“But Dara told me there’s a HUGE chance he will be CL’s first boyfriend.”

GD told me that Nichkhun was courting CL while we were eating breakfast. I can’t believe it. CL told me she will never date an idol star. She also mentioned to me that she hates pretty boys, had a heartbreaking experience before with one. Plus, she texted me a month ago that she is really pissed working with 2PM.

“I don’t think so. She doesn’t like him. And besides, she already had a boyfriend before being a trainee.” I said. "Wait. That was a secret! Don’t dare tell Chaerin. She’ll kill me.”

He laughed. “Deep inside, every girl wants a flower boy. You know what I mean? She’s just saying she hates them to fit with her image. But deep inside, I know Chae is just like any other girls, they want them flower boys.” What he said knocked me out of reality.

It made sense and I got scared. CL hasn’t updated me for a month now on how she’s going with the ‘rotten’ boys.

I got my phone and typed a message.

“Then let’s see what the girl herself will say about that.”

-----

I texted Chaerin yesterday but she haven’t replied. Maybe she has no intention to text back. I snickered. That girl better not ignore her dear oppa.

I dialed her number.

She picked up. “Yeah, oppa. Wassup.”

“Did you receive my text yesterday? I haven’t received any reply.” I sound like an interrogating boyfriend.

She laughed. God, I missed hearing that. How I wish she’s with me now.

“Sorry. I just don’t know what to say. Who told you about that?” She said while laughing. Somewhat, it pierced my heart.

“GD said he’ll be a boylet soon.” I said sarcastically.

She gave a loud laugh but not intending to answer it. I waited.

“Well?” I asked after a few seconds.

“Boylet?” She laughed. “I don’t know oppa. He’s a …good guy. I know. I was mistaken for badmouthing 2PM last time. It’s just a secret oppa! Don’t tell anyone! Please?” She worriedly said.

I ignored it. “Do you like him?” Why am I so nosy?

“Aigoo. Are we having a girl talk? I’m not used to…”

“Just answer it.” I said firmly.

The aura changed. Gosh. Why did I said those words? I don’t have the right to interrogate her about this but I can’t help it. I guess I’m just worried about that boy just playing with her.

I heard her sigh deeply. “It’s none of your business oppa.” She said unhappily. “Goodbye and see you soon.”

She hanged up.

None of my business? How can it be when she’s my dearest dongsaeng? I dialed her number again but the line was busy.

“This Chaerin.” I muttered. I texted her.

“YA! How dare you hang up with your big Bro! You’ve been busy hanging with that guy you’ve been out of touch. You are making me disappointed. Tsk.”

I was not expecting a reply but I looked at my phone after taking a bath and she did.

“Sorry oppa. I’m not comfortable talking about it. Be safe and stop prying! Haha!”

I smiled. How I miss hanging out with this girl.

-----

*flashback*

“Seunghyun oppa, let’s go fishing!” CL nudged me. She's the only one who calls me by my real name. She's close to me that much.

“Do you think I’m the type who does that?” I said to her.

“You’re not! Exactly why I’m asking you to accompany me instead if Daesung oppa. He seems to be perfect in everything.” She said annoyed.

“YA! Are you saying he’s better than me?” I said unbelievingly. We’re always like this. Pestering each other when we’re bored. We never had a serious fight though. We both know each other’s limitations. We know when the other had enough of the teasing. We just… jive.

“Well, sort of.” She sticked her tongue out. I laughed at her dorkiness.

“Bring it on. You’ll be mesmerized by my fishing skills.”

After some attempts, I concluded I at fishing. I made myself a complete fool in front of her. CL was having the time of her life laughing at my clueless reaction as I pull the fishing rod with difficulty.

“YA! Help me here. This is a big heavy fish!”

She laughed. “Oppa, it’s not moving! It means it’s not a fish!”

“What the hell are you saying? This is a…” And I managed to pull it out and yeah, it’s just a big heavy rock. (I can’t explain how it got stuck. Hahaha!)

She almost rolled on the floor while laughing hard. “Wow! That’s a big fish oppa!” She said animatedly and jokingly slapped my arm.

“I quit. You go get your fish. I like meat than seafood anyway.” I sat and crossed my arms. I watched her bask at her catches instead.

She laughed. “Oppa. You have daebak fishing skills!” She said while giving me the OK sign.

I snickered. “I’m still better than you at driving!” I shouted.

-----

I’ve been thinking about why Seunghyun oppa suddenly called and asked about Nichkhun oppa. I never meddled with his love affairs. He never meddled with my personal life when I don’t tell him my story. Why it does suddenly became an issue?

He texted. I smiled. He’s still acts as my cute ‘brother’ as usual. He’s worried but doesn’t want to admit it. He pesters me but makes me feel good afterwards. I can’t hate him… but I want to.

I typed in my reply.

“Sorry oppa! It’s just… I’m confused right now. You know I can’t give up my heart that easily… I don’t want it to happen again so.. just let me decide for myself…”

I thought of sending the message but erased it. I don’t want to open up that topic again. It’s too painful to think about… Gosh. Why do I feel like crying?

I missed Seunghyun oppa so bad. But I figured Nichkhun’s companionship eases the pain bit by bit. I am slowly opening my heart again to someone… but I can’t give in that easily.

From now on, I have to look out for myself because the one who promised to protect me from harm… is the one who broke my heart.

-----

*Chaerin-ah, you have a text message. It may come from me so hurry up & open it!*

I smiled. The message was from Nichkhun oppa.

“Wow that was a cute ringtone. Never knew you will go cheesy for a guy.”

I was startled to see Tabi oppa behind my back. Delight rushed over my body. It’s been a long time since I last saw him. Maybe two months? I know, we live in the same building but sometimes, schedule can go crazy, I can’t spend time with him like before. Besides, Big Bang oppas are always outside of the country.

“Oppa! Nice to see you again!” I said while half hugging him. I looked at his face. He became handsomer but thinner. “Wow. Your face decreased in size.” I touched his face. “Where’s my chubby oppa?”

He laughed.

“How have you been?” I asked.

-----

“Well, we’ve been busy. But I thought of escaping from work for a while so we can catch up. It’s been months Chaerin-ah.” I said charmingly. I really missed this girl.

She laughed and pinched my cheeks. She’s the only one who can do that.

“Awww. Oppa missed his dongsaeng.”

“Yeah.” I blushed. “So how’s life?” I sat on the couch while she sat on the chair across it.

“Good.” She smiled, looking happy as she looked at her cellphone.

I sneered. “I thought he’s still courting you. Why do I feel there’s already loveydovey going on between you two?” I raised my brow, hoping she’ll deny my accusation.

“I’m not used talking to you about love life oppa. Feels kinda awkward.” She said shyly. My brow raised some more.

“Yeah, I guess we never talk about some things.. But it’s never too late to start right?” I looked at her face. I noticed her face is radiating a different glow.

“Do you mean… I can ask for advices?” She said excitedly.

“I guess…” I said, kinda surprised she was glad. “Instead of going to your overly romantic unnies, why not count on your realistic Tabi?” I winked. I don’t know why I feel like I need to monitor what’s happening between her and the guy. I guess I’m just playing my role as his big brother. She’s my dear dongsaeng. I will protect her no matter what.

“Thanks oppa!” She hugged me. I hugged back. I missed sniffing her hair and hugging her like this. I hugged her tightly. Hmmm… Her hair smells the same. I don’t know how long I held her. I sensed her being uncomfortable so I released her.

She awkwardly smiled then her phone rang.

“Oh. Excuse me Seunghyun oppa.” She hurriedly went outside to talk to ‘him’. I saw her joyous expression as she said ‘okay, see you!’ to the other line.

I sighed. I don’t know why I feel kinda awkward with the overly happiness vibe CL was giving me. I should be happy for her right?

But I feel uncomfortable. That guy, I don’t trust him. I think I’ll ask Jiyong more about those 2PM guys.

I have another dilemma that I need to solve though.

Why do I feel…. different towards Chaerin’s hug?