If I would say that my first love is myself, then he’s probably the next –Lee Taemin. Lee Taemin is one of the members of my ever favourite contemporary band –SHINee. I know everything about him. From the basic infos to the scheds and even the simplest things you could see on his videos, I could notice it. Hahaha. Call me obsessed. But my greatest dream aside from having a good career in the future is being with Lee Taemin. Insane much? No. I would really do anything just to be with him.

*****
“Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed my lungs out. Well, that was just my reaction after reading a news article from the internet that Lee Taemin is going to be the star performer on our school fair. I felt really excited. It would be my first time to see him in person. 

“Oh my, I should be in the first row. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” I screamed again. I know for sure that I’m the first one to know about this very good news. The teachers keep on telling us students that there will be a surprise guest at the event. It made all of us really curious. And I just knew it! Lee Taemin –my obsession.

“Ya! You’re too loud. We’ll be late for class.” He said. 

“Yaaaa! Congratulate me! Come on!!!” I said.

“Psss. For what?” He said curiously.

“I’m gonna meet Lee Taemin next week. What can you say about that?” I said proudly and overjoyed.

“ you!!! Oh, I’m sorry about that. Are you freakin’ crazy? Don’t tell me you joined yunhanam??? He said. He was surprised. I think he doesn’t believe in me.

“Oh come on. I didn’t join that yunhanam. It’s already done. Duh? I’ve watched all the episodes. Guess what! I just found out that the surprise guest at the school event is janan!!! None other than Lee Taemin!!! Woohoo.” I was really overjoyed. 

“You are obsessed!” He said. I think he’s a bit annoyed.

“Yes I am!!” I told him.

*****
That guy is Lee Junsu –my friend. He’s not my best friend. He has his own set of friends and I also have mine. It just happened that I used to buy stuffs at their store that’s why I met him. His dad, who usually takes charge of their business, introduced him to me since he knew that we will be attending the same class at Han Dong Academy. I got close to Mr. Lee because I used to buy stuffs at their store. Oh, they’re really cute. I love the notebooks. Haha. Another thing is this Lee Junsu is a basketball freak. Yeah. He spends most of the time playing basketball. He might look thin and clumsy but he’s really good in shooting hoops. He’s not the MVP but he’s one of the star players in his team. He doesn’t do school stuffs that much. The reason why his dad would always ask favours from me to help Junsu with school works. Damn. I’m not even better when it comes to school stuffs but I’m still better than this popsicle stick. I remember one time...

“Ya! Be my partner!” Junsu said.

“What the heck! I don’t wanna be partners with you again. The last time you were my partner, I end up doing all the work! It’s supposed to be a dual project. Hello! You’re just practicing basketball all the time! I won’t let you steal my intellectual property ever again!!!” I told him frankly.

“What about three notebooks. Hardbound. Uhmmm, I think it’s the latest that arrived just earlier. Hmmm?” He said with a little confidence. And he’s doing it again. Hypnotizing me with his bribes.

“Make it five!” I said.

“Ya! That’s too much! Appa would kill me if he knew about it!” He said. Bargaining with me. He used to give me hardbound notebooks and other stuffs in their store as a payment for my super effort for OUR projects. And of course, his dad doesn’t know about it. So am I receiving stolen payments? I don’t care. I love their stuffs. Hahaha. 

“Then find someone who could be your partner for this veeeeeery, veeeeery long research work. Haha.” I said teasingly.

“Ya! Okay, okay! Five hardbound notebooks. Isn’t that too much? I think your cheating!!!” He said. Still bargaining.

“Ya! The research work is very long and remember that we are using only my brain for this project. Stupid!” I said.

“Okay you win. Five notebooks. Deal.” He said.

“Yey!!!” I jumped for joy.

*****
The main event is getting nearer and nearer. I can’t do anything but wait for the most awaited moment of my life –to meet my Taemin. Wahaha. On the mean time, I’m keeping company with Junsu on his basketball practice at the court in the village. He was playing alone and I was just seating at one side, watching him play. 

“Three points! Yey! Good job.” I told him as he walks near me and appears. High five. I handed him a face towel and a bottle of water to drink. He drank it and I could see his sweat dripping all over his face and neck as he lifts his head while drinking. I was just looking at him. Then, I remembered a scene again...

I hate basketball ever since. I remember one time when I was running while dribbling the ball during P.E. class, I stumbled and it even gave me a souvenir –a scar on my left knee and elbow. After that, I didn’t get interested in basketball again. Not until I met Junsu. We were really close. Actually, we were more than friends though less than lovers. Now, the only reason why I still get hooked into basketball is because Junsu always tells me to watch his game. Their team always wins. Their record? Thirty-nine wins including the inter-school competitions. Not bad for a high-schooler. I was there in all of his games. And believe it or not, Junsu is the one who always shoots for the win. Sometimes, I wonder, what is this skeleton guy’s secret. He’s so thin but he really plays good. He’s also hot for the other girls since he is one of the star players. I also wonder if she doesn’t get interested to girls...

Snap.

“Ya. Why are you looking at me?” He said. I was taken back to reality.

“Oh...” What the. I need an excuse. 

“What? You’re going to tell something am I right?” He said curiously.

“Ya! I have a question.” Good thing I was able to think quickly. I’m so good. Wahaha.

“What is it?” He asked. He continued drinking.

“Are you gay?” I asked in a serious manner.

“Pfftt! What the heck is that question! Are you fooling me?” He almost throws up everything he drank. Haha.

“Well, uhmmm...I mean, I’ve known you for more than a year now. And we’ve been friends for more than a year but...uhmmm...I haven’t heard you talk about girls or your girlfriend. Is there any?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah I have...” He said.

“Ohhhh....?” I answered hesitantly.

“..in the past. Before we lived in this village.. I had a girlfriend..” He said.

“Oh..does that mean you two we’re not officially over? And what’s her name anyway?” I asked. Still curious. I don’t talk to him about this kind of stuffs. Most of the time, I’m the one having this monologue about my Lee Taemin. I never gave him a chance to open up about his love life.

“We fixed things before we transferred here. We’re friends. No bitterness. Her name is Eun Kyung. And that’s just puppy love anyway. Why are you asking these things?” He asked curiously.

“Well, nothing. I just thought you were not interested to girls. Wait! Ya! Do you have a girlfriend now? Come on tell me! Haha.” I said teasingly.

“Haha. I don’t. But I like someone right now. Haha. That I won’t tell you!” He said teasingly too.

“You! Mr. Popsicle stick! There’s no sense talking to you. Well, I don’t care. I’ll just prepare for my Taemin. I’ll be seeing him in three days! I’m so excited I need to go now.” I said while walking away from him not noticing I was just talking to myself already. I looked back. Junsu continued playing basketball. I turned back again then he called me.

“Ya! Yin Ah!” He called out loud. I looked back again. He was walking near me.

“Why?” I asked.

“You’re going to watch right?” He asked.

“Watch what?” I have no idea.

“The game. My game.” He said. He looks he was expecting a yes for an answer.

“Of course! I know you’ll win.” I smiled at him. He grinned.

“See you tomorrow!” He said. He ran back to the court and shoots the ball. Three points. 

I walked my way home and prepare for a special day tomorrow –the start of school’s fest. I’m so excited.

*****
I woke up early for school. I went to the terrace and see the sun as it rises. It was beautiful. I’m so excited to go to school. I prepared everything. I was on my way using my bike when someone called me.

“Ya! Yin Ah! You’re early today. Seems like you’re more excited when there are no classes huh.” He said in a teasing way. He was wearing his jersey uniform.

“Oh shut up. At least I’m not like you who always go to class with your mind left in the court. Haha. Wait a second. You’re jogging, ain’t you?” I said.

“I want to be the first person at the court so that I could practice immediately.” He practices a lot but his muscles are still developing. Haha. His gastrocnemius muscle and legs are even thinner than the ahjumma’s. Hahaha.

“You can’t be the first one there unless you’ll be riding on a vehicle or something. Haha. Stupid.” I said.

“You just gave me a brilliant idea! Wahaha.” What is he saying?

“Ya. And you’re using your mind now. What idea?” I said.

“Get out of that bike.” What?

“Ya! You thick-faced skeleton!” I said.

“Come on. I’ll just give you a ride. Anyway, both of us are skinny. That bicycle could carry us without having its wheels flat. Haha.” He said.

“Okay fine.” He was driving the bicycle. I was sitting in front of him. And in just a few minute, we were in school. He drives that fast. Hahaha.

*****
There are lots of booths at the schools quadrangle. Now, it’s time for me to enjoy. I will try all the interesting booths I could see. I was on my way to the tattoo section when the booth beside attracted my attention.

“KNOW YOUR FUTURE” I read it. That was the name of the booth. I got curious so I went in. No one’s inside except the weirdo. Yeah. She’s really weird. She was one of the top bullied students in school and she only has two or three friends. I mean, weird friends. But most of her classmates say she has the ability to read palms and tarots. Oh my. I think I’m on the wrong booth. I was on my way out when...

“Do you want to ask something about your love life?” The weirdo said.

“Love life?” Sounds interesting. Haha. I stopped and faced her. She was not looking at me. She was shuffling the tarot cards.

“You are really into someone right now.” She said. In my mind, of course I am...into LEE TAEMIN.Bwaha. How the hell did she know I’m into someone? I got curious so I sat on the chair in front of her.

“Shuffle it. Then, cut it into three.” The weirdo said. I just followed what she said. She placed the cards on the table.

“What do you want to ask?” She said.

“Uhmmm...Am I going to meet the guy I want this week?” Oh my. What am I saying. She opened a card placed on the table.

“You already know him.” She said. As I expected, of course I know very well. I know everything about him –my Lee Taemin. Haha. Stupid.

“You are more of crushes and obsessions. You should tell the person you want that you like him. He’s easy to approach anyway.” She added.

“Okay thank you. That’s enough. How much will I pay?” I said.

“Nothing. Thank you for visiting my booth.” She said. What the hell. She’s really weird. Ughh. Doing business for nothing? Okay fine.

“Okay. Thanks anyway.” I went out. Thinking about the things she just said, oh my. Did she say ‘he’s easy to approach?’ Waaaah! Now I’m so sure that I’m going to talk to Lee Taemin in two days. I’m going to watch his performance and talk to him after. He’s not with the other members so I think the security would not be that strict. Crossed-fingers.

*****
On the other hand, Junsu’s basketball game is about to start in 3,2,1. Whistles. Jump ball. Junsu’s not the captain ball. He’s the shooting guard in the team. I was focusing on him. Cheering for him just like the other girls. Junsu is different when he’s in the play. It was like the court is his own property. And eventhough I only see Lee Taemin as the cutest, hottest, handsomest guy on earth, I can’t deny the fact that Lee Junsu is also hot and fantastic while playing and shooting some hoops there. I could hear most of the girls screaming and cheering for him.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I LOVE YOU NUMBER 18!!!” One of the girls said. Haha. Woah. That’s Lee Junsu’s jersey number ever since.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Lee Junsu go shoot it! Yaaaa!” Another girl screamed.

“Marry me Junsu!!!” Another girl. Haha. They all look funny for me. What’s attractive about this popsicle stick friend of mine. Hahaha.

On the first half of the game, they were leading. Oh no. It seems like they’re losing on the second half. Again, I heard more screams and cheers for Junsu and his team. Oh my. Score: Junsu’s team- 76, opponent- 78. And there's only ten seconds left. Ya! The point guard passed the ball to Junsu. Dribble. Run. Dribble. Run. Five seconds left. Junsu holds the ball, targets his shoot, and 3,2,1, three points!!! They won. Yey!!! Junsu’s team- 79, opponent- 78. That was a close fight. I’m so glad they won for the 40th time. Woohoo. Cheers! Junsu the shooter is the best. Shoot to win again.

After the game, lots of girls where gathering around Junsu and his team. Girls were still screaming and cheering. Ughh. Crazy much. Some are hugging him and even patting his sweat on his face and neck. That makes me feel irritated. I don’t know if I’m irritated to him or to the girls. I’m just irritated. 
We went home together after everything. We rode on my bike again. Still, I was in front and he was the one driving.

“You’re gonna watch the final game, aren’t you?” He asked.

“What do you expect? When is it?” I asked.

“The day after tomorrow. You should watch. That’s a request. By hook or by crook. Can you promise?” He said.

“Okay. I will watch whatever happens. I’ll cheer for you. Haha.” I said. 

We didn’t stay at our homes when we get into the village. We stayed at the basketball court. Again, he was practicing more and more. I stayed on the side and seat there. I just watched him run, dribble and shoot. It was fun watching him. I was still looking. He stopped and waved at me. He smiled. The moment he smiled, yeah, I know it’s funny but I saw a resemblance of Lee Taemin in him. But no way! My Taemin is incomparable, ineffable. Haha. Junsu is nothing compared to him. In just a blink of an eye, Junsu was in front of me.

“Ya. You’re thinking afar again. You’re staring at nothing.” He said.

“I’m going to confess...” I said.

“Hmm?” He blushed.

“I’m going to confess to Lee Taemin about my feelings.” I said.

“Ya. Are you freakin’ crazy! Stop you’re foolish obsession! !” He said furiously.

“What are you saying. I’m just going to tell him. I know it’s the right thing to do.” I said.

“You’re going to make yourself hurt. He’s a celebrity. You’re just an ordinary person.” He said frankly.

“Ya!! Nothing is impossible in this world!” I told him.

“Whatever. Let’s just play. Get the ball from me!” He said. I haven’t played basketball for years. But I was eager to play.

“What will I get as a reward if I win?” I said.

“I’ll tell you who I’m into.” He said seriously.

“Okay. Sounds fun.” I became more eager to win now. He was dribbling the ball. He runs fast. I got him. Ya! I got the ball. I run. I run faster. Dribble. His defense was really good. He’s at my back guarding the ball I was dribbling. I was tired of running. Very tired. Really tired. It was like I’m going to collapse but I was still eager to win. I was dribbling and in an instant...

“Ju..Junsu...” I said. He hugged me tight. His arms were around my shoulder. I stopped dribbling. I held the ball near my chest. He didn’t say a word.

“Ya..” I said softly. “that’s an offense..no touching of the opponent...” I was like frozen. I can’t move. We can’t move.

“Yin Ah...” I didn’t say a word.

“I’m into you...” he whispered. I tried hard to move and stay away from him when he said that. I faced him. He was looking straight to my eyes and repeated...

“I like you...” I still can’t say anything. I was not able to control myself. I slapped him hard on the face. I don’t know why I did that. I really don’t know why. And then, I walked out.

*****
I did not go to school the day after that incident. I know there are no interesting activities for that day. There would just be booths and booths and other sports game but I did not bother to watch. Besides, I’m not interested. I was thinking of what happened last night. Am I right? Junsu just hugged me and told me I’m the girl he likes? Is he out of his mind? Ughh. It makes me feel uncomfortable. My friend likes me? No it can’t be. And the fact that I like someone else...this is insane. Oh. Speaking of that ‘someone else’, yeah, I almost forgot. Lee Taemin’s gonna be in school tomorrow. Oh my Taemin. I need to prepare. I have to make myself look noticeable. I should make myself look really nice tomorrow. I get up immediately from bed and sat in front of the mirror. I get my make-up kit on the drawer and put a little make-up. I put a little blush on to make my cheeks a bit rosy. I applied lipgloss on my lips to make it attractive. Then I started fixing my hair. Straight, curly, pony-tailed, one-side, just to see what fits the best. Haha. I’m doing that for him only. Just for him. After that, I was able to decide. I’ll just hang it loosely as usual. That was just a practice. 

I did not notice that preparing for my much awaited moment took me some time. I looked outside the window and I saw the moon and the stars shining brightly. Ughh. It’s already late in the evening. I just ate my dinner and rest for a while. I need to sleep early. Tomorrow’s gonna be a bang. 

*****
It’s a new day. And probably the happiest day of my life. I can’t believe it. I will see Lee Taemin for real. I woke up early and prepared myself for this day. I put a little make-up and fixed my hair hanging loosed. I looked at the mirror and smiled. Aja! I can do it. After I finished fixing my things and eating my breakfast, I went to school using my bike...again. Haha. While I was driving my bike, I saw Junsu coming out of their house. I stopped for a while and see if he’s going to look at me. I don’t know how I would react if ever he looks back. Good thing he didn’t. He did not see me? Snob.

I continued driving until I reached school. I placed my things on the locker. I saw some people on their way to the gymnasium. Others are on the way to the auditorium. Yeah. And I’m going there too. Taemin’s show is gonna be held at the auditorium. I have to be in the front seat. So I rushed. I ran and went to the auditorium. Not that many people were there. I was able to sit in front. Haha. I have no idea how the scene would be.

“Taemin-shi, can you pick someone from the crowd who do you find the prettiest?” The MC said.

“Sure. Uhmm..” Oh my. Is he looking at me? Yaaaaaaaaa! My dreams are coming true. He’s smiling. I smiled back. He’s going on my way. And then, in just a glimpse, he’s right in front of me, offering his hands. I held his hands. I’m a bit shy because of the big crowd. He held my hand and took me to the stage. He gets the microphone .

“I find you pretty... Will you be my girlfriend?” He said. . I can’t say no!!! I was about to answer...then, snap. Cheers. Screams. Applauses. I’m daydreaming again. Ya! The show is about to start. I screamed out loud. Then he comes out. Juliette~ He danced. Ring Ding Dong~. He sang My Everything. He was amazing. I love his voice, the way he dance, smile, laugh...I love him. I kept my eyes on him at the whole performance. Then here comes the moment I’ve been waiting for...

“Taemin-shi, can you pick someone from the crowd who do you find the prettiest?” The MC said.

“Uhmmm...” He said. Everyone screamed. Hoping they would be chosen. Aishh. B*tches. He continued talking.

“Uhmmm..Honestly, I can see a lot of pretty girls in here. But I can’t choose...” He said frankly.

“Woah. Our Taemin-shi here cannot choose between the pretty girls in the crowd. But why?” The MC asked.

“Because I’ve already given my heart to someone. I cannot choose among these beautiful girls because in my eyes, there is only one girl I consider the prettiest.” He said.

“Then who is it?” The MC asked.

“Uhmm..I can’t tell it yet. Haha. I’m sorry.” He said.

“Okay I won’t insist. Once again for his last performance, SHINee Lee Taemin!” The host said. Then all I can hear are screams and cheers for my Lee Taemin. 

. Did I hear it right? Did he just say he’s already taken? Oh my. I’m broken. I was thinking of what he just said. Everything I dreamed of did not happen. What the heck. I thought that weirdo was right. I thought that the guy I wanted was easy to approach. Everything I thought about him was different. Very different. Am I dreaming? I pinched myself hard. On my hand, face, every part of my body...I cried. Then I went out. I went to the locker room and wiped my tears. I can’t imagine how stupid I am to fall for someone who can never be mine. I tried hard not to cry. People coming from the gymnasium started going in the locker room, talking about something...

“Ya. They’re really good. I knew they would win.” The girl said.

“Okay I lose on our bet. I still can’t believe it. It was the first time that it happened.” Another girl said.

“I think so...It seems that the shooting guard was not in the mood to play the game. He was not able to shoot the ball in the last five seconds. It was like he’s thinking of something. His mind and soul is not on the court earlier.” She said.

“Yeah. It’s supposed to be the 41st win if he was able to shoot it. Too bad their record was broken.” Then the girls left.

Oh my. Did I hear them right? They were talking about the basketball final game. It’s already finish? No!!! I promised Junsu I would watch his game whatever happens. Oh my. I can’t believe I broke my promise. I ran outside as fast as I could. The sun was already gone. I looked for Junsu in every corner of the school. But I didn’t find him. I want to say sorry. I drive and drive my bike to find him anywhere. But I really can’t. I stopped for a while.

*****
Junsu’s side ...

I was searching for her on the big crowd. She promised that she would be there by hook or by crook...But she didn’t show up. I was looking at every side, every corner of the gym, hoping I would see her cheering for me. I lost concentration. I lost my inspiration, my lucky charm... Now I remember she’s at the auditorium the time I was playing my game. The game that I supposedly dedicated to her. But she was cheering and screaming for someone else. I know now. It hurts to love someone when I can’t tell how I really feel. I get hurt without her knowing. I get jealous without the right to feel that way. I want her time without being in the position to demand for it. My heart is breaking in silence... But despite it, I continue to love her because somehow, in this hurtful love, there’s still the hope of having simple moments with her even if just as friends.

*****
Yin Ah’s side ...

I’m tired. I get out of my bike and just walk while letting its wheels roll on the ground and follow me while I’m holding it. I walked and walked until I reached the village. I think I’ll confront him tomorrow to say my apology. I walked again and I reached the village’s court. There, I saw a guy sitting in the middle of the court, staring at nonentity. It was Junsu. I walked on where he is and I stood in front of him.

“Ya...” I said softly. He was not looking at me.

“Junsu...I’m sorry about earlier...” I said.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Where you’ve been is much important anyway...” He’s not looking at me. He sounds cold.

“I’m sorry...” I repeated.

“I thought you’re going to confess to your Lee Taemin. Did you make it?” He said seriously. Still sounding cold. I didn’t answer. No matter how hard I tried to control my emotions, I burst into tears.

“Yin Ah... Don’t cry...” I thought he would laugh at me. I thought he would affront me for all my obsession and foolish dreams. But I was wrong. He just made me feel comforted. He sympathized with what I was feeling. He hugged me closer and tighter in his arms. And I felt his sob. He was crying with me and I don’t know why. I have no idea...

“I wish I was the one...” He said followed with a soft sob. I was still crying. I can’t utter a word. I just embraced him back. I love the way he holds me in his arms. I want to stay like this until I have no more tears to cry.

We stayed in that for position for a long time. I stopped crying and I stood up and faced him.

“Junsu...” I said. My eyes were still teary.

“W..why...?” I asked. He did not answer back. Instead, he stood up and embraced me again.

“I love you...I love you. I love you. I love you!!!....” He said out loud. There were no other people there aside from us. The only witness was the lights at the corners of the court shining through us. I was shocked. I thought he just likes me. I never knew he loved me aside from a friendly love. He faced me again. He closed his eyes, held my face and kissed me. That was passionate.

*****
“Yin Ah!!!” She shouted.

“I’m coming!!!Ya!!” I answered back.

“We’re gonna be late! Faster!” 

“Yes boss!!” I went outside.

“Hahaha. Looking good huh.” He teases me.

“Whatever. Haha.” And he gave me a ride on his bicycle. Yeah. He told his appa to buy him a new one. Since I lost my bike the night we were together. Haha. 

“You ready?” He asked.

“Of course!” I answered.

“Then let’s make it the best date ever!!!!Hahah.Weeeeeeeee.” He giggled. When we got to our destination, he held my hand and never let go of it.

*****
Many things happened to me. I started as a dreamer. I had this dream of having a celebrity boyfriend. I’ve been so much obsessed with a guy I can’t even reach. Will you call me a loser? Haha. I did not lose the dream guy of my life that day. I just got the real one. A boyfriend and an instant slave. Haha. Now I know what the weirdo schoolmate was telling me. The guy I want is easy to approach. Yeah. Because he was just right beside me. Sometimes, because we dream too much of having someone who is unreachable, we tend to forget and appreciate the real people around us. The people who will love us truly. And now, I realized that the right and true person is not the one that you like and wished for. It’s the one that stands in the background and catches you when you fall. The person who once dreamed of you...but decided to stay in silence. If you encounter so much pain because of the one person you loved the most, you will learn to love your friends so much and in reality that friendship is the best relationship and best example of love. My friend, my lover, my Junsu.

Phew. And what happened to the guy I dreamed of? Haha. Lee Taemin? Ya! Does he even know I exist? I’m still a fan but just an ordinary. I'm not obsess with him anymore. The last thing I heard about him? He was linked to the newly debuted member of f(x) – Luna. Haha. Now I know who has stolen his heart. Well, thanks to them I was able to wake up from a shattered dream. Thanks to Lee Taemin for making me realize he's unreachable. Thanks to him because I was able to open my eyes to see reality. Thanks to him I was able to find and appreciate my Junsu...