Once Heartbroken, Twice Loved

Description

"Why are my broken legs standing here?"
His tone was forlorn and soft as he spoke of the girl that he had loved, the one who had destroyed his heart.
 

Foreword

This is a one-shot for the Only Onew contest by eexiee. Onew is my SHINee bias and I haven't written any stories about him before so I decided to use this contest to plunge right in. I used the song Obsession by SHINee because that is one of my favorite songs and it suited my plot nicely. Total word count: 2,007.

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Comments

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eexiee #1
Chapter 1: Thanks for joining the contest, first of all.

I really liked this story! I feel like it would have been great if you could have extended things a little bit. If you'd had started a little earlier in the storyline, perhaps when Joon was just friends with Onew but he wanted to be more, and Luna and Onew were still dating. I think that would have made the breakup more emotional. Also, if you'd have shown how much Joon wished he could be with Onew but couldn't and was torn about Luna and Onew breaking up because on one hand, Onew was available, but on the other, he was hurting. That's just my opinion though, and I think you did a great job of getting them together. So sweet!

In terms of formatting, if you'd start a new paragraph every time someone spoke, it would be clearer and easier to read.

You did a really good job with the prompt you chose and I'm so happy you decided to write for the contest. Thanks again!
JinkiOppaLove #2
Chapter 1: Awww~ Love it! Write more Joonew, your good!
meandmyself #3
this is good^^
eexiee #4
Thank you for joining <3
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