I took my final bow and placed a huge smile on my face, tears streamed but they weren’t from the sadness of the last concert in Tokyo ending like everyone will think. It’s because Aeri wasn’t here.  I gave my mother a ticket to the concert along with a plane ticket to give to Aeri for me. Aeri should have been standing right in front if she did come. I know she would be the one who would be front and center to see me. She would have found a way to get back stage if I didn’t give her a backstage pass, which I did.

The lights on the stage began to fade and this was my cue to walk off stage. I waved as I made my way back to the dressing rooms. As soon as the cameras were gone my smile was too. I could feel the fake sparkle in my eyes disappear.

“Hyung, what’s wrong? You seem upset lately.”  Minho put his arm around my shoulder. I feel no need to hide myself in front of the members. They are my family. They won’t judge me like the eyes of the fans and the news and gossip magazines.

“I miss Aeri.” I hugged Minho close to me and began to cry my eyes out.

“Who’s Aeri?” My best friend. The person I’m in love with. The person I dream of every night. The person I always wanted to marry someday.

“Aeri’s a friend from home. We were close.” They are my family, but I wouldn’t tell them all of my feelings for Aeri even if they were blood relatives I wouldn’t want them to know. At least we have a small break when we get back home. Maybe I can steal Minho or Jonghyun’s car and go home for the day.

Minho held onto me tightly and rubbed my back as he tried to soothe me. It was helping. Aeri used to do the same thing when I was upset a long time ago. I wonder if she would do the same if she saw me now. “You can always visit her when we go back hyung. I’ll let you borrow my car, just don’t get any scratches! Alright,” He patted my back and stood up. “Yah! Taemin, don’t eat that I saw you drop it on the floor.”

Everyone thinks Key’s the motherly one but it’s really Minho. I laughed at their shenanigans and grabbed my backpack. We’re leaving for home tonight. I’ll be able to get at least a few hours of sleep, and I’ll be able to see Aeri’s face soon.

This thought alone brought a smile to my face.

“There’s the hyung I know,” Jonghyun too patted me on the back and ran out the door following everyone else. I was the last in the room. I double checked all the seats and under them as well. Someone always left something behind.

As I was searching I found something under the couch I was sitting on before the show. It didn’t belong to me and I’m fairly sure it didn’t belong to any of the members and I know I never saw it on any of the cordi noonas. But I feel like I’ve seen it before. It was a silver pendant on a thin chain. The pendant was shaped like a heart and on the back it had the initials ‘AR’ engraved in fancy lettering.

It was Aeri’s. I gave this to her for Christmas four years ago. I bought this with my first pay check. Why is it laying here? She didn’t come to- Aeri was here. She came and left without seeing me. Why would she do that? I finished my search up and ran out of the concert dome to the van that was waiting for me. I smiled and waved for the cameras, then hopped into the van with the other boys.

“Let’s go. Nothing was left behind.”

“Really? Wow, that’s a first!”

“Key, don’t be such a smart-!”

“I’m not being a smart- Jjong. I’m just amazed!”

The bickering flowed like music in the car. We were all tired so it was a quiet fight that only lasted a short while. The drive to the airport was quick and we were walking through a sea of fans in no time. I was on high alert. Aeri could be anywhere. I bought her a ticket for the same plane, hopefully I see her somewhere, and then I can give her the necklace that I held tightly in my hand back.

***

Aeri wasn’t there; neither at the airport nor on the airplane. It resulted in a restless slumber for me. I dreamt of Aeri like I do almost every night but this dream was of Aeri telling me to leave her alone, ripping off her necklace and running away into a thunderstorm. It was probably the most vivid in my mind out of all the other dreams. Her hair was flowing carelessly in the harsh wind. The sky was lighting up with the cracking lightening making Aeri’s face glow. She was in a white dress, the one I saw her last in. The one she wore to my family’s Christmas party almost four years ago.

She was stunning as she broke my heart. Her hand reached out and dropped the necklace on the ground. “I love you, Jinki. But you’re too late,” and she took off.

The heart pendant fell to the floor and shattered into a million tiny fragments and the thunder began to roll. My own heart felt shattered too when I look at the pieces scattered all across the floor. It’s something I cannot fix, even if I try my hardest.

I woke with a start. I was in my dorm. The room was dark still but I could see the sun rising through the yellow morning haze outside my window. Today was the day I was going to see Aeri. Actually see her. I’ve never actually stopped talking to her. I would try my hardest to text her every day. She replies with lightning speed like she always did but as the years multiplied the texting became slower, and sometimes she wouldn’t text back at all.

That never stopped my love. I know there has been countless times when I would reply days later because of my hectic schedule. Aeri was allowed to do the do the same. It’s only fair. She’s busy with school anyway. She was accepted to Seoul University with a full scholarship. She was top of her class, I was only second.  She said she had to beat me somehow seeing as I was the one who pursued her dream of becoming a singer.

I rolled out of bed and got ready to see Aeri. I ate my breakfast and left a note on the fridge for my friends explaining where I was. Grabbing Minho’s car keys I slipped on my favorite sneakers and made my way down to the parking garage. There was car after car lined up in this cool cement box but only one belonged to Minho; a 2012 Kia.

I unlocked the doors and slid into the driver’s seat. The engine started surprisingly smooth for not being run in over a week. Exiting the garage I made my way down the ever so familiar streets of Seoul back to my district. It was only a matter of minutes until I got there and the sun was still rising in the air.

I parked the car behind Aeri’s and waited until the little digital clock in the dashboard said it was 7:30. She should be awake by now.

***

 

It’s 9:00 am and I’m still sitting in the car, staring at Aeri’s house. How am I ever going to be able to walk up to the door and tell her I love her? Maybe I should just go home before any of the guys realize I’m gone. No, I have to do this.

The tree I used to climb up to get into her room when I was younger has been chopped down and now flowers scale the wall up to her window.  Maybe mom has a ladder I could borrow and I could visit her like I used to in grade school. She’d be so surprised!

I finally got out of the car and locked it behind me. The garage was almost always unlocked, and today it was the same. I picked up the extendable ladder and made my way to Aeri’s house.

Being quiet wasn’t one of my fortes but I managed to lean the ladder on the wall under the window to her pink room silently. The orange ladder was a little unstable as I began to climb it but something like this wasn’t going to stop me. Each step up the ladder filled my body with more confidence, I was ready to confess. This was the confession that I’ve been preparing for years but I have no idea what I should say. What could I say so that she wouldn’t be scared away by my sudden impulse to tell her how I’ve felt for so many years?

I could see perfectly into her window. Aeri wasn’t in her bed, as expected. But someone else was. There was a boy lying in her bed. I could feel my heart shatter exactly as it did in my dream last night. I could feel my eyes lock on the boys head as I wished ill upon him. How dare he sleep in my Aeri’s bed! She promised me when we were little that I was going to be the only one she’d share a bed with. Of course we were younger, but I still expect her to keep her promise.

Aeri walked into the room carrying a try with breakfast on it and sat it on her vanity.  I didn’t want to go in there anymore. Anger filled me. I don’t even want to look at Aeri. It was too late though; I had already opened the window and was crawling inside out of anger.

“Who is this guy?” I wanted to scream. The necklace was still clenched in my hand. I haven’t let go of it, not since I found it.  The point of the heart was digging into the palm of my hand. It hurt, but not as much as seeing Aeri with another guy.

“Jinki-oppa, what are you doing here?” she whispered. She was shocked and looked like a deer in headlights.

“Who is this guy,” I repeated. The anger I was trying to hold inside of me was slowly leaking into my voice.

“What does it matter to you?” Her voice was filled with venom, like I had done something wrong. She was the one who has done something wrong. She tore apart my world in a split second, how am I supposed to put it together again.

“It matters everything to me, Aeri,” I threw the heart at her and it landed on her lap. “I invited you because I miss you and wanted to see you. You came and went without even letting me know you did, I wanted to tell you something. How am I supposed to feel when I see some guy I never met lying in your bed when I come here to confess my love to you, Aeri! It does matter.”

Aeri lifted her left hand into the air. There was a diamond ring on her ring finger. She’s engaged, and she never even told me. I thought that I would be the one she wanted to marry, have children with, grow old and laugh at stupid jokes with. I guess that’s out of the question now.

Aeri began to cry. Her fiancé didn’t even stir in his sleep. I distinctly remember when I came home for Christmas to give her the necklace. We had a sleepover and she began to cry when I had fallen asleep. I woke up almost instantly and pulled her into my arms. That was the night I lost my first kiss and so did Aeri. The moment seemed right, but we never talked about it after it happened.

Her fiancé was lifeless on the bed, snoring in his little, peaceful, Aeri-free dream land. “You love me?”

“I always have,” and I always will. I won’t marry any other person. I’ll walk this world alone until the day you realize your mistake. I already realized mine. I’m too late, and I can’t change anything now.

I took the change to walk out of her room. I made my way through the house I practically grew up in, down the stair and into the kitchen. Mrs. Choi was sitting at the table eating her breakfast and Mr. Choi was reading the paper.

“Jinki, What are you doing here?” Mrs. Choi stood up from the table and crossed the room, blocking my escape. Her husband looked over the paper towards me in surprise.

“I came to tell Aeri I love her. I guess I’m a little late,” I laughed in mock happiness. I choked as the air filled my lungs and just like Aeri I was crying. I was crying my eyes out and noting could be done. Not even Aeri rubbing my back could sooth or console my broken heart. This was something that time could never heal no matter how many people tell me.

“Jinki, it’s ok. Aeri doesn’t like him as much as she like you, trust me I know. I clean her room and I read her diary. I watched her grow up in depression without you. I paid for every concert you performed at. Countless plane rides, and thousands of posters. Aeri is your number one fan,” Mrs. Choi began to rub her hand against my back creating a warm sensation that managed to stop my tears.

“Aeri has been in love with you since day one. Hell I think she fell in love with you before she was born. You always used to come over here with your Mom and rub my tummy, talking to Aeri in your own little language. You were pretty funny for a 2 year old.”

“Aeri loves me?” I looked at Mrs. Choi with my tear stained face. She wiped away the stray one that fell. “More than you’ll ever know Jinki.” She smiled and patted my back. “Why don’t you go wait in the living room. I’ll make you something to eat.” I had no choice, when Mrs. Choi says something, you do it.

I sat in the living room as Mrs. Choi told me to. The boy from before came tumbling down the stairs. “DON’T TALK ABOUT JINKI THAT WAY! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM!” Aeri screamed at the top of lungs, “Take this stupid ring with you! If you disrespect my friends you disrespect me.” A metallic sound was heard as the ring bounced down the stairs just as her fiancé did. I watched as he slowly bent over and picked up the ring. “Babe, what’d I do? I just said you shouldn’t let people creep into your window and make up stories! Babe! Aeri! Come one!”

“Go away! I don’t want to see you ever again; this isn’t the first time you made fun of my friends!” More objects began to cascade down the stairs. Teddy bears, flowers, boxes. I could hear glass breaking from the framed photos tumbling down to the bottom. Mrs. Choi walked behind the angry ex-fiancé towards me with a cup of tea and a snack. “I told you she loved you. She liked that guy too, poor Sangchul. Oh well, I like you better anyway,” she winked and walked back to the kitchen.

Sangchul caught a glimpse of me and pointed, “You’re a home wrecker! I don’t care who you are, Aeri is mine. You hear me?” I lifted my eyebrows. “Aeri seems to think otherwise,” boomed a voice from the kitchen. God bless the Choi family.

A smirk appeared on my face as I watched the boy fluster and pick up the trash that surrounded him. He gave me one last glare and left the house. I could hear Aeri crying in her room still. This will probably be the only time she’ll be willing to talk to me knowing her. I took my cup and walked calmly up the stairs. Maybe now is my chance to get her back. I could feel my confidence building back up.

“Aeri,” I knocked on her door. “Aeri, can I come in?” There was no answer. I took the door knob in my hand and twisted it, opening without permission. Aeri was on the floor digging under her bed. “Aeri?”

“What?” She sniffled and wiped her tears on her sleeve.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking for something I wanted to give you a long time ago.”

I sat at her vanity and watched her pull you several boxes, ripping open the lids and spilling everything on to the wooden floor. Just like her mother said, countless posters spilled out and covered the floor. Picture after picture of me slid across the room. SHINee memorabilia that would cost hundreds of dollars if you added them together piled high in the corner. It brought a smile to my face. Aeri really was there the whole time. “What are you looking for?”

“Your Christmas gift.”

Christmas gift? But if it was from a long time ago, is it even relevant anymore?

“I found it!” Aeri stood up and glided like the photos did towards me, sitting on my lap. I dropped my tea as she did so. The cup fell to ground ruining her posters with the tea that was in it.

“What is it?” Aeri ripped of the colorful paper, “I don’t remember.” Under the paper was a plain brown cardboard box. I ripped the tape and opened the flap.

Inside was a framed photo of when we were little. It was a picture of Aeri and I kissing under the tree that was outside her window. The one that was chopped down. “Would you look at that! It looks like you always did like me,” she smiled and started to cry again. “I know I did, how come you didn’t?”

I nuzzled my nose into the crook of her neck, holding back my own tears.

“I guess I forgot since I never see you anymore.”

“Marry me, Aeri.”

Aeri let go of the photo.

“I-I can’t.”

My heart shattered all over again.

“I love you Jinki, but I don’t think I could handle living that kind of life. I’d have to be with you, I wouldn’t be able to live with having to share you with a thousand other fans. I’d want you to be mine. Only mine.”

“I’ll quit. I’ll go back to school, and we can get married and grow old together.”

“I can’t let you do that Jinki. I know how important SHINee is to you. I know you don’t really want to give up what you worked so hard for.”

“At least, tell me you love me.”

Aeri turned around in my lap; both her eyes and mine were filled with tears as we looked into each other’s. “I love you,” she pressed her forehead against mine and took a depth breath. Her lips pressed into mine as we shared our second kiss; sweet yet full of sorrow and regret.

We pulled apart and neither of us said anything for a long while. I didn’t want to risk ruining the moment, and I don’t think Aeri did either. We were comfortable just sitting there holding the other’s body.

“I vow to never marry anyone, unless it’s you. I vowed that a long time ago, but I never told you, Aeri. I’ll walk this world alone until I have you forever.”

“Then I’ll walk alone with you. Maybe someday in our wonderings well reunite and then we can be happy together.”

She smiled her sad smile as we shared our last kiss until that happy someday in the future.

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Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this. Please comment with what you thought, everything is greatly appricitated :]

Also, please wish me luck, this not only is my first one-shot but also my first contest entry~

thank you again!!