? I don’t want you to assume or expect or get hurt for this stupid reason. Im not the one for you, im sorry”

“im sorry” his last words before he turned off the phone, I don’t know what I did that night and to think of it, that was the thing I wanted ever since. For this so called relationship to be over. But he didn’t stop, he kept waiting, even though I always shoo him away how I become so naughty and bad to him. He’s always there for me, ready to support care and love me. But I was too blind and stupid.

On our last phone call, I guess that was it. My voice was loud and we were both crying.

“jiyong-sshi, can we settle everything right now?”

“what is it baby?”

“aigoo, can you please stop calling me that? Its so irritating!”

“im sorry, it was just an expression. Cant I call you that?”

“no, because im not your baby and never I will be. So please stop calling me that”

“are you mad? Im sorry bom. Promise I will never say that again” what are you trying to do?

“what I want to settle is that, can you please stop calling me? Ever since you wanted to court me so bad. Please stop, I cant handle it anymore. I don’t love you. I cant give you the feelings you are giving to me-“

“bom, im not gonna stop. Not now, I love you, I wont waste my time of its not true and im saying this because I know that’s what you are thinking. I told you, I’ll wait, even if it took me years just to let you feel the same way, I will stay”

“you don’t have to wait, you’ll just get hurt brother”

“so you’re saying that the person I was fighting for cant fight for me?”

“something like that, yes”

“why are you so cold? Someone loves you truly and yet you want him to let you go?”

“cause, because, im afraid ok?! I don’t want the same thing to happen! I don’t want you!”

Tears started forming in her eyes, her voice was shaky and  jiyong on the other side was also feeling the same way. They were both crying and just felt the pain of letting go.

“I’ll wait for you”

“I don’t care! Goodbye kwon jiyong, I wish I never met you in the first place” turns off phone.

Back to reality

Yes, I know it was dumb for me to let him go, you see, 5 months of him waiting, he said he never did that before and to me it was different. I fell flat, was it the good decision? I didn’t know. But I felt regretful.  I regret everything.

A month has passed, and bom still remember him and misses him so much. Right now she truly believe that she loves him, but it too late for her to say that. She lost his contact since after that phone call she deleted his number, he didn’t call nor text her after that and she wishes he would. Bom hated that feeling but what can she do? It was now gone.

One day while she was at the grocery store, on the fruit section. She was wandering around, looking for fresh fruits, until she saw someone. Someone very familiar, it was no other than kwon jiyong. He was smiling, that face she misses the most was there with someone else. She was a bit hurt when she saw the happy couple so she turned her back. When she walked quickly but sadly all she did was bumped him and dropped the fruits.

“oh! Im so sorry miss, did I hurt you?” he help her stand up and picked the fruits and put them in a basket.

“im ok. Thanks” their eyes met and it seems like everything became awkward, she wanted to hug him and say I love you and so does he.

“come on sweetie, lets go mom is waiting for us” the girl grab his hands and left. Bom walked away but she looked back, when she finally stopped looking jiyong looked at her one last time.

Bom’s POV

Ok I saw him for the last time, aigoo, why am I crying? Come on bom just stop it already. I think he’s already engage with that girl.

Suddenly her phone was vibrating, someone is calling her, and it was an unknown number.

“who could this be? Uhmm, hello?” she said a bit nervous and voice kinda trembling since she was crying

“hello? Who is this? Anyone there?” she repeated “aigoo”

“hello baby, I miss you”

Her eyes widens, a smile forms at the edges of her lips, and all she remember was the guy she saw earlier, the guy who would call her baby, the guy she missed the most, the guy named kwon jiyong.

“Im sorry, I forgot, you get irritated when I call you that, I love you park bom-yang” he chuckles a little bit. That cute voice she loves to hear all this time.

“I love you too kwon jiyong” she whispers and smile.

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