For some time everything felt like it was falling into pieces, every memory we used to had, everything that we were was part of a past so distant that I wasn’t even sure that it really happened. Everything had changed with a speed that makes me dizzy and makes me feel sick, I want it all back, everything. His wonderful smile every day when we wake up, his arms looking for my body and my heat when was very cold, when his lips left playfulness kisses every time we try to love each other in soul and body, his small hands across my face in the morning, the kisses of farewell as we left to work - although we work in the same place, doing the same thing - his beautiful smile and the way he move his body when he dance to the rhythm of music. Those moments when we were so synchronized that we seemed to be one.

I have no idea where my love went, where was the tender and always spoiled Yoo-kwon, I don’t know where it was my Ukwonnie, the one who always came to me when something was bothering him, I want it back so bad. I miss to have him by my side at night, I miss his fingers a cross my face when he thinks I'm asleep, I miss stare at his beautiful eyes seeking the peace of sleep.

— Minhyuk, Focus — I was scolded by the leader, Jiho.

—I’m sorry.

I try to concentrate on the dance we had to learn, but seeing him so close to Jaehyo it hurt me and made me unable to concentrate. Try to give my best in what was left of practice, so when we got the approval to go, I quickly grab the hand of Yoo-kwon, but he pulled away from my grip.

— If you ever had me some respect, let’s talk — I asked with a trembling voice.

—Ok, let’s talk — he answered me and remained in place, but his answer took my breath away, my body ached and my tears struggling to get out, what happened with what we had? What happened to the love and respect that we give each other every day? I didn’t want to mourn; I wanted to solve our problems.

—What happened? — I whispered to the verge of tears — what made ​​you change so much?

—Now that was given an opportunity — My heart ached in fear of the words that would come out of his mouth at any time — There is something I've wanted to tell you — don’t say it I yell in my mind don’t say it — I've been thinking lately — please, I beg you I implore myself for God's sake, don’t say a word — we ... — he whisper and I stopped him.

—Don’t say it — I whispered with my voice cracking — please, don’t say it.

—Think about it, you'll be better — I heard him whisper — I know you'll meet someone else.

—What didn’t you understand? — I asked him feeling upset while my tears fell — without you I have no courage to live one day, one minute, one second - I rebuke him without bothering to hide my tears — I’m scared of love, so don’t do this to me, don’t tell me that I will meet someone great.

—Understand you Minhyuk — he answered me frustrated — please.

—I know what you'll say — I said coldly as I approached to the door of the rehearsal room not going out yet — I already know the words you want to say, words that your lips are trying to say. Don’t make me close my eyes and cover my ears with my cold hands to prevent it — I said angry — please.

I opened the door upset to find me with the rest of Block B looking worried at me; I didn’t let them say anything before I was running to get out as fast as possible of the company. I didn’t want them to be near when I touch the bottom, I didn’t want them to see me cry, I didn’t want them to listen while I cry. I didn’t want to feel so lost and scared in this world that makes no sense. I hated the fact that they could see that tonight I'm really hurt.

—You're not who you used to be — I whisper while watching the stars, the night was cold in Seoul and I need him — you are no longer mine. Why you had to change? Can’t you come back? Cannot you just keep loving me? — I knew that while I was talking on my own people would look at me like I was crazy — it’s the end? — I stopped for a moment to wipe away tears that made me impossible to see my way.

I Look closely at where I was, it was the street of food, our favorite place. Tears wanted to go out again, here's where it all began, in a local of dukbokki, Mrs. Parks’. My tears started coming out and bit my lip to prevent from sounds leaving my mouth, but it hurt. I could see that Mrs. Park was coming towards me worried, but I couldn’t stand the pain and ran to all that gave my legs. I need your touch Babe I whisper in my mind at the time I recall his beautiful smile. I couldn’t believe this was happening, we were perfect together, we both knew by the way our bodies perfectly fit when we hug I'm falling babe; please catch me I begged while I was still running.

I didn’t want to stop but the barrier that separated me from Han River prevented me keep running, I try to calm myself as I walked staring at nothing. I knew if I jumped that barrier would be tempted to do something stupid. I smiled sadly; there are times when it's ok to have foolish thoughts when they are the only option left. I Jump the fence and sat on a rock to watch the moon reflected in the River, Why has to be just so beautiful tonight?

—Don’t do this — I whispered in a broken voice — please don’t make me cry

I take my head forcefully; I was going crazy. How can I live without you? This couldn’t be. How I'm supposed to let you go? How did that all change with just one word?

—Don’t go — I whispered — come back — I look ahead to see the silhouette of Yukwon walk away — don’t keep moving forward, I'm here — I wanted to scream but only I got a pitiful whisper — please — I begged that silhouette that my mind made but it hurt like I was seeing in reality — I don’t turn your back on me — I cry — I’m scared — I whispered — very scared.

I wondered if perhaps his pretty boy face made ​​him change his mind and promise the same things that he promised to me, my whole body ached, I could feel the loneliness and betrayal take place to continue eating me alive. It hurt me his gaze, that expression when he saw my tears fall as if they were nothing as he keep talking pretending nothing had happened. I started to miss those times when he will come to me running to dry the tears streaming down my face with his sweet caresses wondering what had happened, a few times he used to smiles when I replied it was because I had him next to me and I had his love. Did your love was a lie? I thought I was your everything. You were my everything, I smile just for you, and I lived just for you. I did believe in the love that you give me.

I really don’t want to believe that your love was a lie, that it was all lies when you said you only love me, that you would protect me. Your usual phrase 'we will always be together' it tastes like lies, perhaps, after saying so many times it lost their meaning and intention that it had. Why do I have to love you so much? I want to stop your departure but maybe your happiness only start when you're not with me. Maybe if I get aside your own paradise will began.

Maybe. Did I do something wrong? Did I have hurt him? I doubt it, every day and night unveiled me thinking what I could do to make him feel special. I refused to believe that he insinuated to me to meet someone else, someone who will make me happier, is he insane?

—Please don’t say it — I whispered when I recall his words — don’t tell me I'll be fine, don’t do this to me — my tears turned out to feel the agony — please don’t go. I'm right here — I begged to the emptiness of the night as I closed my fists in my hair while pulling it — please turn around, I'm here, don’t follow him. I’m nothing without you here.

I didn’t want to leave him, we fight for a long time to form our relationship with a solid foundation, without the support of our families, under the watchful eye of the CEO upon knowing about us, with the full weight of society, we form a beautiful relationship.

—Is our love really over? — I ask in a whisper — why now it hurts when I think of you? Can’t you see my tears, feeling the upcoming breakup? This is hurting me.

I'm losing my sanity, why I blame the wind to get between us? Why do I feel that the wind is the one to blame for the distance? Like a fool I believed in the beautiful words that he said to me for five years, and now everything is meaningless, he was lying. Why the hell did your heart change? Why did you let him take my place? Don’t you think all the pain that would leave in my heart? You've taken everything. Everything. But no matter how much I got hurt, I'll wait, I can wait forever because I don’t think I can find love again, I just want to hold on to him as time goes on, but if this came to stop everything would be fine.

It is ironic as it tries to get away, but the more he do it he got closer to me because I know that if he walk away, my heart will go running to follow his footsteps.

—Don’t do it – I whisper, my throat hurt from crying so much — I'm scared, I'm not ok, I'm not ok, I will not be ok.

I got up to look for the last time the moon's reflection in the river, every night I will keep missing holding tight his little hand. Oh my God, there is nothing that wouldn’t do as long as I get one more day with him, I would do anything for a single day because I can’t stand waking up in the morning without seeing him next to me, and it feels as if a sword is cutting my heart, every day a little more slowly. I don’t want to lie, but I want everything to be a lie and not keep deceiving me at the time I close my eyes and imagine Yukwon telling me that he loves me, that there’s no one else, that he loves me, only me.

—Please tell me the split up is a lie — I continue quietly — because you're my only love, you're my everything, please — I pleaded with new tears falling.

—Minhyuk — I felt him calling me, no. Please don’t I pray as hard as I closed my eyes tightly, I felt his arms surround me and gave me nausea — jeonbu — he whisper as he cried burring his face in my back — jeonbu geojismal — I felt my heart was beating again, but this time it doesn’t hurt — mian, naega jalmoshaess-eo — I felt his arms surround me with more strength — jaebal, dol-awa. Nan neol Saranghae, neol jaongmal Saranghae.

—Please say it again — I begged as I turned to holding him in my arms

—I love you — he whispers as we looked into ours eyes.

—I was so scared — I confessed as I started to cry again — I was terrified.

—I shall never hesitate; I'll never say those words.

—Please, never say it. I love you.

END