I have been planning to tell Jessica about the divorce for days now but I never had the guts to approach her while I was at home. We never looked at each another’s eyes. We don’t even sleep in the same room anymore. I’m sure that she knows that I’m already seeing somebody else even though I’m not telling her a single thing.

Finally, one night, I approached her. She was just sitting on her bed, looking blankly at the window. She didn’t look at me when I entered the room.

“Jessica…”

I tried to say her name as sweetly as possible but she still didn’t respond to me. I sat closer to her and I saw her eyes. They started to tear up. I guess she knew what I was about to tell her.

“I want a divorce”

Tears started to roll down on her cheeks. She still didn’t look at me. She looked down to the floor so that I couldn’t see her cry.

“I already called a lawyer to make the papers. Maybe we can sign the papers by-“

She turned her back from me. It seemed like she didn’t want to hear anything else from me.

I walked out the room and went to my room. I sat on my bed and felt a little disheartened on what I did. I shook off that thought and mentally slapped myself.

“This is what you wanted Kim Taeyeon. There’s no backing out now.”

The following week came. I was at work when I received a phone call from Jessica. For the first time ever since the longest time that I could even remember, she initiated to have a conversation with me.

“Hello? Taeyeon-ah?”

“Yeah?” I answered.

“Oh, are you busy? I’m sorry… Just call me later when you’re free already..”

“No, Jessica. It’s okay. Did you want to tell me something?”

“It’s about the divorce…”

“Go on”

“Can I ask you a favor before you get those papers?”

“What is it?”

“Can you delay the lawyer with the papers for a couple of months?”

“I don’t see the reason why…”

“Please. Just follow what I’ll say and after those two months you can push through with the divorce.”

“Follow you?” I felt confused but I guess it was a good way to let her feel that she still exists to me. “Okay. I’ll call the lawyer after this call.”

“Thank you. After your work, can you pick me up at Krystal’s house?”

“Tonight?!” I had a date planned with my girlfriend.

“What did we just agree on again?”

“Alright, alright…” I scratched my head. She hung up after that.

Later that night, I went to pick up Jessica. It was raining. I didn’t bother to get an umbrella when I ran to their porch. I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. Krystal opened the door and I saw Jessica walking right behind her. Krystal took an umbrella and opened it.

“Krystal, it’s okay. Taeyeon will carry me to the car.”

My eyes grew wide. I didn’t know how to react. Krystal just chuckled and nodded. I positioned myself to give Jessica a piggy back ride. Jessica hopped on my back and I walked to our car with Krystal covering us from the rain with her umbrella.

The ride back home was quiet. I glanced at her once in a while but she was just staring outside the window. The rain made our situation felt gloomier. We arrived at our house and I walked straight to my room but I felt her grip on my arm.

“Sleep beside me every night.”

Once again, I was stunned by her request. I couldn’t say no since I made a promise. As much as I want to avoid and break this promise that I just recently agreed on, I can’t. I already broke my promise of staying loyal to her. I changed my clothes in my room and when I entered her room, she was already under her sheets, fast asleep. I carefully went under the sheets to avoid her waking up. Her back was facing me and I faced my back at her as well.

I think it has been over a year since we slept in one room… It feels a little awkward, especially her telling me what to do. Did I make her feel that unloved? It wasn’t my fault anyway. She started it. She went out without telling me what she did or who she went with. She’s the cause.  I just did what she exactly did to me.

These kinds of thoughts started to run through my mind while trying to sleep. When I was about to fall asleep, I felt Jessica hugging me from the back. I looked at her face and she was fast asleep.

Two months has passed and I felt more intimate with Jessica. Jessica always asked for piggy back rides, we locked arms or even held hands while walking. I guess the lack of skinship between us made me a little frustrated.

We talked to one another a lot, too, but we never brought up the divorce.

Even though we never talked about the divorce, it has never left my mind.

The past two months made me realize that I still love Jessica. I spent more time with her and I haven’t really got contact with my girlfriend. Jessica pulled me back. She made me fall in love with her once again. Jessica… Jessica’s my wife. I don’t want to leave her side again.

After a few days, I decided to meet up again with my girlfriend. I meet her in a bar, late in the evening, like any other time we met each other. She seemed to have a drink or two when I saw her. I wanted to talk to her in a quiet place so I pulled her out to the parking lot. She talked a lot about how she missed me when I didn’t see or even talk to her for over a month. She kept saying non sense things and I felt a little irritated by her. I started looking elsewhere and I felt her hand holding mine.

“So Taeyeon…”

“Mm?” I tried to slip my hand away from hers. It felt… awkward.

“Aren’t you going to call the lawyer about the divorce? It’s been two months and it’s about time you call him about the papers.”

“Yeah, I guess I should.”

She started clapping and looked really excited. I got my phone out and called the lawyer. While it was ringing, my girlfriend kept spinning around the parking lot. “This girl probably drank something too strong for her…” I thought to myself. After a few rings, the lawyer picked up.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Taeyeon,” the lawyer answered. “Will we be talking about the divorce papers?”

“Yes, we will.” I saw my girlfriend giving me a thumbs up.

“Okay. So are we going to push through with it?”

“Actually,” I turned my back from my girlfriend and tried to respond as softly as possible. “No, I won’t push through with it. I’ll stay with Jessica.”

“That’s great news!” the lawyer answered.

“YOU’RE WHAT?” My girlfriend started shouting from the back. “NO WONDER YOU WEREN’T CALLING ME OR ANYTHING. YOU LIAR!!”

My girlfriend… No. I guess she wasn’t my girlfriend anymore that time. She started to punch me on the shoulders and slapped me on the face. I got cursed many times. She was crying, shouting and hitting me all at the same time. I didn’t fight back. I think I deserved it since I was a total jerk. She continued hitting me and then she stopped.

“Kim Taeyeon,” she looked at me straight in the eyes and I can smell the scent of alcohol in her breath “We’re through.”

She left me in the parking lot and went back in the bar.

“Taeyeon? Taeyeon-ah?” I heard the lawyer’s voice from my phone. I guess he heard everything.

“Sorry if you had to hear everything…”

“Don’t worry, Taeyeon. I understand.” There was silence between us. “…Go, Taeyeon. Go.”

“Huh? Go where?”

“To Jessica”

“Thank you.” I smiled.

I quickly went inside of my car and drove to McDonald’s before going home. I got Jessica’s favorite nuggets along with an Oreo McFlurry. I just got fries for myself and went home. I felt really good during the ride home. I can’t wait for Jessica to hear the great news.

When I got home, I carefully went in and went straight to the living room. I placed the food I bought on the coffee table in front of the couch and placed a movie in our DVD player. I guess this was just a simple way to celebrate the news I have in stored for her.

I knocked on her door, there was no response. Maybe she was already asleep so I entered quietly.

“Jessica! I have news to tell you!”

I got no response. I saw that she was sitting upright, facing the window but her head was looking down to the floor. I went close to her and rubbed her back.

“Is everything okay?”

“T-Tae-Taeyeon…”

I saw a drop of blood landing on the floor. I lifted Jessica’s face and saw blood coming out from her eyes. I never saw anything like it. I… didn’t know what to do. I carried her to our car, gave her a roll of tissue and drove as quickly as possible to the nearest hospital.

When we got to the hospital, her eyes were still bleeding. I carried her and ran to the emergency room.

“Everything’s going to be alright, Jessica. Everything’s going to be alright.” I panted.

“Taeyeon-ah… I’m sorry…”

“Huh? Sorry for what?” Just then a doctor was walking to our direction. “Doctor! I need your help!”

The doctor saw Jessica’s bleeding eyes and he quickly escorted us to the emergency room. He started calling in nurses, hematologists and ophthalmologists. All of them were in shock when they first saw Jessica. Luckily, the bleeding stopped after a while. The doctors got samples of the blood and did tests on Jessica. They also told me to take Jessica in the hospital for a few days until they discover the cause of the blood.

Now, everything made sense to me. She always held my hand and locked with my arms since she needed someone to guide her because her eyesight is getting worse. The times when she asked for piggyback rides, most of them were during the night time. Maybe she can’t see that well or is completely blind during the dark. Jessica wasn’t acting this way to win back my heart, she was acting this way because she needed my help.

While in her hospital room, the nurses started to take blood samples from Jessica. They also took her temperature and blood pressure. Jessica started to look pale. I just sat on the bed beside the hospital bed and I just watched them do all those things to Jessica. A doctor came in to the room and checked on her.

“Is this the first time it happened, Ms Jung?”

“Yes, it is. But I have been visiting the hospital quite often for check ups.”

“So is your doctor one of the doctors earlier in the emergency room?”

“No, she isn’t. It’s her day off today.”

“I see. What’s the name of your doctor? We’ll call her in early tomorrow morning to your hospital room.”

“Dr. Seo Juhyun”

“Okay. Thank you, Ms Jung. In any case that your eyes will bleed once again, please do call the nurse at once. Thank you as well, Ms Kim.”

I bowed at him and walked him out of the door. I made sure to lock the door since I don’t want anyone to suddenly go in without my permission. While walking back to Jessica, I saw her looking deeply at me. Those eyes… The same eyes that I saw when she said sorry while I was carrying her to the emergency room.

I pulled a chair near her bed. I looked at her. She looked weak.

“You’ve been getting check ups before? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry, Taeyeon-ah,” she looked down. “I didn’t want you to worry about me…”

“Worry?” I held her hand. “I’m really worried right now. I didn’t even know what to do when I saw you cry.”

“I’m sorr-“

“Stop saying you’re sorry.” I let out a big sigh.

Jessica moved farther from me, to the other side of her bed. She pulled me, telling me to sit beside her on her bed. I got up and sat beside her. She rested her head on my shoulder and tightly held my hand.

“Actually, I should be the one who’s sorry.” I started.

“Hm?”

“I never asked how you were. I never even bothered to look and have contact with you. I never had the idea that you were actually suffering from a pain that cannot be possibly cured. I only cared for myself. “ I felt her hand squeezing mine. “I regret what I did, Jessica. I regret everything. I could’ve done better.”

Jessica gave a hug. She began tearing up but it wasn’t blood, it was tears. I began crying as well. I felt her pain. Starting from growing apart, becoming indifferent and putting our love to an end. I never thought that other than emotional problems, she was experiencing physical problems as well. When needles took her blood, I felt a needle also piercing through my skin, cutting me open to feel her pain. There might just be a possibility that these emotional problems I gave her, it might added up to the pain she was experiencing physically.

“I love you, Jessica.”

She looked at me with her eyes filled with tears but she still managed to smile.

“I love you too.”

I gave her a soft peck on the lips. I got up to close the lights so that she could sleep already. I also unlocked the door incase the nurses needed to check on her while we’re asleep. She was comfortably laid on her bed and was ready to sleep. I went to the bed that was beside hers and went to sleep.

The next morning came and I saw nurses checking on Jessica. I asked them if her condition is okay and they said yes. They also told me that the doctor will arrive later on. I got up and took a look at Jessica. She greeted me with a smile and told me that I should go out and buy breakfast for us both since she didn’t like the hospital food. I nodded and went out.

There was a coffee and bakeshop near the hospital. I bought myself a big cup of coffee and a few butter croissants for me and Jessica. Jessica really liked butter croissants. I also bought a loaf of bread incase we get hungry again.

I went back to the hospital room and I saw that the doctor was already there.

“Ah, Taeyeon. It’s nice to see you.” The doctor said.

“Hi, Dr. Seo Juhyun. It’s been a while since we last saw one another.” I replied while placing the things I bought on a table.

“Indeed, it’s been a while. I’m glad to see that you’ve finally thought of accompanying Jessica here in the hospital. It’s the first time I saw you with her for the longest time.”

“Ah…” I looked at Jessica. “Yeah… It actually is. But I have been with her since yesterday.” I smiled while holding on Jessica’s hand.

“That’s good to hear.” The doctor said while flipping through the clip board filled with data about Jessica’s situation. “I’ve read through the papers that the nurses gave me earlier and there’s a slight problem.”

“Huh? What’s the problem?”

“There’s a chance that Jessica might not see anymore.”

My eyes grew wide at this statement.

“But don’t worry,” the doctor added “we can conduct an operation for this to prevent to happen.”

“She’ll take it.” I quickly replied.

“Taeyeon-ah, are you sure?” Jessica whispered to me. “I don’t have the money to pay for it…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take of it.” I whispered back to her. “And why would you even pay for it? We’re going through this together. I won’t leave you alone.”

“I’m ready, doc.” Jessica said to the doctor.

“I guess you only needed Taeyeon to be there for this operation to pursue. I’ll contact you tomorrow for more details about the operation.”

“Okay, doc. Thank you.” I replied.

“Take care, you two.” The doctor was heading out the door. “Oh, and Taeyeon, don’t drink that much coffee. You’re not getting taller anymore.”

“Yah!!” I shouted. Dr. Seo Juhyun laughed and went out the door.

“Thank you.” Jessica told me.

“Anything for you.” I got up to get my cup of coffee and the croissants I bought. “Here, take your breakfast.”

“Butter croissants! My favorite!” her eyes grew wide as she smelled the aroma of the newly baked croissant. She took a bite and looked really jolly.

“It’s nice to see you smiling again” I laughed while rubbing her head.

“You too” she pinched my cheeks.

The next day came and Dr. Seo Juhyun told us that the operation will pursue in the coming two days. The nurses started giving orientations to Jessica on how the operation will be done and the possible outcomes that may happen after a week of the operation. Jessica seemed calm while the nurse was telling her all of these things but I, I was a wreck. I was nervous whether the operation would be a success or not. The night before the operation, I talked to Jessica. I told her that no matter what happens, I’ll be there for her. She nodded and pulled me in for a hug and went to sleep.

It was the day of the operation and I woke up earlier than Jessica. I gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and she woke up. She greeted me with a warm smile and I felt my heart melting. How in the world did I even think of having a divorce with this beautiful lady? She really means the world to me. For the past sleepless nights, I wished that all of these things just happened to me and not to her.

Dr. Seo Juhyun came in the door along with other nurses. It was time for the operation. They placed Jessica on a wheel chair and we proceeded to the operating room. Dr. Seo Juhyun introduced us to the doctor who will be doing the operation on Jessica. The doctors, nurses and Jessica went in the operating room but I was left outside. The operation began.

I waited. The seconds became minutes. The minutes became and hour. I held on the last string of hope that the operation would be a success and nothing bad would happen to Jessica. After a while, Dr. Seo Juhyun went out of the operating room and sat beside me.

“How is she?” I asked her.

“She’s doing alright. They’re just placing the bandages on her eyes.”

“Bandages?”

“Yes. She’ll keep them on for a week and you’ll comeback after. We’ll see the outcome of the operation by then.”

My chest started to throb faster and I just nodded at the doctor’s statement.

“It’s a good thing that she finally had this operation.” The doctor said.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I have been already suggesting her to take it before but for some reason she kept saying no. Good thing she finally agreed on it now that you’re with her.”

“So you mean she could’ve had this operation before?”

“Yes and maybe all of this shouldn’t have happened. Good thing that she can still see after her eyes bled out. It could have gone worse.”

“By worse, you mean going totally blind?”

“Yes” the doctor sighed. “Taeyeon, I think Jessica really needed you because she found her strength with you. I have also heard from others that you even planned to have a divorce with her? But seeing you two together now, I think that has already been proven false.”

“Oh,” I scratched my head. I never knew that the doctor would know about our situation. “I’m not pushing through with the divorce anymore. But Jessica hasn’t heard news about it yet.”

“Hm, I guess you’ll surprise her later on?”

“Maybe”

Just then, the doors of the operating room opened. One of the nurses pushed Jessica’s wheel chair and Jessica had bandages over her eyes.

“Taeyeon-ah?” Jessica called.

“Yeah,” I held her hand. “I’m here”

I saw smile and I began smiling too. I felt Dr. Seo Juhyun placing her hand over my shoulder and told me that Jessica’s going to be alright. I said thanks and we went back to Jessica’s hospital room. I fixed our things and the papers so that Jessica could be an out patient. I think I’m capable enough to take care of her and I know that I can. It’s the best thing I can do for her now to left her feel that she still means the world to me.

After a week of guiding, carrying and feeding Jessica, it’s finally the time to see if the operation was a success. We went back to the hospital to see Dr. Seo Juhyun and the doctor who conducted the operation. The nurses who were present during the operation were there too.

Jessica sat on a chair and all of us watched as Dr. Seo Juhyun took off the bandages off of Jessica’s eyes. The bandages were finally off but Jessica’s eyes were closed. I looked deeply into her eyes and she began opening them slowly.

“Jessica, can you see?” Dr. Seo Juhyun asked.

“Jessica, how many fingers am I showing you?” I showed her a v sign.

“Two” I saw her smile and I smiled as well.

The ophthalmologist checked on her eyes and he said that Jessica can clearly see and the operation was a success. Jessica jumped out of her seat and hugged me tight. I couldn’t help but spin her around. I was really happy that it was a success and nothing went wrong. We thanked all the doctors and nurses who helped us and went back home.

During the ride home, I thought that it was about time that I tell Jessica about the divorce. I held her hand while driving but I was waiting for the right time to tell her this. When we reached a stop light, she spoke to me.

“Taeyeonnie,” she squeezed my hand.

“Hm?”

“About the divorce…”

“What’s a divorce?”