Although we met a while ago, I still remember it as if it happened just the other day. You walked through those doors and smiled, showing off your dimples. "I'm Minhyuk Lee," you waved and bowed. "I'll be joining Block B, please treat me nicely."

I stopped myself from gasping at how handsome you were and took deep breaths while I fixed my hair. While the others gathered around you, I stood in the back, not knowing how to approach you. I had no idea why I felt so nervous and shy. I was never like this around guys. I put my odd feelings aside and waited for the other members to give him space to breathe. I somehow found the courage to walk up to you and smiled as I introduced myself.

***

As we trained to become the dancers of Block B, we established a friendship that would take more than a thousand missiles to break. We were brothers, and I knew that very well. We were best friends and would never be anything more. This fact made me more than sad since I wished we were something more. How did I even start liking you? I've always liked girls, not guys. I buried my face in my hands and told myself to stop liking you because I knew you liked girls...for goodness sakes, you had a girlfriend. How did my feelings for you get this deep?

On the days you went out with your girlfriend, I would sit in the dorm by myself, refusing to go anywhere with the other members. They would shrug it off, thinking that I needed more rest from practicing so hard. What they didn't know was that I was lovesick. I hated myself for liking Minhyuk hyung this much. I beat myself up over this because I knew very well that we were just best bros and nothing else.

***

We loved our "couple name" of U-Bomb. We had fun making fans squeal with our little moments, like that one time I hugged you for our performance of "Run to You." We had fun being called the "U Bomb Swags" and American dancing to "Take You Down" for our fans. We pulled energy from one another, which made our dancing so powerful. Without you, I would be a terrible dancer; we were like peanut butter and jelly, a peanut butter sandwich would taste alright, and a jelly sandwich would taste fine. But when you put the two together, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich tastes amazing. Did I really just compare us to a sandwich?

Performing with you was hard for me though. Seeing you dance the way you did when we performed "Take You Down" made me nervous to dance by you. I was scared that I would forget the moves because I was so mesmerized by you. I kept my distance and just looked out into the crowd, knowing that if I even caught a glimpse of you, I would have a mental breakdown.

***

We were playing around one day and you thought it'd be fun to start a tickle war. You tickled me until I laughed so hard, tears fell out of the corners of my eyes. As I tried to squirm away from you, we fell onto the couch and you landed on top of me. You stopped tickling me when you realized the awkward position we were in and quickly got up. "Sorry" you said and furrowed your eyebrows. "I didn't mean to land..." Before you could finish your sentence, I looked away from you and got up, almost pushing you over, and ran into my room. I could feel my cheeks burning up and buried my face in the pillow.

You walked into my room and asked me if I was okay. You apologized again and tapped my shoulder. I grumbled into the pillow, telling you to go away. You stayed there though and lifted me up. "Are you okay? You haven't been acting like yourself lately," he frowned.

I looked at him and took a deep breath. I told myself to get over with it. Getting it off my chest would make me feel a lot better even though I knew I was going to get rejected. "Hyung, I...I know you have a girlfriend, and I know that we're best bros but I think...no, I know that my feelings for you are stronger than just that. I hate myself for even feeling like this but I can't help it. I've been trying to stop liking you, but its hard for me. My heart is overpowering my mind..." I looked away from you and took a couple of deep breaths. I could feel my heart beating twice the normal speed.

You blankly stared at me and blinked a couple times before opening your mouth to talk. "Yookwon, I had no idea you felt this way. I...we're bros and its normal for bros to act super close and pop each others personal bubbles. But I had no idea you thought of our friendship that way." You paused for a moment, trying to collect your words, I guess. "I hope you don't beat yourself up over the way you feel. I'm sure this feeling will pass by. Yookwon, I have a girlfriend and as much as I hate to say this to you, I see you as my bro and nothing more. I love you as my bro and nothing more. Please understand that..."

I knew that was coming, and I was prepared for it, but I started to cry anyways. I looked the other way and started to talk between sniffles. "Let's just forget I ever said anything. I had to get this off my chest but maybe things would have been better if you didn't know anything. And you know what? I will beat myself up over this because knowing that the person I love will never love me like this ing kills me. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything, I'm just speaking the truth. How am I supposed to live like this, hyung? I've liked you since we met and that feeling has only been getting stronger." You just stared at me, surprised with the words that were coming out of my mouth. Before you could say anything though, I interrupted and started talking again, "Look, I think things would be better if I didn't talk to you or see you for a while. Maybe then I'll forget about these feelings." I got up and took one last look at you. "I guess I'll see you later then," I sniffled and walked out of the dorm.

***

As I'm sitting in on my bed, I start tearing up, thinking of the incident that happened just a week ago. Even though we're in the same group, I managed to avoid you. But not talking to you for even a couple days made me crazy. The members keep asking what's wrong, but I don't bother telling them. Its too much explaining to do and it hurts me to talk about the situation. I'm nothing without you and it feels like half my heart went missing. I sigh and go over to open one of my drawers. I rummage through all the clothes and pull out a bottle of pills. More tears start to fall down my cheeks as I look at it.

My heart breaks more and more every time I see you. How am I supposed to live knowing that this feeling will never die? You said yourself, that we'll be nothing more than brothers, so what's the point of continuing to love you? I walk to the bathroom and pour five pills into the palm of my hand. I look at it and take a few deep breaths. Suicide is never the answer, but being in a living hell isn't the reality I was hoping to live in. I shut my eyes and swallow the pills in one gulp. I look into the mirror and see Minhyuk hyung behind me, staring with disbelief. I weakly say "I'm sorry I ever loved you," as you run up to me and shake my shoulders, asking me what the I'm doing. I'm dizzy and can't think straight, but I manage to give you a faint smile before closing my eyes.