“But please, I’m your leader...”

It was the last resource to use, and always seems to be at the tip of Taeyeon’s tongue, which she always bites into the next moment. And it always feels painful, horrible, like she spits on the title.
She knew it was selfish, she caught it herself right after she said it.

As if the ghost of her regret didn’t make her go insane already and the knocking hadn’t hurt her knuckles enough, the girl threw the door open startling Taeyeon.
She fell back against the opposite wall.

She watched the girl rush away from her.

All the way from the younger girl’s room, she was sure Tiffany had dropped a tear on her cheek as she was walking away from her. They were falling and Taeyeon wanted to be there to catch every one of them and put them back. But she felt like the bad person, like the tears would touch her hands and burn her, and who would be there for her wounds? 
When is the enemy ever there to be embraced.

Passing the living room the girl blew up at the sound of stressing footsteps following her, trying to catch up with her. She wasn’t even trying to create a scene, none of them were.
The girls in the living room snapped their focus to a loud voice which broke through the quiet atmosphere and overshadowed the TV for a second.

“No!”

Tiffany’s arms flew up, and in one hand her small glittery purse flipped around as she was holding tightly onto its strap. Taeyeon watched the scene, as well as the other girls….but Taeyeon, Taeyeon had front row. It was inappropriate at the time, but god, she wanted to admire her. Here was a girl with deadly eyes pointing towards her but she was gorgeous as she had turned around.

Taeyeon remembered that she was with her when she bought that dress, nodding her head like a doll. Perhaps she nodded to the heels too, or maybe just Tiffany in general.
It would have brought back memories right now if Tiffany didn’t just make her stop like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Yeah, that place inside her. It tore her how raspy it drew across the air and into her ears like a chainsaw.
And just as she had thought, a tear had made its way down her cheek.

And who always gets hurt… yeah, her.

”You’re not my leader! I am the only leader in my life!”

Taeyeon stared on, and on, even as Tiffany a few seconds later had made it out of the front door. After the door had slammed, it was quiet, of course, who could argue with such a statement. If Seohyun came up to her and told her that it’s okay, she will calm down, come home early and we don’t feel that way – she’d feel even worse. Cause she knew they all felt like this. They had all been given the leader speech at some time in their life by no other than...their leader.

She knew she was in for another night without sleep.

And whose fault is that….yeah, yours.

She gives up, she gives in.

At 5am in the morning when the figure passes her awakened body without as much as a glance – is it for the best?

But what about love… yeah, love.

Yeah, what about her feelings this time around – and all the times around? And her words, did they mean anything anymore?

Are you thinking of me?

Her sofa hair brushes her cheek as she tiredly straightened to a sitting position which was very familiar, just like last morning. And when Sooyoung walks into the living room with a toothbrush in she stretches out her limbs and tries out her yawn. She hates the looks, she didn’t want the questions, she had to seem unfazed… because the world doesn’t revolve just around her when you have eight other sisters.
Who was she to demand attention?

When Sooyoung looks upon the short girl with somewhat sadden eyes Taeyeon would have seen if she looked up – and ask her if she slept well.
Taeyeon says yes.
And they both have breakfast together, and Taeyeon’s lies feels like a part of breakfast now. Maybe they’re the eggs on the side, the hot chocolate, or the jelly that doesn’t really fit but feels necessary anyways.



When they all get back late, really late, like at 1am, she whishes with relief that it’s too late for anyone to go out again. She’d nail the door shut if she could.

Her jacket was quickly discarded, flying into a closet to her right not caring if it settled on a hook or not. And with a smile she takes in her members as they go to their rooms and closes their doors. Faster then she had expected, she’s glad, but there was a lot of traveling today and Taeyeon felt like she could faint at the spot.

As the members doors don’t open again in a while— it’s nice. It’s a calm and safe sight. Almost like she herself feels safe being in the living room all alone. Like she could actually faint and no one would notice.
Well, except for Tiffany.

And Taeyeon noticed she wasn’t completely alone.

Tiffany was in the kitchen making sandwiches, pouring some juice now. She watched the girl sit down by the kitchen table with gentle eyes that felt heavy, like her heart, and her pride.

Taeyeon moves to sit on the sofa, but as she starts walking Tiffany calls for her. A softer version of her name embraces her warmly and pulls her into the kitchen.
She was surprised at how easily she obeyed.

Natural gravitation towards the thing you desire the most?

The voice was so different from last night, maybe hers is too.

She had stopped next to her now. She noticed Tiffany hadn’t touched the food, and was looking at her expectantly.

“Sit and eat with me.”

Tiffany reached her arm and pulled out the chair next to her so it lightly hit Taeyeon’s hip, urging her to sit down. As much as Taeyeon wanted to send Tiffany off to her room, she was scared of how to put it, how it would sound, how much it would press the girl, if they’d get into a fight again— if Taeyeon could physically stay up one more night without sleep.

So she just sat down and shut her thoughts out as she did.

And who always wins… yeah, her.

Tiffany gleamed a smile and her eyes lowered to the table as she brought up a glass of juice to quietly sip. Taeyeon watched on, taking her time before she silently agrees further upon the deal and touches the sandwich.
It’s simple, ham and cheese, nothing difficult. Nothing she couldn’t make blindfolded. Taeyeon thought food, oh yeah, it had been a while. So she bites into it and enjoys it more than expected, oh, it’s like she wakes up again from some kind of coma.

“Juice?”

Why is she so insanely pretty to me?

Taeyeon nods her head and Tiffany pushes the second glass on the table to her with her finger. Taeyeon puts her arm up on the table and embraced the glass, ready to clench her sudden thirst.
Then the finger reached out and down Taeyeon’s bare arm.
She shivered.
She was sure Tiffany noticed the hair on her arm rising.

There was something bubbling in Taeyeon’s mind as to how and why Tiffany wanted to touch her at times, these small actions. Not like a hug or holding hands, but tiny things that leaves her slightly incoherent and shaking. And each time Tiffany did these actions it took superhuman strength not to lean in and, and…

“I love you, Taeyeon.”

She chewed the bite of sandwich in with a tight jaw.

Right, Love… yeah, love again.

Tiffany’s eyes were on her.
And the fact that the girl wasn’t angry with her anymore hit her first, or was she still angry? Then the meaning behind the words clouded her.
Taeyeon took her time with her bite, but the swallowing part was coming up and felt dry. Right, she was still holding the glass in her hand. She felt like if she tried to swallow she would choke, and Tiffany would remove her finger.
She didn’t know which was worse.

“That means I think about you every second.”

Tiffany added to the silence and Taeyeon nodded small and slowly. And was sure in which way the girl meant it now. Tiffany’s voice was sweet and the honesty in her tone scared Taeyeon. At the same time it held confidence and the insecurity of a first meeting.
Fragile, but that it had always been.

Taeyeon put down the sandwich on the table and grabbed the glass of juice and brought it to her lips for a gulp and it….felt good. It was put down quickly onto the table where her other hand was holding it. Back in place and she felt like she got a mathematical question right.

It was quiet again, but at least she didn’t feel like choking, and at least Tiffany’s finger was still touching her skin.

“You don’t need to be nervous. “

The finger was removed and Taeyeon almost lost her breath at the loss and she didn’t know if she regained it or not when Tiffany instead embraced her hand gently and removed it from its stiff grip around the glass.

“Unless...you do?”

The hope in Tiffany’s voice and eyes that had settled upon Taeyeon’s distant ones started her pounding heart. Her hand was held dearly by two hands, same went for Taeyeon’s heart.
But god, she needed to say something now because if there was something as clear as ice in her mind it was how much she had started to love Tiffany, and her reaction to Tiffany’s presence wasn’t just a crush.
Because calling it a crush seemed so wrong. There was something so very temporary about the tiny word that made it seem like her feelings wasn’t something that was going to stick around and something told Taeyeon that imagining and dreaming about them being together seemed like more than a simple crush. Something that she didn’t want to stop doing, ever.
So it was simply a dish of love, and Taeyeon was blushing and matching the pink on the younger girl’s tinted cheeks.

And Tiffany was still hanging onto her every breath.

Taeyeon opened slightly, for air, for saying those three words?— she finally understood that she was in shock. And she felt so stupid that she was incapable of verbally saying anything or the same things to Tiffany. She had hoped that sometimes her actions were enough to show her how much she mattered to her.

But as a leader she always felt expectant to speak and it suffocated her.
Leader, the title felt heavy now.

“I’m, I’m not good with this.”

Taeyeon spoke quietly, and right after she said it she was scared it sounded like a rejection. She quickly snapped her eyes up to meet Tiffany’s gentle ones that were processing the words she had just said. Taeyeon took the opportunity to squeeze Tiffany’s one hand— of the two— that she could lap her hand around. Hoping the girl wouldn’t judge her moist hands. It was supposed to ensure the girl of her nerves. That, and the tiny smile Taeyeon mustered up. She was barely sure if she was awake or if she had actually fainted and was now lying in her bed dreaming of them together.
Again.

“I know you are not. Neither am I really.”

A tiny delicious chuckle. Taeyeon’s chest heaved a little lighter.

“I just need to know one thing.” Taeyeon said and cleared . “Are you angry with me?” Her eyes looked up hopefully and Tiffany pouted.

“A little.”

As expected.

“I’m sorry, but I, I’m just—“

“The leader.”

Tiffany filled in and breathed out into a semi smile, even thought it wasn’t near to what Taeyeon was going to say. Taeyeon’s mouth opened and closed, lastly she just felt bad. She frowned some, wanting that ounce of anger to flare off the younger girl and away, like it never existed.

“You feel bad about it.”

Like reading her mind, and she would have answered clearly but Tiffany’s silk-like hands were distracting there for a moment.

“I-I do.”

“Make it up to me.”

Here it was, and she would do anything.

“How?”

“Kiss me.”

Kim Taeyeon, you are too easy if you give in to that…
Shut up brain, why would I resist?

“Teach me?”

Kim Taeyeon, why are you so inexperienced…
it’s your fault brain for not being developed.
You know, I’m not a part of your fail.
Says the person who thinks for me.

“Move closer.”

And Taeyeon gladly would, but the confession was getting to her now. Maybe she was a bit slow, but she did tremble at the command.

Tiffany let go of her hands and reached for the girls chair and drew her closer. She seemed eager, Taeyeon could tell over the sound of her pounding heart, and it made her eager too as the distance between them disappeared. Tiffany’s knees brushed against hers and Taeyeon straightened her back and in a deep breath, almost sweating a little thinking this wasn’t actually one of her dreams.
But she would allow herself a little more…or a lot more.

Tiffany leaned her upper body forward, supporting herself with her right elbow on the table’s edge, and her left hand sweeping across Taeyeon’s left thigh before firmly pressing down upon it. In opposite to Taeyeon’s limps who had fallen to her sides in a numb matter— they were well noted by Tiffany.
But then oh, Tiffany’s face, so close. There were some light shadows on her features created by the centered lamp above them. And some shadows moved when a smile appeared and eyes had lowered onto some of Taeyeon’s features. Taeyeon felt her lips open slightly, and she them cautiously, trying to predict the other girls move.

“ them again.”

Tiffany ordered and was madly flushing red now with Taeyeon not far behind. The older girls eyes quickly glanced down the hall way and the darkness far far away from their little bubble.
She carefully them again, first her upper lip and then circled down to her lower lip, and she was sure she heard Tiffany grunt while watching her.

Her breath was so heavy Taeyeon felt it upon her at times.

Tiffany’s right arm twitched alive and Taeyeon could only follow it as her hand reached out and settled firmly behind her head, fingers into her hair, gripping. Taeyeon flew forward and was quickly ordered to feast on Tiffany’s pale neck. Taeyeon’s hand gripped the side of the girl’s shoulders to steady herself but Tiffany wanted her to straddle her. And so Tiffany’s left hand moved from the thigh to push the short girl onto her lap, and succeeded.

Taeyeon moaned against her neck at Tiffany pressing her in place. She started kissing the neck gently up and down, in opposing to Tiffany’s aggressive acts. And it was only when Tiffany bucked her hips in impatience towards Taeyeon’s center and grunted the older girl’s name in close-lidded eyes that Taeyeon allowed herself to across the skin and put a little more pressure into her kisses.
The smooth neck, which was warm, wet now, against her lips and— she felt Tiffany swallow and moan. Tiffany’s hand on her head stopped any further acts on her bare neck and led her up, closer, and Tiffany turned her head.
But not towards Taeyeon.

Taeyeon’s nose brushed Tiffany’s cheek dearly, as if her scent wasn’t addicting enough.
The hand glided down and settled on the older girl’s neck.
Taeyeon felt hot, and let their body’s press closer as Tiffany turned and their lips finally met.

“How will I know when to stop?”

Taeyeon mumbled against the delicious lips as hands decided to roam around and embrace. Tiffany’s eyes opened and her heart pounded harder than ever before. She smiled into the kiss.

“What makes you think you have to?”



Sooyoung with her toothbrush went along the wall and sneaked an eye into the kitchen and imminently snapped back as she saw Taeyeon making out with Tiffany’s chest on the kitchen table. She turned around and went back to the bathroom in a civilized and polite matter.

Except she didn’t.