Daydream
DaydreamItalicized parts are flashbacks
Sitting in the backseat of their van, Donghae takes in a deep breath and puts in his earphones to block out the sound of s. He can’t keep up with their excitement, not today at least, not today.
“O...Oppa!” Your sleepy eyes grew bright at the sight of Donghae standing in front of your doorway; it’s been weeks since the last time you saw each other. You grabbed his hand and pulled him into your apartment, closing the door quickly just in case anybody followed him.
“What are you doing here? I thought you had a schedule today?”
“Cancelled, the other members went back to the dorms but I wanted to see you. I missed you so much.” Your eyes softened at the way Donghae looked at you.
“I missed you too.” Donghae pulled you into his arm and hugged you close. Happiness would be an understatement for how the two of you felt together.
“Donghae, get up. We’re back.” Donghae opens his eyes to a concerned Eunhyuk shaking him awake. He pulls out his ear phones and hears Eunhyuk telling him that they’re back at the dorms already.
“Huh? What? Oh yeah, thanks.” Donghae grabs his bag and gets off the van, walking towards the doors with his head down in silence. Eunhyuk looks at his best friend in worry and shakes his head, time will heal the pain.
“Happy Anniversary Sweetie!” Donghae managed to take time off of work for your first anniversary together. Although the two of you only have two hours together, it was better than nothing. You often found yourself disappointed when he misses a date due to his busy schedule but you understand him. Life as an idol is tough. And today, that idol made time for you.
“Happy Anniversary Oppa!” You took your hands out from your back and handed him the gift you got him. A silver band to match the one you wore.
“You got us a couple ring?” Donghae’s voice didn’t sound too thrilled and you felt your heart drop.
“Yeah, why? Y-you… don’t like it?” Donghae’s eyes widened at your comment.
“What?! No! Of course not, I love it! It’s just…” Donghae grabbed the gift he got for you and set it on your lap. “Here.” You opened the box to see a silver band with the word “Angel” carved on it.
“This is beautiful, I love it!” So this is why he didn’t look too thrilled, he got you the same thing you got him. You couldn’t help but giggle at the expression on his face.
“Really? I’m glad you love it but, ahh I should have gotten you something else.”
You thought about it for a few seconds before an idea came into your head.
“Oppa, wait here for a little bit okay?” You dashed into your room, and grabbed two thin silver chains, hooping one of them through the ring Donghae got you.
“There, we can wear the one’s you bought as couple necklaces and wear the one’s I got as couple rings.”
“Donghae, Donghae! DONGHAE!” Donghae feels a harsh grip on his right arm, tugging him back quickly as a bus flashes in front of his eyes. His heart begins to race as the reality hit him; he almost got run over by a bus just now.
“Donghae! What the hell are you doing?!” The grip that Leeteuk had on Donghae’s arm remains intact. He stares at his dongsaeng in both an angry and caring manner. Donghae isn’t usually like this.
“I’m sorry hyung, I just have a lot on my mind and I didn’t notice where I was going. Sorry.” Leeteuk sighs and removes his hand from Donghae’s arm, he’s still thinking about her. It’s been months already.
“Just be careful next time.”
“Happy Birthday Sweetie, I’m sorry I can’t be there to celebrate it with you. Our manager booked us in for a last minute recording.”
“It’s okay, I understand. Work hard!” You hold back the tears threatening to fall and feigned a happy tone as you spoke to Donghae over the phone.
“Thank you for understanding, I’ll see if I can drop by after our recording okay?”
“Don’t worry about it, you need some rest. You have another concert in three days.” The happiness you faked earlier no longer evident in your voice. Donghae remains quiet on the other line for a bit.
“I’m sorry, I’ll see if I can find some free time in my schedule. Bye sweetie, happy birthday.”
“Bye.” The phone disconnected, a long drawn our beep sounded as the tears you’ve been holding back fall, and staining the dress you picked out for today. You get up to your feet and walk over to the kitchen grabbing a fork then going towards the table where the food you prepared and the cake you baked were. You ate the cake by yourself in silence. There’s always next year.
“1 and 2 and 3 and 4 a- Donghae! You’re doing it wrong again!” Sweat covered Donghae’s panting body; he’s been doing the same dance for three hours now. The choreographer took his cap off and ruffled his hair in frustration.
“This isn’t like you Donghae, you usually have a dance down pat in a matter of minutes.”
“Sorry, I think I’m just really stressed lately. You know… with SM Town and all.”
“Hmm, alright, we can’t keep doing practicing with you in this state anyways. Go back to the dorms and get some rest, Eunhyuk and I will finish the rest.”
“Ah, yes and how about your parents? Your father must be so proud of you.” Your eyes enlarged at the MC’s careless remark. Did she not do her research about the Super Junior members? You bit your lips in anxiety, waiting to see how Donghae would react. Donghae smiled lightly and told the MC that his father had passed away before he was able to debut. His tone was soft and gentle, making sure the MC wouldn’t feel awkward for asking him a question like that but you knew he was holding back his tears. Donghae always cries when he talks about his father.
“Oh… I’m so sorry! I really am… I’m… I’m sure your father was a great man.”
“He was.” The camera zoomed in on Donghae’s face as he looked up, his eyes glazed with a thin film of water. You reminded yourself to call him right after the show was over; you need to make sure that he’s okay. Live broadcasts can be such a hassle sometimes.
“Haha! I know! I can’t believe Sungmin did that!” Donghae picked at his breakfast while Kyuhyun and Siwon laughed at something Sungmin had done. He wasn’t paying attention and isn’t interested.
“Can you believe it Donghae? Donghae? Hyung?!” Kyuhyun looked over at Donghae then back and Siwon who simply shrugged his shoulders. Kyuhyun shakes his head and gives up on trying to include Donghae into their conversation. He needs to move on.
“Stop apologizing! I don’t need to hear you tell me you’re sorry anymore!” You slammed your phone down on the receiver and buried your face into your hands. Another birthday spent alone. You’d think that after three years of being together you would get use to this by now, you’d think that it would get easier but it doesn’t. It’s only gotten harder and you’ve reached a point where you can’t take it anymore. You understand that his life is chaotic, you get that he’s busy but it’s like the two of you aren’t even in a relationship. You haven’t seen him in six months.
“Fighting!!! Woot!!”
“Let’s do this!!!!”
The voices of Donghae’s members awoke him from his daze; they’ll on stage for the closing of SM Town soon.
“Yeah! Aja aja hwaiting!!” Donghae pumped fist with Shindong before fixing his mic. Let’s hope this performance goes well.
“Donghae, I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry, but I’m breaking up with you.” Those words, the way your voice sounded saying them are clearly imbedded in Donghae’s head as he sits at the recording studio. He can’t wrap his thoughts around this, the songs to their album need to be completed soon so he can’t even go and beg for you forgiveness.
“Yo, Donghae! Are you okay? What happened? Was that your girlfriend?” Donghae stares at Chance and nods. “Annnd?”
“Let’s scrap this song and write a new one.” Donghae takes out a sheet of clean paper and begins to write the lyrics to “Y”.
“Hyung! The time for your filming change, you need to head out now!” Donghae looked up at Ryeowook and nodded, he set his coffee down before thanking Ryeowook for letting him know. Another drama, maybe this time I’ll actually do well.
You stared at Donghae as he stood in front of your apartment drenched from the rain. You already broke up with him last night, ending your five year long relationship but that doesn’t mean you don’t care about him. You dragged him inside and grabbed some towels from your laundry room.
“What do you think you’re doing?! You’re going to get sick!” You wrapped the larger towel on his body then proceeded to drying his hair with the smaller one. Your eyebrows are pinched together and your movements fast. You freeze though when Donghae’s hands wrap around your wrist.
“I love you.” You didn’t know what to do, he’s said that to you many times before but it sounded different today. He sounded so fragile, so lost and so desperate. You noticed him reaching into his pockets and pulling out his IPod. He put an ear bud into your ears and pressed play.
“I finished writing this last night for you.” You wanted to pull the ear bud out and tell him to leave but you couldn’t, you love him so much. As the beat to the song he wrote started to play you recognized the singers as both Donghae and Chance, they must have been working on the new album…
“Looking at you with just a smile
A smile immersed with shyness
Your eyes looked sad when you looked at me
Perhaps that was when you were about to bid farewell
Repeating like everyday
My appearance
Missing you that it became restless
Will you forgive me?
Please think twice
Think again
I won't let go at this moment
Making you cry because of my stupidity
Letting you go because I am lacking in many ways
Please forgive me who wants to forget you
Please let me have a chance to breathe again
Looking at you, tears rolled down
You turned me into a fool
Perhaps when you change your mind
I will stand on the road where you used to travel back to me
You’re leaving which had been known earlier
Has no difference from a pain which cause me almost dead to me right now
Time passes and I still can't let you go
Letting you go? I've done too much for you
Making you cry because of my stupidity
Letting you go because I am lacking in many ways
Please forgive me who wants to forget you
Please let me have a chance to breathe again
Where can I start telling?
When can I start telling?
What can I tell?
Those precious words had been forgotten (you will understand me even if I don't tell)
But, those moments we spent together
Minutes and seconds which we miss
The shimmering, beautiful smile
Has to be kept in your heart
I prayed while heart aching
If we can still meet when the rain stops
I am very miserable right now
Your leaving made the current me suffer
What matters to me…
I think of you every night
If there's one day I don't think about you
My heart will feel unsafe
You don't know anything right?
You are not familiar with this kind of me
If only you would think about me anytime
If you could come back by then
That would be great
The phrase I love you
The phrase from me that only you can listen to
The phrase I miss you
The phrase that says I wanted to hug you
The only one, I want to protect you
Once again, for you to be by my side again”
Tears began to well in your eyes when the song finished.
“Forgive me?” You nodded your head lightly, how can you not forgive him?
“Donghae, get out of bed, we have to head out soon.” Yesung pulled Donghae’s sheets and threw them onto the floor. “You have to wake up.” Sighing, Yesung took one last look at his dongsaeng shoving his face into the pillow and left the room. Donghae, wake up.
It’s two in the morning and you’re sitting at a park with Donghae, hands intertwined and sitting on the swings. It’s been so long.
“Does your leg still hurt?” Donghae had injured himself during their promotions for Mr. Simple, he really needs to take care of himself.
“Yea but I’m feeling better now that I’m here with you.” It was odd, the old you would have swooned at his words but they no longer had the same effect on you anymore. Is this what happens to old couples or do you just not feel the same way anymore?
“Donghae…” Your voice was soft but he heard you, and the tone in your voice worried him.
“Hmm?”
“Never mind…”
“Kangin’s coming back today!!!”
“Woot!!!”
The guys got dressed quickly and sprinted into the van, they’ve been waiting two years for this. Donghae felt a small smile form on his face; he’s excited to see Kangin again as well.
“Woah, is that a smile I see? Welcome back Donghae haha. Come on let’s go.” Eunhyuk grabbed Donghae by the arm and dragged him into the van. Donghae knew he’s been worrying the members but he’s still not over it, not over you… not yet at least.
“Donghae, I’m sorry.” You were the one to apologize this time. You couldn’t look at him in the eyes; you still cared about him but… not in that way anymore. You’re not the same naïve girl who fell in love with Donghae six years ago. You’re a woman now and Donghae isn’t the man who can give you what you want. This… this life filled with constant waiting and hiding isn’t what you want. You want to go on a real date with your boyfriend, you want to get married and you want to have kids. Time isn’t going to stop for the two of you and you just can’t do this anymore.
“I’m sorry.”
“Donghae… talk to me.” Donghae looks up to see Heechul standing at the door.
“Talk about what?” Donghae knew what Heechul meant but he pretended to not know anyways
“Cut that crap okay. Donghae, this is stupid, you’re stupid. Stop beating yourself up over a girl who doesn’t love you anymore. You still have time, find yourself someone better, someone who can actually understand and love you. Why are you agonizing over the loss of someone who is no longer here for you hmm? Tell me. Give me one reason as to why she’s worth all this pain you’re going through?” Heechul looked at Donghae with an intense gaze; he’s had enough of this bull. The other members can stand around and wait for Donghae to heal through time but Heechul can’t and he won’t. Something needs to be done.
Donghae’s eyes met Heechul’s and he stared at him in silence for several minutes before he opened his mouth to speak.
“B-because”
“Because what?!”
“I still love her.” Heechul kicked the door in frustration, he hates seeing his dongsaeng like this. He deserves to be happy, why does he have to fall so hard?
Donghae watches as Heechul leaves the room, he gets up to close the door lightly. He opens his bottom drawer and pulls out an old photo album. He opens up the album and feels his heart break in two. Pictures of him smiling with you filled the pages; he continued flipping through the pictures as tears pour from his eyes. He doesn’t get it, the two of you were so happy together. You guys spent the most important moments of your lives together, how can you just… stop loving him? Donghae can’t face the reality nor does he want to. He just wants to go back in time and fix this. He wants to go back to the times where you were in his arms, the times when you would blush when he pecked your lips or when the two of you would talk for endless hours about the things going on in your lives. Donghae slammed the book shut and threw it into his drawer. He doesn’t get it. Every breath he takes without you by his side is difficult, every time he closes his eyes the image of your smiling face appears, whenever he’s asleep he dreams of you, he can’t seem to get you out of his head and it’s killing him. Everybody else thinks he’ll get better, that he’ll forget you but Donghae knows that he can’t. He knows that no matter how hard he tries to move on we won’t be able to. He’ll never fall in love the way he fell in love with you. No one else can make his heart race the way you do or make time stop whenever he’s in your presence. No, Donghae won’t ever get better and you’ll always be the only girl to fill his mind this way, even if you don’t love him anymore.
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I apologize if this isn't what you were expecting, there really wasn't much of a direction for this oneshot I just kinda.. wrote it haha.
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