guys. i think this fanfic is coming true. lol. my mom offered me to transfer schools and one person’s holding me back (it’s not a guy). idk what to do.

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Why is it so hard? I am only 16 yet I am already placed in dilemmas. On one hand, I am dying to leave this school where it has been nothing but suffocation for me. On another hand, there are many things I will have to leave and it’s truly unfortunate to say that everything was because of one person – one person who has taken the last straw to finally break me.

“So, do you want to transfer schools?” Hyuna’s mother asked as they ate at the dinner table.

She slowly munched her food as she stared blankly at her mother, thinking.

Finally, she said, “Yes.”

Forget what Junhyung said, something whispered in her ear.

Don’t, she heard a faint sound in the other ear.

“Are you sure? You really want to transfer? You’re not even going to think twice about it?” her mother asked, surprised her daughter actually wanted the offer.

“…I don’t know,” she replied and slowly shrugged, putting another spoon of rice in .

Her mother scoffed, “How can you not know?”

Hyuna bit her lip, “I really don’t know, mom. I can’t decide. I.. Maybe.. Well, for starters, the new school you offered is nearer and way more convenient for me.”

There was silence.

She sighed, “I.. I don’t know, mom.”

After quickly finishing her meal, Hyuna got up. When she was done washing her dishes, she went to her room to lie down. She needed to be alone; to think.

Suddenly, the memories she’s had flooded her mind and she found her eyes starting to water.

I was the star of my old school. It was so easy to be smart; to be accepted. Right when I transferred into this school, it seemed like everything became complicated. It was hard to cope with studies and people weren’t too accepting. Everyone was hard to understand and everything depended on each person. If you didn’t try hard enough at the start, things are all over for you.

She thought about herself.

From a happy-go-lucky class president who had the best grades and the most positive attitude, I’ve turned into a depressed, frustrated rebel in school. From a student that all friends and teachers loved, I’ve turned into the girl who barely smiles. And most of all, from a happy person, I’ve turned into a sad one.

When did this happen?

And thinking about this all, she realized that everything hadn’t been so perfect after all. She was only better at coping before than she was now. She bit her lip as tears poured.

Why is it so hard to just get someone who understands? Does no one understand my heart? It hurts. It hurts every day and I literally have no one to lean on. My family members aren’t the best people to talk to. My mother overlooks the pain and thinks that I’m only overreacting. My father obviously can’t understand. I tried to get a best friend only to get hurt and stepped on. I know she thinks lowly of me, and so do the other people in my class or maybe even school. Even my teachers don’t have faith in me. They think of me as someone who refuses to try. I can tell from their eyes. But, is it entirely my fault that no one has given me a reason to? Unfortunately, the answer to this is yes. It is entirely my fault.

I swear I tried, but getting a friend really seems like something so unreachable. I want to be able to have someone to look to when I feel down or sad but it is so hard. When I see people simply laugh and smile with their set of friends, I wonder if it’s me that’s pushing away all the happiness I desire.

I feel lonely and the person I wished would provide me the warmth doesn’t even want to talk to me. Even a stranger talked to me about my problems. My best friend is clueless. Everyone else is clueless. Why is it that a stranger can tell that I’m not happy but other people who I wished would just look at me can’t? Isn’t it obvious?

Why do they jump to conclusions that I’m just depressed when they see the look on my face? They only tell me how I seem. They don’t try to fix me. Why do they point out my flaws when they don’t even care or want to care about it?

I’m broken. I’m alone. And it hurts even more that people can’t see it except me. I hate how I can’t even help myself. I feel so helpless.

She squeezed her blanket as she buried her face in her pillow.

I still want to live even if I can’t see the reason to. I wish God would just stop all this pain. I want it to be taken away. I want to live how other people do. Why can’t I see the positive side of things? Why am I so different? Why am I so negative? Why is there no one to answer my questions? Why isn’t God doing his job and showing me what to do? Why am I so blind? Why can’t I see anything nice? Why? Why? Why does it hurt? Why?

And for the rest of the night, Hyuna kept asking herself questions she knew would never be answered by anyone but herself. She only wished she could have the answer for herself.

She’s tired. She wants a break. Her heart hurts so much. She’s only 16.

She feels selfish. She feels suffocated when there are others who are feeling even worst. But, she can’t help herself. The pain hurts so much.

But, she’s smart enough not to resort to cutting or suicide. Life is more important.

She just wished it would all stop. Give her a break.

Please.

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Short chapter. I swear I got nothing to say. Except I cried writing this chapter. Like really. I didn’t cry that bad, but tears fell.