Just. My. Luck. It was raining hard outside, and here I was standing with an umbrella waiting for a taxi. It also didn’t help that my boyfriend woke up early to go to the salon, insisting in his mind that I should sleep in. I mean what idiot would go to work without his management assistant!? Finally a taxi had come to my aid and I quickly went inside. “To the SM entertainment building please” the driver nodded and started going.

I had been the management assistant for Super Junior for four years. I was brought in fresh out of high school to work with such a big client. I had originally started as an SM trainee, but after befriending a bunch of unnies who worked behind the scene, I decided it was something I wanted to do too. At the time there was a huge shortage of staff, and I happened to be there fixing a friend’s desk when Lee Sooman himself appointed me to work with Super Junior. The first year was hectic, seeing as I was eighteen and having to manage to keep 13 boys older than me on time for their schedules. After two years of working with them, I got to help out more in regards to rumors, scandals and media issues regarding them.

 

Elevator buttons and morning air
Strangers' silence makes me want to take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now my time is theirs

 

Could this day go any worse? Stupid morning traffic was way worse than usual and I was an hour behind schedule. I may be my boyfriend’s assistant, but he isn’t my boss, his manager is. Already I had received four angry calls from the manager adding things to my to-do list of the day, and scolding me for not showing up on time. As I entered the building the private elevator to the conference floor dinged and I ran to catch it. I managed to slip right through the sliver between the two metal doors and into the elevator. I could feel the odd stares and the blank stares of the cramped elevator, and tried my best to ignore them. The floors increased in numbers painfully slow, and someone just had to fart. We were currently on the third floor and I needed to get to the sixth. Can this be any more painful?

The ignorant idiot that wouldn’t move out of my way caused me to spill a little bit of coffee on my white shirt, in which I had to go to the bathroom to change it. The extra shirt that I had in my bag had been one that my ‘pure and innocent’ boyfriend had picked out for me. Of course he’d want to see my cleavage as I worked with him… . it up, I put the shirt on and fixed my makeup in the mirror, seeing as the rain made me look sloppy. I took one big breath and waltzed out of the bathroom to sign in at the front desk. “Omo. Hyerin-ah, where have you been? You’re not usually this late!” Miyoung, the secretary handed me over some documents that had been sent in and some things I needed to sort through. “Ugh. My day has been going terribly… Is that it Unnie?” signing the sign in sheet and glancing at the papers. “neh, oh by the way congratulations” she smirked at me turning back to her computer. I have her a questioning look, but the phone rang and she just pointed at the documents she previously handed me. I shook it off and headed for the conference room that the boys were generally in.

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice is you

        

          Flipping through today’s assignments and documents I realized that one folder had been labeled under ‘Immediate Attention’. I quickly shove the other documents and papers underneath my arm and pulled out a pen from my purse, and began to read the document. It had been a news article that surfaced from the internet about a group member dating. Luckily in the photograph, whatever member was in it was very unidentifiable, but there still was a huge problem. I was in that picture and I was identifiable. I did not look like I was in any business attire, just sweat pants and one of my boyfriend’s three quarter length sleeve shirt. My hair had been pulled up and a cap had been placed upon my head to hide my appearance, but in this particular photo my face was revealed. It had been taken late night, under a street lamp and I had been laughing. I could only imagine how many bad headlines had surfaced about this picture, and the amount of work that I had to do today.

I stopped dead in my tracks, my eyes still not believing the picture that was in front of me. The company had known about my relationship, seeing as he went to them to ask for permission. I wasn’t too worried about what the company would say because it would most likely be a slap on the wrist. I was mostly worried about what this would do to the group and whether I was safe. Obviously, I was the only one identifiable, but either way the headline was “Super Junior, Super Secrets?”. At this point the only thing that gave off the fact it was a Super Junior member was the quoted witness in the article who graciously described what we were like together. I had to snap out of this, and deal with it later. I was already late for the meeting. I rushed into the room with my documents while the manager was speaking to the group. Lee Sooman was also there sitting at the head of the table. Everyone stopped and looked at me, some looks were neutral, while some were eyeing me incredously, and others were motioning me with their eyes to my respected chair. I bowed in apology and quickly sat down onto my seat.

“Now as I was saying I think that because of the amount of press and phone calls the company is having, we should announce an official statement” the manager suggested looking over at my boyfriend and I. I could already see him shaking his head and disapproval. “The minute we release the fact I’m dating someone, her life is on the line!” Leeteuk-oppa quickly grabbed his arm to hold him back from acting so dramatically. “Look, what manager hyung is saying is that at this moment, we can’t dodge the questions forever. We experimented with Shindong’s love life to the public and it worked” the explanation from the leader didn’t ease him at all. “Yeah, she’ll have Nari to talk to now since they’re both in the same situation” Shindong-oppa was kind enough to squeeze my hand. “But doesn’t it seem bad that she’s an assistant manager and publicist who’s dating him?” asked Kyuhyun-oppa. “But at the same time, how do fans expect us to date outside of the company? They know we have no time and we intermingle with other celebrities. I mean we’re all waiting for Teukie-hyung and Sora-ssi to finish ‘We Got Married’ to make their relationship official and actually get married” the leader blushed at Eunhyuk-oppa’s statement. “Hyerin-ssi, from your point of view as group publicist, what do you think” the director addressed me. “Either way we put it or sugar coat it, Super Junior will still be in headlines for keeping a secret from a fan. We have a press conference tomorrow, I suggest we wait for the topic to come out to let everyone give their fair testimony. I mean I do know for a fact that there are other members who are dating seriously” as I glanced around the room, some eyes avoided mine. “Super Junior isn’t going to stay single for their fans forever. They need to understand that these guys are at the age to start dating and possibly getting married!” a pair of hands slam down on the table. “I can’t believe you’re agreeing with them! Do you understand how much chaos is going to occur in your life? We can handle it, because no one will blame us. All those crazy fans will blame you. This can involve accidents, slander, and many other things! Can’t you see that?” I glared at my boyfriend. “I am perfectly aware of what is going to happen when we become official. But how long are you all willing to have to hide your relationships? Then are you truly being fair to your fans?” No one said anything until the director cleared his throat. “Tomorrow we will confirm your relationship statuses. Because of the recent issues, Leeteuk and Sora will come out and so will Hyerin and Donghae, seeing as there is now picture evidence. I will contact Sora-ssi’s manager and agency to clarify what will be happening”

 

You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine
 

           After the press conference, my life changed drastically. I got an apple to the head walking into the SBS building, coffee poured on me while picking up Yesung-oppa at his mom’s restaurant for a schedule, and not to mention a whole lot of hate mail. My apartment door, same floor as Super Junior’s 11^th floor dorm, was graffitied with nasty things, and the building had to tighten up on security. Needless to say I was on almost every ELF’s hit list. Everyone in the group was starting to get worried about me, and even Shindong-oppa insisted that I meet with Nari-Unnie more often. It was incredibly annoying, but I’d never tell Donghae that. If I really wanted to have this relationship to continue, I had to have my fair share of hardships. I was sure that Donghae was receiving some hate towards the whole relationship thing. I knew that his fans base lowered and that girls sent him the craziest things to make him change his mind about me.

          Don’t even get me started on the celebrities that actually had something for Donghae. Now, I wasn’t saying that he was a player, he just rejected a lot of girls before anything could start. He believed in finding the one, and I wasn’t even sure if I was the one, but everyone else assumed I was. I once rushed over to the elevator to ride up, seeing as I was running late again. But stupid actress saw me running and didn’t bother to keep the door open. When I tried to go to the main stage for Super Junior’s sound check, I was blocked and “Accidentally” shoved into a crate or wall back stage. In this entire game, patience was something that I had to have. Sometimes I was extremely close to losing my cool when they would flaunt their cleavage or use their aegyo to win him over to what they called “nothing but a dinner between friends”. Of course Donghae, being oblivious, asked if I could come along, and I loved all the made up excuses they made on why I couldn’t come. They tried saying there was a reservation or that I had lots to do or that it’s good to give your girlfriend space some times, but Donghae refused every time. He wouldn’t go unless I came, and usually when I came so did the other members, thus leading to a bunch of angry female celebrities and idols at the table glaring at me.

          I once even made the mistake of showing up to an award show as his date. Never. Again. I received a lot of hate stares and I could feel their eyes trying to burn me into ashes. Some girls were nice and said congratulations, while some attempted to spit on me. All the female idols and actresses that were there were really nice in front of Donghae, but those stupid girls went after me in the bathroom. At that point, I was near breaking point and I crashed, crying. I’m lucky Jessica walked in when I was crying and fixed me up. She, although rejected by Donghae, was the only one who was still nice to me. I was a year younger than her, and when we announced that we were officially a couple to everyone within the company, she was the first one to congratulate us personally. It was admittedly awkward to begin with, but eventually over time things became comfortable.

“Don’t listen to what those stupid girls say. What do they know about you?! They are just jealous because you are beautiful and you’re all Donghae oppa sees, and they’re not. No more crying okay? Tears should never fall onto a pretty face like yours” She smiled and gently pinched my cheek.

“Unnie, why don’t you hate me like they do?” she paused what she was doing and turned to look at me again. She gently picked up both my hands and held them.

“You make Donghae oppa so happy. I care for him so much that I’ll do anything for him. I realized that his whole world revolves around you, and that all he wants for me is to accept that and to move on with my life” She smiled and squeezed my hand. “Let’s go. Intermission is almost over”.

And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and
Your hands are tough
But they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith
With this song for you
 

“You’re joking right?” I couldn’t believe my ears. We had just finished their latest comeback and won first place, and we were currently back in the dorm, changing out of costume, before going out to celebrate.

“I’m just saying that maybe, putting this to a halt might be a good thing…” he was looking down and playing with the charm on his cellphone, the one I gave him.

“This isn’t about what happened last month was it?” he tensed up when I mentioned the incident. Last month, I had come to the dorm late at night to return a couple things to the members and also go to my dorm to sleep, when I realized I had forgot my purse in my car. As I went to go back to get it, a crazy bunch of fans came at me with a car. How they got access I don’t even know, but if it weren’t for Eunhyuk oppa, I would’ve had a body cast at the least. He tackled me to the side and I was the first one to hit the ground, my wrist hitting first, and thus I ended up with a fractured wrist. It was my non dominant hand too, so it wasn’t like I couldn’t work or anything, I just could do any lifting. “Baby look, that was nothing-“

“Nothing compared to what else could happen! You don’t understand Hyerin!” I jumped at how his voice raised. He immediately saw and his eyes softened. “I just don’t know what to do anymore. This whole thing is going beyond control. I just don’t want you to get hurt… I don’t want to lose you either” he held both my hands and looked down.

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours

 

I held my wrist up infront of his face and made a small smile.

“too late for that. I already got hurt, so what? I’m okay aren’t I? And why in the world would you ever lose me?” I brought his face up to look at me properly. Looking into his eyes I saw a lot of frustration and love, but most of all fear. “You think that if I was going to leave you, I would’ve left by now. Hell, if I was going to, I would’ve left right after the hospital… but guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m still here aren’t I?” he nodded.

“The oppas are still telling us to get a room aren’t they?” he nodded again.

“And it’s still okay for me to show you I love you right?” he paused, and I leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. I placed my hand on his cheek and leaned our foreheads against each other’s. “I love you so much. Nothing could ever change that. A thousand of angry rabid zombie fans can come hurling at me, only wanting to eat my flesh because you’re in love with me, and I’d still love you... And you know how terrified of zombies I am.” He chuckled at the last part and leaned in again to fully kiss me on the lips.

“How did I ever manage to find you?” I smiled at him. “I must be that good huh?” I shook my head.

“No just lucky” I smiled and pecked his lips again, walking away. He chased after me though, only to tackle me onto the couch and start an all out tickle war on me. He clearly had the upper hand, but Teukie-oppa came and pulled us apart, saying that we were going out to celebrate. Donghae pulled me up to stand and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed me deeply, and I kissed him back. We pulled away and smiled at each other. No words were needed to express how deeply we meant to the other. This love was a struggle, but we knew that we’d both struggle through this together.

“Well when you both decide that you’re done being lovey dovey, we’ll be in the car” Kangin-oppa hollered as he went out the door. Then we heard a camera click and an evil chuckle.

“YAH! CHO KYUHYUN!”