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Siwon stared at the paper for a few seconds before throwing it to fall onto the floor beside the four pieces of

paper he wrote before. he started to draw random lines on the new paper, but he stopped as he remembered

something...from here he started to write.

We stepped out of the car to stand in one line as we always did, but that time to say goodbye to one of us.
 

"ok guys, stop it..you'll go and forget him and he'll be the only one who suffers and remembers all of that 

everyday". I didn't see you like that before. You didn't yell at the fans before, you were always the one who's 

afraid of any member doesn't treat the fans well. it wasn't the leader the fans know or neither do I . you weren't 

in your normal condition, I don't know that was because of your anger from what he did?..or because you'll 

miss him?...or both?, but the thing I know that the ELF understood that .

You took a deep breath to calm yourself down." If you really love him, tell him you'll support him and will wait for 

him". I turned my eyes from you to him..his eyes were red, he was almost crying..or trying to stop crying?.

It was the first time that I see kangin hyung like that, he was always the strong one, but why I didn't care much 

about that?!...why I was so angry instead of being sad for him? Why I wasn't angry from him..from what he did 

to himself.. to his future? or even for his leaving?.. Don't I really care? Do I hate him? , but how can I hate 

him?..he's my hyung and my band mate and he'll leave his spot empty…do I say what I really feel or I just say 

what I should say?.

I looked at you.. you looked coherent or you tried to be, but I know from inside you were a mess. maybe that's 

why I was angry..For you . I just wanted to hold you..to throw all the pain away..all the hidden tears..to hug you 

tightly and say 'everything is gonna be ok'. even if that was the biggest lie in the world at least for now, but I'm 

still here for you.

He hugged me and took the chance to wipe his tears. He hated to seem weak, but even if he did, everything 

about him was screaming 'I'm scared'. He smiled weakly to me and I felt ashamed because something inside 

me was happy. It hurts so much to have this feeling and what hurts more is I tried to throw this feeling, but I 

couldn't. my mind kept saying 'you're villainous', but that part inside me was always answering 'that's what you 

always wanted..to make him away..away from Leeteuk'.

_____

That day I was sitting in the café, that was in front of our apartment building, crossing legs and relaxing my body on the chair reading the morning newspaper. I lifted my eyes when I heard. " hey siwon-ah". That was you, you waved to me cheerfully and I smiled warmly and my eyes followed you until you were sitting beside me. "what'd you like to drink?". I asked you and you said. " thanks siwon-ah, I had already ordered before i came to you". You looked down smiling. "black coffee, right?". And I nodded lightly staring at your pure smile and I remembered something.

~ Flash Back ~

The waiter served our drinks. " woow swion-ah, you drink black coffee!". you smiled and your voice became a bit louder and I looked at my cup and heisted before I answer. " huh?, umm yeah yeah…I like it".

You chuckled and said. "actually, I feel like a kid who drinks hot coco in front of his dad". I just smiled while watching you sip some of your favorite coco and I did the same.

 ~ End of the Flash Back ~ 

you know Leeteuk, I don't like the black coffee, it's bitter..I didn't even order it that day, I think the waiter served 

me the wrong cup and I could have told him and he would have replaced it that's all, but just seeing your

smile..this smile I don't know what was with it.. proud? Impressing?. I can do anything to see you smile to me in that way. it doesn't become bitter anymore..it becomes sweeten..sweet like your smile..pure like you…and like everything you like…white.

"swion-ssi, what's your favorite drink?". the host once asked me in the show. Then, I looked toward you..you were smiling to me. "it's the black coffee".
 

I looked down at the floor and smiled..

' the black coffee that makes my angel smile to me'.

________

He took your hand and said " Hyung, Let me protect you with my whole life".

He said that..and always did that. He was always standing in your back and protected you from the others.. their fights..their jokes..and sometimes, from talking to you.
 

He made me feel like i was handicapped.

You always said " he's my knight ".

but I didn't need to stand behind you to emphasize how much I care about you. My eyes were always following you wherever you go.

when he wasn't here, I didn't say that, but I always did. I can't hold back the fear that appears immediately in my eyes when I see you fall on the stage, sick , cry. I didn't say it jungsu, but I always meant it…

'I'm the horse, but he's your knight '.

________

I always take off your earphones and whisper in your right ear. " I love you, Leeteuk hyung". when you make something for me, wipe my sweat with your towel, or just standing beside me is enough to say that. And you always smile.." I love you too, siwon-ah".

these words make my heart jump. ' I don't need more than that'..you know how much I love you..care about you..i won't let anybody hurt you, but that laugh..

when I kiss your head, you laugh.
 

when I lift your body up and kiss your cheek, you laugh.

That laugh was always bringing me to the reality. 'as a dongsaeng'.

You know everything and nothing.

____________

"angel without wings"..actually, I don't like it when they say that about you "without wings". How come are you without wings?, so who takes me to the heaven when I look at you?. I always asked them to let me put your wings on your shoulders, I want them to see what I see. In every time I do that , my heart keep saying ' leeteuk hyung, can I be your wings?'.

"siwon-ssi, who's your idol type girl?". the hostess asked me.

" I don't have". I said simply and they looked shocked.

" then, who's your ideal type guy?". She laughed.

" I don't have". I was serious.
 

'I don't have an ideal type girl..i don't have an ideal type guy..i have an angel'.

___________

"s-swion hyung *sobs* eunhyuk, shindong, kyuna and *sobs* and l-Leeteuk hyung were involved into a car accident……". I didn't hear anything after that, I collapsed on the floor hugging my knees and buried my face into them. 'what will I do if I lost him?'. I was like it can't happen in any day, this idea didn't come once in my head. I got dressed.. I didn't even saw what I was wearing and I hurried to the church. It was empty..i fell on the aisle and my hands were suspended to hold the altar. I started to pray between crying and the sobs. " please my dear god save him, I don't know how I can live without him..i do everything in this life because he's still in it..please save him even if that means I'll never have him..i'll accept that fate…don't make him mine, but please save him".

When your mom came to take you home, I had mixed feelings…

I was glad you was ok..you didn't heal completely, but at least we have you on you feet again. But I was sad because I won't see you for several weeks, but I couldn't ask you to stay. we'll not be in the dorms to take a good care of you in this serious condition.

I saw him..he run toward you and hugged you for a dear life before you leave…I couldn't do the same. I was afraid.. I was afraid of hurting you..and if that happened, I would never forgive myself for doing that. I just smiled as the car started to move away..

'please, come back healthy'.

__________

"everyone take his seat please, we'll be on the air within 5 minutes". it was the first day in sukira after you came back. when they asked us to sing the song the members made for your come back. They started to sing happily, but I couldn't..i couldn't focus on singing..i couldn't see the lyrics' paper. I felt the tears will fall in any moment, I hid my eyes under my black cap. I was so grateful that my dear god accepted my praying. I looked at you. You were smiling eagerly, your eyes were saying. ' I came back to where I belong to'. You were in a good condition, what else would I need?. I'll always pray and thank god for that.

On the other hand, There was always an obsession of losing you. This feeling prevented me from sleeping, relaxing, or even live normally. I was always going to your room to check on you while you were sleeping to be sure you're fine..and still alive. I know maybe it seems too stupid to think this way, but I couldn't stop myself from doing that.

 That day you were gasping heavily while you were sleeping. I approached you..i was worried " Leeteuk hyung?". I whispered, but you were still into your dreams. "hmm..hmm..please..please don't leave me".

I hugged your sleeping body tightly to calm you down. "Leeteuk hyung, don't worry.. i'm here for you..i'll never leave you". And you mumbled. "please don't leave me, kangin-ah". I felt all of my body melting in this moment. You hugged my body and repeated what you said again. It hurts more than you can imagine, but before I even can think I found my tongue saying..

" I'll never let you.. I love you". and all of the tears that I hid dropped on my cheeks unconsciously.

_________

At that point, siwon couldn't handle it anymore..he couldn't write anymore..he didn't want to remember more..he hated himself for remembering all of that..for hurting himself like that.

but the thing he hated more was he still loves his hyung; however, he knows there is no chance for him.
 

he took the paper he wrote and watched them as the fire started to burn every single letter he wrote, but not every single feeling he has. He wished if his love to leeteuk  was like those pieces of paper he could burn them in any time he wants.

He took a deep breath after sitting on the couch and the CD player. He closed his eyes while listening to the song, but in that time, someone entered the living room.
 

"siwon-ah, what are you doing?". he smiled showing this unique dimple.

siwon opened his eyes immediately and stopped the song that was about to start. " h-hey leeteuk hyung, I was about…" and he pointed at the CD player. Leeteuk interrupted him cheerfully. " let's listen to it together". and he sat beside siwon on the couch. Siwon stared at him for while before turned the CD player again.
 

   It might be love That lets me still standing here..
   it might be love that won't let my heart stop..
  Though, there's no chance..
  Though, I have to fail again..

  But love still asks me to do like this.

Leeteuk stood up and yawned. " aah, I'm so tired, I'll go to sleep..good night siwon-ah". Siwon looked at the CD player..
 

   If you refuse it, I'll always be ready to restart.
   At last, you won't change your mind.

   alright, I'll never give up.

 

he looked at where leeteuk went. "I love you".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A/N: umm hey guys!...

this is my first completed story and it's  WonTeuk!...i can't believe i just made a wonteuk =.=' ...

 but i'm still kangteuk shipper after all 8D 

actually, i got the idea after seeing that fan video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoaiS7elP6w

read it and tell me what u think? with or against..i'll accept all of ur opinions ;)... 

note: i don't own the song..i don't own the video..i don't own the gifs...all i own is what siwon wrote above :)

umm and yeah right...i wanna thank who commented and subscribed.. thank u guys..

i hope u like it as i enjoyed writing it..cya