I stared at the blurry, translucent shower door as I let the hot water run over me. It felt as if all the energy had been drained out of me even though it was the morning and I had just woken up. I knew why I felt this way, but I tried not to think about it. I tried to imagine that I was going to visit Chanyeol at his parent’s house, at the beach, at a restaurant; anywhere than where he really was right now. But I knew he was still in his hospital bed, looking more frail than I thought he ever could. And I had tried especially hard to forget the news the doctors had told us a few weeks earlier. The knowledge of it had all the color out of life. It had shattered something inside of me that could never be repaired. Yet, everyday I went to visit him and we talked as if nothing was wrong. It was the way he wanted it to be. He told me not to cry. I could manage that if I kept my mind in a sort of denial; pushing the truth as far away as possible.

As I got dressed and looked at myself in the mirror, however, the truth started slipping back into my mind. There was an overwhelming hollow feeling in my chest; something new. Why do I feel this way? Nothing has changed, right? I searched my memories as I wandered into the kitchen. I saw our first visit to the doctor, the doctor who explained to me that his cancer was terminal, his parents’ terrified looks when they caught a sight of my tear-stained face, his relentless smile despite it all… My gaze fell on a bouquet of white roses, his favorite. Why are they there? Then the memory of visiting the flower shop came back to me. I bought this bouquet along with a dozen other flower arrangements and I remember deciding to save this one for later. But why? Save them later for what? Why did I buy them?

Then it hit me.

It knocked the wind out of me.

I looked around frantically as if a confirmation would come out of thin air. Eventually, my legs carried me to Suho’s room and I barged in without knocking. He looked up and gave me a questioning look. He was sitting on the floor with Chanyeol’s belongings strewn everywhere, seemingly sorting them into different boxes. This sight did not suggest the conclusion I wanted to come to.

“…Did Chanyeol die?” I asked in a shaky voice.

Different emotions washed over Suho’s face. His eyebrows pulled together and he bit his lip as if holding back tears. Then a small, sad smile formed on his lips, but didn’t reach his eyes.

“Yes.” He nodded. I panicked even though there was nothing I could do about it. Why didn’t I know? Where was I?

“When?”

“Four days ago. The funeral was yesterday. You were there, honey. I was wondering when you would realize. You haven’t been acting quite right.”

“Four days ago?”

“Yes, we figured out that they decided to..'pull the plug', remember? He was in such pain…” he said, a slightly dark expression taking over his features. Then I knew- from intuition or the memory coming back- I wasn’t sure, but I knew that his parents had concealed this information from me. My panic rose, accompanied by anger now.

“They didn’t tell me!”

“They didn’t tell any of us. I guess they decided to keep it between family members. I agree, that should have included you. But I wasn’t going to cause a scene and tell them off. Not now…” he said looking away with a frustrated expression.

“Hyung! I wasn’t there! What if he wanted me there?” I said, the thought being too much to handle. Tears flooded my eyes. I did nothing to stop them or hide them. I was vaguely aware of Suho getting up and rushing over to me.

“I didn’t get to tell him that he’s still the most beautiful person in the world even though he lost his hair, and that I would never forget him, and I would have a little girl one day and name her Yoonhee like he always wanted, and that I love him and I always will…” I sobbed, the thought of him dying with uncertain thoughts in his head eating away at my insides. It made me cringe, made me cry harder. My body shook with sobs and I clung onto the fabric of Suho’s shirt. And then everything started to go black.

I continued to cry as I slowly became aware that I was lying in my bed. My fists were full of the fabric of my sheets and my pillow was stained with tears.

A dream?

How much of it was real? As I sat up, reality became clearer.

Was he ever really diagnosed with cancer? Those memories seemed so real…

I got up and made my way to his room, trying to control my crying. I hurried into his room and fumbled to turn the lamp on, immediately looking toward the bed with hope.

There he was.

Sleeping soundly in his bed.

All of his crazy hair still intact and the healthy color still in his skin.

“Chanyeollie!” I sobbed. He jumped into a sitting position and spotted me. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and looked at me, no doubt realizing that I was bawling.

“Baekhyun? What’s wrong?”

“I had a d-dream that y-you died.” I said in a shaky voice.

“Oh, baby! Come here!” he said and motioned for me to join him on the bed. I did so and immediately wrapped my arms around him, feeling that he was real, hearing his heartbeat. He returned the hug and rubbed my back soothingly.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m here. I’m here…” he whispered soothingly as I cried into his chest. He waited for me to calm down before shifting us to a laying position, me lying on top of him and our arms still around each other. He brought a hand up to turn my face to him and wipe my tears.

“What happened to me in your dream?” he asked.

“You had cancer.” I simply said, not knowing how much I could say without bursting into tears again.

“Oh, that’s all? Man, I was hoping to go in some cool way like taking a bullet for someone or skydiving or fighting some epic battle.”

“Yah!” I said slapping him. “That would not be cool. And you’re not ‘going.’ You’re not allowed to die. Ever.” I pouted.

“I’ll try, but I’m not promising anything, baby.” He chuckled. I giggled a bit too. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to make you laugh. Do you want to talk about the dream?” he asked, becoming serious again.

“Well, I just…didn’t get a chance to say goodbye in the dream, so…” I started, propping myself up to look at him. “I wanted to tell you that I love you and I always will.”

A beautiful smile spread over his face as he reached up to cup my face.

“I love you too.” He said. I leaned down and kissed him gently. I pulled away after a few seconds and looked into his eyes before kissing him again, this time practically crashing my lips into his. Our lips moved together slowly and deliberately. I tried to convey my feelings through the kiss and he seemed to understand, kissing me back with just as much passion and running his fingers through my hair. We pulled apart and I gave him one last peck before settling down again, using his chest as a pillow. He pulled the blanket over us and started my hair.

“You’re never skydiving. I forbid it.”

“So is the epic battle alright?”

“As long as you win.”

“Alright, baby. Try to get some sleep now. We have schedules tomorrow.” He chuckled.

“Okay. I love you.” I repeated and snuggled up to him, getting comfortable. I felt so peaceful knowing that he was still here and that he knew how much I love him. The last thing I heard before drifting off was his reassurance that he loved me too.

I stretched and rubbed my eyes. Chanyeol was no longer in the bed, but I could hear the other members talking and laughing. I got up and headed for the kitchen and ended up almost running into Chanyeol. He smiled.

“Hey, baby. I was just coming to wake you up.” He said and leaned down for a short kiss. Once he pulled away I glomped him, jumping up and wrapping my arms and legs around him. He gasped and chuckled, holding onto me and carrying me to a seat at the table.

“See, I told you…” Sehun said, giving Chanyeol a knowing smirk.

“Shut up.” Chanyeol said under his breath as he set me on the chair.

“You told him what?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“Uh, nothing. So I heard you had a bad dream last night?” Sehun said with a cough.

“What? You told them?!” I said, glaring at Chanyeol. He put his hands up to protect himself.

“Maybe…” he said in a small voice.

“Uggh! Why would you do that? It’s embarrassing!” I said standing up and slapping him in the back of the head.

“Ow. I’m sorry, babe. It was just so sweet…”

“Is that what you were all laughing about?” I looked around with a pout.

“No, we were laughing at Sehun’s brilliant idea.” Jongin said with a smirk. “Which he successfully distracted you from. Sehun, why don’t you tell Baekhyun about your idea?”

“Then it would be ruined…” Sehun mumbled.

“Yah! Tell me! Or I’ll tell Luhan about your little incident with Jongin.” I said. Sehun’s eyes widened and Chanyeol, Suho, and Kyungsoo turned to the dancer with bewildered looks.

“What can I say, I’m irresistible.” Jongin shrugged. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Sehun with an expectant look.   

“Okay, sorry buddy.” Sehun patted Chanyeol on the back before continuing. “Well, when he first told us about you coming into his room, crying and saying you love him, and being all adorable, I was like ‘and you didn’t bang him? Are you gay or what?’”

“He was crying!” Chanyeol defended.

“Yeah, well you could have made him feel better.” Sehun nudged Chanyeol with his elbow.

“You sick . How does Luhan put up with you?” I said.

“Oh, Luhan is worse than me sometimes. You have no idea…” Sehun said, looking off into space as if reliving some fond memory. I was about to deny his accusation of Luhan’s erseness when Jongin interrupted.

“So anyway, Sehun’s idea was that you’re probably sooo happy that Chanyeol is still alive, you’ll be all lovey-dovey for about a week. Which means it will be easy for Chanyeol to get in your pants like five times a day. Which would be a pretty big increase, I mean, you guys only get it on a couple times a week. Something wrong there?” Jongin said with an evil grin, dodging the random silverware that Chanyeol threw at him and ignoring Sehun’s yell for him to shut up. If my face wasn’t red already, it certainly was now. I didn’t want to know how Jongin knew exactly how many times a week Chanyeol and I were intimate.

“Okay. Now I’m definitely telling Luhan about your fling with Jongin. And I’ll make sure he beats both of you up.” I said angrily and headed for my room, wanting to curl up and disappear from embarrassment.

“Yah! It wasn’t a fling!”

“We can make it a fling if you want, hot stuff.”

“Shut up!”

The sound of Sehun and Jongin bickering faded as I slammed my door and dived onto my bed. Seconds later there was a knock.

“Baby. I’m sorry. Can I come in?” Chanyeol said hesitantly. I didn’t answer and after a minute I heard the door open and felt my bed dip down under his weight.

“Can I crawl in a hole and die now?” I said, my voice muffled by the pillow I had stuck my face into.

“Babe, if I’m not allowed to die, then neither are you. Come on, don’t let those idiots get to you.”

“Are you just comforting me to get into my pants?” 

“No!”

“Did you think Sehun’s idea was a good plan?”

“…no…”

“Get out.”

“Baby! Just think about it. Is it so bad that I like the idea of making love to you five times a day?” I could hear the hope in his voice. I sighed and sat up to face him.

“That’s not why I’m upset anyway. I just can’t believe you told them about my dream. Now they’re making a joke out of it…”

“I’m sorry. I was just telling them how sweet it was and they thought it was great that we loved each other that much. They really did! I mean, Kyungsoo and Suho said that. Sehun ruined it with his dirty mind. That’s the only reason we were laughing.” He explained.

“Really?” I asked in a small voice. He nodded vigorously.

“So they were just laughing about our life, huh? Is it really that bad that we only do it like twice a week? I thought that was pretty good considering our schedules…”

“Yeah. It’s pretty good…” Chanyeol said, avoiding my gaze and playing with my fingers.

“What? You want to do it more?” I laughed.

“Is that an offer?” He asked, leaning closer and running a thumb over my lip.

“Well, I’ll see if I can fit you into my schedule Mr. Park, but right now I have to get ready for an interview.” I said, checking my imaginary watch and getting up. I didn’t get two steps away before Chanyeol grabbed me and pulled me back, making me squeal. I landed on my back on the bed and he immediately started kissing my neck. I giggled.

“Chanyeollie! We have to get ready!” I protested weakly, not really wanting to stop him. I pushed him away and he came right back again, starting to nibble on my ear. Then we heard a noise from the door.

“Wow! You took Baekhyun from angry to giggling in two seconds! You’ll have to teach me how to do that.” Sehun said from the doorway.

“Get out!” we said in unison.

“I just wanted to ask you to reconsider about telling Luhan. We’ve already fought this week and-” Sehun rambled on but Chanyeol had gotten up to walk over and slam the door in his face. He spun to face me again.

“Now where were we?” he smiled. I smirked back and motioned for him to come hither with my finger and he did not hesitate to comply.

~~~~~~~~~

Hey, there!

So this will probably be the saddest thing I ever write. 

And it wasn't even that sad because the sad part was a dream. 

OTL

But anyway, I wrote this because I had that same dream that Baekhyun had (except with different people)

It was so real. ㅠㅅㅠ

But it gave me the idea for this story so... s'all good.

I was all excited about this and now that I wrote it, I kind of hate it. >.<

What do you think of it? :3

<3 Krys