MBLAQ's first dorm wasn't a very good one, to say the least.

It was small, it was dirty, it was dark, it was hot, it was downright unhygienic--Sanghyun could go on and on about all the things wrong with it. There was clutter everywhere, which left little room to walk between it and all the crammed furniture, and fans were placed sporadically as the air conditioner was dysfunctional more often than not. None of the members particularly cared for the dorm, but they all adapted quite quickly.

All sans Sanghyun, that is.

He would go out of his way to avoid sleeping there, instead sleeping at back home with his family. The elder of the maknae line felt that he could sleep better away from the little piece of hell his band-mates called home; but really, Sanghyun couldn't sleep well anywhere. His chronic sleep paralysis made getting any rest a thing of luck and chance, but thought of it as better to wake up from the unwanted experience in a warm bed he knew well, in a clean house he had grown to love. When he'd finally be freed from his own mind (though he thought it was horrible to think of it in that way, it was really what it was), he'd calm himself down--control any tears that may have made their way through his puffy eyes (because it was a truly frightening experience, no matter how many times he experienced it), lessen his harsh breathing, and quietly make his way to the kitchen for something to drink, be it water or milk--and eventually go back to sleep. He wouldn't wake up his mother or sisters, accidentally or otherwise, and he preferred it that way. He would get himself through it without worrying anyone else, and he felt it to be an accomplishment. Sanghyun enjoyed his solitude.

Sometimes, however, sleeping in the small apartment was unavoidable. Crammed schedules would occasionally take away Sanghyun's simple luxury of going home for the night, and he knew he would just have to deal with it.

One night, it happened in the dorm.

The members had all decided to hit the sack, and G.O. was already asleep in the (bedraggled) bed at the other side of the room. Sanghyun could hear his snores, along with Seungho's snores from the next room and the fan whirring nearby. He could feel it, too, that fan--it was cool against his skin that wasn't covered by the thin (stained) sheets of his bed. He could hear everything, feel everything; he was perfectly aware of his surroundings, but as he tried to twirl his wrist and crack it, he found he couldn't move it. He couldn't move at all.
When that realization sets in, the world just seems heavier, his mind starts racing. Vivid hallucinations appear this time (they don't always, which he's somewhat grateful for. They definitely don't make anything more pleasant.), he could feel the sweat running down the back of his neck.

(How much time passes? How long do all these images run rampant, how long is one trapped in their own body?)

When he could finally move (a finger, a fist, an arm, eyes snap open), he quickly sat up, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes (no tears now please no tears now I don't need this oh god please).

Sanghyun slid his legs off the side of the bed and onto the (old) carpet, standing and quickly making his way into the bathroom. He stood at the sink and splashed his face with a bit of water before making his way to the (small, dirty) kitchen, tripping on someone's backpack on the way.

"Doongie?" Said boy's body froze as he heard his name. He rubs his eyes a bit more before looking up to see who had called it.

"Hyung?" Sanghyun questions tiredly, staring at the man leaning against the (unclean) counter, "What are you doing up?"

Joon flashed a (tired but still amazing) smile at his dongsaeng. "Ah, I couldn't sleep. A lot of stress with these schedules, you know?"

Sanghyun nods somewhat as he reaches the (grimy) refrigerator and pulls out the milk carton, pouring some into a (clean enough, he supposed) glass. 

The older man studied him carefully. He seemed tense, almost shaky. His eyes a bit more puffy and bloodshot then they would be just from sleeping.

"You alright?" Joon's (neat) eyebrows furrowed together as he watched the younger boy quickly drink his beverage.

"I had some trouble sleeping, is all...," Sanghyun muttered (and it wasn't a lie, there was no reason to lie), putting the already-empty cup into the (unkempt) sink.

"Sanghyun-ah." The boy met his elder's hard (entrancing) gaze with a meek expression. He obviously knew there was more to it.

So Sanghyun told him (there was no reason to lie, there was never a reason to lie to Joon-hyung).

He told him of the sleep paralysis that plagued his nights more often than not, how it (along with the overall untidy-ness) was a reason he would sleep at home instead of at the dorm.

And Joon listened.

When Sanghyun had finished talking (and promptly wanted to crawl into a hole and die, to walk home now and just cuddle up in his own bed), his hyung gave him a soft (and somewhat perfect) smile and grabbed his wrist, dragging him out of the kitchen.

Joon answered the question before it was even asked. "We're going to bed."

"What?"

His bewildered expression got him another (breathtaking) smile.

"I'll stay with you so I can be there if it happens again. So I can help you, Doongie~"

And he did.

When Sanghyun had another episode that night, he was very aware of all Joon's movements and sounds--shaking his shoulders lightly, patting at his cheeks, the harsh whispers to "wake up, Sanghyun-ah," the soft murmuring that it was going to be okay--and when he was finally able to open his eyes again, he wasn't shocked to see his hyung's (gorgeous) worry-filled ones staring right back at him. Sanghyun gave a slight smile, a quiet "thank you," and he could have sworn his heart missed a beat by a millisecond or two when Joon responded with an equally-as-quiet "anything for you."

MBLAQ's first dorm wasn't a very good one, to say the least.

It was small, it was dirty, it was dark, it was hot, it was downright unhygienic--Sanghyun could go on and on about all the things wrong with it. However, if living in these (sloppy, filthy) conditions allowed him to wake up next to a (wonderful, amazing) person that truly cared about him, he'd endure it.

xxx

and that's that! thank you for reading~