The first rays of sunrise shone through the glass window, lighting up the white-painted hospital room on to the end of my bed, warming up my cold toes. Chucking the thin blue blanket aside, I stretched and took my first gulp of air. Changjo stirred in his bed, clutching tighter on to his own blanket.

The two beds in front of me were empty and Dad was not where I last saw him. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I reached for my glasses that were placed nicely next to a piece of paper.

‘Morning,sweetheart.’ It read. ‘I woke a while before you did. Something came up at work, I took the boys home too. I’ll come visit you again when I’m done. Oh, and Byunghun said he would come by too. – Appa’

Casting a glance at the beds, Niel and Dongwoo slept in, I noticed that they were still unmade with  the pillows dented. Grabbing my best friend, the IV drip, I exited the room.

I slowly walked down the hospital hall, gazing at the health boards, green trees through a few glass windows,  randomly taking turning from left to right.  My mind was blank, a black mist clouded my ability to think, my legs with a mind of their own. Before I knew it, I found myself at a dead end, next to a huge glass window. It gave me a view of the bustling city with cars crawling on the roads, people pushing along the pavement to get to work and birds flying gracefully across the sky.

A door creaked open, letting a draft of perfume sweep through the air. “Good morning, you.”

“Morning, Mrs.Song. ” I mumbled as I bowed at the doctor, Mrs. Song,who was also a good friend of my mom. ‘What are you doing here all by yourself?” She took a sip of the steaming drink from her red smiley mug.

“Just getting some exercise.” I mustered a smile and looked down the hall again. “Come on in. There’s something, I’d like to tell you.” She opened her door wider and gestured me to come in.

I followed her and sat on the maroon sofa. “What is it?”

She set her mug down and took a file from one of her drawers. “Do you know why you’re here, you?” I nodded.

“Appa said I had severe food poisoning. I must have ate something bad. That’s why, right?” She stared at few for a couple moments. Feeling uncomfortable, I played with my fingers. I hated this kind of situations. Situations where someone doesn’t say anything but stares at you, with a disappointed look. After what felt like an eternity, she clearedher throat and proceeded to talk.

“Your condition is worse. I only told your father that because I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to tell him.”

I stared at the stack of magazines under the coffee table. Confusion washed over me. “You had Arsenic poisoning. The thing is, it won’t happen immediately. It needs to be  consumed for on a long term basis.”  I froze. “Isn’t Arsenic one of the chemicals used in…pesticides..?”

Letting out a sigh, she nodded. “Also used in aerosol sprays.”

“How is that possible..?” My voice faltered. It dawned on me, If I didn’t take the poison, then it must have been someone else trying to poison me. But who? I was still pondering about who could have done such a thing when Mrs.Song came over and gently rubbed my back.

“Did you take the poison by your own will?” I shook my head from side to side. “But I didn’t taste anything in my food…” The memory of the metallic water flashed in my mind. “ ..except for the water I drank before…I passed out..”

She continued to rubbed my back soothingly and brushed my hair with her palm. I felt a pounding pain my chest. Gasping, it felt like my heart was being crushed, pulled, stomped on and beating irregularly.  I clutched my chest and curled into a ball, shutting my eyes tight, praying for excruciating pain to go away.

“Are you okay?Breathe, breathe!” Mrs.Song panicked and tried to pull my head up for air.  Seconds later, the pain went away. More like disappeared in a flash.   Letting out a relieved sigh, I wiped the cold beads of sweat that had form on my forehead.

“I’m okay now.. I’ve been getting headaches and chest pains lately. It’s probably from stress. I’m fine.” I reassured her and downed the glass of water that had appeared in my right hand. Her face fell,  “I don’t think it’s something you should ignore...”

I looked at her quizzically. “Is that not normal?” She hugged me tight, leaving me shell-shocked. “I’m so sorry.” She softly whispered in my ear, before I could ask her what she was sorry for, “You have cancer..”

D-Did I heard wrong? She didn’t just say cancer, right?

“W-What?” I gently pushed her away, disbelief of what I just heard. There’s no way, I could have cancer. A sickness that can succumb the patient to death. Not now, not when I’ve stop trying to kill myself a long time ago.

“I wanted to tell you first. Patients usually want to deliver the bad news by themselves.” The wheels in my mind reeled furiously, trying to find a logical explanation.

“How can I have cancer? I’m only 16, going to be 17 in a couple of weeks. I exercise regularly and I don’t smoke or drink.”

“The Arsenic.” She sobbed. “The Arsenic poison can caused the consumer cancer. It builds cancer cells in the organs. And I tested your stress level and they were very high. They also showed that you are depressed. You don’t have to be old to get cancer. It can happen to anyone of any age.” I gave her a look and she quickly added. “But you can get tested again. Just to be sure.”

“What stage am I?” My eyes suddenly felt like it weight a ton to just look up.

“The second stage..You can  get treatments and-“ Abruptly standing up, I bowed a ninety degrees bow and with my head still lowered, “I won’t be getting treatments until I  get the tests done again and I won’t be telling my family about it until the results are certain that I have cancer. I’d appreciate it if you kept this to yourself too. Let this be our secret from now on.” I kept stance, hoping that she will sympathize and not tell others about this. Oh god, please let it  be a yes. Please let it be a yes….

Taking a deep breath, she nodded and patted my back. “Alright,then. I’ll arrange you for the tests as soon as possible.” I exited the room after thanking her.

-

Sighing, I traced back my steps to my ward. But somehow I kept ending up at the cafeteria,the scent of  steaming freshly prepared  breakfast made my stomach growled in attempt to make me stop walking around in circles.

“Aish…I’m definitely lost…” I thumped the wall my forehead was resting against.The words -  ‘You’re sick, might as well jump off now. Give it up, you.’ – rang in my head. “No, I can't. It would hurt a lot of people. The girls, my friends, Appa, Dongwoo, Hoya and my boyfriend. Especially Appa and Niel..”

And Dongwoo...A tiny voice whispered from the back of my mind. Memory from the night at the library flashed, making me shiver.

“Honey, are you alright?” I turned in direction of the high-pitched voice. A face consumed by age smile at me. Inhaling a deep breath, she smelled of ripe peaches and lavender. Soothing and calming.

“Oh my, you look like you’ve lost hope in life!” If only you knew. “I can’t seem to remember where my ward is.” The old lady chuckled. Boy, someone’s in a good mood.

“Come,come, child. I’ll take you to the front table.”

I nodded and gave her a grateful smile. “Thank you, ahjumma.”

-

“Where have you been?” L.Joe sneered, peering over the novel he was reading. Changjo looked up from his bowl of porridge. “You okay?”

“A very good morning to you, Grumpy.” I shot back at L.Joe, he cackled and went back to his book.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” No, I wandered around with my IV drip, what do you expect?

Crashing on to my bed, I flickered through  the channels on the television. One after one, finally I settled down for Running man. I hungrily finished my own porridge in mere minutes. “Morning, beautiful.” Niel swooshed in, kissing my forehead.

I blushed. “Morning.”

“What’s with the blushing?” Minsoo teased, I poked him in the ribs when he came closer. “Ow..Fiesty.” He smirked and ruffled my hair. “That’s me. y, aren’t I?” With a faux-pout, I laughed when L.Joe dropped his book, Changjo choked on his water and the others doubled over in hysterics.

Sorry for not updating, guys.

School is seriously killing me. I mean seriously, the work my teachers give are ridiculous!!

Do comment, yeah? ;) I love you, guys!!