http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cfCDyLVCek

 

 

TOP POV

 

 

It’s been a while. Seems like you’re doing better since I’ve seen you last.

You got prettier too, though you always looked beautiful in my eyes

 

I looked at her from afar. It’s been awhile, since I last met her. It’s has probably been two months, since I was able to take a look at her from a closer distance. She looks different today, she had changed from the last time I met her. Compare to the past, today, I can finally see that smiles plastered on her face, I guess she gotten happier these days. I think she look more peaceful than in the past, she seems to get rid all of her weariness and she looks more radiant today. I used to think that she is very pretty even in the past, and today, as I looked at her, I think she had gotten even prettier, with that smile on her face. I probably missed her so much from her long absence. But there’s no way I can tell her that. She had been avoiding me, keeping her distance from me.

 

But you seem a little different today; you seem unusually cold

The gaze you put on me is full of pity, in front of you, I look small

 

You used to steal a glance at me in past, when we were in the same room, or in the same function or party. But you didn’t do that, today. You act more friendly with the others, more open, but why you act differently to me? You used to repeatedly stealing glances at me, and when I catch you doing that, you would be shying away and looked away. I used to enjoying looking at you like that, I used to feel happy just to see how cute you act. But today was not the same as the other days, I guess. You not only didn’t attempt any, all you do is looking away. Though I can see in the corner of your eyes, you are looking at my way; you didn’t even want to turn your face my way. You seem to be a bit cold, your gaze said so. I was waited for you, but you just seem to ignore me, why?

 

I act like it’s fine, I try to change the subject.

I have a lot I want to ask, but you cut me off.

 

I saw you leaving the hall, with your friends, and I followed you. I was scared that you might leave the party without I even have the chance to talk to you. I missed you so badly and I need to talk to you. I was a bit relieve to see that you girls only headed to the rest room, so I went back to the hall entrance, waited you there. And when you finally appear and looked at me, you only gave me that smile, a smile that is full of bitterness. I don’t know what you are thinking, when I finally am able to catch your eyes after two long hours waiting for you to look at me, your eyes seems to be avoiding me. I try to push that feeling away; I try to act like its fine. You initiate the conversation, but it was all about work, I was expecting more from you, something friendlier than that, instead of work and business. I try to change the topic, I want to ask about you, about how you were doing lately, everything that I need to know about you, but you cut me off. You seem to put up your walls against me. You were being so cautious and didn’t want me to get closer to you… you seems to be different now.

 

Your hair flows in the wind, and it hits me on my cheeks and leave.

You turn around and leave just like that, would I look silly if I try to hold you back?

I can’t think of anything to say, Trembling, you take two steps back.

Your words that you are afraid of me; you are the one that makes me crazy

 

I try to initiate more conversation with you, but I can’t think of anything. Being around you makes me become so nervous. I feel so desperate, but I can’t show. While you, I can see that you feel uneasy as soon as your friends leaves you behind. You smile, but it can’t hide your fear, you seem to be afraid of something, or me. There a moment of silence between us when you decide to turn around and leave me behind. With trembling eyes, you slowly distance yourselves, you took two steps back when I come nearer. Fear and misery is in your eyes, you can’t hide it from me. You tell me you have to leave, and I only can smile, letting you leave my side and get into the hall again. I never wanted you to leave, I still need to talk to you, there is so much catching up to do, but, I have no right to stop you. No one knew how I felt towards you, no one does. And if I ever try to stop you, would I look so silly? And you seem so afraid of me, what do I have to do? I have slowly developed this love symptom, but you just ignore me. I wanted you but I can’t have you, you really make me goes crazy.

 

I love you, baby i’m not a monster

You know the old me, when the time passes, I will have to disappear, you’ll know then baby

I need you, baby i’m not a monster

You know me, It ends, but if you leave me like this, I will die

I’m not a monster.

 

How can I come closer to you and tell my feeling? To comfort you? To tell you to not be afraid of me? To let your guards down?

‘I love you, baby, I need you, I’m not a monster. Stop being afraid, come closer to me. You know, I won’t hurt you. I would never hurt you.’

I want to scream these words out of my head but I can’t. You never give a chance for me. You keep on taking one steps back, you have been traumatized by your previous love, I know, but I’m the same as those people. I’m not a monster, I won’t hurt you.

 

I’m sorry that I have to disappear sometimes as time passes, but I thought you have gotten used to it? You already know right? It’s been a while since you know me… even when I text you, there are times when I got too busy, I can’t find some times to reply you back, and it become forgotten. I wanted to text you back when I got the times, but the text had been expired I guess. But you can understand it, right? Since we’re both working on the same field, you should be able to understand how busy my job can get when the times come.

But if you leave me just like that, I could die. I guess I really need you by my side. Please, look at me and stays by my side, please, don’t be afraid of me, I’m not a monster.

 

“You say, let us be together forever no matter what happens.

You say, let us be together when we’re happy and when we’re sad.

You don’t (won’t) say that tomorrow..

I say, let’s love today as if it’s the last day.”

 

Is that just dead promises? What happen to that?

Oh no, I forgot, that was what you said to me when we were friends. I forgot one fact, we never been anything more than friends. I want more of that; I want to love you more than yesterday. I want to love you. But you turn your back on me; you were scared, afraid that I might hurt you so bad if you love me back. That’s what you told me. You always took a few steps back when I try to show you affection.

 

Yo, the world without you is like a capital punishment

The world doesn’t go correctly without you

Your existence has become an incurable illness for me

 

You never know this, but my world without you is like a great punishment. I can’t think properly, I can’t do anything correctly. My heartache, my head hurts, the world is spinning and I can’t keep my pace straight. The sun comes up from the west, everything turns upside down, the world doesn’t go correctly when you decide to distance away from me.

Your existence had become an incurable disease for me. You weaken me, you affect me so bad, but there is no way I can get rid of you. Just like a cancer, my feeling towards you can be slows down, but can’t be removed completely. And then, one day, when the times come, it becomes uncontrollable and incurable that it affects me so much and could have killed me.

 

Everyone may look at me with judging eyes,

But what really hurts is the fact that you have become a part of that ‘everyone.

 

You used to be different; you used to show much affection to me. You used to not listen to what people say about me. Of how a player I could be, of how wild I have been. Many of them said that I’ve been with many girls. The girls have been flocking around me, they approach me for many reasons, and since I am a celebrity, I can’t just shoo them away with no mannerism. I’ve been living my life like that even before I knew you. But truth is, I never been with any of them, nor any of the wild rumors are true. I never see any girl as special as you. I never did. And you used to just shove everything away and still come around near me. You used to be ignoring all those rumors and you just are cool as you are, no matter what approach the girls used to get to me. You used to be just cool about it. You used to just make fun of it and we just laugh over it.

 

But now, it’s different. You distanced yourself away. You shoved me away; you pushed me away the more I try to come closer. You try to put a high wall around yourself; you never let me pass through it like you used to do. I can’t even see you clearly anymore.

 

They have succeeded in manipulating your brain. You know it isn’t true, but you chose them than me. You let your doubts overpower the truth that you see. That little fact hurt me most. I don’t care if there is no one wants to stick with me in the end, but I only want you to be by my side. I only want you, the one and only person to trust in me no matter what. The people around me just wants to see us part, and they probably is very happy to see our situation had turn this way.

 

Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go, don’t leave me

Don’t do this, don’t do this, don’t do this, You don’t seem to be yourself

 

                Baby, please don’t go, don’t ignore me. You don’t seem to be yourself. You’re not thinking straight right now, don’t simply say goodbye, because you will regret this. Please… you only feel tired, that’s why you’re not thinking straight. You need rest from the world, from what the people say, not rest from seeing me, not stop from staying here with me.

 

Still far apart, With love still divided

Don’t look for me, Don’t look for me, Don’t look for me, Don’t look for me

Don’t do this, Don’t do this, Don’t do this,

Please remember the me that stood next to you

Please don’t ever forget me

 

                Deep down, I know you feel the same as me, you wanted to be love, and you wanted love. But you are scared and traumatized from previous scar. Don’t do this baby; I know you don’t want to. No matter what happen, don’t ever forget me. Please remember that I will always stand next to you. Please always remember that.

 

I love you, baby i’m not a monster

You know the old me, When the time passes, I will have to disappear, You’ll know then baby

I need you, baby i’m not a monster

You know me, It ends, but if you leave me like this, I will die.

I’m not a monster.

 

                Deep down, I was crying hard. I cried and prayed so hard that you will be able to accept me.

                I love you baby, I won’t hurt you, you are the most precious and fragile things that I ever had, I would never do any harm to you. I’m not a monster, you have to trust me. I can’t live without you, if I do, I would die. Please trust me….. I’m not a monster…