My phone was ringing. I hesitated to accept it since it was a hectic day. I saw the LCD blinked. It’s Sehun; my ex. Our relation might break however; he’s still the right guy who captivated my heart, my mind and my soul.

 I still hesitated to accept his call. But, my heart said I must.

I heard no voice. But, I could clearly hear his breath. It was like joyous mixed with a deep depression. It was him; Sehun.

He did not say anything. Should I say something? I meant, should I say corny-line like “Hello” to him; to my ex. And again a soft-feeling so-called-heart of mine said yes.

“Hello?” I said. I heard Sehun took deep breath. It sounded like an excitement. It sounded like Sehun misses me. It sounded like everything. Sehun, I miss you too.

“Hello…” Sehun answered me. We both know, we should not call each other again. We both; knew it well. However whether I or Sehun still cannot completely forget about ours, our memories.

“Sehuna?” I asked although I know well, it’s Sehun. My half-other, he was. I miss his voice; cute yet crackly voice. I was so insecure. I recalled our sweet memories. I should not do that. Neither did him.

Sehun might notice that I was trying to calm myself down. I looked for away to run; to run away from this, our past; mine and Sehun.

 “Though you knew you shouldn’t, why are you calling me Sehuna?” I asked. I feel a pang in my heart. It hurt me too. But I know well Sehun cannot stand any rants.

“I miss you, Kai…” Sehun said. If only he knows, I miss him too. Missing someone you love hurts. It’s worse than the greatest pain. However, our story ended. It left only the ash of sweet memories.

“Sehun, we have life we want. Life as you told me that night...” I sighed. I was in the edge of my shelter to hide. I have to end this, again.

“You were everything to me, Kai… We’ve been troughed all three years together…” Sehun’s voice was trembling. He’s going to cry. I cannot stand to see; to hear his cry. Sehun is still my precious one.

“All of those memories, don’t you think they never existed in the first place. Those were just like lies Sehun as you said...” I said it calmly. I could not believe I said that to Sehun; the one who always needs my protection. It might be the best; the best for him.

I’m a coward, I ran away from the truth; truth that I still love him. 

I’m a coward; I hid from Sehun; who still loves me.

I lied; I said our memories were nothing. Those were everything.

I said it’s the best for us. What is the best for if my heart keeps on searching him…?

It’s funny how I keep visiting our favorite coffee shop.

It’s funny how I keep hoping to meet Sehun there.

Everything was so funny. I keep thinking of my ex.

Everything was so funny but, my love towards Sehun is real. It’s real; as real as the pain.

I took my favorite seat; our favorite seat. It’s the corner couch; cozy and less of crowds.

I sipped my Americano. I put sugar, a lot however I still tasted the bitterness.

Sehun used to giggle while sip his. He loves chocolate. Everything about him makes me smile.

Remembering Sehun was not mine makes me cry.

Everything was so contradictive. I am tired.

I stood. Warmth covered my body. The scent I miss so badly. I knew well, it’s Sehun.

“Kai, your smile, those tears... I need you...” Sehun said. He cried. He hugged me tightly. My hand trailed his hands. He’s still the same…

“Kai, you know I cannot live without you…” His cry was getting harder.

“Kai, please… I need you…” Sehun begged.

“KAI!” Sehun shouted to me. He cried even harder. He hugged me tighter.

It’s funny how I keep my mouth shut and stand like a statue while someone I love confessed his undying love.

It’s funny how I could not say that I love him though my heart said so.

I wish I could hug him back and said I love him. My mouth was so dry. I had no more energy.

Sehun’s voice was echoing my mind. He kept calling my mind.

“Kai! You know, I’m this desperate...”

“Kai! Please don’t leave me…”

“Kai, you are still my half-other…” Sehun sobbed.

“Sehuna, you and I will never work. We won’t make this though we love each other…” I opened my mouth, bitterly. I hate being a coward.

“Kai, I will do anything! Anything to make you stay with me! I will do anything to make you love me again!” Sehun hugged me even tighter.

“I have a dream to pursue, Sehuna. I cannot stay with you…” I said. I was about to cry seeing him cry.

“If you cannot stay here, I will go with you. Wherever you go, Kai…” Sehun sobbed. I was sure; his face was as red as boiled crab. I stayed still.

“Kai, I will die in desperation without you…” He sobbed. I released myself from his hug. I looked his eyes.

“Sehuna, you won’t die without me…” I said.

 “Kai, I was wrong… I cannot let you go. Kai take me back…” Sehun sobbed. I took a deep breath.

“Sehuna, I still love you…” Sehun’s eyes bugled. His tears streamed down. I was sure, its tears of joy.

“Kai…” He smiled. I could not help but smile too.

“I will leave, next week…” I knew; I killed his joy.