Several days after the surgery the wound healed quick and well as they had hoped. Nan became a lot more cheerful. Her pale cheeks flushed a little and those sad eyes brighten up just like the weather. Clouds cleared away, showing the brilliant blue sky above. The sun was out and the breeze was cool. Nothing seemed to be better than this anymore.

Ploy and Mook came by after school, visiting their friend with even more magazines and sweets. Still unable to sit up, Nan was a bit annoyed by her conditions but gave her friends a convincing smile saying that she was okay. Small hands reached out to receive the gifts and thanked the bringers before glancing through the magazines happily. Nan’s mother watched the girls chattered about what to wear to the concert while shaking her head lightly because it was still months away.

…I don’t understand why they are so excited. She thought silently to herself. At least, I’m happy that Nan has something to enjoy about.

The middle-age woman smiled softly before returning to her book when the voices grew even louder with excitement.

“Oh! And by the way…” Mook spoke up while patting her friends’ shoulder for attention. “What about our props? The red light sticks and so on?”

“That’s right! I nearly forgot it!” Nan quickly nodded in agreement. “I really want to have those electric banners with the LED bulbs like the Korean ‘cassiopeias’ have”

“No, that won’t work here in Thailand.” Ploy shook her head sadly. “You know, the guards are so scary! They will simply take everything that they think will annoy other audiences away from you. The banners sometimes block the people behind you’s view, don’t they? I think it’s safer to stick with only light sticks.”

“That’s bad. I always have like those.” The two girls frowned at the same time.

“At least we have the tickets, don’t we?” Ploy shrugged while patting on her friend’s hand. “We’re luckier than many other people. The tickets were sold out so quickly! When they closed the selling booths I still saw people staring at the booths sadly.”

“Oh, yes! Thanks so much for-“

But Nan never had the chance finished that sentence. Sharp pain spread out from the wound and no matter how hard she tried to breathe in, it seemed like no air reached her lungs. Nan struggled badly trying to inhale and coughed desperately while the two friends stood up in shock, didn’t know what to do. Nan’s mother who heard the sound of gasping glanced up, horrified of what she saw and hurried to the bed.

“Nan, Nan!!” Her voice trembled with shock while her shaking hands held tight on her daughter’s shoulder. Nan still inhaled painfully for a few times before her body relaxes and she was able to breathe in normally again. Tears filled her eyes because of the pain and sweat ran down the worried mother’s face. Everyone remain still and quiet for a few seconds, didn’t know what to do, before Nan’s mum rose up from the side of the bed.

“Mook…Ploy…I think you both should go home now. It’s getting late. Thanks for coming by.” She spoke up while forcing herself to smile at the two girls who were still in shock. “I think Nan is… only tired. We should give her some rest, should we?”

“S…sure” The short hair girl replied then turned back to her friend worriedly.

“A…are you okay?” Her fearful voice asked quietly.

“Y…yeah…” The pale girl nodded stiffly in reply. “Don’t…worry.”

“Well…take care.” Ploy added, looking as worried as her friend. They both looked back hesitatingly before slowly walked out of the door. Nan’s mother sighed deeply after they were out of sight before looking back at her own daughter.

“Don’t panic too much, okay?” She said convincingly. “We are still going through the healing stage. It will…be alright.”But she knew those last words were uncertain and her comforting voice couldn’t hide her fear.

The young girl didn’t reply. She stared blankly up at the ceiling, feeling so weak again. Why couldn’t I breathe? She asked herself sadly. Why…why do I have to suffer from this pain all the time?

The physical pain was big, yes, but the real pain deep inside her heart emotionally was unbearable. Feeling like losing all her hopes again, Nan closed her eyes tiredly and sank into the cruel world of reality….

g----------------------g

It was almost midnight when the bright lights in Nan’s room was turned off long ago and silence filled the chilly air of the night. Outside in the corridor the white neon lights were still lit as usual while the cool breeze from air conditioners flowed around like invisible spirits. Strangely, two figures were still awake at these late hours. They stood in the far corner, whispering in a low voice that couldn’t be overheard. The woman with a frail feature from insomnia spoke fast her rather high, shaky voice. On the other hand, the man in a white jacket next to her was perfectly calm. He nodded frequently with understanding while patting the thin figure’s shoulder to comfort her. When she finished talking, he began in a soft but firm voice.

“From what you said…it seem like Nan’s heart is having a hard time with the valve we put in”

Those words made the woman’s face tightened with anxiety.

“But what should I -”

“Please calm down, ma’am.” The doctor interrupted. His voice sounded convincing as ever. “Maybe Nan just has to adjust herself a bit, or less likely, we might have to operate her again. At this stage I can’t tell yet but I will check her out tomorrow. Please don’t worry too much, ma’am. We will do everything possible. Please take some sleep or you might fall ill too.”

“But –” She raised her voice trying to argue but she stopped herself in the middle of the sentence. She had to agree silently that he was absolutely right. There was no use for her to worry when nothing could be done yet. But because it was her only daughter who was lying sick without any guarantee in her conditions…because all she wanted was that her daughter would be happy with her life, the heart of a mother was filled with worries.

Finally she nodded in agreement before thanking the doctor for his kind help at these late hours.

“No problem, ma’am.” The tall figure replied with a small grin. “But if you would excuse me. I think I shall have some rest too. I will come by around 9a.m. Good night.”

He bowed slightly before walking away and disappeared at the corner of the corridor away out of sight. The tired woman sunk down into a chair and closed her eyes, trying to ease her headaches away.

“Oh, Nan…” She murmured softly into the silence of the night.

“How much I wish you would be able to live happily…”

g----------------------g

Three months after the operation, the wound was already healed. But unfortunately, Nan’s conditions didn’t improve much. She had regular problems with her breathing that was unable to fix and she was still pretty weak though she could stand up and walk on her own for a short while.

Mook and Ploy still came frequently, updating news and bring new DVDs and CDs every time, worried that their friend who couldn’t go anywhere would get bored. Though Nan was rather gloomy those days, there was only two times that a bright smile would be lit up on the pale face. Firstly was when her friends came around and secondly was when she listened to music. And both of them revolved around the same thing – her beloved band.

When Mook and Ploy was there with Nan, they would laugh and giggled about stories that were told amongst the fan club. Sometimes they would discuss like adults when serious issues came up.

But one thing the three couldn’t miss every time they met was singing. Bright soprano voices of the girls would join in with the five warm husky voices in harmony on every note they sang. Although all the songs weren’t in their mother tongue at all, they seemed to know all the lyrics by heart. Even the meanings, they could tell the whole story of it with such enthusiasm and expresses the emotions of the song so clearly.

Sadly, Nan couldn’t sing as well as her friends because her breathing problems, but her voice would still be so sweet and bright on the first few notes.  She had always been passionate about singing.  That’s maybe why she admired the five members of her favourite band so much.

Today they chose to sing the song from the newest album.  It had a slow, sad melody with the story of a man whose lover was about to leave him.  The meaning was deep and sorrowful, but also full of power from the five voices which formed a perfect acapella.  The three voices that joined in made the song sound sweeter, but the soft, heart-breaking feeling still remained.

Don't Say Goodbye

그손을놓지말라는마음이들려요

그대맘이들려요아직나만을원하죠

그댄숨길수없죠그댄거짓말을못하죠

                                         Don’t say goodbye                                         

I can hear your heart telling me not to let go of your hands,
I can hear you heart; You still just want me,   

You can’t hide it, you can’t lie