Eunhae, Fighting!
Anticipating Little Eunhae
“Please…” Eunhyuk heard Donghae whispered beside him.
They were in the hospital. Two of them was leaning on the wall while Sung Ra’s family; her husband and three of her children were sitting on the bench. They all waited for the operation in that emergency room.
Sung Ra experienced bleeding that afternoon. It was really not a good sign when you were just seven months pregnant. Her family rushed her to the hospital and she had been in the operation room for so long.
A doctor suddenly went out of the room and signalled Sung Ra husband and them to come closer. They already did without being told. His expression didn’t look well after all.
“We try to do and figure many ways to save both of them, but it seems like none of them is working. The risk is too high. If we stress on Sung Ra, we might lose the baby. And if we stress on the baby, we might have to sacrifice Sung Ra’s life. There is no other way, I’m afraid we can save only one of them.”
“Please save the mother,” Donghae instantly said before the rest think about it.
The doctor had a sympathy looks in his eyes. Then he nodded.
“We will try hard to save the baby as well…” he returned to the room.
Sung Ra’s husband then looked at Donghae with a scribbled expression. Donghae didn’t cry or speak anything; his face was expressionless. He just stared at the closed operation room’s door blankly.
Eunhyuk slowly pulled Donghae back to the wall and hugged him. Donghae immersed himself in that hug, his face on Eunhyuk shoulder, his hand grasping Eunhyuk’s front shirt. He didn’t cry, but Eunhyuk slowly felt his shoulder got wet. He hugged Donghae more firmly.
“Its okay, Donghae~ah… I’m here.”
______
The emergency light of the operation room shut down, and few nurses got out, giving them sympathize looks before leave. Donghae was still in Eunhyuk’s embrace, looks like he was frozen there.
Few other nurses got out pushing a stroll, with Sung Ra on it. She was unconscious and extremely pale. Her husband moved closer to her but then when the doctor was out, her husband move closer to him. The nurses took Sung Ra away. The doctor eyed them and then looked at Sung Ra’s husband.
“Your wife is safe. She still weak and unconscious, but she is fine. You can see her now.”
Eunhyuk felt Donghae tensed a little hearing that. The doctor then faced them.
“Eunhyuk ssi, Donghae ssi…”
Eunhyuk loosen up his hand, allowing Donghae to slowly turned to the doctor. Eunhyuk took a deep breath.
“I’m afraid we couldn’t save the baby. She is still alive, but the chance is too thin,” the doctor spoken.
“Wha… what happened?” Eunhyuk asked, trying to hold his own tears. He had to be strong for Donghae.
“Right now, the baby is hundred percent depending on the hospital equipment to life. The breathing, the heart beating… everything. If…. Let say… something happen; short circuit or power lost or something, her life will be over.”
Silence took over. Donghae finally cleared his throats and asked with a hoarse voice.
“If it’s not??”
“Well… We are not sure about that. You sure know that IVF baby has lower metabolism compared to the normal baby. And I think the risk is clearly explained… bleeding, premature delivery, miscarriage or stillborn...”
“..But she is just fine all this time!!!” Donghae suddenly shouted to the doctor, clearly freaked out over the word ‘stillborn’. Few of the people stared at him. Even the doctor was surprised.
“Donghae…” Eunhyuk counselled him. He took Donghae’s hand and hugged him again. This time Donghae cried out loud in his embrace.
“I’m sorry…” Eunhyuk apologized to the doctor for Donghae.
“It’s okay, I know how you feel…”
“Is there… is there anything you can do?” Eunhyuk asked with Donghae still in his arms.
The doctor sighed.
“It depends on her. If she shows no development, we might have to terminate her life.”
“But… but you can wait right? She… If we wait… she might shows something positive… She.. She can do it, right?” Eunhyuk asked, felt so much hard to speak.
“You want to wait?”
“Of course! I can pay for it. Any cost for the medical equipment that holds her, I will pay!”
“… If that the case… We can just wait maybe at least for a week. If she is like that after a week, then there is no use of her to live. She is just like a doll that is forced to breath. And I’m scared it might hurt her as well…”
“… it hurts her?”
“Maybe. But we have to wait, like I said… for a week. We will try our best. Our pray is with her.”
“Then… Can we see her?”
“We are going to move her to the incubator first. Then yes, you can come see her."
Eunhyuk nodded. The doctor walked away and he stood there slowly patting Donghae’s back and lulled him, calming him down.
“Do we want to see Sung Ra first?” Eunhyuk asked.
Donghae nodded.
“Come…” he took Donghae’s hand and walked to the ward.
Sung Ra was lying weakly. She was conscious now, but looked like she was drained out. Her husband and her kids were around her. Her husband saw them and stood.
“Is she okay?” Eunhyuk asked.
“Yes. She is fine. How… how is the baby?” he asked back.
Eunhyuk prefered not to answer it as Donghae’s grasp tighten in his hand. He just gave meaningful looks to Sung Ra husband and move closer to see Sung Ra.
“Hi…” he whispered. Sung Ra smiled weakly.
Donghae suddenly cried again. He hold Sung Ra’s hand.
“Thank you Sung Ra ssi. Thank you so much…”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” she replied.
“You don’t have to. You did amazing job. Thank you too, Sung Ra ssi,” Eunhyuk hugged her.
“Where is the baby? Is she all right?” Sung Ra asked.
“Please pray for her..” Eunhyuk replied.
“Of course, she is my daughter too. We will pray for her, pray for you all…” she said.
Few moments later, the doctor came back and called them. As they want to leave, Sung Ra husband stopped them.
“Listen… I might not… treat you well all this time. I was wrong. You guys weren’t like what I expect. Thank you. Thank you for choosing Sung Ra to survive…” he said.
“Of course we would choose her. We are thankful for you too. Thank you to your family too…” Eunhyuk replied.
“And I’m sorry about the baby. My best wish goes for her. God bless her…”
Eunhyuk nodded. Donghae tugged his sleeve and they leaved. The doctor took them to a special room not far from that. They had to wear this special anti-bacteria suit and gets into the incubator room. The room was glowing purple.
When they get into the room, their heart ached all over. There were few small glass boxes with a glowing light in it. It’s the incubator for the premature baby. They saw few babies in the boxes, small and fragile.
The doctor took them to the end of the room, they realized there was another room in that room, it's wall was made of glasses and they can see there was another box like those outside, but there was lot more wires connected to it. It’s her, they immediately thought.
The doctor opened the door and waited there, allowing only them to get in and closed the door back. They can hear the sounds of medical equipment in it. Eunhyuk took another deep breath.
What they saw made them wondered how this little form even survived at the first place. She was so small, her length was smaller than their arms, and her head was no big than a tennis ball. She was red and quite dark. She doesn’t seem to has any eyebrows but has a lots of dark, black hair. Her eyes and mouth was just a line drawn.
What torned their heart was all the wires connected. She wore the breathing enhancer that looked so much big for her face. And there were few more wires connected straight to under her blanket, they can’t see where else that small figure was attached.
“Eunhyuk…” Donghae whispered, freaking out.
Eunhyuk moved closer. So did Donghae. Eunhyuk knelt, suit himself to the baby’s bed.
“…Annyeong… Eunhae… appa is here. Donghae appa is here too. Can you hear us?” Eunhyuk asked, bending towards the baby. His tears were falling now. Donghae just standing close.
“You… you have to hold on Eunhae ah… You have no idea what waiting for you. You are going to be a princess. You have to survive,” Eunhyuk said again. He then turned to doctor.
“Can I touch her?” he asked.
“Be careful,” the doctor replied.
Eunhyuk then put his hand on the baby’s body. It’s warm, and he can feel a slow, but steady movement of breathing. The baby is alive.
“Donghae…” he called, amazed.
Donghae shook his head. He was too afraid that he might hurt the baby. He just stood there, with tears sometimes falling. Eunhyuk then traced one of his fingers to the baby’s cheek.
“You can do it, Eunhae. Trust appa,” he whispered again.
________________________________________________________________________________
Eunhyuk woke up to find Donghae wasn’t by his side. He got up and walked out. After finding Donghae wasn’t in the kitchen either, he went towards the room prepared for Little Eunhae, Donghae was sleeping there, hugging a doll they bought for Eunhae.
Donghae actually insisted on staying at the hospital but since there was nothing they can do there and they can’t visit Little Eunhae, doctor asked Eunhyuk to take him home. He didn’t speak to Eunhyuk either, spending hours in the shower; Eunhyuk knew he was crying again before fall asleep. He was not sure when did Donghae woke up to sleep in Little Eunhae’s room.
He got into the room and sat besides sleeping Donghae. He gently touched Donghae’s hair.
“Hae…” he called.
Donghae opened his eyes.
“It’s already morning. You have to go to school.”
Donghae turned his head to other side.
“I don’t want to,” he replied.
“You can’t be like this. Remember what you said? We have to be professional. I’m sad too, Hae. But staying like this won’t help either.”
“I want to see EunHae.”
“You can go after return from school. And remember today those boys have soccer match. You have to stay until evening. If you don’t want you have to ask for excuse from the principal first. Don’t worry, I’ll visit Eunhae on my break and I’ll call you. Now get up, Eunhae appa…”
It took him few more minutes to wake up, but Eunhyuk glad Donghae obeyed him. He didn’t want Donghae to drive so he drove him to the school.
______
“Sir, this is their books.”
His student’s voice brought him back from his thought.
“You okay, sir?” they asked.
“…yeah. Put the books here. Thank you…”
He totally has no heart to teach today but he forced himself. The news about his daughter’s condition already spread out across the school and received varies of responds.
“We pray for Eunhae…”
“This is just a test. She is okay all this time so God is testing you to be strong...”
“The baby obviously doesn’t want to live. Who would want? Rising by a couple of gay. I would do the same if I was her.”
And that hurt him the most. He cried again in the restroom and called Eunhyuk even though he can’t talk properly. Like always, Eunhyuk calmed him down and gsve him strength. He felt like running away to that guy’s arm instantly.
He ketp looking at the watch and prayed it would go faster. He already asked for excuse for the soccer match that evening, and the principal asked him to wait a little before leaving. Now he was waiting for Eunhyuk’s call and informing him about Eunhae. It came when his last class ended.
“Eunhyuk? Did you go there?”
“Yes, I just did. Now I’m on my way back already.”
“How is her? Is she okay?”
“Hm… she is just like yesterday. Well, when I was there… she is crying.”
“Crying??”
“I don’t know how to say it. More like… whining?”
“Why did she cried?”
“I don’t know. She already cried when I get in, there is a nurse there, she said Eunhae was mad at the nurse to wake her up…”
“Why did she wake her up? Wait… she wakes up?”
“Yeah but she didn’t open her eyes. The nurse wants to examine her.”
“Ah… I thought she is hurt…”
“No… she is fine… I met Sungra too. She is well too.”
“That's a relief…”
“Did you have to go to the soccer match?”
“Yeah. For a while… maybe for the first half then I’ll return home. You’ll pick me?”
“Yeah, tell me when. Then you drive to the hospital alone because I still have shift here, okay?”
“Okay…”
“Okay, see you later. I love you, Hae…”
“Love you too…”
________________________________________________________________________________
Donghae slowly pushed the glass door. Eunhae was sleeping. He knelt next to the baby’s bed and stayed like that for a very long time.
“…Eunhae…” he finally spoken.
“Did you meet Hyukkie appa just now? You must have wake up because of him…” Donghae then chuckled alone.
“You… you are not mad at appa, right? You are not ashamed of appa, right? Did you?”
He then slowly stretched his hand and held Eunhae’s covered arm. It just only a skin-covered bone. There was a wire extended into the baby’s glove.
“…Eunhae, did it hurts?”
Donghae touched the baby’s face.
“It must be hurt. You have to hold on, you are a strong girl. We only have this week, Eunhae-ah… You can do it… Appa is going to come here every day. Hyukkie appa too…”
He stayed there, talking to Eunhae with a slow voice. Sometimes the baby moved a little, and Donghae will stop talking and staring, amazed. Then he continued, wishing and giving hope. When he realized that it is already night, he stood. He wanted to kiss her, but afraid to do so. He just gently touched the baby’s cheek.
“We love you, Eunhae..”
____
He slowly parked his white Audi next to its twin; another white Audi. Eunhyuk was already home. He stepped inside and smelled something delicious and his stomach growling hungry. He then realized that he ate nothing today even though Eunhyuk forced him.
Eunhyuk peeked from the kitchen.
“You are home!” he said.
“Yeah,” Donghae replied and went to the kitchen.
“How is her?” Eunhyuk asked after he kissed Donghae.
“Like yesterday…” Donghae answered sadly.
“She is going to be all right. Sit first. You have to eat.”
Donghae sat and Eunhyuk served him food. It was his favorite food and Donghae smiled a little. Eunhyuk sure knew how to console him. He waited Eunhyuk to sit with him before they ate.
________________________________________________________________________________
It has been like that for the next five days. Eunhyuk visited Eunhae on the morning during his break and Donghae willgo after school session. Sometime they went there again on the evening or night. The hospital was like their second home now.
Eunhae was sleeping all the time. Donghae had been there once when she cried. She was just suddenly cried and Donghae called the nurse. The nurse said she was just fine but Donghae cried as well.
On the third day, Eunhae got Jaundice, the doctor said it was normal for newborn baby to have that but with Eunhae condition, it might turn to be worse. Her face was swollen and turned pale yellow. The skin where the wire was attached started to be swollen purple.
Donghae stopped visiting the baby on the fourth day, and Eunhyuk didn’t want to mess up with him asking. Donghae was always in a bad mood these days and flared up his anger to anyone. He didn’t ask about Eunhae’s condition to Eunhyuk that still continued visiting her. They didn’t have proper conversation these days. Donghae even refused to eat with him and busied himself in his work.
Eunhyuk missed his Donghae so much.
________________________________________________________________________________
Eunhyuk stretched up a little, losing tension on his body. It’s past midnight but his works haven’t finished yet. He relaxed his back on his chair. The computer screen now looked blur and hazy. Eunhyuk blinked few times and drank the cold coffee.
Finishing it, he stood up and went to the kitchen. He then got into the bedroom; wanted to check on Donghae, and find out that guy hasn’t sleep yet. He was lying on the bed but stared blankly to the window. He was always like that nowadays, always spacing out. To the point his principal gave Eunhyuk a call asking about him.
Eunhyuk then sat beside him.
“Donghae….?” He called.
No respond.
“Hae baby?”
“Do you think she is hurt?” Donghae answered him with a question.
Eunhyuk startled a little but then realized who was Donghae talking about.
“… Eunhae?” he asked.
Donghae turned facing him.
“Is she hurts?”
“I… I don’t know… with all those things…it will hurt even us, right?”
“Do you think we are pushing her too much?”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to live.”
“What… what are you talking about, baby?” Eunhyuk tracing his hand to Donghae’s hair, worrying.
“Hyukkie… Do you think we are selfish to force her to survive? She seems like she can’t do it…” Donghae said.
“You mean...”
“Yeah. Maybe we should let her go.”
Eunhyuk stared straight to Donghae’s eyes.
“You do know what you are saying, right?”
“Yes. I’ve think about it. I don’t want her to hurt anymore. She is our daughter, but maybe they are right. We can’t do this. We can’t be appa,” Donghae said.
“It wasn’t that. We can be. You can be a greater appa more than anyone else out there. It's just we are little unfortunate this time.”
“No, not just this time, there won’t be another time, I won’t do this anymore.”
“You sure don’t want to wait another one day?”
“No. We do it tomorrow. Since it's holiday, I can pack all her things and throw it away.”
Now Eunhyuk saw it. Donghae was burnout. For his entire life, he always wanted to be a father. Marrying Eunhyuk forbids him to be one, but he was okay with it because he loves Eunhyuk so much. When there was this one opportunity he can be a father, he was extremely happy.
When Sung Ra and the baby was doing well all the past seven months it made Donghae confident of it. Then suddenly all these things happened. He had gave so much hopes and anticipation all this time until he reached his limit. Eunhyuk pulled him in his embrace.
“Tomorrow, I’ll call the doctor,” Donghae said firmly.
“Let me call him.”
“No, I’m fine. I will call him.”
_____
Donghae woke up with a sorrow in his heart. Eunhyuk wasn’t there; he already went to work after he kissed Donghae early that morning. Donghae got up and took a shower and got into the kitchen. Eunhyuk had made a breakfast and left a little note.
‘I love you’
It had been long time since he said that to Eunhyuk. Well, not so long… but at least not this week. He finished his meal and got back to his bedroom, bracing himself and pick up the pillow to take his cell phone. He always put it there before he sleep but it wasn’t there this morning.
He tried looking under the bed, sprawling the comforter and blanket on the floor but still can’t find his cell phone. He then searched the entire house before went back to the bedroom. He was sure he put it there yesterday. Eunhyuk must had seen it this morning, he thought.
Eunhyuk…
Donghae sat on the bed. It must be him.
‘He took my cell phone so I can’t make the call!’
Donghae threw the pillows to the floor. He can’t call the doctor by using other phone because he didn’t know the number. And Eunhyuk knew it well. He got out, thinking to go to Eunhyuk’s office or even go straightly to the hospital. His car key wasn’t there.
“Hyukjae!!” Donghae shouted. He felt like throwing all the stuff in the house but got hold on himself.
All he can do is just waiting for that guy to return home.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Eunhyuk returned home that afternoon, earlier than usual even though Donghae felt like he had waited for him for eternity. And he was smiling! Repeat, smiling.
Donghae can’t help but being extremely mad. He went towards Eunhyuk.
“What do you think you are doing?!” he flared up his anger.
Eunhyuk stopped him and kissed him. Even though Donghae was longing for that, his anger was more than anything. He pushed Eunhyuk away.
“What are you doing?? Give me back my car key! You are hurting Eunhae!!” he shouted again and warded off Eunhyuk's hand from touching him.
“I did it because I know that it wasn’t your decision. You are not in your right mind. I don’t want you to regret later, Hae.”
“Oh, you think I’m crazy now??!”
“I’m not…what? Donghae, listen here…”
“I don’t want to listen to you! Give me my car key!!” Donghae said and want to go outside but Eunhyuk held him.
“Let go of me, Hyukjae!”
“Donghae baby, listen here!!” he raised his voice and held both of Donghae’s hand in his grasp. He knew he was hurting Donghae but he wanted Donghae to listen.
“Listen! I don’t want to tell you this yesterday because I don’t want to argue with you. You haven’t seen Eunhae these past two days but I do. Her skin is getting better and she seems more active, moving her hand and feet. I saw her doing well. I know she did, but I’m afraid to jump to any conclusion. I don’t want to tell you because I’m afraid I was wrong and fail you again. However, the doctor called me this morning. Well, call you to be exact but I answered him. And he told me…”
Eunhyuk paused, holding his laughter.
“Tell you what?” Donghae asked firmly.
“...Eunhae peed by herself,” he said and laughed out loud.
Donghae frowned. He doesn’t get it. Is that supposed to be a joke??
“What are you talking about, Hyuk???”
“Hahaha… I found the it hilarious! She peed by herself, Donghae!” he continued laughing.
“I’m leaving!” Donghae pissed off and tried to go but being stopped by Eunhyuk again. He still didn’t stop laughing.
“No, baby, I’m sorry. I’m just too happy. What I mean is… the baby is already pee by herself. Last night. It means she doesn’t require one of the medical equipment anymore. You do know how important is for the baby to pee by themselves, right? Even normal baby can’t get out of hospital if they didn’t pee yet,” Eunhyuk said and keep laughing.
Donghae wasn’t smiling, but his face brightened.
“She did? Really? The doctor told you?”
“Yeah. Would I lie to you? You want to see her? Come, Hae. She must be missing you so much,” Eunhyuk said.
“But what if… If something happened again? I’m scared, and tired…”
“What happened to my lovely Donghae? Where is he?? Who are you, taking over my darling’s body?” Eunhyuk pretend to threaten him by holding his collar.
Donghae smiled. Eunhyuk hugged him.
“It’s going to be all right. She is fine now, no need to worry,” Eunhyuk muffled to his ears.
Donghae circled his hand to Eunhyuk. It has been long time he felt so safe like this.
_________________________________________________________________________________
“You sure it’s all right?”
Donghae asked when the nurse wanted to remove Eunhae’s breathing equipment.
“Yes, she will be all right.” She said and slowly removed the medical equipment.
Eunhae woke up and whined again. Her hands moving up and down, obviously annoyed to be awake. Donghae looked worried, but the nurses and doctor acted like that was a normal things. Sung Ra was there too, she already can return home, but since she had to feed the baby, she stayed there for a while. The nurse slowly patting the baby’s side and lulling her while removing the other equipment.
They already removed few of them yesterday and she was okay with that. They even moved her to the incubator outside, with the other premature babies.
The doctor slowly pressed one of his fingers on Eunhae’s forehead and let it go, to see her pressed skin turned yellow for a while before returned to be pink back.
“She still has Jaundice, but it is lower now compared to yesterday.”
“Is it normal?” Donghae asked.
“Yeah, even the other babies here have it. It will disappear usually from three to eight days. It’s okay,” the doctor replied.
Donghae nodded. He glanced Eunhae, she sure seemed to be in a better condition. Her skin color became lighter day by day, and her lips started to turn pink instead of dark purple from the first day.
“You want to hold her?” the nurse asked.
“May I?”
“Sure. You have learnt how to hold babies, right?”
“Yeah, but she is much smaller than the doll and… so fragile…” Donghae replied.
The nurse smiled and took the baby in her arms. Eunhae was still crying and moving around actively, she patted her slowly and hand it to Donghae. Donghae carefully held her, with his nervous heart and automatically rocking his body side to side and lulled the baby.
“Hyukkie..!” he said, excited. Holding Eunhae was never the same as holding those baby dolls. She has more weight, and God, Donghae can feel that she was so alive. How can something so magical like this can fit into his arms??
Eunhyuk moved closer and held the baby’s arm. Maybe because of Donghae was lulling her, or because she was comfortable, or simply just because she felt so much safe being close with two person that love her the most in this entire world, the baby stopped crying. She still moved around, but made no voice.
“Owh…you do know your appas, don’t you little girl? You naughty girl still crying when unnie hold you!” the nurse said, jealous.
Donghae and Eunhyuk laughed.
“Donghae, look!” Eunhyuk exclaimed.
Eunhae opened her eyes. The doctor told him she did it so many times before, but they had never saw it. Her eyes was small, but bigger compared to other baby and really pretty. She stared blankly at them.
“Oh my… you are really pretty…”
“Ah… Eunhae, Anyeong… finally you see your appa! Ah, what a beautiful eye…” Eunhyuk playing with Eunhae.
“Hold her…” Donghae said and transfered Eunhae to Eunhyuk’s arms.
The doctor smiled.
“If her Jaundice is lessening this few days, we might let her go this week. However… I’m afraid she has to stay with Sung Ra for a little while. She can stay with you, but you have to constantly visit Sung Ra, because in this phase, feeding is still important,” the doctor said.
Eunhyuk and Donghae nodded, they already being informed about that before.
“It’s okay. She should have been stay with me for another two months, but she decides to come early. Maybe because she can’t wait to see her appas,” Sung Ra said and made Donghae and Eunhyuk smiled. The doctor also smiled and said,
“She’s a miracle baby. She sure knows what is waiting for her because she hold on like this. You two are going to be a really great appa.”
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