Jonghyun is a guy. The problem that comes with typical guys is that they kind of at dealing with sentimental issues—like relationships. Kim Jonghyun is one of those guys. He is one of those guys that think relationships are kind of pointless. He has with people and it’s usually this typical no feelings attached sort of thing. For some odd reason, though, he feels weird.

     “What do you mean it feels weird?” Onew asks, his voice competing with the sound of live music.

     “It feels weird,” Jonghyun reiterates.

     “Yeah, but what feels weird?”

~~~~~~~~~~

      ‘Jonghyun, this is Kibum’  is the line that started it all. It was the line that led to that, for lack of a better word, ‘weird’ feeling.

     Kim Kibum wasn’t extraordinarily gorgeous. If anything, he was extraordinarily ordinary. His hair wasn’t even styled peculiarly. His shirt was just one colour. His jeans were grey and not too tight and not too loose. His shoes didn’t have writing all over them like Jonghyun’s. There was nothing peculiar about Kim Kibum. There was nothing about him that gave ‘stunning’ as a first impression. He looked ordinary and that is why for the first month or so of knowing Kibum, Jonghyun decided to pay him no extra attention.

     “Kibum is a good friend of mine and he is single” Jonghyun’s sister, Jessica, informed suggestively.

     “No,” Jonghyun deadpanned. He knew where this was going the moment he saw Kibum’s arm linked with his sister’s as they walked towards him. He gave no second thought to his answer.

     Jessica frowned and from that moment to when Jonghyun and Kibum were left alone remains a vague memory to Jonghyun till now.

     “You know,” Jonghyun says after the two took refuge at an empty bench in the middle of a busy shopping mall. “If you knew my sister—or close friend in your case—was planning to hook you up with someone then it may have been a good idea to dress nicely.”

     “Honestly, even though I had never met you, I decided I wasn’t interested. I assumed that anyone related to Jessica would be as bland in personality as her. Also, I am dress nicely.”

     “Ouch,” Jonghyun responded disinterestedly. “Judging purely from your feistiness, we wouldn’t have gotten along.”

     “Bite me.”

     The ironic part of the situation was that Jonghyun knew absolutely nothing about Kibum but Kibum knew almost everything about Jonghyun. Kim Jonghyun had a reputation for being kind of a jerk and Kibum was completely aware of this. Jessica had been telling Kibum about Jonghyun since their first meeting and Kibum had feigned interest. Here’s the thing with Kibum: (1) he didn’t like dating best friend’s brothers and (2) he didn’t like dating jerks—and Kim Jonghyun sounded like a grade-A-.

     Jessica was extremely persistent regarding the topic of dating her brother and Kibum could never successfully evade it, so he often found himself in situations wherein he had to deal with the said grade-A-. Kim Jonghyun wasn’t always an , though. He just always made it incredibly obvious that he was disinterested in Kibum. Kibum didn’t do the same—he was just kind of indifferent.

~~~~~~~~~~

     One day Jessica had managed to manipulatively force Jonghyun and Kibum into the same corner by making a paid reservation at a fancy restaurant and luring the two boys into the restaurant providing different reason for each of them. She called Kibum and told him that his parents scheduled a fancy dinner at said restaurant and told Jonghyun that Jessica had arranged a date with that girl that Jonghyun said he once had a crush on (‘that girl that you told me you had a crush on that one time’ was literally how Jessica had worded it).

     Kibum had entered the restaurant looking not-too-shabby but still extraordinarily ordinary. Jonghyun entered wearing a dress shirt and a bowtie. When the two’s eyes met they knew they’d been set up.

     “I knew something was off,” Kibum said as he approached the other boy.

     “I cannot believe this,” Jonghyun muttered.

     Kibum sighed. “Look, she’s obviously trying hard to get us together because she knows that we have potential—and I’m not one to doubt her judgement. So for your sister and for my best friend, we should at least try, right?”

     The two hesitantly took their seats at the reserved table and the waiter poured them some tea after taking their orders.

     “You know there’s paint on your shirt,” Jonghyun pointed out loudly. “Can’t you ever dress nicely?”

     “Define nicely.”

     Jonghyun rolled his eyes. “Let me rephrase that; can’t you ever dress cleanly? You always dress like you don’t try.”

     “I’m sorry I don’t always dress to your appeal—or anyone’s for that matter. Is that how you treated your previous relationships? Did your partner always have to dress and act by your orders?”

     “Wow, that actually makes me sound like a jerk,” Jonghyun responded with little to no offense detected in his tone.

     “Well for the record, Kim Jonghyun…” Kibum began as he leaned halfway across the table. “You’re kind of a jerk…Well at least that’s what your sister likes to say.”

     Jonghyun leaned across the table eagerly which forced Kibum to lean back again and sit comfortably in his seat. “Tell me everything my sister’s been telling you.”

     Kibum scoffed. “She doesn’t say much in detail—and if she does then I guess I don’t pay much attention. Apparently you’re a jerk and that’s all I can tell you because that’s apparently all I pay attention to.”

     “Is that how you’re like?” Jonghyun asked Kibum. “Do you only ever pay attention to everyone’s bad sides? Or are you only like that when my sister talks about me?”

     “Well…I guess. I think it depends on how bad people’s bad sides or personality traits are.”

     “Well ain’t this swell?” Jonghyun commented with a playful smile playing at his lips. “We’re actually learning something about each other.”

     “Well while we’re at it, how about you tell me something good about yourself, Kim Jonghyun? Redeem yourself.” Kibum suggested.

     Jonghyun struggled but quickly saved himself by saying, “To be fair, it’s kind of hard for people to talk good about themselves.”

     “Okay then, what are your hobbies?”

     “I’m a musician of some sort,” Jonghyun responded shyly.

     “Of some sort?”

     “Well, I’m a musician. I try to write my own songs and stuff like that. My best friend likes to tell me I at it. So by a musician of some sort I guess I mean a failing musician.”

     “Oh, I’m sure you’re not a failure. I’d say you’re a beginner.”

     “Thanks,” Jonghyun whispered.

     “How many relationships have you had?”

     “Depends; serious relationships or just…you know…relationships that were only about ?”

     “Serious relationships.”

     “None.”

     “That’s not saying anything good about you, Kim Jonghyun.”

     “At least I’m being honest. That should count as a good thing, shouldn’t it?”

     Kibum laughed. “Yes, honesty is definitely a good thing.”

     “So…one point for Kim Jonghyun?” Jonghyun suggested slyly.

     “Sure, Jonghyun, but just so you know, you may be kind of a jerk but I’m not perfect either.”

     “Trust me; I know that, Mr Paint-Stain.”

     Kibum rolled his eyes.

     “Okay then, other than always looking like a complete mess, what’s good about Kim Kibum?” Jonghyun asked.

     “Well…Okay, how about we start off with hobbies?”

     “Okay.”

     “I like to paint—which explains the paint stain. So yeah…I really like to paint. I guess it’s the only thing I do in my spare time.”

     “You don’t look like a painter.”

     “Why because I look so ordinary that I don’t really look like I do anything?”

     Jonghyun shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. How many relationships have you been in—serious ones.”

     “None,” Kibum answered.

     “Is it because you’re a jerk?”

     Kibum shook his head. “No, it’s because people don’t really find me interesting.”

     “You can’t blame other people. Maybe it’s because you don’t put yourself out there.”

     “I’ve tried putting myself out there. That didn’t work. Then I tried not paying much attention to relationships and still that didn’t work, so sue me, Kim Jonghyun, for blaming other people for my iness at being interesting enough or attractive enough for people to want to pursue a relationship with me.”

     Kibum took a look around and saw that most people were paying attention to him and ducked his head down to regain inconspicuousness.

     “You’ve got some issues, Kim Kibum.”

     “I know.”

     “If it’s any consolation, I’m sorry on behalf of the people who don’t bother to pay attention to you—and I know I’m one of those people.”

     “I don’t need your pity, Kim Jonghyun.”

     “Whatever then.”

~~~~~~~~~~

     “So, you pity him?” Onew says. “Is that it? You pity people all the time—mainly because you feel that you’re better than them.”

     “No, Onew. That’s not it.”  

     The aspiring artist, much like Jonghyun himself, finishes his set and silently walks off his stage after he mutters his thanks.

     The artist makes eye contact with Jonghyun and Jonghyun shows appreciation by holding a glass up to him.

     “Then what is it about this Kibum guy that makes you feel ‘weird?’” Onew asks once again.

~~~~~~~~~~

     Out of the blue Jessica announced that she was getting married and everyone at the breakfast table dropped their cutlery out of shock.

     “Jessica, I didn’t even know you were dating,” Jonghyun commented but his care for the matter dropped significantly once Jessica started talking.

     “It’s not that Donghae boy; is it?” Jonghyun’s father inquired doubtfully.

     Jessica smiles innocently and nods.

     “Oh Sica, honey, don’t you think it’s too soon to be getting married?

     “I love him, mum!” she squealed.

     “I know but honey, you only just graduated from university! It is way too—“

     “Mum!” Jessica shouted.

~~~~~~~~~~

     Jessica was asking Jonghyun which dress accentuated her curves more when a bell at the front door jingled indicating a customer’s entrance—Kim Kibum’s entrance to be more specific. He walked in with his shirt half tucked in, his jeans tighter than usual and sporting some worn out sneakers.

     “Ah! Kibum!” Jessica squealed and Jonghyun assumed that she then went on to ramble about dresses and the importance of picking the perfect one and whatnot. Kibum sat down beside Jonghyun on one of the store sofas and crossed a leg over another and placed his hands on his knee elegantly. “Actually Jessica, I just came here to steal Jonghyun.”

     “Really?” she asked. “You two…”

     “Have plans.” Kibum grinned.

     “Oh…Well you two have fun together then. I’ll just go ahead and pester the staff then.”

     And pester the staff she did.

~~~~~~~~~~

     Jonghyun walked into Kibum’s flat and marvelled at the artworks covering almost every inch of the skin-toned wall. In the middle of his flat was a narrow, long table scattered with pastels and paintbrushes and decorated with abundant paint stains. “You really are an artist. Are these artworks on the wall stuff you’ve painted or bought?”

     “All of them are mine…Except two—which I bought, but I keep forgetting which ones they are,” Kibum answered as he hastily spread a bunch of blank sheets across the table and forced them to accumulate in one space so he can have some work space. Jonghyun noticed a half-finished portrait in the corner. The background of the portrait is different tones of blue, the face from the neck up to the chin is painted a dark green and the rest is left unfinished. “Is that supposed to be anybody?” Jonghyun asked as he pointed to the portrait.

     Kibum looked up curiously to where Jonghyun’s finger was pointing and sighed faintly. “That…would be my boyfriend. I think he’s my boyfriend. I mean…he’s definitely something,” Kibum said, staring down at the table with both his palms planted firmly on it.

     “Why is his face green? Is that supposed to be…I don’t know…artistic?”

     Kibum chortled. “I guess. He has eyes like that of a frog’s. Frogs are usually depicted as green, hence, why his face is green—well, half green. It’s not finished.”

     “Obviously.” Jonghyun leaned against the table, back to Kibum, and marvelling at the rest of the paintings he hadn’t gotten a chance to ogle at yet. “So, why’d you get your own place?”

     “Parents got a divorce. Mum didn’t like that I was gay. I had a lot of money given to me from my dad before he left and used that to buy this place. My mum didn’t mind me leaving. I’ve been getting by well.”

     “School funds?”

     “I only have one year left in high school—technically six months. My dad’s paying for that. He still loves me—ironically.”

     “Ironically?”

     Jonghyun heard Kibum sigh. “Usually it’s the dad that stops caring about the kid when the kid outs himself as gay. Not in my case. So it’s kind of ironic.”

     “Oh.”

     “Are your parents okay with you being gay?” Kibum asked Jonghyun which took Jonghyun by surprise. He didn’t turn around. He just continued to stare at a canvas which looked like it had just been thoughtlessly splattered with paint.

     “I don’t really know if I’m gay,” Jonghyun answered.

     “Ever had a boyfriend—actually, knowing you—ever ed a guy?”

     “No.”

     “Are you attracted to guys?”

     “That’s a difficult question to answer.”

     “Not really. It’s a yes or no question. Are you or are you not attracted to guys. There can’t be an in between. You can’t be straight but kind of be attracted to guys.”

     “You actually can.”

     “Are you or are you not attracted to guys?” Kibum repeated the question and Jonghyun felt as if his lungs were about to give out on him. He wasn’t so used to being asked such personal questions.

     “I’m…Well…Yes. Yeah, sure, I’m attracted to guys.”

     “That’s all you had to say, Kim Jonghyun.”

     Truthfully, that was the first time Jonghyun had ever admitted it aloud.

~~~~~~~~~~

     Jonghyun ended up spending more and more of his time hanging out with Kibum in his flat. They ordered take-out and Jonghyun would watch as Kibum worked magic on canvas after canvas after canvas. Kibum’s paintings, though, were unfinished; much like their conversations. They’d start off with one topic and then completely digress onto another.

     “So, you know that boyfriend of mine?” Kibum asked Jonghyun one night.

     “Yeah?”

     “Apparently I was an experiment so…yeah.”

     “I’m sorry.”

     “It’s alright. I was always looking for a reason to throw out that paining of him. Usually I don’t like to throw out my artworks—no matter how horrible they are—unless there’s a good reason.”

     “But it was pretty good.”

     They don’t talk for a long time. They listened only to the sound of pencil scratching against the coarseness of the canvas and Kibum’s humming for a while until Kibum absentmindedly muses, “I should paint a portrait of you.”

     “You?” Jonghyun asks.

     “Yes! You: Kim Jonghyun. Your face is absolutely stunning and your jawline is magnificent. Your skin is a luscious tan and your eyes! God your eyes!”

     Jonghyun released a loud laugh. “Are you okay?”

     “I’m terrific! Stay still.”

     “No Kibum, you’re not painting me. You’re just not.”

     “Come in, it’s not like I’m painting you without your clothes on…which would actually be…a brilliant idea!”

     “No Kibum!” Jonghyun bellowed. “No.”

     “Fine…I’ll paint on you instead!”

     Kibum rushed at Jonghyun with a paintbrush freshly dipped in red paint and left a long of red across Jonghyun’s cheeks, lips and the tip of his nose.

     “I…Am going to kill you!” Jonghyun shouted and came at Kibum with a paintbrush freshly dipped in blue paint and leaves a dollop of blue on Kibum’s left cheek.

     “Ah! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Kibum laughed and Jonghyun trips on a raised floorboard and falls forward against Kibum who falls on top of the cluttered table.

     Once they were both done laughing, Kibum wrapped his arms around Jonghyun’s neck and asked him, “Hey Jonghyun, do you reckon you could ever be attracted to me?”

     Jonghyun stopped smiling and said, “No, I don’t reckon I could be attracted to you.”

     Kibum’s grip loosened a little. Jonghyun’s smile reappeared and he whispers, “I am attracted to you,” and kisses him.

~~~~~~~~~~

     “Oh, I can guess what happened next,” Onew says enthusiastically as he holds a hand up indicating for Jonghyun to not go any further. “You kissed him…and you stopped seeing him after that.”

     “Um…It’s much worse.”

     “You made out with him?”

     Jonghyun remains wordless.

     “Oh god, typical Kim Jonghyun, you had with a poor, innocent boy and then ditched him. Wow, another one in the can.”

     “And that feels weird!”

     “You know why it feels weird? It feels weird because Kim Jonghyun actually developed feelings for this one.”

     “I know…” Jonghyun bows his head and tugs on his hair a little bit. “And it feels really weird. Like… I feel guilty, man.”

     Onew yawns and stretches his arms high, letting his shirt rise up his stomach. “Dude, I’m out. You gotta talk to that Kibum guy if you want to start something with him.”

     “Who says I want to start something with him?”

     Onew slams his fist down on the table and leans close to Jonghyun. “Do you like this boy?”

     “Yes.”

     “Do you want to hold him again?”

     “Well, uh, yeah.”

     “Do you want to kiss him again?”

     “Sure, yeah.”

     “Do you want to spend another night, sweaty and rough, on that table with him?”

     “…Yeah. Dude, where are you going with this?”

     “Obviously, if you want to experience all those things with him again, it means you want a relationship with this boy, am I wrong?”

     “…No.”

     Onew places both his hands on Jonghyun’s shoulders. “Then by god Kim Jonghyun, you go talk to that boy.”

~~~~~~~~~~

     Jonghyun’s a nervous wreck standing and trembling outside of Kibum’s flat. It’s below twenty degrees Celsius so maybe it’s because of that too.

     The door swings open and Jonghyun almost feels at home seeing Kibum in a long, paint-stained t-shirt with his jeans tight. He grins and the door is shut on his foot.

     “Ow,” Jonghyun groans.

     “I know you’re here to explain why you haven’t spoken to me in like three months and, frankly, I don’t care.”

     “Wait, wait, wait, Kibum please,” Jonghyun begs.

     The door opens and releases the pressure from Jonghyun’s foot and the first thing Jonghyun sees when he enters the door is a portrait of someone very familiar. “Is that me?”

     It most definitely is Jonghyun…with red droplets of paint splattered all over his face. “Yeah…” Kibum answers shamefully. “I got pretty mad and decided to make your face bleed because you hadn’t called or come to see me.”

     “Kibum…”

     Kibum looks up and his eyes look glassy and Jonghyun feels his heart freeze and crack.

     “Kibum,” Jonghyun starts again. “Look…I’m not used to being in a relationship. You know me. In fact, I’ve never even been in an actual relationship like you and to be honest, it’s best that you probably don’t get involved with me—“

     “Then what the are you doing here?”

     “Let me finish!” Jonghyun snaps. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about you no matter how hard I tried and…God…I want to be with you.”

     Jonghyun takes Kibum’s hand and pulls him closer until their chests barely make contact. “I want to be with you, Kim Kibum, and also...” Jonghyun takes his other hand. “I was wondering if you’d be my date to my sister’s wedding.”

     Kibum suppresses his smile but fails and lets a grin break through his lips. Kibum releases his hand from Jonghyun’s light grip and paints his nose purple. Jonghyun smirks. “You are going to get ed extra hard on this table for that one.”

A/N

Thank you so much for reading and ignoring errors and whatnot.