It’s been two years since we last talked. We never got the chance to bid our goodbyes. I miss you.
We met each other at a bar. My friends asked me to join them at least once since I’m always busy with my studies. I was quiet the whole time then he approached me.


He’s very handsome with his shiny blonde hair and with his beautiful small eyes. At first I was so shy around him but he broke my silence when he cracked a silly joke. I easily got comfortable with him and it fluttered me when I knew from my friends that he isn’t a very outgoing person and it’s a surprise for them when he approached me out of the blue.


After that night, I never knew that he asked my number from my friends. I just received a call one night from an unknown number and would thought it was a prank call if he didn’t introduced himself. His voice over the phone sounded a bit different from the personal, it’s softer and I really liked it. At that moment our friendship grew.


He would always call me every night and we would stay the whole night talking with each other. Sometimes we would talk while watching a same channel in the T.V. it’s funny whenever we both gave our reviews about what we’re watching.


Sometimes we would also hear a same station in the radio and would have a contest on who’s the quickest one to guess the title of the song that has been playing, unfortunately for me, I always lose to him.


By staying with each other every night, we would always fell asleep while we’re still on the line and whenever morning came, he would always be the one to wake me up first, greet me a good morning and that’s the only time we would end the call.
 

It feels like we’re always together because he never misses any day without calling me. My friends never knew about our conversations and with every time we would talk with each other, my feelings for him are slowly growing up.


One night we talked about his ex and how much he loved her. I felt hurt somehow but I just stayed silent for him not to notice the pain in me. I stayed silent because I’m afraid my voice would sound hurt and maybe he noticed my silence and found it unusual so he changed the topic. I felt relieved when he did that. As usual we stayed the whole night talking with each other.


The next nigh, when it’s my turn to tell about my ex, his voice started to sound irritated and just agreed to everything I say and it felt like he’s just half-heartedly listening to me. He was so cold that night and we ended our conversation earlier than usual.


When he called me the next day, I asked him why he was cold to me the last night. He told me that he doesn’t like me talking about my ex when we’re having our conversation so I told him that we also talked about his ex without me getting mad at it and instead I just stayed quiet and listened.


I never thought that we could also have arguments just by talking on the phone. I hanged up on him even though he’s still speaking. He tried to call me back a few times but I just ignored his calls.


The next night he didn’t call me, and also the next night. It has been two nights that he didn’t call me. I’m already missing him and I realized that I’m also at my mistake for hanging up the phone on him without even let him finish.


Then one night he finally called me. He asked me if I’m still mad at him and he felt very sorry for acting cold and argued with me o the phone. I told him that I’m not mad anymore and I’m also at fault. He told me that he missed me, and after hearing that, I felt my cheeks blushed then I also told him that I missed him too.


We got back to our old habit after that argument and I could say that at least we became more aware of each others feelings. That night he asked me to turn on the radio and listen to the song that’s being played: ‘So close’ by Jon Mclaughin

I asked him what’s with the song but he just told me to listen to it. I don’t know what to feel after listening to it, I don’t know what he meant about the song.


After the song ended, he asked me if we could meet each other tomorrow night. I asked him shyly if it’s a date but he just told me to come to Han River 7:00pm.


The next night I came and saw him there sitting at a bench holding a bouquet of flower. He’s wearing a beanie so I couldn’t see his blonde hair, he’s also wearing a typical sweater and baggy pants but still he looked cool. I couldn’t see his face clear because it was dark but it seemed like he’s slimmer than the last time I saw him.


He showed a great smile when he saw me. My heart kept pounding like crazy with every step I make towards him. Thank God it’s night because I could my cheeks blushing.


The night with him was really unforgettable, he prepared something for us to eat and after that we sat along the riverbank talking as we usually do. When the cold wind blew, I shivered but he immediately wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. I was surprised when he did that but I got more surprised when he kissed me on the lips.


I felt the time stopped for a while, I can’t hear anything aside from the fast beat of my heart, that night I shared my first kiss with him.


After that night he never called me again. At first I thought he’s just playing a prank on me but days passed by and still I didn’t receive any call from him. I tried to call his phone but it’s already disconnected. I also tried coming with my friends at the bar where we first met hoping that I would see him there but he’s not. My friends never knew about us, I kept the sadness and the longing all by myself.


I felt he just toyed me, and he has a lot of spare time playing around my feelings. I totally fell for him but he just left me hanging. I should just ignored him when he first called me so that I’m not hurting now, but it’s already too late, I fell in love with someone who I don’t know if he love me back, but now I came to the conclusion that he just played with me.


I decided to take a one week vacation abroad, I want to forget him completely and by doing that I must busy myself with other things. The whole week was a lot of fun, somehow I didn’t think of him and little by little he’s beginning to fade away from my system.


When I got home, I immediately my phone machine, there were a lot from my friends asking where I am since they don’t have any idea about my vacation then suddenly I heard a familiar voice, the voice that made me fall in love and also broke my heart but there’s something from his voice, he sounded in pain.


-----


“Dara-ah, Mianhe… I couldn’t tell you everything because I don’t want to hurt you but I know it would hurt you more if I just left you without any explanation.


When I first saw you, I totally fell for you. I thought I could love again so I let myself to follow my feelings, those days that we talked were the best days of my life. When we first had our argument, I felt hurt because I thought I hurt you because of my childishness.


You brought me so much happiness and I thought we would last forevernot until my sickness haunted me again. I got mad at myself thinking why now?


Why now? When you’re already in my life and before I knew it, my sickness was already at it’s worst. I don’t care about the pain my sickness has brought me, I am more in pain thinking I’ll leave you in no time.


I hope you could forgive me, Im sorry that I cant be with you now and maybe in the future. Just always remember that wherever you are, I’ll always look over you and protect you.


Saranghae Dara…”

-----

I felt my heart just died after listening to his message, I quickly checked the date it’s recorded and I knew that it’s just a couple of hours after I left… if only I waited for you… if only we got to talk with each other one last time, I should’ve finally tell you how much I love you Jiyong.


I learned from my friends that he died the day before I arrived.