someone like you
someone like you
Looking outside from the window admiring the beautiful picture of nature. I've been standing here for how long now?? I, myself didn't know. Watching birds with their freedom to fly wherever they want to go...
"Aren't you tired??"
A pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind. A chin placed under my shoulder. A soft breathings that I feel over my skin.
"Don't you have work?"
A question escaped from my mouth and I feel him shook his head as a response to my questions... We stayed in this kind of position for a quiet long while before he decided to drag me down to my bed. Tucking me down.
"Better rest."
He wears a warm smile on his face. A smile that gives me much pain. I can't even look in his eyes for a long time. A guilt feelings inside me keeps striking.
"You better leave now. Be home safe"
I told him before closing my eyes. I feel him my hair lovingly. I can feel his smiles. A kiss on my forehead before he left me alone in my room.
_____
"Is it lovely?"
My younger sister said smiling. I smiled back, keeping another gift coming from her. It becomes her habit buying me stuffs. Whenever she's out, she will be home with something for me. Yesterday she brought my favorite snacks, and today she gave me fancy necklace.
"When I saw it you were the firt person I think of. I remembered you love those kind of stuffs that's why I bought one"
She told me and I just smiled.
Aldrin will be here later. He said that tomorrow is his day off from work so he'll stay here with you
"I don't want to."
"Why?"
"Just I don't want to. Tell him not to drop here tonight and this coming weekend. I want to be alone."
"Madison..."
"Tell him to accompany Cindy in looking for a job tomorrow."
"Why are you pushing him away?"
"Because."
She didn't speak again. She just stare at me as I watching the beautiful scenery outside from my window. I've been locked in this room for couple of months. I didn't notice the tears falling until I realized my sister wipes it out for me. I give her a sad smile. She hugs me and let myself cry harder, letting the pain out of my chest.
"You'll be fine."
She assured me and I just nod my head. Will everything be all right? If I, myself losing all the hopes that I have for a year now?? Do I really have to keep myself in believing in miracles? Is there really a miracle?
Night comes and for the first time for two months I had my dinner with dining area with them. A genuine smiles can't hide in their faces as they watching me eating. Is two months really that long?
"Eat a lot. There's more if you want"
Mom said and she has a teary eyes. I looked at her and she smiled forcing herself hard not to cry. I looked around me and see them all watching me. I have this spoonful of her cook--my favorite dish in my mouth. I playfully grin at them and they smile widely. Dinner's done and I have to walk back to my room.
He didn't visit me tonight and even I miss his presensce it stills good to be like this. I have to practice myself not meeting him anymore because I can't hold the guilt in my chest. I don't want to see him suffering because of me. I just have to push him away and set him free.
__________
"I want to talk to her"
"She needs to rest"
I heard him talking to my mom. My mom tries her best to send him off of our house. I just did it. I broke up with him. I just can't let him suffer because of me.
"Why she's being like this??"
"Please do understand her."
"I always do. I do whatever she says. Even I wanted much to visit her when she said no I will follow. Everything she says I follow. Why she's treating me like this?"
Tears falling as I secretly watching them. He has his knees down and crying his heart out. I feel the same. I have the same pain. I know it's much painful for his part but for me too. I don't want to let go the guy I love the most and as much as possible I want to keep him with me but seeing him in pain a guilt will strike and letting him go is te best way to stop the pain I caused him. Time will pass and he will sure forgets about me, he will completely forgets my name, my voice and even for who I am... his feelings will eventually change after some times.
"I love her. I'm willing to sacrifce things just for her..."
"She sure loves you too."
"Why she's treating me like this if she loves me?"
"Because it's too painful for her seeing you hurt and suffering because of her"
"She's selfish. She only thinks about herself"
Maybe he's right. I'm only thinking about myself, for my own good.
_________
I opened my eyes looking around seeing the white painted wall, ceiling... a dextrose on my right hand. Feeling someone's holding my other hand, I looked over and find him there. Tightening his grip kissing my hand.
"I thought it'll take you long to wake up."
"What are you doing here? Don't you have work?"
"Is that the only question you're going to ask me every time?"
"Where's mommy?"
"She went home to get some stuffs."
Silence envelops us. How long am I staying here? One week? two? three? One month? I don't know how long.
"Is there anything you want?"
"Who told you I'm here?"
"Miley does. Don't get mad at her I just forced her. I know you don't want to see me but then can you blame me? I can't even control myself to see you. I missed you. Are you just going to trash the seven years we've been through?"
"You will forget me soon."
"Why you're so selfish? Think of me too."
I get up. facing him.
"Yes, this how much selfish I am. Now, better leave and don't show up again."
"Madison.."
"You hear me."
"Don't you love me?"
"Leave."
"Answer me!!"
He raised his voice with tears in his eyes. It sends me much pain. It kills me badly.
"Please..."
Without a word he captures my lips. I tried pushing him but I'm too weak and he's much strong. He has his one arm wrap around my waist and the other in the back of my head. I tried hard not to kiss back but he's lips are too demanding.
"You still do love me."
He said smiling. Staring at me lovingly--it didn't change at all. I let myself to cry and he brings me to his arms. Wrapping his arms securely over me.
"I won't leave you. This badass guy loves you so much"
He whispers and tighten his hug on me. I just have to let myself and follow my heart for once. Having him again won't be a regret.
_________
"Stop"
I said pushing him away from me. Stopping him in kissing me everywhere in my face.
"I don't want to."
He said and continue what he is doing. He asked a leave for his work and has his fifteen days off to work. He decided to stay over to our house and spends the whole time with me.
"Hey..."
"I love you, I love you"
Every kiss he'll let the words out and makes me smile every time. Since I'm tired pushing him away I just let him do whatever he wants to.
"Is there a place you want to go?"
He suddenly asked me. I started thinking. A church crossed my mind. The church we always visiting once a month and since the day we found out about my conditions we stopped visiting it since we haven't much time. Dad is busy keeping in touch with his friends asking them if they know a good doctor who can actually save me and stop me from suffering. Mom is busy taking care of me every time Miley is out and studying. I wanted to visit the church again, I wanted to thank him personally for the blessings I keep on receiving even I'm suffering. Having my family with me and having the guy I love the most next to me is enough.
"I want to visit a church."
"A church?"
"Hmm."
"Do you mean the church you always visiting with your family?"
I nodded.
"Hmm... we can have our wedding there, right?"
"Aldrin?"
"Hmm? Well, a simple wedding will be fine since I know you too well.. Because you're cheap."
He said and I slapped him on his shoulder earning a playful laughs on him.
"Seriously.. we can't get married."
I told him. He looked at me with a serious face.
"Why not?"
"I'll die. If we got married and I die you'll be a widow. There's no use of getting married actually and besides I can't provide you a child."
"Seems you forget what marriage is..."
"Aldrin..."
"Babe, marriage means marrying someone you truly love. And I love you, I'll marry you even tomorrow you will die and I will become a widow but who cares? At least I married the woman I love... I'm not asking you to provide me a child but I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me even it's just a month, a week or even a day."
I didn't say a word but a tears fall. He wipes it and warmly smile at me. I forced myself to smile. I was too overjoyed.
"Crying baby...You always cry.. I'm not hurting you anyways"
He said while wiping my tears off.
"I love you, Aldrin."
I hugged him. He hugs me back and kissed me. It's hard to find someone like him... someone who can actually willing to give his life to someone like me who's dying and just waiting for death to come along the way. It's hard to find someone like him who has the pure good intentions, love for someone like me...
Time will pass and one wish I could ask for... Help him to get over with me and find someone better than I am. I know that the peson up there is listening to me. I wish him to find someone who will accept him for who and what he is. To love him in the best way I did.
I feel sorry for him for leaving him after six month of our marriage.
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