It's a rainy afternoon and Minseok is busy preparing something for dinner. "Zitao..." He calls out, he gets a soft grumble in response, "help me out a little, won't you?" But before the raven-haired boy could answer again, Lu han emerges from his bedroom, Sehun following him.

"Lemme help you." Lu han offers and immediately goes to cut some vegetables on the kitchen counter. Sehun sits next to Zitao on the couch.

"Can we change the channel? News is boring." Sehun is about to take the remote when Zitao slaps his hand away, "Just let me finish this."

The four boys live in a small apartment with 2 rooms. Sehun and Lu han share one (since they're a couple anyway) while Zitao sleeps on the couch - he refuses to room with Minseok since he wakes up really early for wushu warm ups on the rooftop, and the older works in the mornings. He doesn't want to disturb him at all. 

They're all friends from the same neighborhood  - except for Lu han- Minseok, being the oldest was able to rent the place after college, Sehun and Zitao moves in with him when the two younger boys entered the university near the complex, they used to share the bedroom until the doe-eyed Chinese moved in with them to be with his Sehun. 

"You're such a fanboy, don't you know that?" Sehun comments when Zitao's eyes widen a little and a soft smile tugs on his lips when a certain celebrity appears on screen, his arrival from some western country is being broadcasted onscreen. Zitao doesn't respond to Sehun, he just promptly hands him the remote once the news is over and stands to help out preparing dinner.

"You're so into this Kris Wu, whatever. How long have you been fanboying about him?" Sehun prods on, a bit y and playful at the same time.

"None of your business." Zitao responds rather coldly, Minseok mouths towards him to shut his occasionally lisped mouth.

Kris Wu is a very sensitive matter especially to Zitao. The couple doesn't know why, but Minseok does.

They're all waiting for their food to come to a boil when a phone rings, Zitao fumbles to answer it immediately, and when he speaks in Chinese and leaves the apartment for privacy, Minseok gets the idea on who's on the other line. Looks like there'll be plenty of leftovers tonight.

A few minutes later Zitao returns inside, "I'm going out." Lu han raises an eyebrow, "But Minseok-shii made your favorite, why don't you eat first?"

"Let him go, Lu han. It's okay. Go Zitao." Minseok responds with a smile. The youngest smiles and takes his bag with him before heading out.

"You know, hyung... I'm... We're getting a little curious here already." Sehun starts, Lu han nods. "Whatever Zitao's business is, it's his own. When he's ready maybe he'll tell you."

"But hyung, we've been living together more than a year already. It's not that he's cold, but he goes subzero when it's about days like this."

Minseok just smiles, "Let it go, Sehun. Let's eat."

"You know something about this, huh?" Lu han interjects, Minseok just sighs, "Yes, I do. I promised not to tell anyone though so I'm not gonna tell on him anyway."

"You're an athhole."

"Manners." Minseok smacks the back of Sehun's head and Lu han just laughs it off.

-----

Zitao stands outside a small diner a few blocks away from his apartment. He catches his breath (he ran until his legs almost gave up) as he waits for him. He checks his watch, he's a bit early - maybe a little too early, too eager. He yelps when someone grabs his wrist and takes him inside.

They've both been in this diner far too many times that the last booth on the corner has been perpetually reserved for them and the employees know them. And nobody talks about them.

"Yi Fan.." Zitao breathes as they take their table. A waitress serves them coffee then walks away silently.

"Hey." Yi Fan's voice is deep and it gives Zitao the chills everytime he speaks.

Zitao smiles widely to throw away his nerves, "How was it? Did you have fun overseas?"

"It was fun. Tiring too. My jaws hurt from smiling." Yi Fan crosses his arms over the table and lowers his cap as he tries to hide more of his face, "I missed you, Tao."

"I did too. Always, everyday."

Their conversation is cut again when their usual dinner is served for them, Zitao thanks the waitress who smiles at him genuinely before she leaves.

"We would have been so sick of this food if we were still in the university." Yi Fan comments, Zitao giggles, "Excuse me, I'm still there. But, I never eat here without you, so, with our very rare meetups, I kinda miss eating these."

Yi Fan's phone rings, he checks his phone before promptly turning it off. "Shouldn't you answer? It must be important." Zitao asks.

"It's my manager, he's just probably looking for me. I kinda escaped the hotel for tonight."

"I watched the news of your arrival today."

"Yeah? Sorry I didn't call immediately, I was so jetlagged I fell asleep the moment my body touched the bed."

"It's okay, Yi Fan. It's always okay."

Yi Fan's other phone rings, and he answers it after 5 rings, "What is it, Chanyeol?!"

"Get out of there now!"

"What?"

" you. Manager-hyung said you turned off your 'Kris' phone and he knows you hate it when he calls this number so he told me to tell you that some fans have tweeted that they've seen you leave the hotel and entered the diner."

" it."

"Leave Zitao there and leave separate ways. Just... I don't know. Get out of there." Chanyeol hangs up and Yi Fan faces Zitao, whose worries are very evident in his eyes.

"I'll call you in 10 minutes, okay? Stay here and finish your food." Yi Fan stands and leaves Zitao alone in the booth. He pays their dinner before asking if he can take the backdoor to exit the place.

Zitao bites his lower lip and stares at Yi Fan's barely touched food, and now, even if he wants to finish his dinner he just lost his appetite.

Ten, fifteen, thirty minutes passed and Yi Fan doesn't call.

-----

"How is he?" Minseok asks when Zitao enters the apartment and plops on the couch.

The younger just shrugs, "He wasn't even able to finish his dinner."

"Tao... Is he still worth it?"

"We've been doing this for years, Minseok-ge. I've gotten used to it."

"But Zitao, he's a popular rapper. He will never come out as gay, not even biual. You will forever be in the shadows of this relationship."

"I am not breaking up with him, ge. At least not now. As long as he comes back to me, as long as he has no intentions of leaving me, I'm staying."

"Zitao, you're just gonna have a heartbreak. Are you happy? Don't be stupid."

"I trust you about our relationship, ge. I know you want what's best for me, but this is what I want, this is what makes me happy." Zitao's voice is getting angry but he's still trying to keep his calm, "I... I'm sorry, ge. Right now isn't just the good time to talk about this..."

Before Minseok can respond, there are a series of knocks on the door. Zitao lazily walks towards it and opens it for a surprise, "Why are you here?!"

"Escaped? Won't you let me in?"

"Yi Fan?" Minseok questions when the rapper enters the apartment. "Ge, it's been awhile."

"Really a while. Please, pardon the mess." Minseok gestures for Yi Fan to sit on the couch, "I'm gonna heat the food."

"Where's Sehun and Lu han-ge by the way?" Zitao asks, Minseok tells them the two went out to see some late night movie.

Zitao and Yi Fan stays awkwardly quiet while sitting beside each other. They don't say anything, Yi Fan traces the younger's hand with his finger and whispers 'I'm sorry...' Zitao doesn't respond but opts to lay his head on Yi Fan's shoulder as they wait for their homemade dinner to be reheated.

"I've never met Sehun, ever..." Yi Fan blurts out as he looks at the framed picture of the roommates. "He went to an exchange program when we started dating, remember? And when he returned, you graduated and well, you're here now."

"You should eat now. I'll be in my room." Minseok cuts the conversation, Zitao and Yi Fan walks over to the table where dinner has been served. Minseok bids them good night before settling in his own room.

"Manager-hyung was already at the backdoor of the diner when I left... I couldn't call you immediately since he's scolding me all the way to the hotel."

"You don't have to explain. We've been through this many times and it's okay."

Yi Fan reaches over and holds Zitao's hand, "It's not okay. Why do you say it's always okay? It's never okay."

"What are you going to do about it then?" Zitao looks at Yi Fan sharply, the blond releases him, "I don't know, Zitao. I really don't."

"Then let's not make a big deal out of it. I need to tell myself it's okay everyday so that it eventually will."

"Zitao... Are you happy? With me? With this?"

"I am." Zitao smiles, "Are you?"

"Yes. But I can't help but feel like I'm being unfair to you."

"You're fair enough."

Yi Fan's phone rings again, the blond scrunches his nose before picking it up, "Manager-hyung?"

"Where are you?!"

"I'm with him."

"You have a schedule the day after tomorrow. Chanyeol already went home, how about you?"

"Send my luggage to my apartment, hyung. Thanks."

"Just be careful, Kris. We can't have trouble."

"Yeah. I know."

Yi Fan hangs up the phone and looks at Zitao, "Let me sleep over."

"That will be awesome." Zitao smiles widely and Yi Fan's heart flutters and breaks at the same time. He hasn't seen that smile in months, and he's glad to see it again, sad that it's not always that he does.

They stop talking about Yi Fan's work and they just cuddle on the couch talking about their past and undeniably vague future together - they skip their very secretive present and the pain it brings to the both of them.

"Remember how much you scared me before we started going out?" Yi Fan asks as he lies on his back while Zitao lies on his chest facing him. The younger nods with a huge grin, "How could I forget? You ran away when I called you out. I mean, it was funny. Basketball star player running away from a Freshman."

"With a big wushu stick."

"You loved it."

"I love you." Yi Fan tells Zitao and he tilts his head up a little to kiss the younger, "I'm sorry. I just realized how I kept you from the public eye even in college."

"It's not like we were a secret in college. We enjoyed our dates, we just never told anyone we're boyfriends." Zitao lies his head on Yi Fan's chest, "And I love you too."

-----

The shriek that comes out of Sehun and Luhan when they arrive home is humanely impossible when they see THE Kris Wu sleeping (well, awake now) underneath Tao (who scratches his when he hits the floor after he becomes collateral damage when Yi Fan woke up abruptly from the shrieks). "Babe! I'm so sorry!" Yi Fan pulls Zitao up immediately before facing the two who just arrived. Minseok runs out of his room with a baseball bat in hand.

"BABE?! What babe?!" Lu han asks, still half-screaming from the shock.

"I'm Kris. Sorry to meet you like this. I'm Tao's boyfriend."

"Are you theriouth?!?!"

"Yes?" Zitao responds, "I'm so sorry, Sehun, Lu han-ge. It's just..."

"Hold that thought!" Lu han stops Zitao from explaining further, "YOU WILL EXPLAIN! AND WE WILL BE BACK. WE'LL REWIND, WE'LL FORGET THE SHRIEKS AND YOU'LL INTRODUCE US PROPERLY!" Lu han grabs his still shock-stricken boyfriend out again, Minseok shakes his head and prepares hot tea for everyone. This will be a very long night for sure.

"You have interesting roommates." Yi Fan comments, Zitao just smiles, "Yeah."

-----

"I'm Lu han, and this is Sehun." Lu han introduces themselves when they settle in the dining table laden with snacks and instant noodles, "You're Krith Wu. You can't be dating your number one fanboy!" Sehun interjects, his lisp still evident - he's still recovering from the news even if he and Lu han had already shopped and taken a walk.

"But I am, Sehun. We've been dating for more than 2 years now."

"You jutht debuted with Chanyeol for a year!" Sehun still argues, there's just no way this is possible.

"In college. I did go to the same university as you guys."

"YOU DID NOT!"

"Wu Yi Fan. My real name is Yi Fan."

"That uber famouth bathketball jock? And thith rapper with Chanyeol ith one and the thame?"

Yi Fan shrugs, "Apparently. Zitao said you were overseas when we started dating."

"That's the time I moved in. I mean, when we got back from Japan. Why didn't you say anything, Zitao?"

"We barely saw each other when he debuted and became famous almost overnight. I just thought I'd keep it a secret until it's all over."

Yi Fan raises an eyebrow, "Over? What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, when you know, when things settle down a bit."

"No. I don't know. Are you planning on breaking up with me?" Yi Fan prods on, still a bit surprised with the word 'over' coming out of Zitao's mouth.

"NO! Why would I...?"

"Both of you calm down!" Minseok breaks up the rising tension between the couple, he eyes Sehun first, "Relax. Your lisp is annoyingly cute." Then looks at the rapper and Zitao again, "Both of you, stop."

"Sorry, ge." The couple says at the same time. Lu han glares at Minseok this time, "So you knew? This is what you knew?"

"I've always known. Yi Fan's my classmate and he actually slept over here a hundred times before when you were away, Sehun." Minseok tells them matter of factly.

"But... How? Come on, I wasn't gone a long time! And Yi Fan's already quite popular before I left! How did he even...?" Sehun asks rapidly, his lisp eventually fading away.

"Seriously, Sehun. You're like a kid with too many questions." Zitao tells the maknae, growing a bit embarrassed with the situation, "Excuse me, Zitao-hyung. I am a kid and I do have too many questions."

"The basketball team wasn't having any practice that one particular day and I was just checking the gym when I saw him practicing his wushu. He was so intense and scary, so when he glared at me for intruding, I practically ran away." Yi Fan explains, Lu han breaks into a fit of laughs, "THAT was embarrassing!!!"

"Hey! I think it's cute, Lu han-ge." Zitao defends, Yi Fan smiles and the tension dies a little.

"But..." Lu han starts apprehensively, the young Chinese looks at his doe eyed gege, urging him to go on, "Do you mean to tell us, even then... You weren't really public with your relationship?"

Yi Fan tilts his head as if thinking of the right answer, "How do I say this?"

"We weren't out, as in out like the both of you." Zitao starts, "We were able to go out normally... We were never really into PDA. Back then, it was nice, I guess? I'm from the wushu team, he's in basketball. Back then, it would simply look like two athletes hanging out..."

"Why not do it like that again?" Sehun asks, Yi Fan shakes his head, "It's not that simple. Not right now. I just don't want Zitao's private life involved. Even all of yours too."

"But someday... Someday you'd be able to go out together and not in hiding, right?"

"... Yeah. Someday, maybe, little Sehun." Yi Fan laughs, and before Sehun can curse the rapper Minseok has glared at him, "Manners, Sehun."

The conversation shifts from topic to topic and before they knew it, it's almost 5am. "All of you go to sleep. Sehun, you have classes at ten. Lu han, you have part-time by 9. You have afternoon classes, Zitao."

"I don't have any schedule today." Yi Fan tells them, "Can I just stay here?"

"Sure." Minseok responds, "Looks like you aren't going to your class." The oldest smiles at Zitao who just nods.

Just like that the group breaks separately into their assigned rooms, except for Zitao and Yi Fan who returns to the couch. They're spooned against each other on the small couch, Zitao pressing his back against Yi Fan's chest, with the older's arm wrapped on his waist. "Tao..."

"Yeah...?"

"What do you mean, over?"

"You won't let it go?"

"I won't."

"It's not me who's planning to break up with you. Honestly, Minseok-hyung is already asking me about it earlier. He wonders if I am still happy with you, and that this is becoming stupid..." Zitao's voice breaks and Yi Fan holds him closer, "He said you won't come out, you won't admit to it, and no one would know about us and I'd forever be hidden in the shadows of this relationship..."

Yi Fan doesn't respond, he knows that what his sobbing boyfriend is saying is half-true, because right now he's in a dilemma about their relationship going public. It's not like he hasn't thought about doing what they did in college. They can pretend to be the best of friends, him and Zitao, but he can't lie. He'd rather hide Zitao from the public's eye than lie to them and to himself as well. Besides, if he's out with him EVERY chance they get publicly, let's just say that the fans' imagination isn't one to ignore too.

"Zitao..."

"Hmn...?"

"Hold on a little longer, okay? And hold on tighter."

"I will... But don't let go."

-----

Tao wakes up still wrapped in Yi Fan's arms. The sun shines brightly outside the window, and he turns to face his lover even in discomfort in moving in such a tight space.

By the looks of it, his roommates had left already. He decides to steal a few more sleep basking in Yi Fan's warmth before it leaves him cold for a time once more.

He awakes maybe an hour later from butterfly kisses on his face, on his neck, everywhere. His skin trembles on the brush of Yi Fan's hand on his waist. "Yi Fan..."

"Hey..." Yi Fan smiles and captures his lips with the rapper's own.

That mid-morning, they make love like it's the first time all over again. The pain and pleasure that seeps through Zitao's body at that moment seems to mask the same feelings inside his heart.

They shower together after, kissing each other's bodies as if they haven't tasted enough of one's skin. Under the falling water, Zitao cries. And Yi Fan does too. They always end up crying together under the shower when time is almost up, and Yi Fan will just hold Zitao close, until they both calm down and they'd dry their bodies in silence.

Zitao have ordered Chinese takeout for late lunch and they're cuddled in the couch eating, with Yi Fan wearing his clothes. Before nightfall, Yi Fan stands and heads to the door, Zitao walks him there even if he hates it everytime Yi Fan leaves (they often head to Yi Fan's old apartment near the university - he can afford to rent out two places - and the rapper always leaves first).

"I'll see you soon. I'll call you when I get home." Yi Fan tells him before opening the door, Zitao nods, "Yeah. I'll be waiting."

"I love you."

Zitao kisses him swiftly on the lips, "I love you too."

That night when his roommates return to Zitao watching news, Sehun doesn't tell him to change the channel anymore. When his phone rings, Zitao doesn't have to leave the room and nobody questions him when he leaves suddenly, or too early in the morning or too late at night. Or when a certain tall blond is sleeping on the couch trying to rid his jetlag.

A few months later, everyone's watching the news (with Zitao the most eager. Yi Fan just finished shooting his first movie), a reporter asked him why he turned down the first movie role offered to him as the lead actor in a cheesy love story with a lovely actress as his leading lady and opted for a supporting role in a martial arts flick, and what he answers makes Zitao cries, Minseok proud and the couple happy for some reason.

"I'm not an actor, I'm a rapper. Acting is something I just wanted to try, and I realized that it's really hard to do. Besides, I'm in love. I don't need that movie to feel that kind of love."

Kris ends his statement there, even with the reporters still asking who his lover is, all Kris does is smirk with his chronic face and enters his car.

Zitao receives a phonecall after the live feed.

"Very late dinner at your place?"

"Sure." Zitao sniffles, he can hear Yi Fan's giggles on the other end of the line.

"And Yi Fan?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been looking for that shirt."

Yi Fan laughs then tells him he'll see him later tonight.

Zitao sighs and smiles as he settles on the couch with his roommates.

He's in love.

Yi Fan's in love.

They're in love.

And love never comes without pain, and with an immediate happy ending.

If Zitao and Yi Fan waits enough, they know they'll have their happily ever after in the future, how near or how far, who knows. At least today, Yi Fan took a step forward to that.

It's a start at least.