Username: Kind-Hearted_Devil

Reviewed by: myungbabe

Story Link

Story Summary:
Don't be sad or down when someone you love is far apart from you. Why? Because the person who you truly love, or the person who truly loves you will never ever leave you alone no matter what happens. Even though you might not be able to see them, but remember that they're always there for you, in your heart, by your side, they're always next to you.

Title (5/5): It's nice and simple.

Description and Foreword (4/10): You should flip the current foreword and description content. Have the desription as the foreword because it seems more like the foreword. After reading the foreword, I really don't have much clue to what's going on. You're just explaining the importance of this other person and where they stand. I didn't get any hints to where they even stand with each other. When I read your foreword, I got that it's more of a family relationship. It would have been nice to have read that before I read the little prologue. 

Poster (1/5): The only point is just because you picked a picture that at least represented "togetherness". I understand how most people don't care much about a poster for a oneshot, but it's much better if you didn't have a poster to begin with, or at least picked one that didn't have the "shutterstock" credit blocking pretty much the whole photo. There are plenty of other photos on photobucket, google, weheartit, etc that show holding of hands without the annoying watermark.

Plot (7/25): You have a very solid story line here, but I would like to know a little more detail. A lot of people on AFF now have very good plotlines, but they just do not put enough time into writing the events down. From the very first paragraph of this story, I was wondering what happened to her mom and husband? They died, but how? For what cause? How old is her daughter? How does her daughter feel about the lose of her dad and grandmother? How is she currently supporting (what's her occupation?) herself along with her daughter? This is a plot that can really make someone cry if they're sensitive to the topic, but it can also make someone not sensitive to the topic cry, if you just put in a little more time and got descriptive.

Characters (7/15): Hae-young; Does she not feel any sadness, remorse about the absence of her dad and grandma in her life? Most times, the comforting words to tell someone crying would be telling them to smile, but if you put yourself in the situation of this story where your mom is crying because of the events, would you also not be crying with her? She herself is a part of this story. It affects the daughter as much as it affects Tiffany, not having a dad in her life, not having a grandmother. I have no complaints with Tiffany's character in this story.

Grammar and Spelling (9/10): I did not catch a single spelling error in this story as well as a grammar problem. The only slight questioning I have is the part where Hae-young goes "I'll forever be, mom" That is a slang, if you want to call it that. It's not a proper sentence either. It's hard to write a solid story nowadays since everyone's so used to using slangs in everyday converations. It would have made more sense if you added "next to you" at the end before the word "mom" That still isn't proper english. I blame the whole "forever alone" hype. I am just as guilty of using it in everyday speech.

Flow and Style (8/10): I just have a problem with how emotions are not as fully expressed, and how you seem to use "because" while narrating the story. It makes everything seem more blunt and it just ruins that emotional level you've creatived with the previous sentences. It seems like you're directing, explaining rather than expressing. There are also better ways to describe her "bittersweet" smiles with emotions instead of stating "bittersweet smile" try not to use the same descriptive word(s) more than twice in 1 chapter, it seems very repetitive even if you've just used it twice since we've just read it a (few) paragraph(s) ago. There are also better ways to describe her crying, especially when she's holding an object. You could have said that her tears were falling upon the faces on the picture.

Originality (7/10): This sadly, is not very creative. I tend to not think one-shots are. That's not a bad thing. It's just it's a very short span for creativity to show.

Entertainment (6/10): Like I said, I was wondering way too much on what happened to her mother and Donghae to be too immersed in the emotions of this story.

TOTAL: 54 / 100 

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From myungbabe: I'm sorry if you think I'm too mean with this review, It's just because I just started reviewing stories recently that I've been easy even though I've said I won't sugar coat. I will for sure judge harder and stop thinking about people getting butthurt. However, I am not discouraging you or anyone else from writing.