"True Love"
"True Love"
CHAPTER 4
GAIN
THE CHANGE
Most times, I reckon, change is a slow process. It’s so slow you don’t even register it happening. And you ask yourself, how did I get like this? And you’ve got no reply to these questions, because it didn’t happen overnight, it happened over years. Yet sometimes, it’s different. Sometimes change is an express train, picking you up at one stop and dropping you off further down the line. And it leaves you in shocked. It leaves you astonished, because you can see the distance you’ve travelled and you know you can never go back.
“Darling, I’m just so worried about you. It’s not natural you living up here all by yourself. I mean, it’s just that at your age I was married and thinking about a family. And well, I was wondering…”
Here we go again, the real reason for my mother’s visit.
“Yes?”
“Well, I’m curious if you have someone. If there is anything you wanted to tell me, about..well..I would try and understand.”
I smile to her. “Mom, there’s no need to worry.” I take a deep breath and cross my fingers, hoping that this statement will convince her even though I’m not confident about it. Since the day she heard about Miryo’s plan of settling down, she has become more increasingly desperate for me to get a boyfriend. Although I’m against about it, I can’t blame her. She just wants something good for her only child and daughter.
My dad is a successful real estate developer and my mother is a plain housewife, but still we’re certainly well-off. When I was young I still could remember studying the wedding photos of my parents as they stood happily outside the church and at the same time wondering how two such different people could have ever fallen in love. Dad prefers simple things while Mom loves something sophisticated. In the mornings, I would sometimes catch my parents in a tender embrace, and never once had heard them argue. Nor did they have separated beds, like so many of my friends’ parents, who often I think as business partners more than lovers. Even now, when I pay visit, I would simply shake my head and admit that for whatever reason, they were perfectly suited to each other.
Sure, I wanted to get married and have children someday just like Mom, but I wanted to reach and accomplish something before that. Still I couldn’t deny that family is important. That’s the thing about being the product of happily married parents. You will grow up thinking the fairy tale is real, and more than that, you think you’re entitled to live it. So far though, it wasn’t working for me.
I once had a relationship with this guy, that time I really thought I will get married first before Miryo. We dated long enough to fall in love, survived the ordinary ups and downs that break most couples apart, and even talked about the future. I also came to the point that I had decided that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I know change can . In spite of my initial resistance, I’ve come to the conclusion that change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This is just as well really, because the change can’t stop me of dreaming that I too will have something like what my parents and friend have.
The colors so vivid they seemed almost alive, it made me think that nature sometimes sends us signs, that’s important to remember that joy can always follow despair. But a moment later, the rainbow had vanished and the hail returned, and I realized that joy was sometimes only an illusion. As I crossed the garden, I thought about my future, my career and my family. At the moment, none of them gave me much comfort. I felt as though I’m failing practically every part of my life. Lately, happiness seems as distant and unattainable. I hadn’t always felt this way. There had been a long period of time during which I remember being very happy. But things change. People change. Change was one of the inevitable laws of nature, exacting its toll on people’s lives.
Shaking my head, I approached the hidden lake of this enormous country house. As I reached for the water, I suddenly felt someone’s approaching to where I am. I froze and waited, afraid as if I’m in danger. Hoping that it’s not some harmful animals, wanting to eat me or end my life in that instance. I felt everything is screaming “Run!”, but I can’t move. It’s too late. I suddenly felt an ache like a physical pain in my heart. It isn’t like this. Stepping into a big hidden garden, I continue to stare at this mysterious man as if trying to memorize her every feature, though I know its pointless excuse as if I know this face better than my own. Warm bands of sunlight continue to stretch toward us. In silence, I stay frozen, watching as he led meters away from where I am. He’s walking from the villa, wearing a complete elegant black suit like the other people present in this place. I’m amused by his expression. He’s smiling to himself, with his arms spread wide by his side as if he’s greeting someone so special that he never seen for a long time. Though I didn’t know him, I had seen enough to conclude that he’s one of those people whose expressions were a window to their every feeling. It’s a rare quality these days because I often felt that people live their lives acting and pretending, wearing masks and losing themselves. He’s completely unaware of me. I wait for him to speak but he didn't say a thing. He looks familiar in this place, as if he’s part of it. He reaches the water and sits down. He takes a deep breath and lies on the grass then close his eyes. And without a minute, he‘s gone drifting away in his dream. Part of me wanted to leave right then but I couldn't rise quickly, even if I tried, since right now my legs seemed to be on strike. I just bit my lip and decided to watch this person from afar that seems to catches my eyes.
Right there everything has stopped.
Time has stopped.
And then we're alone. As if in this world, there are only two of us.
“Oh, hey,” I said.
“Finally I found you. Where have you been? Are you okay?” Miryo asked.
“Yes.” I paused, then shook my head. “I mean, no. Actually, I’m not sure how I feel.”
She moved to my side and set the glass of wine on the railing.
“Thank you,” I said. After taking a sip, I let out a long breath.
We stayed like that, watching a bunch of rich people with labeled clothes and groomed hair and faces with a glass of wine in their hands talking with each other. I think people are here to boast themselves.
“It’s strange isn’t it?”
I nod.
“Oh. You have to meet Seulong’s best man slash younger brother. They should be here around. Oh! Here they come.”
Seulong is walking surprisingly together with the man I’m familiar with. My head felt as though it were spinning. They’re talking but I can’t just focus. I just nodded, almost lost of words as I felt things click into place; the fact that he’s in front of me right now brings a lot of discomfort. I think I have all kinds of thoughts and questions running through my head. What if he knows that I was there staring at him? What if he wasn’t completely unaware of my present there? It will be a total embarrassment.
My thoughts were interrupted by Miryo’s touch and voice.
“Did you hear what we’re talking about?”
“Yes. Seulong said he’s his best man and younger brother.” WAIT. Did I hear it right? He’s his younger brother?”
“Hello, my name is Kwon.” He kindly smile while extending his hand to me.
I hesitate. Suddenly I forgot my own name. “Oh. Hi, mine is Gain.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Yes, me too.”
Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be a long day?
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Author's note:
Just letting my readers know that I'm really sorry about what I've done. I was supposed to post this update two weeks ago but I didn't have time to post it here after posting on my blog, cause I usually post my update there first. I'm really sorry for breaking my promise to you.
Still, hoping that you'll still like my story and this update of mine.
Thank you ^^
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