I slowly trailed behind her, with the fresh images of her betrayal burning at the back of my mind. There was no fight, not even the slightest disagreement between us, so why would she do that?

 I hate this. Bits and pieces of a fading memory playing like a broken recorder, reminding me again and again how I could only stare helplessly as she fell into the arms of another man.

Sunggyu had his arms wrapped tightly around her while she grabbed tightly to the sleeves of his jacket, tears flowing endlessly. If her cries were not as loud, the tears could have been easily disguised as the raindrops that were mercilessly hitting them. She was struggling to say something but ended up choking on her words.

"W-woohyun…" The soft whisper was clearly heard despite the pouring rain. How I wished the rain could wash away my tears that were threatening to fall. How I wish the cold, biting wind could numb the pain.

How I wish you would not leave me.

We have a love-hate relationship with the rain. We absolutely love the moment before a storm when Mr Wind would ruffle our hair affectionately. We absolutely hate the moment when the rain decides to spoil our exciting adventures that we had spent long hours planning.

I was immediately brought back from my thoughts when I noticed that she had disappeared among the crowd of people who were boarding the bus. I swiftly squeezed through the crowd and stood near her, making sure I was not seen. I've been following her for quite a while, always keeping a distance. Trust me, I really do want to leave her alone but I need answers. I need answers to soothe those burning images. I have been feeling rather strange ever since the incident. I lost track of time rather easily and often find myself at some unknown place. Not only that, I find myself having no recollections of what I had been doing. One moment I was at home and the next moment, I would find myself at some strange place that I have never been to. Moreover, the increasingly frequent headaches made it difficult for me to think clearly.

I stared at the girl that I loved and probably still love. She was staring out with that cold expression on, as if she could not be bothered with anything that happens to the world, or to herself.

She didn't used to be like that. She used to love smiling.

This made me think back to my first impression of her. I didn't like her. I didn't like her one bit. The instant dislike always made me shoot glares at her whenever she starts talking and laughing loudly. However, the more time we spent together, the more I started understanding her and eventually fell for her. Her flaws that I had disliked so much ended up being so endearing. She became someone that is always on my mind, no matter how I try to kick her out of it. I told her about my instant dislike towards her and instead of being angry, she just sat there, clutching her stomach and laughing at the top of her voice.

The word elegance never exists in her dictionary.

I was always annoyed whenever she starts whining over the same thing.

"I'm so tired and sleepy!" "I'm hungry!"

It was always the same old words and it annoyed me so much that I had the urge to just tape . Yet, when my perspective started to change, I find myself always grinning like a stupid fool whenever she starts whining since it gives me a reason to do something for her. I like how she would squint her eyes when struggling to stay awake during boring lectures. I like how I would find myself stifling my laughter whenever her stomach lets out a loud growl of protest. I like how she would be smiling with my favourite smile whenever she finds snacks that I had hidden in her bag pack.

Though a cry baby, she is often too prideful to allow her tears to fall in front of someone else. She would always try to disguise her tears by faking a yawn or just gulping down tons of water to stop her tears.

I watched as she took out a pouch from her handbag and shoved it in my face.

"Nam Woohyun, do you know what's inside?" she asked.

"Yah, call me oppa!" Ignoring me, she continued, "They contain my battle gears!" With that, she ped the pouch to reveal packets of tissue papers. We were just going to watch a sad romance movie that our friends had  introduced. They told me that if I want to let my girlfriend cry legitimately, I should make her watch."Why do you need those when my hand is available?" Her confused expression made me smile. "My five fingers are ready to wipe all your tears," I shot her a quick wink and pulled her towards the theatre.

"I feel so oily now…"

-

I didn't hear any sniffings. All I noticed was how she had been sipping on her drink non-stop since five minutes ago. When I turned to look at her ,she let out one loud yawn thinking that I would not notice. I swiftly wiped away the tears, whispering to her, "Yah,I thought that's what your tissue is for?" She gave a weak smile before starting to dig through her bag for that pouch. I snatched it away from her and took out a piece of paper. I dabbed it on her nose and wiped the mucus away.

"When your eyes get too dry and tired, just lie on me and rest your eyes." She smiled and rested her head on my shoulders.

That is why when she had covered and let out this huge yawn, I knew what was about to happen. I could see the tears b in her eyes. It hurts so badly to see her so vulnerable right now, but I knew that I'm no longer in any position to comfort her. Unable to hide it anymore, she got up from her seat and ran out of the bus. I quickly chased after her, making sure not to lose sight of her. Though I may not be that one person that she wants to see, I still wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything is okay. That it is okay to betray me and that I am willing to let her go so that she can be happy. I managed to swiftly stop in front of her and held my arms out, ready to catch her and hug her tightly. As she approached me, I felt sick in the stomach. Instead of running into my arms, she had ran through me. Not past me, but through me. That was when those annoying headaches started acting up again. The headaches had never been this intense. I bit back a scream and once again, the same images flashed through my mind. However, it was different this time. There was something else that I have not seen.

I was confused, not sure why she had totally ignored my presence. She was trembling badly then when the doctors had talked to her and right after that, she bolted out of the hospital, tears flowing endlessly. Although my first instinct was to rush after her, I found myself rooted to the ground when Sunggyu chased after her. I turned and found my parents weeping and calling for me. Aren't I right here?

"My Woohyun-ah, why did you leave us?" my mother had managed to say  through her sobs. I watched as my father bit back the tears and wrapped her in his arms.

At that instant, everything became clear. The answers that I needed was all so crystal clear. She never left me.

It was me who had left her all alone, without even saying goodbye.

I turned and found her sitting at one corner, hugging her knees."Oppa, why did you do this to me…" a soft whimper was heard. My hands were shaking badly as I tried to touch her again and again. I wanted so badly to yell out my frustrations as I stood helplessly watching her rock herself back and forth to calm herself down.

"I'm sorry. I was supposed to make you smile but all I did was make you cry. I'm so sorry…" I found myself trembling badly.

"Nam Woohyun, you know that I love you right?" she said.

That was it. I felt myself being ripped into pieces. I wanted to tell her that I love her too. I wanted so badly to show her my love. However, I can't. I'm useless now. I can only watch when someone else dries her tears and stays by her side.

All of this is my fault.

Sunggyu had appeared out of nowhere and hugged her tightly as she sobbed in his arms, repeatedly yelling my name.

She was trembling  badly then when the doctors had talked to her and right after that, she bolted out of the hospital, tears flowing endlessly. I rushed out of the hospital to see Sunggyu hugging the broken her. I wanted so badly to reach out, to stop those tears and fix the broken her. It hurts to see her like that. It hurts to know that I've lost everything in an instant. The one who leaves never has it easy. The pain from losing everything will continue to haunt them even as time goes by.

I miss her smile. The smile that is only for me, I want to see it so badly.

Can you smile?

I watched as she pulled away from Sunggyu.

"Sunggyu oppa, thank you."

Sunggyu wiped away her tears and smiled. Slowly, she returned a small smile. Sunggyu took her in his arms again, whispering reassuring words.

As I watched your smile, I knew my time is up. The only way to bring the tears away is for you to smile. As long as you have him, you'll be able to smile. You will be in good hands and you will definitely smile again.

Without me.