Chapter 3:

Kai.

Kai was the stubborn one, but he was passionate. He did what he liked as long as he knew it was right, and that it was something that his parents could overlook. He did his best, but he wasn’t like his sister. He, unlike her, was an active student, who participated in events, clubs, and even the varsity and the student council if he wanted to. He, unlike her, did not get perfect marks so easily. He knew, oh he knew, that his sister devoted so much time to studying, overlooking other important things in life because of it, but he didn’t envy her. Rather, he pitied her.  He’d rather grapple with problems but have fun doing it, than live monotonously, as she did, but always come out on top.

He did come out on top, didn’t he? He had enviable grades, he had great friends, he had admirers, and he was on the teachers’ good sides because he was always so respectful and did his best in classes. He was active.

Yoona graduated elementary and high school valedictorian, Kai graduated elementary salutatorian. Yoona was the class president, Kai was the student body president. Yoona loved art, Kai loved dancing and music.

It seemed that the two were different, and that such differences would cause one or the other to be envious, but it did not. Yoona and Kai loved each other very much, and respected each other well. Yoona allowed Kai to be a boy, and allowed him the gratification of listening to him every now and then. Kai, on the other hand, respected Yoona as the eldest child, he allowed her to be the example, and be a girl, and do whatever she wanted. He listened to her when she spoke to him as she did when he spoke. Whenever they argued, Kai never hit his sister, and she never called him names. Yoona allowed Kai to do things that he thought he ought to do as a son to their parents and as a brother to Yoona, while Kai allowed Yoona to dote on him whenever she wanted to, to be the big sister, and to be the eldest child.

It was odd, really, and his friends thought so, too. They had siblings of their own, but to them, Kai’s relationship to his sister was simply perfect. Perfect to the point that it almost seemed fake, but since they all saw how the two interacted with each other, they could not choose ‘false’ to describe it because it was ‘true’. It was absolutely true and real, and nothing could explain it, not even them. To them, it just was.

If there was one thing that could be used to describe Kai to differentiate him from his friends and peers, it was that he was devoted, sometimes, so much so that it seems he knows nothing else, especially when it came to his sister. For some reason, the younger, seeing the kind of person his sister became, took it upon himself to keep her well, and it seems, seeing her, he learned not to follow. It was through this that they found themselves standing on the same platform, they found themselves seeing eye-to-eye.

That night, Kai sat in front of his study desk, a pen in hand and a notebook lay open before him. He tapped the non-pointed end of it on the paper as he thought. He was, yet again, thinking of his sister. They’d passed by a bookstore earlier (something that he could not help), and she’d purchased a book about religion. He wasn’t sure, but he could almost swear that his sister did not have such a class in school. Though the school did offer religious subjects due to the fact that it offered a course focusing on religion, the students of other disciplines were not required to take it, unless required by the department they belong to.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

He furrowed his brows together, trying to think. Could it be that she was simply interested? Her interest in books was quite different from his, and though he respected her for it, he sometimes questioned them.

His phone beeped a reminder—Baekhyun’s surprise party for tomorrow—and his eyes instinctively narrowed towards his laptop. His brain was ticking, thinking, but he did not have enough to go by. Just because his sister had a little odd moment there didn't mean anything, he reminded himself.

There's nothing wrong, she's just interested, he reminded himself. He had moments when he got carried away with these kinds of thoughts. He didn't like them, they were the results of his paranoid thoughts, his fears that his sister had crossed the line of insanity from all the studying. He forced himself not to think that way. Last time he confronted her, the two of them were brought to the psychiatrist for a check-up, and he didn't want to go back there again.

He sighed. Too much thinking wasn't good for him; if this persisted, he might be the one who needed psychiatric help, something he didn't want.

Those eyes full of pretentious kindness, that voice full of mock concern...

Let's just say Kai's first encounter with psychiatrists didn't go very well. It had left him scarred and scared of psychiatrists, but some of the extreme negativity had worn off; he had met a nice psychiatrist, a genuinely concerned one, a few years back, and though his fear hadn't completely gone away, he no longer disliked them with a vengeance.

In the end, he decided to just sleep. If there was anything to be found out about his sister, he would, most likely, be the first to notice.

~°~

"How far does the river stretch?" Yoona asked, dipping her fingers into the cool waters of the river in front of her.

"Far. Very far," he replied. "So very far that I don't really know either."

The two of them sat by the riverbank, arms hugging their knees, curled up like fetuses. One of Yoona's hands were stretched out before her, reaching into the water, as the other was hugging her knees closer to her chest.

"Why not?"

"There's never been a need to know. The river is the river, you know? Today, it can be this big. Tomorrow...it may be longer."

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't the river a body of water? And isn't water a substance whose form cannot be determined on its own? I think elementary definition goes 'it takes the shape of the container', does it not? I for one cannot determine the length of the river because the river connects to another body of water and connects to the ocean. Somewhere, somehow, it connects to the ocean. Where does it start, where does it end, really?"

"Lu Han, why do you always give me such vague answers?"

"I do not always give you such vague answers," he retorted, mimicking her tone. "I'm giving you the answers I have, and that's what I have. Isn't that like asking me how one moment affects our life? In our lives, we meet so many people--some for fleeting moments in time, others for long periods of time, yet every single one of those interactions converge together to form what we are. You cannot completely determine that this one is this and that one is that because if you take one out, it's not going to be strong enough to prove this or that because it needs everything else. It snowballs."

"Life lessons again," she commented.

"Aren't those things what we really need in order to live well?" he asked.

"I guess so..."

"Then let's discover them together, shall we?" he asked. He turned to her with a smile on his face, and reached out his pinky.

Yoona smiled. Lu Han may be one of the most philosophical people she's ever met, but he's also one of the most child-like. No, it wasn't because of his face, though it did contribute to his innocent image. It was because he simply always seemed to have this carefree air that never had trouble, or if he did, trouble never really weighed too much on his mind.

She reached out to him and wrapped her pinky around his.

"This doesn't really count as a promise, though," she told him. She was the one who had taught him the concept of pinky promise, something that Seohyun had adamantly pushed to teach her.

"Well, that's that," he shrugged. "Even if it wasn't a promise, it is now, and fulfilling it is what matters now, isn't it?"

"Yeah, you're right," she replied with a chuckle.

"Now, tell me, who is this Seohyun that you referred to when you taught me that pinky promise?" he asked.

"Seohyun? She's my best friend!" she exclaimed. "But now, she lives in Canada, so I don't get to see her much..."

"I see," he said. His mood seemed to match hers, a bit sad, reminiscent, even though he didn't know her. He did it so well, so flawlessly, that even Yoona was shocked, but the shock was immediately pulled to the back of her mind because she thought what if he had a friend that moved elsewhere as well?

"I miss her," she found herself saying. "I really, really miss her. She's really nice, I'm sure you'll like her if you meet her. She has this charming personality that you simply can't forget."

"I'm sure she does."

~°~

In speaking with Lu Han, Yoona always seems to forget her inhibitions. Whenever he asks her something, she gives him her answer whole-heartedly. There was simply something about him that seems to make her trust him so much even if she knows him so little, and it's something that she always realizes upon waking up and forgets upon seeing him again. It kind of frustrated her, knowing that she's giving him so many answers without restraint, but it never really bugged her to no end because somehow, she felt that Lu Han could be trusted. It might be stupid of her to think in such a manner, but sometimes, those little misjudgments bring us closer to the people we're meant to know.

One thing about the waking up after spending time with him was that she always felt refreshed. From the day she met him, she always woke up feeling refreshed even if she didn't always have enough sleep. She was grateful for that, but it was odd. Definitely.

~°~

"You know, it's a good thing people can't spy on you in dreams, Lu Han," Kris remarked quietly as they were going through a few books together.

These were one of the few precious moments that Lu Han would be left alone, but even then, alone did not mean literally alone--he always had Kris or Tao or Lay with him, but with them, he didn't mind. They respected his need for quietness, and they didn't judge him. Rather, they encouraged him and protected him. They were his friends, his allies, and he could trust them with his life.

"I know," he responded with a stupid grin plastered on his face.

"Are you alright with it? Having her there, robbing you of your alone time," he asked. It wasn't meant as an insult, but rather a description of what was.

"Yeah. Oddly, I don't feel like my privacy is being invaded," he replied. "She actually...makes me feel happy."

"Lu Han, I hope you won't get too horribly attached to her," Kris said worriedly.

"I know what you're saying," Lu Han said with a bitter smile. "But don't worry. I like her, but I know I can let go if I have to."

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I understand. My duty comes before my feelings, and feelings can always be cultivated to be one thing or another," he replied with a sigh.

Kris was sad. He was confused. Lu Han was his precious friend, and he didn't like it that he was getting hurt. Knowing that his words had brought about thoughts that Lu Han would've preferred not to think of made his heart clench.

The person before him had always done what was required of him no matter how much it hurt. No matter what the cost, he gave what he could give, and so far, it had cost him so much. But he knew, he just knew, that he had no right to take this away from him because even if this was potentially painful, potentially damaging, it could also be good, it could bring him healing and solace.

The thing was, even if it was something that could be very painful, sometimes, the fleeting joy that it brought about is strong enough to counter all the pain. And, if it wasn't fleeting, it might be enough to destroy all the walls that surrounded his heart, and all the thorns and vines that gripped his heart and made it bleed.

"What if she is approved of by your father?" he suggested.

"It's...not possible, Kris. You know that as well as I do."

"It was a possibility. It's one of people's quirks that they can believe in the impossible, but not always the improbable," he reminded.

Lu Han chuckled. It was true, he knew it was true.

"Maybe, Kris. But at this point, even I am not sure. Maybe she's just a friend or she may be more, but at this time, I cannot say anything for sure. I don't even know if she speaks our language."

"Oh, yeah. You use the universal tongue in dreams without even realizing it!"

"Yeah. But her accent... She seems Korean," he mused.

"She is. From the South."

"I had assumed from her appearance and bearing."

"But she's not special."

"No, and therefore, I doubt she would be approved of because of that."

"We live in the 21st century. There aren't as many princesses around anymore, you know that."

"But that doesn't mean just anyone would be."

Kris sighed. The truth was the truth, and there was nothing he, nor anyone else, could do about it. Not unless Lu Han’s father decided to do something, but that was like wishing for pigs to suddenly sprout wings (without genetic engineering, of course) and fly--not going to happen.

"Lu Han?" a voice tentatively called, his head poked into the library through the door. His pale colour contrasted with his mop of black hair.

"Yes, Tao?" he asked cheerily. There was a twinge of ache in Kris' heart, and he knew Tao could feel it, too. The brightly smiling Lu Han was more of an illusion than reality; he was too robbed of happiness to really be happy.

Tao pulled his head out again, and the two could hear him call, "Lay! He's in here, come on!"

The four of them were good friends, really good friends, though they were divided by duty and class.

"Were you here all this time?" Lay asked as the two came in. They shut the door firmly behind them.

"Yes. Would you care to join us?" Lu Han offered as he and Kris cleared the table of excess clutter.

"Sure, but we'd rather have a table of our own," Lay said as he and Tao pulled a table and a few chairs. "You know Kris and Tao can't sit together without it feeling too crowded. They're too tall."

They laughed at the thought, but they knew it was true. The table was simply too small, and Kris too tall. Recently, Kris has been learning to keep himself from occupying others' space, though at the expense of a slight discomfort. Lu Han always sat with him, having gotten used to his friend and his long limbs, while Lay and Tao normally sat together.

"So, how do we do this?" Lay asked.

"You read," Kris instructed, laying a few books before Lay. "Then, summarize it to Lu Han. The papers get his signature if it's a go or not, so be careful. A lot of things are at stake."

Tao laughed at Kris' serious expression and at Lay's fearful one. They'd been doing this for quite some time, yet still, Lay asks that question.

"Lay, let's just do this," Tao said.

"But it’s so much...!" he whined.

"I've still got a pile to go," Lu Han reminded. "So get out if you're not going to help me. Go guard the door or something."

"But that's Tao's job," Lay whined.

"What are you supposed to be then?"

"Your assistant?"

"In your dreams, Lay. That's my job," Kris scoffed.

"But I thought you were his secretary!"

"I'm all in one," Kris said with a smirk on his face.

"All but body guard," Lu Han reminded.

"That's what Tao is for."

"So what are you doing here, Lay?" Tao asked.

"As far as I remember, Lay, you're supposed to be something like my cook and my guard," Lu Han mused. "Would you like to cook? Right now?"

"Your wish is my command, Princey," Lay replied.

"How dare you speak like that to our prince!" Tao reprimanded. "Insubordination!"

"Whatever, Tao," Lay replied with a roll of his eyes, and Lu Han just laughed.