The Great Escape

drabble

.

.

.

Jessica won’t admit it but when was in Girls’ Generation, she felt like she was trapped. Like a caged bird. Being a part of the group was a great opportunity for Jessica to discover herself and other people but others often see her as something of a whole and not a single person. She was always Girls’s Generation Jessica and not just Jessica or Sooyeon. She isn’t the only one who felt about it though. At some point, each of the nine members felt that SNSD was holding them back and bringing them down. No sense of individuality, no sense of privacy, no sense of liberty—all those were consequences of signing up to the entertainment industry. It’s not that it was bad—it was just restricting. Jessica wanted to do a lot of things in life and being in SNSD wasn’t enough.

So when she found out that the greatest girl group decided to disband, she was more than ecstatic. A bit heartbroken too but for the most part, happy. A part of her life was closing but she was opening another one.

“Sooyeon!” Jessica smiled. Through all of the years she’s been active in the industry, she had only been interesting on one thing: Love. But that was not a given when you become a celebrity. It was forbidden to go on a date or hold a man’s hands or kiss his lips. You could go in secret but not in public. It was unfair. If you love someone, shouldn’t you tell the world that? Shouldn’t you be proud of the love you give and you receive? What was money and power when you had no one to share it with? What was life without love?

Sunny used to say to her that they were there for her. She had eight girls to lean on, to confide with and to love. Wasn’t that enough? Weren’t they enough for her? Jessica would merely smile and shake her head. Jessica loves them more than she loves herself but sometimes friendship wasn’t enough to fill the hole in her heart. Sometimes, it took a man to complete a woman.

They all understood that.

Jessica often wished she shouldn’t have joined Girls’ Generation. She wondered what it would be like to live alone or venture out to travel the world or be with someone. Jessica knew she was being selfish. Even with fame, money and love from fans, she knew it wasn’t enough. Nothing was ever enough for her.

There was a time, a few years ago before the actual disbandment, she had voiced out her frustrations about not wanting to be in the group anymore. She said all it ever brought them was pain and suffering. It was true. With every success came all kinds of ache. She was so blinded by her rage; she lashed out at the girls and told them she never wanted to be with them. A few girls understood her sentiment but most hated it for her.

No fight was as big as this one. It lasted for a year. It took so much time and effort to weave the friendship that was once there and when it came back, it wasn’t the same.

Jessica regretted ever saying that. To this day, she knew she had made a mistake. She knew she can never undo it. If she could, she would turn back time and stop herself. But that was that. It was bittersweet. It was in the past. It was a lesson learned.

There was one thing Jessica never expected though. In the God-forsaken entertainment industry, she had found love. What started out as a collaboration, came friendship and bloomed into something more. It moved mysteriously, appeared over the horizon. It took her by surprise. Who would have thought that she would fall for the least person she expected?

She could never understand how it happened and yet, all she could think of how thankful she was joining Girls’ Generation.

 “Have you been waiting long?” He asked. Jessica shook her head. He smiled that sunshine smile of his and she was almost blinded by it. She was amazed by how he always made her fall in love with him again and again.

Jinki was incredibly wonderful. God knows how she ever snatched him up.

“We should really hurry up if we don’t want to miss the plane.”

Jessica nodded, saying nothing. She was being uncharacteristically quiet. But she had always been un-like Jessica with Jinki. He brought out the different sides of her. Grabbing his hand, she interlaced her fingers with his. The gold band on her ring finger rested against his.

Jinki squeezed her hand and looked at her. Stars twinkled in his eyes. Jessica couldn’t look away.

“This is a new beginning.”

This is love.

.

.

.

note.

this is actually an installation to my girls' genertaion disbandment fic. but heck it's onsica.

to all who have lost hope, hold on! onsica be coming soon!