Ever since she is a kid, she always wondered why the doors are always closed. She always questioned the cold treatment despite the fact that they are family. A family is a home, right? But what if they are the one who brought the worst of you. Don’t ask, just follow and smile. She used to think if she act liked a good kid, they would eventually accept her, and she will have her home back. Her life is full of lies; she would pretend and smile like nothing happened. Through continuous rejection and pain, she is finally able to stand on my own. No matter what, she needed to keep on smiling, no matter how painful it is.

Years passed, seasons changed, and she also changed. She met new people, and through them she is able to show the sides of her that she is never able to express; or so I thought. Those words “I bet you live a happy life” “You don’t seem troubled, I guess you are lucky to have a smooth life” sickened her. Yet all she gave them is a smile. She can proudly say that she is a good actress, who would ever though the girl who is known as a total dork and the girl who would try to kill herself every night is actually the same person.  

She would question her existence, why is she even born if her existence caused nothing but trouble. She is always being there for her friend because she knew how painful it is to have no one by your side during her darkest time. She would listen because no one has been there to lend her a shoulder to cry. She would smile because it is the only think that she has left.

That girl is sick; she has a huge scar in her heart. Like cancer, it grew. She putted on a mask so that no one knew the real her, she built a wall to prevent herself from being her. These days, it is very difficult to know who’s loyal and trustworthy. Friends do come and go, and she is back to level zero. Her cries echoed through the house, yet no one listened. Her pleas would remain unheard. She learnt that being nice is not enough, that night she learnt that there is a life which is more beautiful for her own liking. That night she turned her fantasy into reality, in a world where happiness could be found.

Lost in her own world, Choi Sulli only hoped someone is willing enough to help her through this life.  She kept on living; she knew that she has to even, when there is no reason to. She lives, but she is not alive.