For a moment I had hoped it was him, calling me home to his arms forever.

It was my noona. Calling me to come back home to let my umma stop worrying about me. I knew I should have turned off my phone too. But at the same time, I'd been hoping for the reality check. She talked to me about random things, things that reminded me of home. She got the address where I was staying and I told her I just needed a little more time.

Off the phone with her, I slumped onto my back on the bed. The gloom had cleared and it was just me. I closed my eyes, hoping to see him, but there was nothing. I hated my noona then, for being yet another person, trying to steal my love away from me.

I got in the tub to wash my own sweat and filth from me. I relaxed back for a while, closing my eyes and just letting myself remember.

The doctor stared at them. Heechul felt like he should let Jungsu go, but he knew his love needed him. He'd be strong through this and keep him safe.

"After reviewing the scans, it looks like you have pneumonia," the doctor told Jungsu.

Jungsu slowly pushed away from Heechul as they both sighed in relief.

"I'll give you the antibiotics and you just need rest."

I whispered how much I missed him, a hand gasping my own hair tightly as angry tears tried to form.

"They know now Heechul. They know we're together." Jungsu coughed, the effort pushing him to sit down.

Heechul shook his head. "I don't care about that. I want you and I'll fight for you."

Jungsu shook his head, coughing more. "You won't be able to fight. If you do they'll send me away."

"And the alternative is having you close and never being able to see you again?" Heechul yelled.

Jungsu flinched and coughed softly, taking his bloody hand to the bathroom to wash it off.

Heechul punched the nearest wall and followed him to the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, you're sick. We shouldn't be fighting anyway."

Jungsu shook his head as he washed his hands, trying to keep from coughing.

"Tell me what I'm supposed to do." Heechul said. "Tell me how I can keep you."

"You can't." Jungsu said sadly, tears falling down his cheeks as he washed his hands more furiously, not really paying attention.

Heechul moved in to take his hands from the water and hugged him close, holding him.

"I can't let you go so easily." He whispered as Jungsu cried against his chest.

"You have to, it's over." Jungsu whispered, coughing softly against him.

"I won't let you give up. You can't. I know you don't want it."

"I have to, too. Heechul, I have to do what my family wants me to."

"Then you never loved me." Heechul said, pulling away from him.

"Don't say that."

"Why? If I don't mean enough to you that you won't fight for me.. then you don't love me."

"Heechul please don't do this."

"I can't do anything!" Heechul yelled. "This is the only thing I can do. So I will. Goodbye."

Finally facing what had happened, hurt me more than pretending nothing ever did. Jungsu had to leave me, because his family would give him no other option. I couldn't fight, it would only hurt Jungsu, since his appa was known for his abusive streak. I couldn't sneak around to see him either. We had been outed and in order to save Jungsu's name and place within his family, I had to back off.

We had been friends for a very long time and lovers for only a few of those years. He was worth more to me than his family was in bank vaults. I had to protect our friendship, even if it meant breaking apart my love.

It has been a few months since I left home, and at least years, since I've seen his beautiful face. I left for all the rumors milling about his family. I couldn't stay and hear about him while I was trying to forget him finally.

I wish it wasn't like this. I almost wish one of us had died.

Maybe that one, was me.