Well at least you added a bit more things to the story, so it's different from all the other ff's I read based on that song. I'll give you some advice though since it's obvious that English isn't you first language: use word to type in your stories. After you wrote them you can check the spelling with word, that way most of your grammar mistakes would be fixed and you could always read your story over to clear up any other mistakes. After that you can just copy and paste in aff. :) hope it will work. I liked your story :)