You were lying down on the floor with an arm covering your eyes.

Earlier, you angrily smudged the paint on the mural you had been working on; perfectly ruining the said art work.

Things were going bad for you.

You had tried to find peace in painting but you couldn’t even do it right.

What frustrated you the most was that instead of helping you with your emotions and with finding your inner balance, painting had become your number one cause of stress. The art exhibit you agreed to participate in was fast approaching, and your works were still incomplete.   

You left the easel painting you needed to work on hanging because you knew that you would just end up ruining it with your stress level and foul mood. That was why you decided to release some steam and tried do a mural in your art studio instead … which obviously didn’t go as smoothly as you thought of. You were far too distracted with your personal problems, namely Yixing and Luhan problems, that you were doing an awful job concentrating on your paintings.

You were busy sorting out your feelings for the two men and thinking about what you ought to do in your situation with them.

You had long resolved that your budding feelings for Yixing should be killed and thrown away, but that wasn’t as easy as it seemed. You had been avoiding him for weeks now. But that didn’t make your feelings for him wane any less. In fact, you had only been yearning for him more.

And then you have Luhan. The question he asked you the night of his father’s birthday threw you off. You knew it wasn’t in his character to just ask something like that, especially asking something in all seriousness. ‘What brought that on?’ You couldn’t stop that question from repeating in your head.

You let out a frustrated sigh, and tried to calm yourself and even out your breathing.

You were just making things worse for yourself. You should’ve just taken Luhan’s offer to join him in his out-of-town conference. That way you would’ve been spending some quality time together during his free time instead of being destructive and frustrated in here.

You rubbed your face with a hand and slowly stood up from where you were lying.  You begrudgingly went over to the mess you made and observed the damage.

In the moment of your frenzied actions, you ruined quite a space on your wall. Good thing you haven’t gotten too far with the mural or you might have had another bout of angry breakdown from your tactlessness. You have to coat the affected space with another base paint before you could continue again. At the rate you were going, you really wouldn’t be able to move on with your other works. The more you force yourself to paint, the more you’ll just ruin your art works.

“Maybe it’s time to call it a night, ____,” you said out loud,  

As you were about to go to your studio bathroom to tidy up yourself, you suddenly heard your phone ring.

Luhan…

You quickly went over to the table you left your bag on.

You knew that it was Luhan since he promised to call.

You hadn’t seen him in days and you were just eager to hear his voice. Luhan had always been your security blanket. And in your heart, you knew that he would always be. The prospect of taking comfort in him was slowly lifting your mood.

You scrambled to open your bag. But with the contents of it in a mess, it took you a few seconds before you successfully got a hold of it.

“Luhan…”

“I love you, baby…” he immediately said in a sweet voice that had never failed to make you melt. You couldn’t help but smile at his words.  Small as it may be, a smile was still a smile.

“You know I love you too,” you replied in soft voice filled with longing. Even at the presence of the confusing feelings you suddenly were harboring for Yixing, your love for Luhan was still there.  

You heard him grin slightly. “I do… So how’re the masterpieces going?”

You released an audible sigh. “I hate painting right now… let’s not talk about it. How about your work?”

“Whoa. Your artistic feels absent? That’s a first,”

“Luhan, ” you called his name in warning. You suddenly felt tired and so you made a move to sit on your couch.

“What?”

“This is no joking matter. I’m really sensitive about it right now. And I need a hug. Give me one.”

“Aww. I’m sorry. See? You should’ve gone with me instead. I wouldn’t have just given you one hug. And I would’ve added kisses as well for free since I love you and all,” you heard him tease. You could just imagine him with a playful smirk on his face, and the smile on your face widened. Luhan really did know how to lighten up your mood.

“You just find me irresistible.”

“And that too.”

“I hate you for leaving me,” you pouted even though he couldn’t see.

“But you said you had to paint…”

“And I hate you for implying it’s my fault. You should’ve persuaded me more.”

“But we both know you would still say no. And you don’t really hate me. You love me so much. Say ‘I love you, Luhan’ in a sweet and loving tone.”

He made a demo of how you were supposed to say what he was asking you to, and you burst out in giggles at his silliness.

“God, Luhan. That was creepy. Is that what being workaholic does to you?” you couldn’t hide the smile and amusement in your voice.

“Yes. And I really wanted to spend time with you. But since you refused your hot and y boyfriend, I have no other choice but to release my romantic side through phone.”

“Romantic?”

“Just go along with me, baby,” you heard the whine in his voice and it only made you laugh more.

“You’re acting weird, babe.”

“I’d rather have you tell me those sweet three words plus my name.”

You bit your lower lip at his silliness and you slowly shook your head, “Kiss me thru the phone first.”

“I’ll do that after you tell me you love me first.”

“I did. I told you earlier.”

“That’s not counted. I don’t want to hear it with the word ‘too’ attached to it. It sounded forced.”

“And you aren’t forcing me now?”

“No. C’mon. I just want to hear it,” his voice slowly turned into one that was serious.

He used that tone again. There was something in his voice that made you pause for a second. It was as if something was quite not right. You shrugged the weird feeling off and decided to keep the conversation light.

“No. Kiss me thru the phone first,” you replied in a playful but firm tone.

You heard him tut and then he seemed to take a sharp intake of breath. There was an obvious pause before you heard him do what you asked him to.

You chuckled at his hesitation. “You just absolutely scanned the area for people before doing that. Where are you anyway?” you said in between laughter.

“What? No. I just got distracted by a good advertisement brochure. I’m on my way up to my hotel room,” you heard him deny, but you knew better than that.

“Yeah, right. As if you would read a brochure while simultaneously walking and then talking to me. Oh my… my man is so embarrassed about being so ‘loving’ with his lady-- And if you dare deny that, I swear mini Luhan would lose an inch or two. Do you want that?” you knew you were putting him on the spot, but it was fun messing with your boyfriend.

You heard a low noise from him before you heard him tut. “Can’t I be a master of multi-tasking?”

“It’ll work on others but me. I know you aren’t.”

“Ok. I’m tapping out. You know me too well. And we both know we can’t have Him missing inch or two. You’ll cry over it, sweetheart. But you know I have an image to uphold…”

You snorted out at his words.  “Uh-huh… That ‘I’m-a-young-hot-bachelor-ladies-come-get-me’ image?”

“Mmm. Was there such thing? I was talking about the ‘I’m-a-mean-hot-bastard- you-wouldn’t-want-to-be-involved-with’ image.”

“And you need that image because…?”

“So you would feel at ease knowing that your man wouldn’t be preyed upon by other huntresses. Ladies tend to be attracted to the sweet and loving boyfriend. Even if we both know that I am, other ladies don’t need to know that, right?” he sounded smug and confident.

“Mmmm. Right,” you said in a way that would let him know that you thought otherwise.

“And look at what you did … you just hurt His feelings when you called him mini. You know he isn’t. You need to apologize to him.”

“Aww… Did I? Did he retract or something?”

You were met with silence.

“I’m sorry,” you laughed at his apparent annoyance, “I just can’t help it. Tell him I’m sorry from the depths of my heart.”

“That didn’t count since you were laughing. And to think you hurt him big time. You have to tell him in person and make up for it.”

You tried to stop your laughter but you just couldn’t. Luhan was being damn entertaining right now, “Ok. When you return.”

“You think it’s funny, huh? Let’s see if you could still laugh when you receive your punishment…” his voice dipped lower, meant to seduce.

You almost shivered at what he said. Almost. “Nice try. You won’t be y in my mind until you come back and prove to me otherwise.” And before he could react, you quickly told him what he was asking you to do, “I love you, Luhan…”

You heard him sigh on the other line. “I miss you, baby...”

The sincerity in his voice made you feel warmed and loved. You suddenly missed him so much. With the inner turmoil you were having lately, you had not been appreciating Luhan as much as you did before. You knew that was wrong of you, and now you just wanted to make up to him.  

“Hurry back, Luhan…”

Your conversation with Luhan lasted a few more minutes. You talked about his job and other couple of things each of you thought of. You would’ve wanted to talk more but it was late already and you had to go home. Plus, you knew he was tired as well. And so you both said your goodnights and you prepared to leave.

You found yourself hugging your coat tighter as you walked home. It was freezing outside.  You had been through this situation night after night, and yet, you were still not used to the cold.

You had to force yourself to remember why you were doing this in the first place.

Yixing.

Right. All because of that man.

It was ridiculous how you were willing to suffer from this just so you could avoid that certain someone. Ridiculous reason, right?

In order to cool off whatever discomfort you were currently having with him, you thought it wise to subtly distance yourself from him. You avoided doing some of your routine just so you wouldn’t see him. You also willed yourself not to leave the house until Yixing had gone to work.

In addition to that, you were always locking yourself up in your studio now. Even if you were done for the day, you couldn’t leave the studio early for fear of stumbling upon him on your way home.  He knew about your upcoming event anyway.

You had really been putting a lot of effort on this. But then, you had to do this for yourself… for both Yixing and Luhan as well…

You had to avoid him. Let things cool down between the two of you. That way, you could carry on as friends … just friends.

There were many questions passing through your mind after that night. The answers to it, you were scared to find out.  

‘Did Yixing really want me? Or maybe he just had a couple of drinks? But he seemed sober at that time…’

‘Would that night be easily forgotten and buried?’

‘Would Yixing pretend that nothing happened?’

‘Would it be a mistake that would never happen again?’

Your heart sank for the umpteenth time from such thoughts. No matter how much you try to push him away and discipline yourself, the fire of longing you were feeling for him just wouldn’t die down.

You continued walking with a heavy heart, and a hungry stomach.

The restaurant you passed was still open and the smell of the food wafting from it didn’t make your situation easier. You were slowly getting dizzy from the cold and hunger. It was late already and you haven’t had dinner yet. The last meal you had was brunch and you were famished already.

You swore you just heard your stomach growl. You placed a hand on your stomach, and thought about what you could cook up at home.  Great. You were extremely hungry right now and you had to cook. You could just buy something to eat but the thought of your food supply expiring soon changed your mind.

You pulled your phone from your coat pocket to check the time; a minor inconvenience since you forgot to wear your watch. Seeing that it was a little after 10 already, you felt the urge to walk quickly. As you were about to put your phone back to your pocket though, your phone lit up and the familiar ringtone played.

You were ready to answer it, expecting it to be Luhan. But then, you noticed that his picture didn’t show.

Your heart thumped wildly and your hand shook slightly when you saw that it was Yixing calling you.

You your suddenly dry lips, and bit on it.

What do I do?!

You didn’t know what to do. Should you answer this and let this be a short conversation? Or not answer this at all?

You made a move to return your phone in your pocket, but stopped midway.

There was no harm in answering, plus he would really be suspicious now if you didn’t answer ... right?

You raised your phone to your ear and answered his call.

“Hi, Yixing. What’s up?” you tried to cover the nervousness you suddenly felt by clearing your throat.

“I thought for a second there that you wouldn’t answer my call … like you did with the other ones.”

It took you a second or two to answer, “Sorry… I-i was just busy.”

“It’s okay. I understand. I assume you haven’t had dinner yet. Want to eat out?”

“Mmm…” You gripped your phone tighter. This was what you were scared of. You didn’t want to lie but you knew it would only be uncomfortable to spend time with him. This was why you had been avoiding him in the first place. “I’m still at the studio, Yixing. I’m still not finished with my works,” you timidly told him.

Yixing remained quiet on the other line.

He was just silent for some time that you even checked your phone to see if the call was still connected.

“Yixing --”

Not looking at where you were going though, your phone suddenly slipped from your hands when you were caught off balance. 

You tried to take another step, but you were unable to. You looked at your left foot and saw that your heel got stuck on a crack.

Beautiful.

Just beautiful.

You looked around and noticed there weren’t much people present. Good. You would be saved from further embarrassment.  

You glanced at your phone and saw that it wasn’t lit up anymore.

He must have hanged up.

You tried to put more force in raising your leg, but it wasn’t enough. Maybe you should remove your foot from the shoe before you try to pull it free. But then, you thought of the cool temperature. You shivered at the thought of standing barefooted on the cold cement.

You were saved from the trouble of deciding though when you sensed someone kneeling beside your leg. It was a bit dim so you couldn’t actually see who the good Samaritan was.

“Don’t put weight on this leg.”

That voice.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach.

You stared at that person with wide eyes.

Even if you couldn’t see his face, you knew it was him. The heat quickly spread out on your face. Your palms suddenly felt sweaty and you were panicking.

He placed his hands on your shoe and tugged on it, not so easy since your foot was still on it. You wobbled from the action, and you had to put your hands on his upper back to stabilize yourself. Good thing he was able to support your weight or he might’ve been pushed down.

And still … he failed to remove the heel from the crack.

He blankly stared at you, “Do you want to remove your foot from the shoe?”

You looked at him unsurely before glancing at the said shoe. He noticed your uncertainty and he shook his head.

“It’ll be quick,” he said, his voice as cold as the temperature, if not more.  

Your panic just escalated. He sounded mad. Knowing better than to drag this on, you did what he wanted you to.

True to his word, he was able to pull your shoe free once your distracting weight was off. He surprised you when he gently raised your foot and helped you slip your shoe on. With the negative vibes you were getting from him, you half expected him to shove your foot in it or even throw it at your head.

He stood straight in front of you and you finally got a good look at him.

Hair still unruly as ever… Face still handsome as ever… 

You just lied at this person just minutes ago, and now he caught you red-handed.

“So the streets became your own private studio now, huh?” Yixing sarcastically asked.

You dipped your head low from embarrassment. You were feeling the heat on your face prickling already. Inside, you were mentally cursing all the curses in any language you could think of. You were beyond embarrassed! This was why you never wanted to lie!

God. Let me pass out so that I could get out of this situation!

You felt like a cowering puppy with her tail tucked in between her legs.

Seeing your sorry and humiliated look, Yixing just slowly shook his head and smiled ruefully.

“You know, you should’ve just told me you didn’t want to see me… That way, you would’ve been spared from lying.”

You remained quiet and unmoving as you stared at the ground beside him.

“You’ve been avoiding me … and now, you’re even lying just to make sure you don’t see me. What’s next? You’re going to cut me off from your life over something I don’t even know, huh? Doing this stupidity without explanation? Don’t you think you’re being unfair?”

You slowly raised your head to face him and meet his eyes.

Seeing the disappointment and frustration in his dark orbs, your mind suddenly went blank.

He grimaced slightly when he sensed your unresponsiveness. Sure he stated that rhetorically, but part of him still wanted answers. He closed his eyes as he heaved out a huge breath, and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at your still unmoving form.

Feeling the burn from his stare, you averted your eyes and stared at his side instead. He was confronting you now, but you realized that you weren’t ready to do this. How do you even resolve something that was a matter of importance in a public place? You didn’t even know what to tell him now. You were tongue-tied.

“I’m sorry…” you weakly and nervously whispered, still not looking at him.

Yixing just continued to stare at you, waiting for you to say more.

After a few more seconds, your silence irked him increasingly.

“Sorry? That’s all you’re going to say?” you heard the impatience in his voice.

“Look, I don’t think I can do this, Yixing. Give me time to process my thoughts. Let’s talk when I’m ready to give you a good explanation.”

You turned away and made a move to leave, but he gripped your arm tightly.

Yixing seemed to have finally had enough with your bull. He roughly pulled you to him and kissed you right on the mouth.

It wasn’t the gentle but passionate kiss you were guilty of imagining with him before. It was rough and hard you felt like your lips would bruise from the force. You tried to push him away but he wrapped an arm around your back, and a hand at the back of your neck.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, and yet his kisses ignited a fire deep within you, wanting you to respond to his tempting offer.

Just as you were about to respond to his kisses though, he pulled away from you and rested his forehead on yours as he breathed deeply.

He closed his eyes and you just stared at him. You realized what you almost did, and you were suddenly mortified with yourself. He kissed you forcefully, but you still loved it in the end. 

He opened his eyes, seemingly out of his frenzied state. He unwrapped his arms around you and took a step back to look at you.

“I’m not sorry,” he quietly but firmly told you.

He arranged your coat and removed his scarf on his neck just to place it on yours.

“Have a safe way home.”

And with that, he left you with more complicated feelings than before.