Separation Anxiety (Oneshot)
PG-13 / 5,300+ words

Summary: Kyungsoo’s migraines return when his best friend leaves him.





 

I still hear your voice
I still feel your touch
Now I live in your path again
I still see your image
I still feel your warmness
Now I live in your time again

Nell - Time Spent Walking Through Memories












Kyungsoo is nothing too extraordinary and he is completely aware of that. He lives alone in his compact apartment and goes to school on a daily basis like most college bound students. He isn’t all too bright, so it surprises him that he’s made it so far in life. Although he lacks intelligence, he does things people in today’s generation wouldn’t, like read the daily newspaper his friend Baekhyun delivers.

He skims today’s newspaper in a library nearby and sees a couple of headlines relating to dystopia in third world countries. The paper starts to get moist from the sweat produced by his fingers. As he is repositioning his fingers, he notices the dark spots left behind, but ignores it and continues reading.

“Hey what’s going on Kyungsoo!” a voice is heard from behind. A sudden smack on the head is felt and the feeling lingers, leaving Kyungsoo wincing quietly and regaining his composure. He turns his head slightly to catch a glimpse of his friend, Baekhyun. It was unnecessary because he had already known who it was by the tone of his voice, but he wanted to confirm to make sure he wouldn’t make a fool out of himself. “Still reading the old newspaper, eh? Why don’t you go buy yourself one of those fancy electronics or something?”

“Baekhyun, you talk too loud. This is a library, not a cafeteria” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath and stands up. “How did you find me and why did you do it?” Kyungsoo’s got this look in his eyes, the same one he always does. He always looks like he’s confused and bewildered, but it’s just his natural face. It never falters but no one seems to mind. Baekhyun continues to ramble on and on about how the printing of his newspapers are getting more and more expensive by the day, but Kyungsoo isn’t listening. He’s got his eyes narrowed in a particular area of the library and wants a closer look.

Subconsciously, his feet start to shuffle quietly and to avoid getting caught, he pretends like he’s checking out some books… when really he’s got his eyes set on possibly a foreigner, it was hard to tell. His skin tone had more of a bronze tint rather than the expected milky white skin most native Koreans have.

“What are you looking at?” Baekhyun loudly whispers, causing Kyungsoo to jump and knock over a few books. People all around redirect their gazes from whatever they were doing to the commotion caused by dumb and dumber, including the hot foreign boy Kyungsoo’s got his eyes on. “Shh” Kyungsoo whispers sharply and moves his finger over his mouth. Baekhyun looks through the cracks of the bookshelf and finally realizes what his friend is doing. He starts to giggle and walks away, leaving Kyungsoo with a wink and disappears into the crowded library.

Kyungsoo peeks through the crack of the bookshelves once more, only to find that the hot foreign boy is nowhere to be found.

“Excuse me” the boy says.

Kyungsoo turns his head slowly to catch a teensy glance of the boy, his face looks smooth and the bronze tint of his skin compliments it well. His protruding lips look so soft and kissable, and those eyes… Kyungsoo gets lost in them, but snaps back into reality when another “excuse me” is heard. Kyungsoo bows apologetically and moves to the right, wishing he could become one with the bookshelves. The boy finds the book he was looking for, flashes a smile, and says thank you to Kyungsoo before leaving.

Baekhyun returns to his friend and asks, “Well, did you get anything?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head, a wave of regret suddenly crashing his whole being. His head starts to ache, but he ignores it as the boy, possibly of his dreams, quietly exits the library.

“Go you idiot!” Baekhyun shouts and pushes Kyungsoo toward the exit. Kyungsoo has no idea what he’s doing, and on any other occasion he would have objected to such actions… but today is different. His feet subconsciously start to move once more and the next thing he knows, he’s running to catch up with this boy.

“Wait!” Kyungsoo shouts and once the boy turns around, he starts to slow down and nearly falls as he awkwardly makes his way over. He starts to think of all the possible things he should say to the boy, but in the process of doing so, he trips over his own foot. Before falling face first into the cement, arms wrap around his body to prevent him from doing so.

He looks up to the boy, smiling and probably trying to be nice by containing his laughter. Kyungsoo’s face flourishes with all sorts of shades of red and pink and finally regains his composure as he pats the invisible dirt off his clothes. Kyungsoo extends his arm out without thought and introduces himself.

“H-hi, I’m K-kyungsoo” he stutters and then forces a smile upon his face. The boy chuckles and smiles brightly. Kyungsoo traces the lines of his lips, teeth, eyes, everything on his face and imprints it in his mind. Without knowing, Kyungsoo is slowly falling for this boy and swoons over literally the smallest things about him.

“I’m Jongin.”

“Y-you thought I was a what?!” Jongin laughs loudly and throws an arm over his own stomach. Kyungsoo smiles at Jongin’s actions, flustering over his embarrassing confession.  Jongin doesn’t stop laughing, but Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to mind. He laughs along with Jongin, although his laughter is more controlled.

“Yes, I thought you were a foreigner… but who wouldn’t? You don’t have the same skin color as me!” he defends as he throws his arm out to compare their skin tones. Jongin laughs more, but Kyungsoo’s heart is racing at the slightest skin ship. Their arms are brushing against each other for some time; neither of them seems to mind.

They both lay in Kyungsoo’s bed, talking endlessly about things most couples would in the beginning of their relationships.

Kyungsoo and Jongin met exactly two weeks ago (not like Kyungsoo is keeping track or anything…) and the word acquaintance ceased to exist in the foundation of their friendship.

Kyungsoo picks up his daily newspaper from his mailbox and drags his feet slowly back to his compact apartment. He sets the newspaper down on the arm of the couch and takes a seat. Kyungsoo eyes a mug of leftover coffee from last night takes a sip. He tastes a mixture of bitter black coffee and cherries from the side of the mug he sipped from. So that’s what his lips taste like Kyungsoo thinks to himself, and smiles.

He scans the front of the news paper and the first thing he notices is the big, bold obvious headline.

PLANE CRASH: NO SURVIVORS

Kyungsoo feels sympathetic, but not as much as he could be. As long as there is no one I know, I’ll be fine he thinks to himself.

He notices his migraines have been getting better lately and tentatively wonders if this is because of Jongin. At the thought of Jongin, a smile creeps upon his face and he’s both unaware and completely aware of it at the same time.

Jongin has frequented Kyungsoo’s place much more than Kyungsoo expected. He doesn’t complain, he doesn’t mind, as long as it is Jongin, it is fine.

“So my buddies and I are throwing a small get together… and I was wondering if you wanted to come?” Kyungsoo asks timorously, fidgeting with his fingers, waiting for Jongin’s response. He hopes that it’s positive, because he hates feeling stupid, especially when it comes to his best friend and/or potential lover, as Baekhyun says.

“Sure” Jongin smiles and assuages Kyungsoo’s anxiety.

“Kyungsoo!” a taller man shouts from afar and gets closer with a few strides. His hair is frizzy, brown, and all over the place. He smiles and there’s a small twitch in his eye, but no one comments on it because he gets insecure when it comes to it. He hovers over Kyungsoo but is almost eye level with Jongin. “Who’s your friend?”

“J—“

“Jongin” Jongin smiles while introducing himself. He extends his arm out and the man smiles as he vigorously shakes Jongin’s hand. Kyungsoo’s eyes surprisingly grow wider than they already are, fearful of Jongin’s judgment of his friend. However, to Kyungsoo’s surprise, Jongin is accepting and talks comfortably, which eases Kyungsoo.

“I’m Chanyeol, the happy virus of our little group! It’s nice to meet you Jongin” Chanyeol smiles brightly, flashing his blinding pearly whites. “Come on!” he shouts while dragging them over to the group. Both Kyungsoo and Jongin smile and say hello to everyone, grab one bottle of bitter beer and a wine cooler for Kyungsoo, the designated driver for the night.

“LET’S GET DRUNK, ESSSSS!” Chanyeol shouts while flailing his arm around the air and everyone cheers, everyone but Kyungsoo. His gaze is fixed upon Kai’s side profile and his jaw line.

“Loosen up a bit on your boytoy, my befuddled friend!” Baekhyun wraps his arm around Kyungsoo’s neck and smiles that kind of smile with a hint of bad intentions.

“You reek of alcohol” Kyungsoo says sternly and lightly pushes Baekhyun away from him.

“You’re such a party pooper!”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes in annoyance to his friend’s condescending tone and scans the roof. In a small corner, he sees two figures tongue wrestling, fighting for air, and nearly dry-humping each other. One resembles a deer and the other has this droopy look in his eyes.

“YO, LUHAN AND SEHUN, GET A ROOM!” drunk Chanyeol shouts while dancing and prancing around the rooftop. As much as Kyungsoo hates drunkards, Chanyeol is an exception, and a funny one at that. He does weird things, like flirt with Baekhyun. Baekhyun doesn’t seem to mind (but his girlfriend sure as hell wouldn’t). He flirts back from time to time and it makes their group of friends wonder if they’re secretly ing and Baekhyun’s girlfriend is just a cover up.

In the midst of Kyungsoo’s thoughts, a wild drunk Jongin appears!

What do you choose to do?

Escape

Take advantage

Nothing

Kyungsoo plays too much Pokémon.

But he chooses an option inside his head nonetheless, and it just happens to be nothing. Kyungsoo is calm and collective, but Jongin reeks of alcohol. He’s clearly had too much of it, but Kyungsoo acts oblivious to this because he likes Jongin… a lot.

“Hey K-kyungsoo!” Jongin stammers and hiccups in between his words. “What are you doing here all alone?” Kyungsoo’s eyes direct themselves to Jongin’s, and then slowly make their way down to his plump, protruding lips. Kyungsoo his lips and wants to kiss them so badly, but he doesn’t want to take advantage of Jongin, nor does he want to mess up the friendship they already have. But drunken Jongin notices and slowly wraps his hand around Kyungsoo’s neck, and makes its way down to Kyungsoo’s face, cupping it gently. Kyungsoo’s Adams apple bobs up and down, but Jongin doesn’t take notice. One moment they’re staring at each other immensely.

And the next Jongin’s mouth is pressed against Kyungsoo’s, hard. But as hard as Jongin presses, his lips are still soft against Kyungsoo’s, just as he had imagined them to be. Kyungsoo has hard time breathing and doesn’t know how to act in this situation. He’s never had his first kiss before, and he was certainly not ready for something like this. However, he acts quickly, closes his eyes, and twirls his tongue around Jongin’s as if he’s done this before.

Kyungsoo’s face is red and Jongin thinks it’s cute.

Kyungsoo wakes up early in the morning and doesn’t want to get out of bed. The slightest movement could cause Jongin to stir from his sleep, and Kyungsoo doesn’t want that. He wants to stare at him longer, until he slowly opens his eyes and says “good morning” with his smile Kyungsoo’s loved from the start. He wants to help him get out of bed and give him ginger ale for his hangover, if he has one anyway. Kyungsoo wants to touch his face, trace his jaw line, his round cheeks, and bring him in to a soft kiss. He wants to tell him, “I love you” but he refuses.

He doesn’t want to ruin anything they have.

It’s all too perfect and he’d rather not risk losing it.

Jongin’s eyes open slightly and Kyungsoo pretends to close his to save himself from the embarrassment. Jongin thinks Kyungsoo is still asleep and pulls him in close to his chest. Kyungsoo’s eyes open from the sudden action, but quickly close again.

“I know you’re awake, Kyungsoo” Jongin mumbles while playing with Kyungsoo’s short and fluffy jet black hair. Kyungsoo flushes and doesn’t say anything, if he did his voice might crack… or he could choke. His breathing becomes uneven, and then steadies as he smells Jongin’s shirt. It smells like Jongin and Kyungsoo loves Jongin’s scent.

He loves everything about him and it hurts.

His migraines are coming less frequently.

One morning Baekhyun busts through Kyungsoo’s door early in the morning, causing a commotion and nearly giving Kyungsoo a heart attack.

“How did you even open my door?” Kyungsoo asks in a raspy, sleepy voice while rubbing his eyes. Baekhyun shrugs to answer his question, hands him his daily newspaper, and sits on the couch where Kyungsoo fell asleep last night.

He looks at the front page with tired eyes and is surprised to see such a headline.

KIM JONGIN: A BEAUTIFUL, EYE-OPENING CONTEMPORARY DANCER.

Kyungsoo doesn’t like changes, he’s used to heart wrenching topics, but this change in particular makes him feel content.

“So, what’s up with you and Jongin?” Baekhyun asks while rummaging through the fridge.

“Er, we’re… we’re okay” Kyungsoo bites his lower lip and clenches the newspaper. His palms are sweaty. Whenever Jongin’s name is mentioned by anyone other than Kyungsoo or Jongin himself, he gets nervous and he doesn’t know why.

“Just okay?”

“Just okay.”

Baekhyun doesn’t want to pester his friend any longer, so he grabs a can of cold coffee and settles in the empty spot next to Kyungsoo. They laze around for endless hours.

“Have you ever had your first kiss before?” Jongin asks absentmindedly while watching a variety of dance routines. Kyungsoo nearly spits out his beer all over his tan leather couch, but quickly gulps it down before anything could happen. He debates and hesitates to answer, but finally envelops the courage to say,

“Yeah… it was you.”

Jongin’s attention draws away from the bright laptop screen as he makes eye contact with Kyungsoo. “Is that so?” he smiles and it pulls at Kyungsoo’s heart. “I don’t remember doing such a thing.”

Kyungsoo’s chest suddenly feels heavy and he wants to disappear, or camouflage into the couch, or something to get away from Jongin. He’s embarrassed because Jongin probably thinks Kyungsoo is a liar.

“Care to remind me?”

Kyungsoo is red and Jongin still thinks it’s cute.

Kyungsoo shyly moves in toward Jongin’s face and presses his small lips against Jongin’s. It’s uncomfortable at first, but as Jongin’s tongue pierces through Kyungsoo’s lips, it’s not too awkward anymore.

Jongin is the first to pull away and Kyungsoo wishes he didn’t.

“You know, for someone whose lips were ” Jongin air quotes and his lips, “you’re quite the kisser.”

“Interesting” Kyungsoo smiles and once again, they commence the kissing.

Sometimes Kyungsoo wakes up in the middle of the night and smiles because Jongin is there. He always is. His eyelashes touch the top of his cheeks and he sleeps peacefully. He likes to watch him sleep, despite the fact that Jongin could wake up at any moment. As creepy as it sounds, Kyungsoo thinks of it as being romantic (or so he says to Baekhyun, but Baekhyun laughs and calls him all sorts of things, creepy being the very first).

He wonders what his lips taste like.

They tasted like cherries the first and second time he’s kissed him—er, made out with him, and it tasted good, but… he wonders if he changes the flavor of his lip balm every now and then.

The only way to figure out was to touch them—taste them.

His lips press softly against Jongin’s, carefully and gently not to wake him up.

It’s the third time around and they still tastes like cherries.

Kyungsoo is in the library typing up his essay while Jongin is on his laptop watching some inspirational dancing.

Nothing is still official and Kyungsoo carefully takes note of that mentally. He doesn’t plan on confessing any time soon, but Jongin’s sudden burst of excitement changes Kyungsoo’s mind.

“I’m going to study dancing abroad!”

Kyungsoo suddenly feels a heavy weight on his shoulders and his heart stops. He wants to cry, but he forces a smile because that’s the kind of response a best friend should give, right? He wants to say something, to tell Jongin, “Let’s commemorate this magnificent day by drinking bottles and bottles of beer and as Chanyeol would say, ‘GET DRUNK ESSSS!’” but no; he silently covers it up and congratulates Jongin while reading the email.

Dear Kim Jongin,

Congratulations! You have been chosen to be one of the very few undergraduates to travel abroad…

That’s all he had to read.

He saves his essay and names the document “to type later” and closes his laptop quietly.

“Excuse me” Kyungsoo says as he makes his way to the restroom; nearly walking into the women’s, but quickly redirecting his movements and rushes into one of the men’s stalls.

He sits on the floor and finds it hard to breathe.

There’s a pulsing ache in his head.

“I’m sorry, dude. If there’s anything I—we could do…” Baekhyun trails off and waits for Chanyeol to finish his sentence.

“We’ll try to help you in every way we possibly can.”

Kyungsoo smiles and masters the arts of hiding his emotions and true intentions all at the same time. He’s dying inside but doesn’t want anyone to worry. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are the only ones who know about Kyungsoo’s true feelings and how vulnerable he actually is. He’s quiet around his group of friends, so they expect Kyungsoo to not have any sort of feelings of that sort, for anyone really.

Kyungsoo is the type of person to feel rather dismissive about his feelings, and no one knows. Although Baekhyun has an idea of it, he doesn’t question Kyungsoo any further. He feels like Kyungsoo is too fragile and if he pushes him too far, he’ll break.

And the problem is it could either be a good break or a bad one, either way, Baekhyun isn’t willing to risk losing him as a friend. He feels bad for Kyungsoo quietly because any direct sympathy would result in Kyungsoo exploding… and no one wants that.

“I’ll be fine” Kyungsoo takes a sip of his beer and it tastes bitter.

He suddenly misses Jongin’s cherry tasting chapstick.

Although the abroad training isn’t for another seven months, Kyungsoo quietly counts down the days and his heart breaks more every time a day goes by. He’s happy for Jongin, but has a hard time showing it.

“What’s wrong?” Jongin touches Kyungsoo’s face and Kyungsoo flinches, causing Jongin to pull his hand back.

“Sorry” Kyungsoo apologizes. “Nothing, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll miss you too” Jongin smiles reassuringly and pulls him in for a hug. It’s not a regular hug, no. It’s a tight long one and it’s making it hard for Kyungsoo not to cry. He refrains from crying but his eyes are starting to sting.

He ends up crying anyway.

Jongin pulls away and wipes the tears out of his eyes. Kyungsoo falls in love some more. Jongin is still oblivious.

“How…” Kyungsoo manages to say, but hesitates. He looks into Jongin’s eyes and is close enough that he can see his own reflection. Jongin is pleading him to go on, so Kyungsoo obliges. “How do you feel about me?”

Jongin is quiet as he brushes his thumb across Kyungsoo’s cheek. Kyungsoo is dying to know, and Jongin is teasing him.

“I like you” he smiles, and Kyungsoo is disappointed. Although it’s an answer on the better side of things, he was hoping for another answer. Kyungsoo nods anyway and takes what he can get.

Kyungsoo decides to set his priorities straight in order to get over Jongin.

He makes a list of things and crosses them off, writes them again, assorts them in different orders, and isn’t content with his lists because they all end up looking similar.

Jongin
School
Friends

Jongin   School
School   Friends
Friends Jongin

School   Jongin
Friends Friends
Jongin   School

He gives up and hates himself a little more.

Kyungsoo is at the airport and he stares at Jongin who is more than happy to be leaving. This hurts Kyungsoo, but he manages to smile.

“How long will you be gone for?” Kyungsoo’s eyes are low. Jongin stares at him, suit case in one hand and water bottle in the other.

“Honestly, I’m not sure” he frowns, but smiles again. “I’ll be back though, I promise.”

They wait for Jongin’s airplane to arrive.

 “FLIGHT NUMBER 075 FOR THE UNITED STATES HAS ARRIVED. ALL PASSENGERS PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY IN, THANK YOU.”

Jongin grabbed for anything, and that just happened to be Kyungsoo’s hand. Kyungsoo jumps and is afraid his palms are sweaty, but Jongin doesn’t mind because he insists on holding it.

Jongin lets go of his suitcase and pulls Kyungsoo into a hug. This overwhelms Kyungsoo. He pulls away and cups Kyungsoo’s face… and they kiss one last time. “Thank you” Jongin breathes against Kyungsoo’s lips. He’s debating on whether or not he should tell Jongin he loves him.

He doesn’t.

Kyungsoo thanks god that Jongin is oblivious, because if he weren’t, then he would have changed his mind… that is if he loved Kyungsoo back. Kyungsoo feels it, but he wants to hear it. He’s too stubborn to say it first, so he lets Jongin leave.

Jongin disappears into the crowd of people.

His eyes feel heavy.

The next few weeks were torture for Kyungsoo. Everything he looks at reminds him of Jongin and it pains him. The fridge reminds him of Jongin, so does the couch, the TV, his bed, and even the grass. Why? He doesn’t know himself.

He goes out and checks his mail, but doesn’t receive the newspaper for that day. Slow printing he thinks.

“Come on Kyungsoo! Lighten up, have a beer, a girl, do something so we know you’re not a vacant body occupied by a dead soul!” Chanyeol jokes, but Kyungsoo refuses to do anything. He sits there and remembers the very first taste of Jongin’s lips. He feels a tightening in his chest every time someone mentions his “boy toy” Jongin, or when Sehun and Luhan are making out somewhere in the room.

He decides to drink a bit.

A bit turns into a lot and he’s intoxicated.

He thinks drinking will wash his sorrows away, so he downs a couple (many) more bottles.

He’s wrong the next morning. He wakes up with a major hangover and he wants to kill himself. He gets up slowly, unable to move his legs. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are laying on them, spooning.

So they are secretly ing.

Kyungsoo pushes them off effortlessly and tries to slap his legs back to life. He ends up crawling to the restroom and lifts the toilet seat up. He greets last night’s alcohol and dinner a hello and a very quick goodbye.

Kyungsoo tries very hard to focus on his studies, but it’s nearly impossible when all these thoughts of Jongin occupy his head. However, he manages to finish his five page essay and turns it in on time. He feels as if he’s just accomplished a feat and decides to reward himself with a wine cooler.

He wants to talk to Jongin, but doesn’t want to bother him.

He checks the clock and its well into the early morning. After minutes of debating, he decides to send Jongin a message.

Jonginnie! Hello, I hope you’re having a fun time in the states without me! You promised to take me to New York one day, didn’t you? When you get back, I hope you have a souvenir for me. ^^ It’s lonely without you here, but I’m adjusting well. Please respond soon, until then! I miss you.

He hovers his thumb over the send button, and his heart races while doing so.

He presses the button and throws his phone somewhere on his bed. A sudden weight is on his shoulders and he feels like a burden. He tries to fall asleep and hopes for something the next morning.

He wakes up and quickly checks his phone.

There’s nothing.

He sighs and wishes he could deflagrate the message… but it isn’t snail mail and he regrets everything. He buries his head into his pillow and it reminds him of Jongin.

He steps outside his room and walks into the kitchen. It reminds him of Jongin.

He goes outside and sees little children chasing each other on the playground. It reminds him of Jongin.

Everything reminds him of Jongin and he’s going crazy. He decides to ditch class today because everything and is unfair. He’s foolish for being this way, but he can’t help himself. He’s always been this way and there’s just no avoiding it. He walks around the city and hears people talking.

“It was inevitable, I guess… such a tragedy” a passerby says, but Kyungsoo isn’t interested. He doesn’t care for anything and he’s barely vigilant.

He bumps into a few people and mutters an apology here and there.

He decides it’s best to go back to his small apartment.

Kyungsoo checks his phone again, but still there’s nothing. He cannot fathom why Jongin still hasn’t texted back. It’s been well over thirteen hours since he messaged him.  Maybe he doesn’t mean so much to Jongin afterall.

He was in a state of qualms and wishes he told Jongin he loved him… maybe things would have been different. He decides to call.

He presses the call button without hesitation, but his confidence disappears when the phone starts to ring.

SORRY, THE NUMBER YOU HAVE DIALED IS NOT AVAILABLE.

This is Jongin’s number… did he change it?

Kyungsoo starts to make up excuses so he feels better about himself.

It isn’t working.

His migraines worsen.

Later that evening, Baekhyun enters Kyungsoo’s apartment and suggested that Kyungsoo go out more often.

“You’re getting thinner” Baekhyun worries, and it’s obvious but Kyungsoo doesn’t care. He just shrugs his shoulders and reads the daily newspaper.

He’s not paying attention to the headline; he’s not really paying attention to anything.

“Eat more often, please. I’ve invited a couple of the guys, if that’s okay with you.”

Kyungsoo shrugs once again.

He still doesn’t care.

Baekhyun sighs and dreads coming to Kyungsoo’s small apartment. He wonders what the group will even do in here anyway, its way too compact for all of them to fit in. Baekhyun stares at Kyungsoo, and then peels his eyes away. He starts to cook to take his mind off his friend.

He takes glances of him every now and then.

The whole group arrives and Kyungsoo has lightened up, only a little. The bright eyes that used to widen at the slightest comments have now become darker. He doesn’t talk too much—well, he’s never talked too much in the first place, but he barely talks now. He doesn’t respond to anyone’s comments and everyone’s concerned… but they continue to act as if there’s nothing wrong in hopes of cheering him up.

It doesn’t work.

Kyungsoo bites on the lower portion of his lip to prevent himself from crying every time someone mentions Jongin. Baekhyun has to slap anyone who does because he notices Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun loves Kyungsoo.

But not in that sense.

He loves him like a little brother he’s always wanted, and that’s why he’s always apprehensive toward him. He wants to help Kyungsoo, but he doesn’t know how.

“I’m going to retire early tonight, sorry guys. Feel free to take what you want and stay over if you have to” Kyungsoo forces a soft smile on his face and retreats to his room with droopy eyes. This pains the whole group, but Baekhyun mostly.

They continue to hang out and Kyungsoo lies in his bed wondering what Jongin is doing. He’s probably met someone else and that’s why he refuses to answer Kyungsoo. He sighs and falls asleep, hoping that the next day will be better.

He wakes up and finds pre-made breakfast sitting on his small dinner table.

Eat well

- Baekhyun

Kyungsoo finds a genuine smile creeping upon his face because his hyung cares too much. He also knows Kyungsoo’s favorite food, kimchi spaghetti.

He eats quickly because he’s starving, coiling the noodles and fiddling with the meatballs. Kyungsoo yawns, blinks, and rubs his eyes. After washing the dishes, he decides to retreat back to his room to wash up. He throws on a pair of dark navy blue jeans and a grey hoodie, not too big and not too small.

He smells it and it smells like Jongin.

“Pabo! Why didn’t you bring a jacket?” Jongin smiles playfully and looks at Kyungsoo with endearing eyes. Kyungsoo loses apart of himself to Jongin each time he smiles, and nearly lost his entire self because Jongin smiles too much.

He’s not complaining.

“I didn’t think it would be this cold…” Kyungsoo explains. Jongin starts to take off his hoodie. It’s a bit too small for him, so his stomach shows as he is taking it off. Kyungsoo flushes at the sight of his well-toned abs. Jongin takes notice and flashes it again for the sake of teasing. He loves the way Kyungsoo turns bright red because it’s cute and everything cute about Kyungsoo makes Jongin happy.

Everything about Jongin makes Kyungsoo happy.

Jongin hands him the grey hoodie and brings him close.

“What are you doing?” a timid curious Kyungsoo asks.

“I’m cold too.”

Kyungsoo reminisces too long and it makes him sad. He’s too vulnerable.

He steps outside his room and notices it’s raining outside from his apartment view. And just when he decided to go out today…

Kyungsoo grabs his mail keys and is on his way out of his apartment when he realizes there’s already a newspaper on his living room table and a light blue sticky note pasted onto it.

I hope you can forgive me one day… sorry for not telling you sooner.

- Baekhyun

Kyungsoo takes the sticky note off and reads the headline.










 

SEOUL INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT 075 CRASHES AND BURSTS INTO FLAMES.

His heart drops and his legs feel like jelly, his knees start to wobble so he plops down onto his tan leather couch. He skims through the article hoping for something, some sort of miracle. He doesn’t find anything along the lines of “a few people survived,” but he finds, “no survivors, everyone aboard died on impact under the hot and heavy crushed metal.”

He attempts to run into his room but falls on the way, his knees couldn’t support him any longer. He starts throwing everything in his room. Things were flying all over the place, but he stops. He finds an oddly folded piece of paper in the midst of his rampage. He attempts to bend down but falls in the process, his knees are still weak and he’s still slowly processing what’s going on. His fingers are shaking because he’s antsy, but he somehow manages to unfold the paper without ripping it.






 

TO DO: buy a souvenir from NYC for the one I love. 

 

The migraines return and it's killing him.