The music pumped under my feet. Red flashed on the gigantic screens surrounding the stage, and unlike the cheering I had done for the past two and a half hours, I stayed silent, holding my breath. The doors opened on stage and my empty thoughts drowned out the sound of the screaming fans and the music. Finally, he walked out - smiling. Successful. And the first thing I noticed was that his neck was bare.

This was my first time seeing him perform live. I had watched every performance through YouTube since before he even debuted. It was nothing to be proud of. It just reminded me of how badly I had failed in wiping him from my memory. I watched him dance. I watched the confident expressions appear and change on his face. From here, I could see his smile, still the same despite his now-perfect teeth. I smiled remembering his crooked teeth from years ago. The teeth that made him insecure about his appearance as well as his voice. The hair that had stuck up in every direction, now carefully styled to one side. His distinct laugh. I blinked the stinging from behind my eyes. I probably wouldn't see him again; I couldn't blur my vision with tears when I finally got to see him without a computer screen between us.

The song ended and I watched him and the other member introduce themselves. They talked to each other and asked rhetorical questions to the fans before the next song started. A ballad this time. I had watched the music video for this song numerous times - not because I was particularly fond of the song, but because it reminded me of what we had been like. Friends who would die for each other. And friends who separated from each other because of betrayal. I couldn't decide which of us had betrayed the other, but at least one of us had.

Another song began. Their last. Our last.

[Change in POV]

We sat backstage to wait for the fans to leave - either by tiring of waiting for us to drive by or by being tricked into thinking the decoy vans were one of ours. To be on the safe side, we weren't to leave for two hours.  A coordi-noona sat me down in a chair, tsking at the sweat showing on top of the makeup. I smiled at her in apology as she swiped my face with a wet facial cloth. I had never been a fan of the makeup that only emphasized my occasional pimples. I was sent to wash my face after changing out of my stage outfit and into comfortable clothes.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, leaving the tap to run. I was tired of smiling. Yesterday's SMtown Concert in LA straight to San Jose for the MBC Music Wave didn't leave any time for us to relax. I let the thought that I had circling my mind the whole day finally ring loud and clear for the first time, now that I was finally alone without spectators. She might be here. She might have been here. I heard my heart rip at the thought of missing her this one sliver of a chance I had had today. Her round cheeks, large eyes, and blinding smile had haunted me every day for the past six years. I would have ran down the audience during the performance if I had known that the fans wouldn't have mauled me. She should have been on that stage with me.

*~*~*~*~*

"The number you are trying to reach is unavailable at the moment. Please hang up and try again later."

I chucked my phone at the wall and it clattered to the floor, backing separate from the rest.

"Calm down, don't worry. She'll call."

"No she won't! It's been a week!" I yelled.

She wasn't home. No one was. Her parents were moving to America because her dad was offered a better position in the overseas branch of the company - somewhere in the Bay Area of the west coast. They HAD moved by now. She was supposed to stay with me. But we hadn't planned on me being recruited. I couldn't bring myself to tell her. What if she had found out and left? I should have told her myself.

"Hey, it'll be fine. I can't promise that she'll be back. But she has the right to make her own decisions without your approval... Not that she definitely would, but..."

"She's only thirteen," I spat, "If only she had waited, she would have been recruited too."

"It's not that easy to face rejection twelve times at that age. She... may have given up on singing. You're twenty years old. You're going to be a singer. WE'RE going to be singers. You can't let this get in the way. You know how hard it is to succeed in this industry. And we can't do it when our leader is constantly distracted in lessons because of a kid."

He was right. I knew he was right. I could look for her. But it would take my focus away from the dream I was so close to achieving. Was I ready to give all of it up? All the days I spent doing odd jobs to raise enough money to send back home while practicing in Seoul? All the nights I spent sleeping in the subway, hoping that I would be scouted the next day? No... I don't think I am.

*~*~*~*~*

I punched my reflection in the face, watching it crumble around my fist. I pulled it back quickly to make sure I hadn't gotten any cuts, I would be in trouble if it looked like I had gotten in a fistfight overseas. A few scratches, nothing that would be noticed when covered with makeup. I realized that I was doing it again. Thinking of myself over her. She could have been out there tonight and I was worrying over a little blood. That's what pushed her away in the first place. I left the bathroom, as disgusted with myself as I have been for the past six years.

[Change in POV]

I finally started my engine, wiping the tears from my cheeks. The parking lot was more or less empty now. I don't know why I hadn't let myself forget him by now. It was six years ago. I was only thirteen - still too trusting and dictated by emotions. But in those six years of separation, I couldn't decide if I regretted leaving or not. I let the car rumble as I took out my phone from my purse. There were eight missed calls from my parents. It had taken a lot of arguments for them to consent in me coming to see him today - it being a school day. I should have been home an hour ago, even with traffic. It rang again, slipping through my fingers and tumbling into the darkness. I sighed in frustration before flicking the lights on and feeling for my phone. After two minutes of confirming that it was under the passengers seat, I got out of the car and continued reaching for it from the passenger's side of the car, tears of frustration mixed with hurt falling from my face occasionally.

When I finally managed to pull it free, I stood and froze in place. He stood as stiff as I did. My heart stopped and started again at a hundred beats a minute. I dropped my gaze to the ground, hoping that he hadn’t recognized me. I rounded the front of the car and got into the driver's seat, fumbling to change gears to reverse. Frantic knocking had me looking into those familiar eyes again. I tore my eyes away from him and managed to zoom out of my parking space and out of the lot. I hadn't realized that I was crying again until I couldn't differentiate the streetlights from the taillights of the cars in front of me. I changed lanes and wiped my eyes quickly. A car honked at me. I held my hand up in apology but the honking continued until it turned frantic. I looked over to see him motioning me to the side with wide eyes. His window rolled down and I heard his voice, muffled by the window between us, "JIYEON, GET OUT OF THE CAR!"

I accelerated way past the speed limit when the light flashed green. I saw in my mirror that he was keeping up with my just as quickly, eventually passing me. His arm motioned to me from out his window. More honking that wasn't coming from his car had my heart stopping and my car breaking as I watched his SUV disappear behind a passing truck, barely avoiding contact and an accident. His car swerved halfway onto a sidewalk. I braked right behind his car and threw my door open just as he did.

"ARE YOU ING CRAZY?" I screamed at him.

He stared at me and whispered my name - one I hadn't heard in a long time.

"IT ALMOST HIT YOU!" I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks as I gasped for air. "YOU COULD HAVE DIED!" Every word was punctuated with an intake of a desperate breath. "ARE YOU PREPA-"

Arms were around me before I could finish.

"I'm sorry, Jiyeon. I'm sorry," he chanted in my ear. "God, Jiyeon."

I finally allowed myself to touch him too, shaking my tears into his shirt. Both of us clung desperately to each other, like we were afraid the other would disappear again.

"You're so stupid, Oppa!" I yelled, "Why would you do that!"

He pushed me back by my shoulders enough to look into my eyes and said, "Because I couldn't bear to see you leave me behind again.”