Sigh. Donghae doesn't know how many times he had sighed today. Paying no attention to the ranting professor in front, he shifted his bored gaze towards outside, making it easy since he seats beside the window where he could see the wide soccer field of their university. There he saw numerous students doing their own businesses. Some are laughing while walking with their friends, obviously enjoying their company, some are running knowing that they're already late for their class, and some are just walking slowly, feeling the sunshine on their skin. His eyes remained roaming as he saw a scene that made him stiff and pain started creeping inside him, making his stomach turn upside down. He felt his jaw clenched and decided to just turn his gaze away but it seems like his body doesn't want to.

There on the field amidst the students walks the love of his life, his everything. The one who currently and would always hold his heart but unfortunately was not his anymore. His breath hitched when he saw him show his gummy smile. The smile his love insisted on hiding since he said it's not pretty but Donghae counter stated that it's the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. But that smile wasn't for him anymore. It's been months already, 3 months to be exact, but he still can't get over him. It hurts. But he can't do anything about it. He's the one who decided to end everything right? So he has no right to get angry. If there is someone to blame then it surely would be him.

"Hyukkie..."

He bitterly murmured the nickname he loves to say with so much love but now, all you could hear and feel is longing and loneliness in his voice.

Since he's not tearing his gaze away from him, he saw Siwon, the guy with his Hyukkie, or Lee Hyukjae, smiled back at him, he can't help but feel all the insecurities in him overflow. Choi Siwon is handsome and popular. Of course they're just the same, him being the Lee Donghae, one of the richest, and one of the popular flower boys as the girls in the university call them. But having the other guy wrapped his arm on the person he treasures the most hurts a lot. Can't Hyukjae just come back to him? Can't they just start all over again? Back to where there was only the two of them and no one else.

Did he try to talk to him again? Of course. He swallowed his pride just to do that. But he failed. He caused too much pain to the other that's why he can't blame him. Does he still stand a chance? Probably not but a man can still hope and dream right?

The bell rang, indicating the end of class. He immediately stood up, packed his things and sprinted out of the room, in hope to catch up with the blonde. As he reached the soccer field, his eyes scanned for that familiar face and finally found him sitting on a bench under a big tree. He felt happy to see him alone but immediately furrowed his brows when he saw Siwon came with two sodas on his hands. He gave the one to Hyukjae and the latter smiled and pecked him on the cheek. Donghae can't help but feel jealousy creep inside his heart at the scene he just witnessed. It was supposed to be his place. He curled his fists tightly making his dull nails put marks on his very own skin. Anger is clearly seen on his eyes that are now feeling hot due to the tears that are threatening to fall but he is doing his best not to let it slip down. No. He must not be weak.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After calming himself down, he slowly made his way to them. Mixed feelings began building inside him, making sweat trail down his cheek and his hands to be cold. He stopped in front of them and he immediately saw Hyukjae looked shockingly at him while Siwon just gave him a glare.

"Hyukjae, can we talk?" He told Hyukjae but he also diverted his gaze towards Siwon, also asking for his permission silently. Hyukjae looked at him and sighed. He turned his body a little to face Siwon and smiled.

"It would just take a minute ne?" The blonde told Siwon who nodded at him. He smiled and pecked the dimpled guy on the cheek before turning to Donghae, already wearing a blank face.

"Let's go." Hyukjae stated coldly and started walking away leaving Donghae behind. He soon followed with a heavy heart, without even giving a glance towards Siwon.

++++++++++++++

"Hyukkie listen I-"

"It's Hyukjae for you, Donghae-ssi. And please talk faster, Siwon is waiting for me." Hyukjae told him with a stoic expression. They agreed to talk at the abandoned building at the back part of their school to have their privacy. Donghae looked at him in the eyes, hoping to see even just a small love or hope in them, but none. All he could see is hatred on those beautiful dark brown eyes. He tried his best not to breakdown at the very moment. Is he the reason why he became like this? He can't help but blame himself for everything. His Hyukkie is gone, forever gone, and it's now clear to him that things won't get back to the way it used to be, to the way he wants it to be. He took a deep breath and looked at Hyukjae with his deep, gentle eyes.

Hyukjae flinched a little at the way Donghae looked at him but he didn't let the other notice it. No, enough is enough. He had been hurt so much before that just thinking about it makes his heart bleed. But seeing those eyes, all he could see and feel is love. It feels like Donghae is making him feel his love through his stares. He mentally shook his head. He must not fall for it again, not anymore. He has Siwon and the latter loves him so much. He's the only one who comforted him when Donghae made him feel like trash, and he's willing to do everything to pay back his kindness.

Does he love Siwon? He's doesn't know but one thing is sure for him, he wouldn't get hurt if he'll be with him. He won't experience those heartaches again, the rivers of tears he shed because of too much pain, and the rejection that ripped him into two, making him feel to be the most useless person alive.

All Siwon showed him was kindness and acceptance. Yes he had been frank with him before, saying that he can't get over Donghae, but the other waited until the time that his heart would heal, and even offered help. And now, he thinks that the time has come, he had moved on but why Donghae has to bother him? Why? To bring back all those painful memories he chose to hide behind his mind? Donghae is his first love, his everything, and he thought the feeling was mutual, but it wasn't. He find it hard to love again, scared that it would just happen again to him but Siwon somehow made him feel that it won't. The warmth of security he gave him is enough proof for him.

"I don't want to cause any trouble. All I want to do is to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done, and did not do for you. We were happy at first, but I was stupid enough to let go of you and cause you all this pain." Tears started running down Donghae's face with his head bent down as he uttered these words straight from his heart. He needed to let this weight off his chest. That's the only way for him to finally let go of Hyukjae, and for the latter to finally move on with his life. With his sight blurred with tears, he looked up at Hyukjae and smiled. He stepped forward and placed his shaking hand on his face, feeling the smooth skin he'll miss holding and he's thankful enough that Hyukjae didn't pried his hands at the action.

"I could see how happy you are with Siwon. And I could also see how he loves you so much, the thing that I failed to make you feel. I wish the two of you happiness. I still love you Hyuk, and I always will. Just, always be happy for me ne? Don't worry I would stay away from the two of you from now on, and promise me one thing." Hyukjae looked at him confusedly and he giggled a little despite the pain.

"Don't ever cry again."

He suddenly gasped when he felt a tight hug and the familiar warmth surrounding him. Hyukjae is hugging him. He looked down to see the other burying his face on his chest while sobbing hard. He lifted his hand and patted the blonde hair gently. Tears started flowing down on his face again, feeling that the forgiveness he has been seeking was finally granted. He then placed his arms around Hyukjae's waist to return the hug, showing his gratitude in the process.

"Thank you Hyukkie, thank you very much. I love you. I love you. I love you." He said between sobs and kissed Hyukjae's hair.

Hyukjae had never felt so relieved in his life. The pain he's carrying all this time was suddenly gone and he immediately did the one thing he's been yearning for, to hug Donghae, and so he did. He hugged him so tight and started crying. The words 'I'm sorry' are what Hyukjae is waiting for all along. He cried harder when Donghae kissed him and told him he still loves him. At least, this relationship has its final closure. Yes everything has ended but what's important is that all are settled. He still loves him, and honestly speaking Donghae chose the right thing, to end it. He loves Donghae, he always will. First love never dies as what most people say. He sure will always have a special place in his heart, his name carved on it deeply and no one could erase it.

After a while, they reluctantly let go of the hug to face each other. Donghae lovingly wiped the tears on Hyukjae's face with his thumb. The latter just remained still, his eyes puffy and red already.

"Go now."

He shot his head up when he heard Donghae speak.

"E-eh?"

"Siwon is waiting for you. He might think that I kidnapped you already if you won't go back now."

"Hae.."

"I'm fine, don't worry about me. Now go." Donghae pushed him slightly and waved with a smile. Hyukjae put up a small smile on his lips and waved back as well, tears threatening to fall again but he must not cry, not until Donghae can't see him anymore. He turned around and as expected, he started crying again.

Donghae kept on waving until he saw Hyukjae turned his back on him. His smile immediately faded as he started to shed tears again. What's good in goodbye? Feeling the pain at the moment made him think of that question. The pain, the regret, the what if's. What's good in them? Maybe the fact that saying goodbye is also settling an unfinished business that would leave both parties contented and relieved, whatever the result would be. That both of them agreed with one thing and that was their own peace of mind. 

Goodbye, my love. Those are the words that are playing inside their heads. They might find another person to love, but both of them know that they won't forget each other, even if they'll find someone better, even if time would pass by, even until death.