Jessica's POV

I have a mixed feeling whenever our eyes met. Does she still care about me? Or that was only a coincident that she looked toward me. Every time I lifted my eyes to her direction, she turned head away a split of second faster so I couldn’t read her feeling. I wanted to ask but I could only stare at her. Was she happy? Was she sad? How did she live after our separation? Her smile made me feel sadder when she laughed with Hyo and Fany. Why did we become like this? We sat apart not even talk neither touch each other. Why Yuri ah? If everything is over, could we just talk like a friend?

Few days after moving out of Yuri’s apartment, I felt sick. I couldn’t eat. I hid in my room day and night. I couldn’t stop crying when looking at the photos that we took together because I really missed her. Yoona often came to console me. One day, she pulled me to go out for some fresh air. I walked on the street like an empty spirit despite it was crowded. I lost my senses. I couldn’t feel what happened around me. The world seemed to be in silent with only me and my thoughts. The memories that I had with Yuri kept running in my mind. I kept thinking about our moments together, there were happiness, there were loves.

When Yoona and I went past a book store; the books remembered me when Yuri cuddled me from behind on the bed. I missed her caresses, her warmness and her scent. Her bright smile is printed on my mind. I felt sad because she was not by my side anymore. I had thought to run back to her again but I remembered she didn’t follow me when I moved out. I didn’t want to have a broken heart for a second time.

Then Yoona and I continued to walk up the street, I met a couple walked out of a supermarket. They showed to each other their couple mugs, toothbrushes and slippers that they just bought. The guys put arm around the girl neck and they continued to talk happily when walking. I looked after them. I remembered that we had also done that when I had just moved in with Yuri. We were supposed to buy the ingredients for dinner but I pulled Yuri toward the housewares department to pick some accessories. We practically bought everything that could be for couple, even the socks.

During the winter, we shared a pair of gloves together, Yuri said like that she could hold my hand on one side and put it in her pocket when walking. The way to school was long but I always felt it wasn’t long enough. When we took bus together, Yuri used her body to protect me from being touched by the others. She said I just had to stick into her body and so I did. Even when the bus was not crowned, we preferred to stand because I could hide under her coat, rest on her shoulder and hug around her waist. Sometime, I fell asleep because I stayed up late the night before for studying but also because her shoulder was so comfortable. The winter season was cold but I felt warm because Yuri was beside me.

Seeing me stopped in front of the supermarket, Yoona shook hand to call me back to my sense. She asked if I was okay. I just nodded slightly. But I wasn’t fine. I asked her to bring me back home. I wanted to sleep in order to stop thinking. I slept and slept like I had never slept before. When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying on a hospital bed. I saw mom and Krystal around me. I heard them saying I had slept four days in a row. The doctor put me under saline solution and in a fresh air room because I had high fever. Then my eyes shut down again. I continued to sleep. There was a night, I felt someone came and kissed on my forehead. I thought I saw Yuri in my blurred view. But I saw Yoona sleeping on the edge of my bed in the next morning when I woke up. Did I hallucinate because I missed Yuri too much?

Tiffany, Taeyeon, Hyoyeon and the rest of the girls all came to visit at the hospital. I waited for Yuri to come until the last day, but she didn’t show up. I completely lost my expectation toward her. The Yuri that I’ve known always looks after me. She would turn to my side if I sneezed. She would look back and take my hand if I missed a step. She would give me a massage if I had a headache. She would put me on her shoulder and feed me spoon by spoon when I was sick and didn’t feel like eating.

I could never understand why Yuri abandoned me like she did all out of sudden. Was she that mad because of the kiss? It was my mistake to let Yoona kissed me on that day at the school. At that instant, I wanted to understand the feeling of cheating on someone because I doubted Yuri had betrayed me during the time we fought and she didn’t come back home to sleep but hang out with her ex-girlfriend.

I lost my confidence when it was about Yuri’s ex. I was afraid that they may still have deep feeling toward each other since they were each other first love. Especially their separation wasn’t really a break up but forced by circumstance. I asked Yuri to stop seeing Hara. Fany said my jealously went too far. Truthfully, the person I couldn’t trust was Yuri’s ex. That girl seemed to party a lots and her body was so skinny that I wondered if she was under drug.

Today, I wonder if Yuri is still in contact with Goo Hara. Didn’t she say she want to go back in Mokpo? Did she find a job? Does she still skip meals? I realise that even after splitting up with someone it doesn’t mean that you can stop talking and care about that person. It should be the same between Yuri and Hara.

When the girls decided to rent the boat, I wasn’t sure if I want to come. I felt it would be awkward for the three of us.  So I went diving with Tae, Fany, Hyo and Sunny to avoid Yuri. I swam down to discover the lives underwater. I was fascinated by the view and the new species of fish. I went after them to for a while then started to swim up because I didn’t have much oxygen left. But I felt something pulled me. I turned around and see my foot was twined by the alga. I didn’t success to remove them because I was in panic mode. The air was slowing down. I struggled for a while. I felt dizzy and then I saw her swimming up to me. She removed the regulator and transferred the air to my mouth. My face was cupped in her hands. I stared at her. She went down to jerk the alga off my foot. She grabbed my waist and pulled me up to the surface. I held on to her and coughed out continuously. “Kweanchana?” She asked me. I didn’t answer. It has been a while that I could stay such close to her. The intimate feeling came back in me. I looked in her eyes. I wanted to ask why. Why it had to be her when I was about to forget her touch? Then I heard Yoona called me. I turned around and saw her and the girls swimming toward Yuri and me from afar. I guessed they also jumped in the water to look for me.

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a/n : hum...I have a very sad sad sad  dramatic ending in the head right now :((((