“Stop it!”

“You stop it!”

“Well, you shut up!”

“Wang Fei, did you just tell me to shut up?”

“Yes I did, Zhang Yixing, so you better do it!”

“Ugh! Damn you!”

Another round of shouting and banging of doors ended what could’ve been a wonderful date night. I ran into my room just as Yixing’s door slammed at my face and locked up my own door and sobbed, muffling it up with my pillows.

I didn’t understand. When I married an idol, I thought life would be paradise, just like those fanfiction stories I used to read. Especially when I ended up with Zhang Yixing a.k.a. Lay of Exo M-slash-my bias. The plot was just like a typical love story: he saw me amidst the Exotic crowd in one of their fansigns and took the initiative to start the relationship. And blah blah blah until that moment when he proposed to me in one of their concerts.  And we married and are now within our first month and living together.

And it’s not going well.

I thought he loved me. He said he did. But how come nowadays he’s done nothing but yell at me and get frustrated with me? Is he getting tired of me? Not a day passed without us bickering, yet none of us would like to call it quits. Is that a sign? Of what? Love? I don’t know anymore.

Ok, I was exaggerating. After every fight, it would always be Yixing who would come up and say sorry. And of course I would forgive him. I love him, after all.

I just hope that this all fades away soon.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

“Fei? Are you awake?”

I felt someone gently my hair. I stirred and felt someone else on my bed. I blinked and saw beautiful brown eyes inches away from mine and my lips tugged up into a smile.

“Yixing?”

“I’m really sorry about last night, honey,” he cooed softly and placed a kiss on my forehead. “Work was hectic as usual and I took it out on you again.” He rubbed the back of his neck and had an adorable apologetic look on his angel-like face.

I wanted to hug him right back and tell him everything will be ok, but I decided to play a game. I turned away slightly from him and covered my face with my hands.

“You always say that,” I said, feigning grumpiness. “When will this stop?” Honestly, I really wanted to know.

“I try, honey,” pressed Yixing and put a hand gently on my shoulder. “Please help me. Please be there for me.”

“I’m always there for you,” I replied. “But whenever I am all I get is being shouted at.”

“I’m sorry, Fei,” he said softly. I don’t know if I could take it any longer. “If you’re really mad at me then I’ll leave you for a while. But don’t leave me.”

I felt the weight on my bed shift as he got up. I rolled over and tugged at his shirt before he got away. He turned to me and I smiled.

“I was just kidding, Yixing,” I said softly. “Of course I’ll forgive you.”

His face softened and he sat back on my bed. He cuddled me and I basked in the warmness of his embrace. If only every day could pass like this.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

“No, please, don’t leave me…”

“I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t talk like that…”

“I love you, Zhang Fei. I always…have…”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

--flashback—

“Fei? Would you please come over to SM and bring me my lunch? I seem to have forgotten it,” came Yixing’s voice in my phone. He was trying his cute voice to get me to do what he says. I rolled my eyes playfully.

“You just want me to go there so you could see me, don’t you?” I said teasingly.

I heard him chuckle. “Maybe I do.”

I laughed. “Fine. I’ll be there in 30 minutes. Good thing I’m not baby-laden yet, you lazy monster.”

“Do you want to be?” he said slyly. I heard him purr through the phone.

“Aish! See you in 30!” I said and hung up. Good thing he wasn’t able to see my red face. I mean, it’s not like we tried it. We did, actually, but having a baby wasn’t the intent. I haven’t really gone to the doctor to check if I was pregnant.

Anyway, moving on.

So I grabbed the lunchbox I’ve prepared this morning and got a coat and headed out. It was a chilly day in Korea; it’s autumn after all. But good thing I get to go on the subway to SM’s building, so being underground should cut out the chilly wind. I managed to grab a seat until my stop.

Once there, I stood in front of SM Entertainment, the place that started everything for me. I stared up at the most successful idol factory in the entertainment industry. It was where I first saw him. It was where he first saw me. It was where he confessed to me. It was the beginning of life as I knew it.

Suddenly, I heard a honk and I was shoved aside by someone who yelled my name.

“FEI! WATCH OUT!”

I hit the pavement and skinned my elbows. I was dizzy and immobile for a few seconds before coming back into focus. I got up and dusted myself and looked to see what happened.

I almost wished I hadn’t.

(guys, this is gonna sound a bit morbid, but bear with me)

A truck stood in the middle of the street, its tires still smoking from the intense stopping motion the driver put on them. Behind it, lying on the rough asphalt was none other than my husband.

Zhang Yixing.

He was bloody and cut everywhere and almost all his joints are in their wrong positions. His eyes were closed and his chest was falling and rising at a very slow pace. Blood was slowly creeping all over the pavement. It won’t stop flowing from his body.

“Yixing!” I ran to his side and caressed his head despite the blood staining my dress. “Please wake up. Wake up, honey! Don’t do this! This isn’t funny!”

Yixing’s face cracked a small and pained smile. He opened his eyes and gazed back at me.

“If only it were all a huge fantasy, huh, Fei?” he said softly and sputtered out blood. Some got onto my face and his brows knit together in concern. “Now I dirtied your beautiful face.”

“Hang in there, Yixing,” I said urgently. “Help is coming.” I noticed the rest of EXO and their managers come out of the building. Kris was the first to kneel next to us.

“Lay, don’t worry, buddy, help is on the way,” he said reassuringly. The others were dumbfounded and just stared. The managers each whipped out their phones and began calling for an ambulance. Seeing the traumatized look on the maknaes, Suho ushered Tao and Sehun inside.

Luhan knelt opposite Kris. “Lay? You’re still there, right? Y-You won’t leave us, right?” His voice was cracking and trembling.

“I don’t know,” whispered Yixing. “I have hemophilia remember?”

“Don’t remind us,” snapped Kris. ”It’s not helping. Just…continue to breath.”  I noticed how his eyes were in frenzy whereas Luhan’s were already damp. I heard shouting all around us; I recognized Chanyeol and D.O.’s voices.

“If ever I don’t make it, I’d like to say thank you, duizhang, for everything you’ve done for me. You too, Luhan ge,” said Yixing softly. Then he refocused on me. “And Fei, same to you. You changed my life.”

“Shut up!” said Luhan in a loud voice. “Don’t talk like that! You will make it! You’re not leaving any of us; Not duizhang, not me, not EXO, and certainly not Fei!”

Yixing only smiled softly and shook his head gently. “I know when my time is up, Lulu. I am just happy I got to spend my life with you guys.”

“Yixing, please, just rest, ok?” I said. I didn’t know I was crying till I spoke. My tears dropped on his cheeks and cleared away some of the blood.

“Time’s almost up,” he said. He looked past my head into the sky.

“No, please, don’t leave me,” I pleaded him. More tears fell through my lids.

“I’m sorry…” he said, his voice growing fainter by every word.

“No, don’t talk like that,” I said with a determined tone. Another tears dropped on his forehead.

“Fei, honey, don’t cry,” he cooed. “I don’t want my last memory of you to be crying. Smile for me, Fei.”

Despite the situation, he persuaded me to smile. He smiled right back.

“I love you, Zhang Fei, I always…have…” he said. He smiled one last time before his eyelids fluttered close. The hand gripping my arm fell limp to his side. His chest rose one last time before falling for good.

“NO! NO, YIXING, NO!”

--end of flashback--

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

--One year after Yixing passed away—

I sat on an armchair, staring out into the rising sun. I had his picture in my hands with a smile on my face. I could say I’ve moved on. I’m now at peace knowing he’s somewhere up there watching me and his baby girl.

Baby girl?

Yup, baby girl. The day he died, I too was admitted in the hospital because I suddenly fainted. When I woke up, the doctor announced to me that I was three weeks pregnant. I cried hard that night; it was all too much. The love of my life just died and it dawned on me that he’ll never get to see our child. Kris and Luhan were there by my side the entire night, and eventually they managed to calm me down.

Nine months later I gave birth to our baby girl. She was a beautiful baby; she had her father’s angelic looks, so I named her Cheonsa. Zhang Cheonsa. Our angel.

The whole of EXO was there when I gave birth to Cheonsa. They all teared up a bit when they saw how she resembled Yixing so much. We all missed him terribly.

When I was finally released from the hospital, I took my baby home to our house. Time to time EXO members would drop by and check in on us. They live so close by, after all. It was Luhan and Kris who came by so often. When EXO M had to return to China, Baekhyun and Suho took their place.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

“Fei? You here?”

I turned and saw Luhan come through the bedroom door. I smiled and gave him a hug.

“Luhan ge, hello,” I said. “How are you? Is EXO M here too?”

“Yeah, we have promotions with EXO K in the next few weeks so we’ll be staying for a while,” he said. “The guys will be here later.” He noticed Cheonsa sleeping peacefully on the bed and his face softened instantly. “How is the little angel?”

“She’s been sweet,” I replied. I picked her up. At my touch, she woke up and blinked at Luhan. He chuckled.

“Hullo there, Cheonsa!” cooed Luhan. “Smile for uncle Luhan!”  He took her from me and danced around. I smiled. He’ll make a good father someday. I joined them at the window. Luhan smiled at me, then Cheonsa, then at the sky. I looked skyward too.

Do you see her, honey? I hope you do. We’ll take good care of your angel.