It started raining again. I can hear the raindrops from my open window, the cold air dampened.

I absolutely hate it when it rains. I’m always stuck at home, sitting by my window sill watching little children run out the street to wash their worries away. They would jump up and down because of their joys. Little giggles escaping from their joyous lips.

This time, I decided not to look outside that window. I stared around my gloomy room., the deafening silence filling my ears. My eyes traveling to every part, every detail. I probably have memorized it by now too. An idle telephone sat beside my night lamp. Those eyeglasses that I haven’t touched in ages might have gathered dust already. A picture frame stood beside the glasses, a picture of me and him dancing in the rain.

A picture that I avoided looking at for years now.

I’ve always hated the rain for so many reasons, but him. He made me love every single drop of it. When it rains, he would hold me in his arms and he would keep me warm. He would cover up the sound of thunder and storm with whispers of sweet nothings.

Rain was what brought us together. I was crying on the street, trying to escape the hurt I was feeling in my heart. It was spring, I could feel the raindrops on my bare shoulder and a chilly wind in the air. But it didn’t matter, I needed to get away, far away.

My feet led me to a park. The little children running away with their mothers to hide from the rain. While I, I walked towards the swings and sat down, covering my face as I cried some more. I sat there, for what seemed like forever. I kept on asking God, why? Why me? Why now?

I couldn’t say I didn’t deserve it. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. I just wanted to know why. I still do.

But then, he appeared in front of me like an angel. He was holding a white umbrella, wearing simple jeans, a white shirt and a jacket. He was the only one who cared enough to ask if I was okay and if I needed any help. The only one who cared enough to wait for the rain to stop before he took me off the swings. He stood in the rain for almost an hour until he asked if I needed someone to help me home. Everything out after that.

“Are you okay?” A voice asked as I stirred. I stared at him and he looked back with a warm smile. “I’m sorry, I took you to my apartment. I didn’t know where you lived and I thought you needed help.” He said. I noticed that I wasn’t wearing my wet clothes anymore. “Oh, I asked my sister to help you get out of your clothes. I was afraid you might catch a cold.” He said. “My name is Jay Park.” He said and held out a hand.

“MiEun.” I replied. “Jang MiEun.” He smiled and took my hand then shook it lightly. I thanked him for helping me and taking care of me. He insisted for me to stay until dinner but I wanted to be alone and I didn’t want to bother him any longer.

I thought it was the last encounter we would have. A week later, I ran into him again. I was walking in the park until the rain started to fall. I was running in out of the rain into a bus stop. My hair wet, my clothes a bit damp, I felt a hand tapping my back. I looked and he was there, holding out a jacket. “You should learn how to bring an umbrella. You’re going to get sick with what you’re doing.” There was only the two of us.

“Why do you care?” I asked, pushing away his hand. “Are you following me or something?”

“For some reason, every time it rains, it reminds me of that girl that was shivering under the rain sitting on the swings. She looked so helpless and vulnerable I felt as if it was my obligation to help her.” He said.

“You don’t have to. You don’t have any obligations to me.” I said, almost too cold that I didn’t recognize myself. Was I being too cold to him?

“That day, you suffered from a heartbreak didn’t you?” he asked, ignoring my comment. “Or you wouldn’t have cried like that.”

You don’t know the half of it, I wanted to say. But it was none of his business. The bus arrived and I decided to have nothing to do with him any longer.

Unconsciously, I checked for the weather forecast everyday and avoided going out when it rained. I found myself staying inside when it rained, watching the kids running around enjoying the rain. I smiled and thought of the wonderful times I played in the rain. I opened the window and held my hand out, feeling the raindrops in my hand.

A year passed and I felt myself to be different this time. I took on an editorial job in a magazine company. It was my first day and it was the first rain of the year. I entered the office with a smile on my face, carrying a yellow umbrella on my hand and my bag on the other.

My boss greeted and welcomed me with a smile as he took me around the office. He introduced me to several important people that I needed to know as I worked with them and took me to my office. “You’ll be working with another editor, he’s really good and he’s really nice. I think both of you will get along.” He said as we entered the office. “Ms. Jang, meet Mr. Park.”

My eyes were playing tricks on me. I was sure of it. “You?” was the first word that escaped from my lips.

“We meet again.” He said with a smile on his face.

It was the start of a rollercoaster relationship. At the first few days, I was somewhat annoyed with him but as the days passed on, I grew fond of him. He made me feel very special and warned me with the players in the office. He asked me to date him a good few times and I found myself saying yes every time.

It was obvious, I fell in love with him.

He was everything that I could ever ask for. But, I didn’t deserve him.

There were days that I wouldn’t show up for work because I would get really severe headaches and there are times that I would faint due to dizziness. He took care of me and my work for me when those days would happen. He said he didn’t mind those little things.

But there was something so much more than that.

I met up with him after a month of absence. I agreed to spend the day with him, one last day to spend with him. I agreed to do what he wanted. I have never had so much fun in my life. And for the first time in my life, I danced in the rain with him. I swore to myself that I would never share it with anyone else but him. The rain was our special thing together. And as the clock 12, I broke both our hearts to pieces.

Jang MiEun was never going to be the same any longer.

I made it seem as if I left the country but I didn’t. I moved up town, living all by myself. I would watch days pass by. The chirping birds told me of summer, the steady blow of wind and the falling of leaves told me of fall, the cruel cold of snow and blizzards told me of winter but I always waited for the sound of falling rain. Because rain reminded me of the best days of my life. It reminded me of him and what he did to my life.

Today, I opened the window sill again and reached out my hand to feel the wind and the rain. I felt a tear running down my cheek. Children were shouting and laughing as they ran around playing in the rain. I find myself smiling and taking that picture frame. Looking at it, holding it close to my heart.

Secretly, I wanted to see him again. Secretly, I longed for his warmth. Secretly, I wanted to hear his voice of comfort.

A light knock brought me back to my room. I turned my attention to the door and told the person to come in.

“Ms. Jang, you have a visitor.” A kind voice said. I nodded simply and turned back to the window sill. As much as I hate the rain, it comforted me. It makes me feel alive. I can play back the memories I had with him. I could dance with him in the rain, in my mind.

“MiEun.” Hearing that voice, sent shivers up my spine. “MiEun, is it really you?” His voice, getting closer to me. I was too afraid to look at him, to turn around and face him. I could feel him breathing hard as he came closer, his heartbeat was pumping like mine. I can still remember his face clearly.

His cold hand touched my arm and spun me around. I could no longer see the face that made me happy. I held up my hand and he guided me on touching his face. I could feel tears from both his cheeks. I felt his eyes, the same nose, and his lovable lips. I cupped his face into my hands and heard him cry. “Why?” he asked.

“I couldn’t let you see me like this.” I choked out as tears came out of my eyes as well. I could feel him shivering as he held me close to him. “I didn’t want you to pity me. I just wanted you to have our wonderful memories together. That’s enough for me.” I whispered on his ear.

“I would still rather have you, than not have you at all.” He said. “I would rather be the one taking care of you, than leaving you alone.” His hands, wiping my tears away.

“I want to dance with you again, in the rain.” I told him.

He slowly carried me out of the room and out the door. I could feel the wet pavement on my bare feet. He held both my hands and slowly took me out in the street. I tore my hands away from him and felt the rain on my face, my hands and felt a smile on my face. His hands, around my waist felt comfort. “I don’t want this to ever end.” I told him, holding on to his arms.

He held me close and I felt his lips on my shoulder. “I want to be your eyes for a lifetime.” He whispered softly on my ear. “Let’s stop when forever ends.”