This arrow that’s reached my heart
Feels like a part of my body now
Even though it hurts to death
I can’t remove you, who’s stuck in my heart
Because it’s love, because for me, it’s love

SHINee - Quasimodo

“NO, I DIDN’T—”

“You meant every word you said, he’s confirmed it and there’s no turning back. You’re a dirty liar and that’s it. I’m done with you, have a nice life.”

He cut me off.

He left me sitting on the floor, the crying mess I was the last time he caught me. I was unable to say anything else as he slammed the door shut behind him. He was gone and out of my life and that was that.

The next few days turned into weeks and then months and there was still nothing from him. Not a text, not an email, not a letter, nothing.

“Stop thinking of him and focus on me!” Sungyeol, Sunggyu’s former friend, said as he squished my face with his index finger and thumb.

“I’m sorry” I smiled gently and grazed his arm. He planted a kiss on my forehead and pulled me in so I could hear the sound of his heartbeat. As much as I wanted to enjoy this, it only reminded me of Sunggyu.

“Now strum the guitar like this!” he shouted with much excitement.”See! That was beautiful… if only it were as beautiful as you” his eyes became smaller as his pearly whites started to show. His eyes were small enough, so it surprised me that they could get even smaller than that.

“I love you” I smiled and continued to strum and play  a bunch of random notes.

“I love you too” he said as he pulled me closer to hear the sound of his heart.

I sighed and pulled away from Sungyeol. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore…”

“Do what?” he asked with a confused look on his face.

“Be with you.”

“Oh, I see. Very well then, I’ll be on my way. Have a nice life.”

Have a nice life.

He kissed my cheek and was off.

Two people out of my life and now I don’t know what to do.

Months turned into years and god knows why I’m still counting the numbers.

Still, no text, nothing. I haven’t seen of him or heard of him in the longest time and I still hold onto him as if he was going to come back.

Soon.

I thought to myself every time I felt like .

Which just made me feel even tier but whatever.

I sat in my room, gracefully the watercolors across the empty white canvas hoping something beautiful would come of this art career I was trying to pursue. I had accidentally put on too much blue on the paintbrush, which of course led to the blue mixing in with the green grass.

It was a mistake that could easily be fixed.

But the mistakes I’ve made have never been fixed, so I let it be. I looked at the final production and was unsatisfied with the way it looked.

“I hate the way I look!” I shouted to myself as I looked into the mirror hoping Sunggyu hadn’t heard me. I stood there squishing the nonexistent fat that was on me.

“I love the way you look, I love the way you smile, I love the way you dress, I love you entirely” he whispered into my ear. His arms made their way around my waist and he gently pushed me backwards near his body. I giggled as he kissed my neck and turned my head only to receive a peck on the lips.

The next few days were torture for me.

More than it has been all these years.

I’ve been alone for sometime and I’ve kept to myself inside my apartment.

It sounded like a good idea when I discussed it with him.

“You and me, come on!”

“Are you sure you want to do that? My sister said she tried to move in with her boyfriend and they did… but ended up getting sick and tried of each other because they were just so fed up with each other…”

“I’ll make sure that won’t happen” I promised as I was fixing his tie. He smiled at my reassurance and I pulled on his tie to bring him closer to me.

We were literally breathing on each others lips and I finally pecked him on the lips.

He begged for more but he had to leave for a job interview.

“I’ll see you soon, goodbye.”

Goodbye.

Soon.

See me.

Ha.

I guess I deserved this though.

I mean I did cheat on him… twice with his best friend. I don’t even know why I’m still thinking of him. It’s been 2 years now and nothing is going for me.

Karma’s a , isn’t it?

Speaking of karma…

I finally decided to leave my apartment and take a stroll around the city, hoping to find something to make me happy again.

Ultimately, I failed.

I was waiting for the crosswalk light to say “okay get your moving.”

It did.

I bumped into someone.

A familiar scent.

So familiar…

…

I looked up to find the same small eyes I saw two years ago.

Except they were filled with joy and happiness this time.

Geniune joy and happiness.

“Oh, I’m so—” he began, but stopped when he took a quick glance at my face. He examined my facial features for the longest time.

3.

2.

1.

Beep.

The crosswalk light went back to “okay get your back on the sidewalk” and we still stood in the middle of the road, staring at each other for who knows how long.

“GET MOVING, I’M ING LATE!” we heard a driver scream as he honked his horn for the nth time. Sunggyu grabbed my wrist and pulled me back over to the side I was originally at.

“Hey it’s”

“been a long”

“time” we said in unison.

We both smiled and we both haven’t changed one bit.

Well, he has. He’s gotten a whole lot more manlier than he was the last time I saw him. But he was still the handsome grandpagyu I remember him as.

We exchanged numbers again and I offered him to drink a cup of tea with me at the tea house a block away from where we were.

“Sorry, I can’t. I have to get to my girlfriend’s house, it’s urgent” he frowned, but then smiled again. “Maybe next time.”

“Oh, that’s alright” I lied. “See you soon.”

And with that he was on his way.

Years passed and I was a hell of a lot more happy than I was a few years ago. Sunggyu and I kept in touch and he often talked to me when he and his girlfriend had problems.

I was supposed to feel bad when he had problems with his girlfriend, right?

Well, a spark of happiness… very little, came every now and then when he discussed their problems.

And quickly disappeared when they made up.

Many more years passed and I went to check my mail. There was an unfamiliar material at the very bottom of the stack and I pulled it quickly hoping it was something different.

“Welcome”

was written in very fancy letters on the front. I sniffed it and it smelled like Versaces’ Bright Crystal perfume.

“This is my favorite perfume ever!” I shouted in much excitement as I opened my birthday present from Sunggyu.

“I know” he smiled and pulled me in for many kisses. We laid in bed for who knows how many hours.

“I love you so much, thank you for coming into my life” he shouted as he carried me around.

“I love you and no, thank YOU for coming into mine” I smiled and squirmed in his arms.

We argued for what seemed like forever over who loved who more and finally fell asleep in each others arms.

I dropped the letter.

YOU ARE INVITED TO

KIM SUNGGYU AND HEO GAYOON’S WEDDING

ON JANUARY 2ND, 2013