A/n: hi! Longest chapter in history! (Might break it next time)

COMMENT<3

-Mika

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Jiho tried to focus on his songs but the latter couldn't stop his eyes from shifting towards the digital clock on the side bar. Not that it was distracting, but due to the fact that his best friend who stormed out of the house hours ago had not yet returned.

Its freaking past bed time and Kyung showed no sign of return.

Don't tell me...something went wrong...and...Jiho widened his eyes and got up from his seat, his patience had run out and his mind was ing him with all those possibilities of an mishap that Kyung could have encountered.

He was getting paranoid.

Then, there was a knock on the door. Jiho went over and twisted the door knob. He was greeted with a teary eyed Jihoon and a worried Yookwon.

"Hyung...please...let me go find Kyungie hyung..." the maknae pleaded, nearly losing his ability to speak as he sniffled throughout the way.

"No, it’s getting late, we can't have you outside at this hour," Jiho replied without another thought and he saw the maknae sigh.

"Jiho ah...maybe I'll go? I'll get Minhyukie to accompany me," Yookwon offered.

The leader pursed his lips before shaking his head.

"It's ok hyung, I'll go instead, besides I was the one who caused the ruckus,"

Yookwon's face beamed at Jiho's words as he patted on his shoulder, telling him how matured he had became. But Jiho knew that it wasn't because that he had matured over the years, it’s just that not being able to see Kyung for a second makes him lose his sanity. No one could tell that Jiho had a thing for his best friend. He hid it so well each time that sometimes he feels bad for himself. Countless time, he let opportunities slip away and now he even resorted to annoy the other. Jiho thought that if he only saw Kyung's flaws, he would be able to take his heart back. But no, it only made him realise how perfect Kyung was even with the flaws that he has. A few weeks ago during the recording period, Jiho confirmed his feelings towards the other when he subconsciously slipped his arms around Kyung's waist. His surprised best friend didn't push him away and they just stood there silently before Jiho awkwardly moved away. What Jiho missed was the hint of disappointment in Kyung's eyes.

Why did I even say that...I could have hurt his feelings...no wait...I think I did worse than that... Jiho groaned as he blamed his stubborn self. All these anger and intolerance to Kyung surfaced due to his ed up mind. He didn't want to admit that he had accidentally fallen in love with his friend. He wasn't confident that they'd work out together. He was afraid. Afraid that his fragile heart wouldn't be able to handle rejection. Who could blame him for that? Jiho could be the genius in making music but he was still human so he still had his share of imperfections. Fair enough. So apart from that, he isn't very good with directions and after travelling around in his company's spare van, Jiho finds himself lost on a familiar street. Yes familiar but he doesn't know the way out. Just like his relationships, he gets on one but never bothers to ask someone to join him. Maybe he was considerate enough for the safety the other. It’s better to have one suffering than two.

---
In the meantime Kyung was still in his own world, thinking that he'd get unnoticed. He was too angry to even hide his tear stained cheeks.

How humiliating. Is this the reality that you wanted? Kyung laughed. He saw people glaring at him, which he offers a smile before his middle finger sprung up. Let's just say that they weren't just normal people, they were couples. Those you see kissing touching and groping in public. Yeah that kind. Apparently Kyung didn't like them at all. He did have a girlfriend last time but that was in the past and Kyung never liked to bother too much about the historical events. It’s the past. Nothing is going to change. So why bother?

He leans back on the patch of grass behind him as he stared at the dark waters in front of him. Stars were sparkling like the dew after the rain but viewing the nightsky alone didn't seem to be very glorious and Kyung picks up a stone and was about to flung it into the river but his hand got held back by a strange force. Someone was holding onto his wrist. For god sake why?! Kyung wanted to scream.

"No littering, you wanna end up on the front cover? ‘Blockb’s park Kyung is a litter bug' " Jiho released him.

Kyung should have laughed if it was under normal circumstances. But it isn't now so he doesn't.

He heard Jiho sigh and settle beside him. Kyung noticed the moisture left on his skin.

Why is he so sweaty?

Kyung was about to take a look at his friend when Jiho decided that the silence were to be dealt with.

"I'm sorry Kyung, I wasn't thinking,"

Kyung felt Jiho's fingers over his. It sends shivers down his spine. He quickly moved away before dreams and hopes get on him again.

"So you're implying that you're brain just malfunctioned for that few seconds? How impressive," Kyung said as he slammed his palms together.

He knew Jiho didn't like what he said. He never liked half of what the other blabbered but he still kept it in.

"No...I'm serious about apologizing, you can do whatever you want, I'll comply with everything so don't act like this," Jiho inched closer.

"You always say what you liked, you think it’s so easy?" Kyung yelled. He didn't realise until he saw more couples.giving.him.the stare.

"Kyung...wait I don't get it, what's so difficult about it?" Jiho was getting on Kyung's nerves.

"It means!" and Kyung turns his head to find his lips meeting Jiho's. They had sat too close each other. Moreover, Jiho was staring at him for the whole time.

Kyung's mind when into a series of blackout until he felt fingers creeping up his waist, to his back and a thumb caressing his jaw line.

Damn you Jiho and your amazing fingers.

"Don't run away again," Jiho finished off the kiss with a on Kyung's bottom lip.

Kyung remains in his position, in Jiho arms, spacing out and finding himself dissolved in Jiho's dark orbs.

Mesmerising.

Jiho enjoys the attention he was given and leans down to kiss Kyung again, all over his face and neck.

"Wait wait wait--!" Kyung sat up and raises his arms.

Jiho gave him a confused pout but complied.

"Let me straighten this up, what did you just do? No wait, what did we just do?" Kyung shook his head.

Jiho lets out a sigh and looks down. He thought that it was coming. Rejection must be painful to hear with our own ears.

"I...no...We...we kissed," Jiho whispered. Never in his entire life did he sound so weak.

"And...The reason why you did that?" Kyung pushed on.

"Why? Reason? You need a reason to kiss someone?" Jiho asked, blinking.

" you. I knew it. Ok just off and leave me alone," Kyung pulls his own hair and flopped his back into the grass.
"But Kyung," Jiho panicked.

" off, you wanna hear it in Japanese?"

"but..."

"there is not buts here Jiho, it's either you say something that is appropriate or get lost,"

"I don't get--"

"What is it that you don't get?! Which part?! The part that I let you get away with everything you did to me or the part where I shipped zikyung so ing much?! Which? Or is it the part where I play along with you acting like a fool the next day each time you come up to me to seek for the little pleasures that you missed? Just ing speak up already!!" Kyung coughed and he realised that his spit tasted salty. He was sobbing his eyes out. How unglamorous.

Jiho tried to wipe away the tears from Kyung's cheeks but he gave up once his hand got slapped away.

Kyung waited for Jiho to speak up but he didn't. Kyung felt his chest being smashed under huge boulders, it got to an extent that he finds inhaling oxygen was too much of a trouble and he'd rather quit breathing.

He realised that all these while, the play was a single man show it was him and only himself. Jiho was a just a passerby whom he had mistaken for his other actor. How stupid can he get? For 5 years he had been living in his own imagination, where everything happened for a reason and for every feeling that was send out, it is bound to be returned.

All that childishness and stupidity got to end tonight.

"You know why I waited for so long?" Kyung stood up.

Jiho quickly followed, a smile lingered around his lips when he thought that his friend was back to being normal.

"you probably never wondered but I had hopes on you, thinking that you'll come up to me one day, I kept stuffing myself up with this nonsense until my brain seemed to have started to function my logic this way," Kyung pulled up his hood.

"Kyung I--"

“this has got to stop, I don't have forever to let you ponder your thoughts," Kyung steps in front of Jiho, flashing him a weak smile.

"Tell ChoPD that I need a few days off, that old man will agree, I have zero schedule anyway," he formed an ‘o’ with his fingers.

Jiho wanted to call out his name but something seemed to be stuck in his throat. And Jiho is too lazy to get it out.

---

It rained cats and dogs later that night. Jiho returned to the dorm by himself after wasting half of the petrol in the fully filled car.

Jihoon had fallen asleep on Taeil's lap. The two was on the couch, Jihoon must have been worried for his hyungs. Sometimes Jiho thinks that maybe someone else would fit better in his position.

He threw the keys and headed straight to bed. He needed sleep...more like he needed a space to call his own. A space for him to forget about Kyung. Maybe that way he'd think straight.

"Jiho ah...Jiho..." Yookwon shook his shoulders gently.

The hid his face in the pillow, refusing to face the fact that morning has come.

"Where's Kyung? He didn't come back with you? Jiho ah!" His hyung didn't give up and kept on pulling his shirt.

Jiho snapped and told Yookwon what Kyung wanted. He watched his hyung get off the bed and slowly walked away.

Finally, Jiho shuts his lids and tries to get more sleep but Kyung's words were on replay mode in his ears.

“This has to stop, I don't have forever..."

I know.

But I'm afraid.

Jiho finds himself late for breakfast and leaves the food untouched. The other members were already out for their own businesses and Jiho heads out too.

He was determined to convince himself that his life won't be changed due to the absence of Park Kyung.

He arrived at the studio, unlocked the door and went in. Everything seemed to be left like how it was last Tuesday. Filthy, full of waste paper and cup noodle packaging.

Jiho started cleaning up. He wondered how long it took Kyung to figure out which spot to start on.

Then he realizes that he was thinking about his friend again. Jiho sighs and breathes in. But it didn't work.

"You should at least buy me a meal or pay me," Kyung said as he throws out the last bit of rubbish.

Jiho laughed and threw him a candy. Thanks to Kyung's quick reflex, he caught it before the candy falls into the bin behind.

"That's all?" Kyung wriggled the candy with his fingers.

Jiho walked over and had his arms over the others neck.

"Thank you for being here Kyungie, I love you," he said as his other hand settled on Kyung's hips, pressing their bodies closer.

Jiho wasn't really paying attention but he thought he heard a soft gasp.

"I love you too..." Kyung mumbled a bit too sincerely.

---

The leader dropped the rubbish that he collected and headed straight to the door.

He gave a thought about it last night. He can't hide from reality forever. If he had to face the discrimination of the society, then he will. All that matters now is Kyung.

Jiho dashed out of the building and hopped onto a taxi.

It didn't take a long time before Jiho finds himself standing in front of Kyung's door step.

Should i call first? What if he's not in? What if...

but his finger still reached out for the doorbell anyway.

Kyung's mother answered the door and let him in almost immediately.

"Kyung came down with fever last night...I don't even know what happened..." his mother looked beyond worried as she ushers Jiho into Kyung's room.

When they were left alone, Jiho approached Kyung's side and the few steps he took felt so heavy and unreal. It’s like having an island tied to your feet.

Kyung turned around with great difficulty, only to suppress the urge to scream when he saw Jiho.

"Why..." he coughed and forces himself to sit up.

Jiho extends his arms and supports his friend.

"I...can't help it...I wanted to see you...hear your voice and--"

"I appreciate that...but did you just came for that?" Kyung didn't want to hear through rest. He decided that he'll be selfish for once. No one is coming first except for himself.

Jiho shuts up but his fingers found their way to Kyung's griping on so tightly that it was starting to hurt.

"Let go...and get out of my sight..." the heart broken one coughed after his failed attempt to free himself.

"Kyungie...I..." Jiho refused to let go and he hears the other trying to hide his tears which had been flowing out since yeterday.

"Please...Jiho...I can't take this any longer...just leave me alone...I know we're never gonna make it so at least let me save myself before its too late..." Kyung struggled with every single syllabus. Tears continued to pour like the hurricanes.

The sight of a sobbing Kyung made Jiho all panicky and anxious. He turned the other to face him before pressing their lips together. He thought that it would work but Kyung just cried harder but he never made it too loud to alarm his mother outside.

"Kyungie I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, all of these are my fault okay? Everything from the start...please don't cry..." Jiho pulls the other back into his arms, hands never leaving Kyung's waist and back.

Its either Jiho's tactic worked or Kyung was getting tired and stopped with the tears.

"you can go now...I might need more than a few days off but I'll promise to return to the group once I’m better...even if I decides to quit I'll find the company a good replacement, I know a few dongsaengs that are much better than me, so--"

"You're not leaving the group, you're not leaving me as well," Jiho looked straight at the other, making sure that Kyung was cornered by him.

Nothing came out from that pair of dry lips. Only a dull shade of brown and popping blood vessels greeted Jiho. It’s like Kyung was physically there but not mentally or spiritually.

"That’s not up for you to decide," Kyung stared back.

Jiho shuts up again and Kyung extremely hates it when Jiho is behaving like that. It’s not like I m going to rip your tongue out so why don't you say something? But Kyung says another.

"Out, I wanna be out if this. Out of my pathetic life that revolved around you,"

"Kyung I know I’m being a douche here but you have to hear me out"

"I can't guarantee that we would still be able to live as happily as we used to be but I'm willing to give my all if you're okay with it, I am falling deeper for you even if I think my love can't outweigh yours towards me," Jiho placed Kyung's hand on his chest.

"Then let time be our judge," Kyung breathed as he leans in closer. Closer to somewhere he always wanted to be in. To feel belonged. To feel wanted.

That evening, Jiho returned to the dorm with an arm full of Kyung and his cucumber plushie. Who asked Jiho to be so hardworking and enthusiastic that running through thousands of shops for a single ridiculous looking plushie for Kyung didn’t seem to have pissed him off.

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@KjesterBB: lol haha! Yep both of them have some problems with their feelings I think XD keke~ thanks for the comment! Update is here! Thank you!

@cutekwon: haha Jiho is an airhead XD I liked that one~! Thank you!