Evening breeze gently push the lid that covers the head. He was dazed looking upon the calm lake. He looked in peace though in his heart is wounded. The decision that he had made before seems wrong. He failed. He had lost to Sungmin-shii. Who should be blame now? He heaves a long breath. The happiness that he enjoyed the pass has beginning to leave him. And his tears have long dried lamenting his pathetic lives. The news that he heard a year ago stirs his heart. Not that he was not delighted to hear it from Yunho, but his heart worried to hear the sacred words from the man.  Fear that there will have a change in his future that will tear him apart.

“Sungmin-shii is pregnant!” Yunho smilingly said with hands hugged Sungmin shoulder. It seems hot in the calming evening. Recognizing the two pairs of eyes that pierced his face, he also carved a smile. How the smile etched on his lips, he did not know. “Congratulation Sungmin-shii” he said half-concious. Sungmin smile. “Thank you Jaejoong,” Sungmin sweetly smile. Suddenly he was jealous. Why? He did not know. All this feeling has never been here. “Come on Min” Yunho hug Sungmin waist as he walked into the house, leaving him just standing in the middle of the garden. His heart was touched. Why he became very sensitive today? He looked at the couples who probably still happy with the news they received earlier. Jaejoong unconsciously sat in the swing in the garden. Yunho has changed. Sungmin has changed too. He felt neglected. Isolated. He was no longer needed. Perhaps, it was only the feeling. Jae tried to soothe his heart. The couple has been waiting for this moment for 15 years. Of course that in their happiness, they forgot his existence. And for the next nine months he continued to reason his mind. Yunho starts to neglect him. His time is spent with Sungmin. And Sungmin did not said anything on his changes. Jae, himself did not like to raise the issue. He knows who he is. He just suffered in silence.

“Sungmin is heavily pregnant.. I have to be with him. You have to take care of him too, Jae,” that’s the words coming out of Yunho’s lips every time Jae ask for his attention. Finally he just kept silent. He does not want any conflicts. Just let yunho happy. Let Sungmin-shii happy. What about him? Let him survive as long as he can. It pains Jae every time he see yunho concerning about Sungmin-shii. And slowly he is neglected from Yunho’s care. Yunho was not the same anymore. Sungmin-shii is not as good as before. Silently he has taste the bitter of sharing love. His heart was tormented looking at his husband’s behavior. Day by day, he suppressed his tears. Wanting to escape the painful situation, he decided to continue studying. Secretly he sent a letter of application and when he voiced out to yunho after that.  Yunho did not stop. Nearly three months after sungmin-shii gave birth to a cute boy to Yunho, he went to Seoul. Turning his life into becoming a student. He could only cried when yunho let him go alone to the big city.

“Yunjin had a fever. Jae, you don’t mind right to go there on your own? When you reached there, called me.” Jae looked fiercely at Yunho face. “I don’t want to go alone. I don’t have anyone anymore. I only have you, Yunho. Please come along with me. Only two or three days only,” Jae tried to sweet-talk Yunho.

“But Yunjin is not well, you have to understand, Jae..”

“Why is it only me to understand Yunho. You don’t even cared about me anymore..”

“Jae.. please understand..” Yunho stopped when he heard Sungmin shouting.

“Yunho! Yunjin is vomiting!”

“I need to look after Yunjin first, okay Jae?” Yunho left Jae. How could you do this to me Yunho, Jae cried silently. Feeling bitter with yunho’s ignorance, Jae left by himself. So much pain that he has to bear until now.

Slowly Jae wiped his tears.  The university lake already looks bleak. He had been sitting here for a long time. Unconsciously, he rubs his tummy. There is the gift from Yunho. His heart hesitate to share the news to Yunho. He even felt discourage to share it with anyone. After all, Yunho has Yunjin. It’s been 4 months he kept the news. Well, let it be a secret for as long as he can keep. Yunho rarely contact him. For three months Jae was here, it has been twice Yunho called him. The first time he apologized for not being able to accompany his departure and the second time when he came to know that Jae is sick. His housemate informed Yunho secretly about his situation. Well, that’s the only news that he came to know from Yunho. Sure, Yunho is busy catering the whims of his eldest son, living happily with Sungmin-shii without him as the third wheel. He sighed slowly. He’s worried of his child’s future. He promised to give Yunho a cute baby and now it’s nearly accomplished… but it’s too late. His baby is not needed anymore.. as he is not needed from the couple. His fingers pressing his stomach tightly. He can feel the pain that his son would bear in the future.

#############

“Jae, there’s someone wants to see you,” Junsu’s soft voice calling him with the knock on the door. Jae wipes his tears. He did not know why he keeps crying on his own sad life. He knows it’s wrong. But he feels helpless. He was very upset with Yunho’s estranged attitude. From the first time he step on Seoul until the days for his labor, Yunho never look for him. True, that Yunho did not know he’s pregnant. But he should be responsible to him. Jae is his LEGAL spouse. Slowly, Jae walk to the mirror and make sure there’s no tears left on his cheek. He open the door and Junsu was standing in front of him.

“Who is it Su-ie?” Jae asked.

“I don’t know him, Jae-jae,” Junsu smiled. Jae walked slowly to the parlor. He jerks slightly looking at the familiar back. Yunho. Why did he come here? He step cautiously.

“Yun..,” Jae slowly called him. He feels that he is a stranger. Yunho turn his back and look surprised. There’s silence in the room. Yunho’s eyes stared at Jae’s bump.

“Jae…,”Yunho slowly had his voice. Jae looks aside. Once again he cried. He wipe quickly. He must not cry anymore. He has to be strong.

“Why did you come here?”

“I have business in Seoul. Then I came here. Thought that I need to find you”.

“I’m fine. There’s nothing you need to worry about. You don’t have to bother looking for me. It’s bad Sungmin live alone at home. No one to take care of Yunjin.”

Yunho stepped closer to Jae. Slowly he grasps Jae’s hand. Jae retrieve back.

“Jae, why did you not tell me? If I did not come here, I would not know even you in labor..” Yunho growl slowly.

“Did you have time to hear this news? Did you feel happy?”

“Of course I am. You pregnant my child… why did you keep it a secret?? It’s been months you bear the burden alone. Why Jae?”

“I need to learn to live in hard life..”

Yunho could not believe his ears. He could feel something wrong in Jae’s word. Jae never talk like this before.

“What do you mean Jae?”

“I’m tired being the third wheel in yours and Sungmin-shii’s life. I could not take it anymore.”

“What are you talking about Jae? I’ve never thought of you like that.”

“I was not in your heart Yunho. You married me because of your heir. Just because of a child. When Sungmin-shii pregnant… you put me aside.”

“Jae, don’t say that.”

Jae stared fiercely on Yunho’s face. All the bitter moments flash through his mind.

“I would never forget what you have done to me Yunho. When Sungmin-shii start pregnant.. till he delivered. It makes me realize that I’m not needed anymore. How could you leave me to travel alone when I am your spouse? Where is your responsibility? How many times did you ever try to look for me? Never! Don’t you think that maybe I am sick.. am I alive.. am I dead? You never cared Yunho. You never cared. How could you do this to me!” Jae heave his breath hard. It took his toll talking this much.

“Jae.. I’m sorry.. I never meant to ignore you. I love you. Maybe I’ve been careless cos of Yunjin. But you should understand.. it’s been 15 years I’ve been waiting for a child to come to this family. And now, I’ve got my wish…”

“And then.. you can throw me out like that???” Jae cut him with bitter smile.

“I admit that I’m wrong. Forgive me Jae..”

“My heart ache Yunho.. I don’t feel the same anymore.”

Yunho hold his hand in a tight grasp. Jae look to his side.

“Please Jae.. please give me a chance…”

“For years you waste it. Please give me a chance to live my own life. “ Jae talk calmly. The way he talks makes Yunho ache. From the soft and bubbly Jae, he is now the strong heart Jae.

“Our child needs us..”

“Don’t use my child as an excuse. My child is a gift for me to live bravely. There’s only one thing that I want.. take care of your wife and son. Don’t disturb us anymore.”

“Jae.. I love you and I am the father of this child..” Yunho said that with his hand on Jae’s tummy.

“I can’t change that fact. Even how sad the fact is, I can’t change it. I.. I just need you to understand my feeling and let me choose my own way…”

Yunho was silent. He could not think that this is the end. He took for granted like Jae never cared of what he did. Jae did not defy and did not want to make troubles all this time. But Jae changed today. The cause? He knows that he is the wrong one. But can’t Jae forgive him? Suddenly he felt tears trickle down. He cried on Jae’s shoulder as hard as he can.

“I’m sorry..”he whispered in regret.

“I’ve already forgive you, Yunho. But to forget the pain.. I cant…”

 

The end.