I remember the day I met Kai. It was the first day back to school after summer vacation and I was dropping off my baby brother Sehun on his first day of school ever. Sehun had tears filling up in his eyes as he pleaded with me not to send him to what he called a ‘Dungeon for Kids’. As he tugged on my hand I looked down at him. “Sehun you have to go to school”, I told him. “Luhan why can’t I just stay at home with mama?” he asked me, trying to pull his best aegyo on me. I chuckled, “Because everyone has to go to school Sehun”, I replied to him. “But you’re not coming with me”, he said in a soft voice. I sighed, “I’m older than you Sehun, I can’t come with you but I promise that you will make lots of friends”.  “Promise?” he asked holding his pinky out. “Promise”, I replied, returning his hand gesture.  I watched as he looked up towards the preschool fearfully. I knew he was not going to go in there without me. Sehun is like that, he won’t go anywhere without a familiar face with him. He hated being put in situations where he didn’t know anyone.  I looked around desperately trying to find a way out of here so I wouldn’t be late for school on the first day. ‘There has to be someone here that Sehun knows’, I thought. Suddenly my eyes locked on Mrs. Kyungsoo, a lady who just moved in down the street from my family. My mom introduced me to her a few days ago. I watched as she bent down towards a little boy as he hugged her. ‘Huh I didn’t know she had kids’, I thought to myself. Suddenly I got an idea as I urged Sehun towards Mrs. Kyungsoo and her son. “Mrs. Kyungsoo”, I said as I greeted her respectfully. “Oh Luhan what are you doing here”, she said smiling. “Just dropping off my baby brother to school”, I said. “I’m just dropping off my son Kai”, she said, “Say hi to hyung Kai”. I glanced at the cute kid, “Hi hyung”, Kai told me. I smiled towards him and bent down to his level which was not much of a big difference from my height. “Kai meet Sehun”, I told him. Kai looked at Sehun, a large smile plastered on his face, as he greeted him. I watched in amazement as Sehun suddenly hugged Kai saying, “Luhan has to go but you will stay with me in this Dungeon right?” Sehun told Kai. Mrs. Kyungsoo and I chuckled as the two immediately hugged agreeing to be best friends, and ran off into the playground. “This must be the start of an amazing adventure for them”, she told me. I agreed not realizing this would also be the start of an amazing adventure for me as well.

I remember when Kai started coming over to play every day. Occasionally you would hear little thumps as Sehun and Kai ran around the house. I would come to play with them too, being the amazing hyung I was. Sehun would always smile at my presence, but it was Kai who truly lit up like a kid in a candy store whenever he saw me. “Hyung!!” he would greet me throwing his arms around me as if he hadn’t seen me for a long time. I’d always chuckle and ruffle his hair, which he complained about constantly, and join into their game.  I would always let them beat me, and they rubbed it in my face as if they won an Olympic Medal. Afterwards umma would call us for dinner, and we’d always run down the stairs as she complained about us breaking the floorboards with our rambunctious behaviour. This soon became routine to us.

I remember when one day Kai did not come over. Sehun was waiting patiently at the door as I passed by him on my way downstairs to get some water. “Where’s Kai?” I asked him. “I don’t know”, he replied sadly. Suddenly I became worried. Kai never passed up an opportunity to come to over, so where would he be? I went into the kitchen to find umma with her head buried in her hands. I could hear her sniffling as her body shook. “Umma?”, I called out to her. She sat up quickly wiping away her tears and sadly smiled at me, “Hmm what is it Luhan?”, she asked. “Umma what’s wrong?”, I asked her panic filling my heart, as I tried to think of what could have happened to put her in this state of mind. Tears welled up in her eyes and fell down her cheeks, “Its Mrs. Kyungsoo”, she said, “she’s… she…. was in a car accident”.  I felt as if little shards of glass were imbedding themselves into my heart. “Is she going to be okay?”, I asked my voice cracking halfway through. “I don’t know, but she’s in critical condition”, she told me as I tried to wipe away her tears. Suddenly I realized something, “Umma what about Kai?”, I asked as horror filled my mind and my heart started to shred in picturing the worst situation. “Kai thankfully is okay, but we should go to the hospital and see him now, he definitely needs someone at the moment”, Umma told me. We rushed to the hospital as I just stared out the window the entire time worrying about Kai and his Umma. Sehun sat there with tear tracks glistening on his pale skin staring out the same window I was. As soon as we pulled up to the hospital Umma grabbed me and Sehun and ran towards the reception desk to find where Mrs. Kyungsoo and Kai were. Sehun looked up towards me and I could practically see his heart breaking through his eyes. “Are they okay Luhan”, Sehun asked. “I don’t know but they are both strong they will pull through this”, I told him trying to force myself to believe my own words. Umma soon found out where Kai and Mrs.Kyungsoo, and came back to us. “I’m going to go see how Mrs. Kyungsoo condition is you two can go see Kai, I will drop you off on the way”, she told us. She took us towards his room, and I watched as Sehun hands shake as he knocked on the door. “Come in”, I heard Kai softly call out. Sehun and I quietly shuffled into the room. I looked towards Kai and my heart broke. Though Kai walked away from the accident with only minor cuts and scrapes, the pain in his eyes was heart wrenching. Sehun quickly went up to Kai and pulled him into a hug. “You’ll be ok Kai”, he said as Kai smiled at him sadly. He glanced over at me, watching as I still assessed his condition. Sehun excused himself, saying he had to go to the bathroom. I soon realized it was just me and Kai, and that I was still silent making this really awkward. I walked towards Kai and pulled him into a hug, and I felt him break in my arms. “It should have been me”, Kai exclaimed crying. “It should have been neither of you”, I replied. Kai looked at me, “But I could have tried to stop it”, “No you could not Kai, you’re a kid not a superhero, now stop blaming yourself”, I sternly told him. “But.. But..”, “No buts Kai it’s not your fault so stop blaming yourself”, I said pulling him into a tight hug. “It will get better ”, I told him. “Promise?”, he asked his voice muffled by my chest. “I promise I will always protect you and be here for you Kai”, I replied knowing that is the most I could amount to without breaking my promise. Kai snuggled into my chest, finally relaxing in my arms. And I kept my promise. I was there for him through his mom’s recovery, through all the kids who bullied him, through everything. I kept my promise and I never forgot it. Throughout the years we were always there for each as we grew up and I knew this would be something that would last a lifetime.

I remember when Kai started to intrigue me in more than just a friendly way. It was the summer vacation and all of us decide to go swimming. I knew that Kai had started to develop but as he walked towards the pool, I had to tilt my head to the side to question if this was the Kai I knew, the little boy who I always protected from childhood bullies. He’s really different now as I felt my eyes scan all over his body. I didn’t realize I had been staring too long till he splashed me in the face. “Enjoying the view?”, he chuckled as I blushed. Not only has Kai body developed but so has his ego. But at the same time it doesn’t help that he gets flocked by girls every day at school. I caught Sehun staring at us, and I tried to brush it off by saying, “Yeah of that bug on your neck”. “What!?!”, Kai exclaimed repeatedly turning around making Sehun and I howl in laughter. When he realized I was just joking he just pouted saying, “Hyung that wasn’t funny”, in a really cute voice that made me feel as if there was something fluttering in my stomach. ‘When did Kai get so cute’, I thought. Suddenly I realized what just went through my head and I shook it back and forth in hope to clear it. ‘What are you doing Luhan’, I muttered to myself as thoughts of Kai flowed through my head. “Hyung is something wrong”, Kai asked me, looking quite concerned. “No I fine”, I replied pushing my thoughts to the back of my head. “Good”, Kai said as he suddenly splashed me and Sehun, and the water war began.

I remember what happened later that night as well. I lay in bed trying to get the thoughts of Kai out of my head. ‘Did I actually like Kai?’, I murmured to myself. I thought of all the times that I had been with Kai. I started to realize how much I paid attention to the details about Kai over the years. The way he always need a hug from me when he was scared, how he always preferred to sleep once he did something vigorous like dancing, how his aegyo would always come up around me but no one else knew how cute he could be, how he always had to eat Corn Puffs for breakfast. I thought of how he always bite his lip, how his smile could light up a room, his eyes able to speak a thousand words when he didn’t utter one, and how he would always be nice to everyone spreading the warmth of his heart around. I slapped myself on the forehead. I didn’t just like Kai I was in love with him! “Finally figured out your feelings”, I heard someone say near the doorway. I looked up to see Sehun leaning against the wall. “What… How… DID YOU JUST READ MY MIND?!!”, I exclaimed. He chuckled, “As cool as that would be Luhan, and as much as it would enjoy me to scare you, no I did not read it”, he said, “Your pretty obvious in the way you stare at him, drooling”. I scowled at him. “So when are you going to tell him”, Sehun asked. “Are you nuts, he can’t know?!?”, I panicked. “Why… Because you think he won’t like you back?”, Sehun said, “He loves you hyung!”. “Yeah in a friendly way, and I can’t risk that”, I told him bluntly. “So what you’re just going to hide forever”, Sehun said, “Your braver than that’’. “I promised that I would always be there for him though, and this will ruin that promise”, I told him. “Or it will make it stronger”, he replied walking away from my room. I stared at my door, my brain replaying Sehun statement in my head over and over.

I remember running out of my house, texting Kai to meet me in the park saying I had something to tell him. I sat on the swing exhausted from running that fast. I looked around waiting for Kai. Suddenly I felt as someone wrapped their arms around me pulling me into a bone crushing hug. “Hyung!”, Kai yelled. I turned around laughing nervously as I hugged him back. I rubbed my neck as I opened my mouth to tell him my feelings, but he beat me to it. “I have good news hyung!”, Kai exclaimed. “What is it”, I asked him. Kai looked at me smiling though I didn’t notice how it was a different smile, “You know that pretty girl Tiffany in my class……well we are now dating!!” I felt my heart drop down to my stomach and rip into a million pieces, as his words pierced my mind over and over again. Kai hugged me, pulling my slightly smaller stature into his and jumping up and down repeatedly. He suddenly dropped me on my feet as he waved to someone behind me. “Tiffany!!”, he called towards that person. I spun around to face this girl as my jaw dropped when I recognized her. OMG she’s the schools…. You know… slu..WHY THE FLIPPING TURTLES IS KAI DATING HER! I watched as she walked up towards Kai practically forcing her tongue down his throat as I watched in disgust. I felt my heart shatter and tears welled up in my eyes. I knew I had to get out of here, and I ran as if my life depended on it.

I remember Sehun and Umma asking me what’s wrong.

I remember trying to tell Kai that I was just not feeling well and pretending that nothing was wrong.

I remember trying to be nice to Tiffany when we first officially met in Kai’s perspective, though truthfully we officially met when I caught her hooking up with a guy in the boys change room. She pushed me against the lockers threatening me not to tell Kai. I glared at her and said, “Do you honestly think I’m not going to tell Kai?”. “Well I know you won’t because you want to keep being friends with him”, she spat at me giving me an evil smile, “After all you wouldn’t want Kai to know that you in love with him?”. “How do you know that?”, I stuttered. “Your pretty obvious with the way you stare at him like he’s a god all the time”, she smirked evilly, “So you not going to tell him unless you want your little secret to come out”. I gulped suddenly feeling as if I was at a cross road. On one hand I could tell Kai but then he will know how I feel about him and hate me, on the other I breaking my promise to protect him. ‘But he would hate me if he knew how I feel about him, and then how will I protect him’, I thought. So I slowly nodded my head sliding the lockers, thinking of how I probably just ruined Kai’s life by agreeing to this, as I watched as Tiffany’s heels click away.

I remember my heart wrenching when I saw Kai after, and the way he gazed at Tiffany when she came over, while she smirked at me, he watched my face as if looking for my reaction.

I remember wishing each day Kai would magically realized how I felt.

I remember crying every night for Kai.

I remember the years I had to put up with Tiffany, as Kai still seemed oblivious to her cheating ways.

I remember when Kai got his first real job, he came to my house and pulled me into his infamous bone crunching hug, but left soon after telling me he was going to see Tiffany, not seeing the tears blur in my eyes.

I remember when Kai announced his engagement to Tiffany.

I remember falling deeper into a hole of depression.

I remember Sehun trying to tell me I could still tell Kai, while I just sat there wishing that I could at least say that Tiffany deserved Kai, when she really didn’t because she was now cheating regularly on him.

I remember the worst day ever, their wedding day. The sickly sweet smile Tiffany had on, the smile Kai wore, and the feeling that I had in my heart. It felt as if Tiffany stabbed me in there with her stupid 6 inch heel. I recall catching Tiffany yet again cheating, on her own wedding day, she has a tendency to enjoy mentally scarring me. I wish I had thrown her 6 inch heel at her head. Or at least I should have told Kai. But I didn’t do either, and how I regret it.

I’m now deeper in that hole of depression.

I remember getting that phone call, that one phone call that changes my life forever. “Hello?”, I answered the phone still half asleep. I heard sniffling on the other line, and suddenly I heard Mrs. Kyungsoo voice, “Luhan I think you need to come over to my house right now”. I sat up and quickly rushed out of my house, speeding to Mrs. Kyungsoo. I entered the house finding Kai, Mrs. Kyungsoo, Umma, and Sehun in the living room. “What’s going on?”, I said my voice enable to hide my panic. “Sit down Luhan this might be a lot to take in”, Umma said to me. I sat down my eyes suddenly shifting to Kai’s, whose were bloodshot. I gulped fearing for the worse. Mrs. Kyungsoo started to speak, “Luhan a couple of days ago Kai attended the doctor’s office because he has been feeling out of sorts lately”. “Out of sorts?”, I questioned. “I’ve been forgetting things”, Kai finally said speaking up. I glance at him as Mrs. Kyungsoo continued, “Well the doctor… he … he told Kai that”, She said breaking down before finishing her sentence. Kai wrapped his arms around her. “He has an early stage of Alzheimer’s”, Sehun finished for her. My mind went blank and I tried to process this. ‘He can’t’, I thought, ‘He’s so young’. “It is possible for him to contract it at his age, but it’s very rare”, Sehun said. I opened my mouth to say something but shut it when I heard a voice behind me. “Okay so what’s going on I was busy doing something”, Tiffany said behind me. ‘Or someone’, I thought as I glanced at her messy hair and messed up shirt. “Kai has Alzheimer’s”, Sehun said directly getting to the point. Tiffany suddenly started laughing as we glanced up at her in shock. Mrs. Kyungsoo spoke saying, “It’s true”. I watched as Tiffany face suddenly hardened as anger flashed in her eyes. “Is it true Kai”, she spoke venomously to him. He looked up shocked at her actions but stuttered out, “Yes.. It’s true”. Rapidly the evil glint in her eyes got stronger as she looked Kai in the eyes and said, “This marriage is over I’m getting a divorce”. Mrs.Kyungsoo, Umma, and Sehun gasped at her actions as Kai looked at her in shock. She whirled around ready to leave but walked towards me saying, “You can have Kai now that he’s useless, after all you always loved him”. With that statement she walked out slamming the door behind her. Everyone looked at me in shock as my face flushed red. “Luhan..”, Kai began to say, but I didn’t let him finish. I ran out of the house without saying a single goodbye.

I remember avoiding everyone after that, hiding from my family and Kai.

I remember cursing myself for messing up the greatest friendship I had.

I remember missing Kai.

I remember when there was a knock on my door one day. I had been lying of the couch all day sulking, and I finally decided to get up just to answer it, probably one of my neighbours again checking to see that I didn’t do something stupid.  To my surprise Kai was standing in front of me. I panicked, ‘What if he’s here to tell me how much he hates me and how we’re not friends’, I thought. But Kai looked at me with sad eyes, “Can  I come in?”, he begged. I agreed ushering him in. I began to speak, “Kai I’m sorry… I know I ruined our friendship and you hate me now… gosh I’m so stupid why did I have to ruin everything, I sorry-“, I was suddenly cut off by Kai’s finger on my lip. I glanced up at him into his eyes but I did not see hatred. Instead I saw adoration and love. I blinked wondering if it was just an illusion. But it was still present in his eyes. “How could I hate the hyung I have been in love with since the day I met him”, Kai whispered to me. ‘What’, I thought, ‘How is that possible.. What!!?!’. “Wait you haven’t been in love with me, you’ve been in love with Tiffany this whole time!”, I exclaimed.  Maybe this was a dream… “This isn’t a dream”, Kai told me. “How would you know that if I thought it, gosh this is a dream”, I said. He chuckled, pinching me. “YAH”, I told him “Respect me I’m your hyung”. “Well hyung, will you let me finish?”, he asked playfully. “Fine”, I muttered using the same tone. “I didn’t love Tiffany hyung, I loved you, but Sehun told me that you didn’t love me as far as he knew so I knew I had to move on”, Kai rambled. “Wait what?”, I exclaimed, “Sehun told you what?!”. Suddenly I grabbed my phone dialing Sehun number, “Hey Hyung”, Sehun answered but I cut him off, “You told Kai what?!”. I heard Sehun chuckle, “Finally that boy had the guts to tell you”, he said. “Sehun why would you tell him that I didn’t love him”, I yelled at him. “Because hyung  I said I didn’t think he did as far as I knew so he would check with you, plus I knew you would hate me if I told him that you did”, Sehun said. “But… But”, I tried to think of something to counter his statement. “ And I’m not the one in this relationship, you two are supposed to confess, not me I’m not your matchmaker”, Sehun said chuckling. I sighed he did have a point, “But you could have saved us from all the trouble these past years”, I yelled at him about to give him one of my rants. He coughed awkwardly, “However hyung you got your fairy tale ending so I going to go bye now”, he said trying to escape from my rant. “Sehun!!”, I yelled at the phone but all I heard was the dial tone. I heard Kai chuckle behind me and I whirled around to face him. “Why would you act like you loved Tiffany though”, I growled at him still angry for not getting my rant. He held up his hands defensively. “Hey I knew she was a cheater so I figured it would be best to try to fake love with someone who was faking it with you”, Kai said. I glared at him but soften when he pulled him infamous aegyo on me. Suddenly he got serious, “But I understand if you don’t want me in my condition, because face it no one wants to love someone whose slowly losing their memory”. “No one may not want to love someone like that, but I know a Luhan who will”, I said stepping towards him. He looked up at me and I was startled realizing this is what Kai looks like when he’s truly happy. I guess I was blind to it before when he was with Tiffany, and I thought that was Kai’s true happy state, but this in front of me was the picture of happiness. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer and cupping my cheek. He it gently before staring into my eyes. “I love you”, he murmured, before pressing our lips together. Sparks of happiness flew through me. I guess Sehun was right, I did get my fairy tale ending, it may not be perfect and we will definitely have hardships with Kai’s condition, but I got it.

Epilogue:

I remember the kisses, the cuddles, the strolls in which we held hand in hand.

I remember the love, the sparks that flew over my head, the feeling of floating on a cloud of happiness.

I remember the 'I do's', the simply looks that could make you shiver with happiness.

I remember all of it Kai, and even though your memory has faded I know you still feel it in your heart every time you put your hand above mine, every time you smile towards me, every time you let me kiss you till both our heads spin with sparks flying above. You may not remember the specific moments love but it is fine because I do, and I will remind you. But I know that I don’t have to because you don’t need to remember those moments to still show that you love me.

It will be okay because I will always remember for you Kai.