“You know I would always love you right?” he said with a gentle voice, making my heart flip.

He hugged my side tighter, keeping me as close to him as possible. He rested my head on his shoulder and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead. I never want to leave his side.

We watched the world move around us, children playing on the play ground, elders having a slow walk on the pavements, parents looking out for their kids, while we, just kept being in our own world, our own, special world.

A little girl just fell from a swing and a small boy helped her up. Even children know what love and care are. How can we, adults, not?

The cold air made me shiver. He took my hands and blew warm air and rubbed my hands against his. We spent the rest of the evening together, side by side, enjoying the other’s presence.

That was then.

Now, everything is wrong. I long for his presence. I regret everything I did, including letting him go.

I couldn’t help but to wonder if he’s happy now, not being by my side. Is he as miserable as I am?

It’s okay, I tell myself. I’m confident. I can do this. I can live without him, can’t I?

Just like every day, today, I wake up at the thought of him. His scent, his smile, his touch. Those dark brown eyes, those eyes that made me fall in love, hard.

I take a last bite of my sandwich before throwing it away. I lost my appetite. I made my way out of the apartment.  Another cold day. A perfect day to ruin my mood.

As I walk among the sea of humans, I see a figure that I’m more than familiar of. It’s him.  Zitao. He’s alone. He doesn’t look so good either, just like me. I guess this separation didn’t only take a turn on my life, it made an impact on his too. I stopped in my tracks, unsure of what to do. Should I hide? Should I approach him and say hi? Should I smile at him? Or should I just ignore him? I decide to choose the first option. Hide. I can never see him again. I sneak into a store right beside me. A bulgogi place. How convenient. The perfect place to weep and indulge in soju.

I order four bottles of soju, with a serving of bulgogi. The next thing I remember, I’m crying and ranting. Calling Zitao’s name.  The memories come haunting again. One by one, images of him flash in my head. The aegyo that he used to do. The intense stare that would always make my stomach filled with butterflies. The sweet smile that never failed to melt me. Everything. The delicate but assuring hugs, the gentle but passionate kisses.  The way he wraps his hands around my waist when we walked together. The way my fingers intertwine and fit perfectly with his. Where did it go wrong? What happened that made us like this? Then I remember.

I caught him cheating. I couldn’t believe it since he was with me all the time, but somehow, he did cheat on me.

I push away all those bad thoughts. I don’t want to run it through my head again. It would only kill me deeper inside.

Now here I am, on the brink of total breakdown. The only thing that’s keeping me holding on to dear life is hope. Hope that he would call me again someday and tell me all I saw was a lie. That he was always true to me. That he still loves me.