*Youngmin's POV*

'It's over .. everything was over for me "

'Don't ever play with someone's feelings if you don't want regret to come and play later in your life'

It was an appropriate sentence for me. I didn't think he will go to leave so soon.

He, Jo Kwangmin has left me forever. Give my heart an empty hole that can never be filled by anyone but him.

"Hhh ...." I stared blankly at my facebook wall. There is another temptation without his typical ignorant and call it love. 

I move my mouse slowly, stared and rereading the beginning of our meeting with a sweet though a little embarrassing, but it could make me go back a little smile.

Jo Kwangmin

Annyeonghaseyo! Gomawo for confirm Youngmin-ah! *spread roses and laughs* Nice to meet you (^o^)

24 July 2010· Like.Unlike 

I keep reading all his old post. I want to once again repeat those times. Early in our relationship when we can comfort each other and laugh without any awkwardness. Where we are both free throws jokes to each other without any burden. even without any hesitation we both tell each other our real names. Really, it was really fun. No pretense or lies through our relationship is still limited to shallow.

After few months, eventually we both decided to get engaged and become a couple of roleplay. Somehow I want to keep track of my old wall today. This special day I wanted to turn back time I spent with him and have felt he was still alive for me.

Soon I found my status when I was engaged to him. My old status that contain a glimmer of promise and full of naive.

Jo Youngmin

I promise to make you happy until the last of my breath kwangie~ d(.____.)b * your cheek*

18 September 2010· LikeUnlike · Comment · View feedback (23)Hide feedback (23)

For a moment my eyes glued on that promise. A broken promise that will never come true....

A promise that turned out to be blanketed by thousands of lies....

I don't completely fail because early I did get through it. Although later on I'll forget about it and that promise will end in vain. I started acting casually, come to him when i need him...  Leave him whenever I wanted and then threw him back in the cold of loneliness.

Every day I act like that to him. No matter if he misses me, writing in my wall Even with his persistent he is still online. At that time I would never want to reply his wall or quickly went to online to accompany him even for a moment. If I turn on my computer I would still busy improving the level of the game online that I follow, not to mention if I lost many times. That will just make me focused on one purpose and that is victory in that level!.

It is constantly being made until I find some other roleplayers who tried to get his attention.

"! He's mine! Kwangmin is mine! is that your eyes can't see or too blind to see our relationship? " I swore upset.

At once my possessive feeling is began to wake up and I start to threaten all roleplayer who come near him, including making kwangmin hurt. I started to throw accusations at him.

That he had turned away from me.....

That he doesn't care to me.....

That I was part of his game....

That he no longer respect my feelings....

And he was disgusted with me who have a same gender with him and say if i loved him more than just friends....

When in fact I know if he had not forgotten my existence.

Actually it was he who was always loyal to be patient and wait for me. But I deny it all and chose to vent my frustration to him too.

Shortly after I spit out my frustration to him, sense of regret started attacking me.

I want to apologize but I'm afraid to tell the truth about why I ignore him. Surely he will not forgive me just like that and will immediately choose break up with me.

Therefore I decided to start make an essay lies about my health so that he remained silent by my side and no longer serve his annoying 'fans', And I'll do it tomorrow through the account of my friend entrusted to me.

Through that account I tell stories about myself. I wrote a story if actually Youngmin have a bad  sick and Kwangmin are a source of energy for youngmin to stay alive.

am i really disgusting isn't?

After he was offline. I just add one by one all those who tried to snatch him from me through that account.

The goal is only one, that is to oversee his actions as well as other roleplayer who tried to get him.

Cowards? indeed ....

I prefer to be his stalker through that account than using my real account and show my existence in front of him.

The next day I decided to go online and use my real account to spread harmony and sweet love sentence that I made to look sincere although there is no such earnestness -moreover sincerity- In those sentences.

But even then still not enough! Because the next day I immediately create a new account -just like a troops account- just in case and put pressure on him at any time if he dared to leave.

Am i sick ?

I think he's just that I want. There is only him in my heart because he has been successfully awaken my possessive nature that such big.

But I was wrong .....

In fact through that account anyway, I started looking for new partners and with that account too, i dare to tease and get close with those people that are still single.

When it seems I've forgotten something important ....

Doesn't everyone who plays Roleplay is a human who had thoughts and feelings, not to mention him?

He was not a doll that I can move at will and ends in silence when I was lying.

Hahahaha ...... now it seems I was too smart to fool him and forget if he is human just like me.

What I did is act innocent and pretend to be clean. Even then I don't know where my sense of regret....

I really had no intention to apologize to him.

But I noticed his attitude changes....

Slowly but surely I have been 'killed' that childishness and happiness he had.

Now he looks so carefully in his act and not like the first time we met and somehow it just made me grown dissatisfied and a little regret.

"ARRRRRGH!" I mess my hair. Between annoyed and frustrated with the ignorance of the past. But that didn't last long because my eyes again focused on computer screen and my wall.

Jo Kwangmin

Youngie.....

why don't you ever picked up your phone?

I miss your voice.... *pout*

Can you call me if you have time? ^////^

17 November 2011· Like · Unlike

And again... i reply his request with a lie...

Jo Youngmin

Mianhae kwangie.... is not that I don't want to call you or don't miss you but my phone is broken

I'll call you after I bought a new phone.... ^^

17 November 2011· Like · Unlike

Though my phone is fine, not broken or anything.

until three days before him go... I still lazy to call him and tend tried to change our conversation.

Disgusting!!! Liar!!!!!

I mention it to myself....

I wonder what had gotten me so far untill I hung up and play with his heart in such a way.

From beginning I shouldn't say my love to him and honest to say I'm tired of you, or we just play!

But my brain keeps producing lie to lies... I was aware in time if my lies is not rational anymore and only a kid who will believe what I said. All I did was I merely wanted to make him more love and proud of me.

And if I'm not so poor and want to open a few eyes of my heart...

Then I will understand that love is not only measured by a narrow and always end with the old questions such as :

How famous are you?

How handsome or beautiful are you?

How smart are you?

or

How much money do you have?

Not!

Not that! Nor is it an answer from the four questions that will make others sincerely love you no matter who you are...

Are able to move your partner to reply your feelings is how much love you have for him and bravery to show yourself what you are, right in front him without any pretense or patches here and there.

Because there will never be perfect in this world... then let the imperfections of love to complete it....

Love from your couple and the presence of the people around you who will be the driver of your spirit to keep improving your own self.

"Hhhh...." Right now I'm really tired.

Now I want to open my stack mesagge. Although I'm lazy to open it... i bet it only contain the message from less important of facebook group that I follow. And never knew it... I'll found a message from him that was written about three days before the various expressions of condolences as 'Rest In Peace' fulfill his wall.

Jo Kwangmin

December 28 at 7:25pm Report

For my Precious Love, Jo Youngmin

Youngie how are you ? Hopefully you're fine! ❤ (≧◡≦)

I miss my Youngminnie~~~~ *cries and jump to hug your neck*

Ngh... Youngie... guess what? today I will be operated (;^;ll) *glup*

Doctor will take my heart and then.... ugh... t-then.... *imagine something scary*

Kyaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! andwaee!!!!!! andwaeeee!!!! my heart only for youngie and only youngie who can take my heart!!!!! o(>^

Youngminnie help meeeeee!!!! (;A;ll) *pray to youngmin* #gets slapped!

Ummm.... pray for me and wish me luck pleaseee~ so I can bother yo---err... no! no! I will back to your side with my recovery!! hehe (^-^)v

oh! in three days we will also celebrate our first anniversary! Yaaay!!! XD ❤ ❤ ❤

Nyaaaa~ i can't wait! kwangminnie can't wait! >////w////< *jumps happily*

Later after recovery I would make our wedding cake and then I'll send to your house! but after that you also have to give me a gift arrasseo!!! (≧ω≦)b

Emm.... and then.... then..... ('~'?) *confused cause too much that i want to say*

Ng.... while I'm gone, you have to take care of yourself! Don't forget to eat, shower, don't sleep late cause think your cute husband too much :3 *feel like your mother* gyahahahaha...  XD

Youngie~ promise you will not go anywhere and wait for me back ok? ^ω^ *pinky promise*

나는 언제나 당신을 신뢰할 수있는 ( I always trusted you )

From  Kwangmin, who always be yours and will always love Youngmin

Sent via Facebook Mobile

Slowly tear down both of my cheeks....

I know... how deeply I feel regret and apology as much as anything that I say will never be able to bring kwangmin back and get God to undo the absolute destiny.

Surely you would never know it by what you have to love your lover until you've lost him forever.

I let my tears flow in vain... payment for my selfishness as well as the end result of all the lies I had done to him.

If love is not as difficult as living it.... Just as easy and as simple to say ....

Kwangmin-ah ...

I knew it was too late.... but would you listen to me for the last time?

This time.... I'm telling the truth from deep of my heart.... without lies in every of my word....

Maybe you were ready to go.. But I wasn't ready to let you go.. No matter what either of us says or does, even if we go our separate ways, you will always hold a place inside my soul and I will always love you...

I miss you my love....

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Hello .....

This is my first YoungKwang and ..... i don't know this is end with happy or sad ending ......

You are the one who can answer .....

I'm sorry if Youngmin look bad on this story, actually Youngmin just don't realized with his own feeling .....

He really love Kwangmin, although it is too late ....

The main idea is not only mine .... This is only one of many love roleplay stories that actually happened to my Roleplay friend .... and I'm sure there are many couples out there who have their story...

I hope their story will end happily..... *smile*

Please give me comment and thanks for reading this story *bows*