Don’t go out with the boys tonight
I won’t sleep a wink
Wondering what you’re doing
Tug of War, Carly Rae Jepsen

Sojin let out an exasperating sigh as she adjusted and readjusted the pink envelope taped on yet another pink box she was about to leave for Baekhyun . 

It was three in the morning, quite chilly, her legs cramped and wanting rest, clad in tight fitting black wrap around dress with matching black 4- inch pumps. She’s wearing tons of make up, lips glossed with Chanmi’s palest frosted lipstick. Eyes smeared with the darkest of Sena’s eye shadows, lids lined with eyeliner, according to her friends this is what they call the “smoky eyes”, but to Sojin she just felt it’s too much, she didn’t even recognized herself against their vanity mirror, but she went with it anyway. Sojin felt older than her age with the make up, she felt so grown up.

She went out for a drink with her two dorm mates Sena and Chanmi tonight to celebrate, the head for talent acquisition notified them that plans for a new girl group is already on the way, and the three of them will be in it. A couple more years and they will go from SMEnt trainees to KPOP fame. She let out a smile at the thought despite the tiredness of clubbing, dancing and drinking beating her down.

She rubbed her left leg with a free hand and proceeded to lean on the wall next to EXO’s door. What am I doing really? She looked pitifully at her pink box. She wasn’t even sure if Baekhyun had received the ones she left before; she had no way of knowing. She’s pretty sure the boys receive a jillion fan gifts every day. A quick sadness lingers as she imagined her pink box strewn around with a million other boxes from fans, inside Baekhyun’s cabinet somewhere. She imagined her box went unnoticed.

She shrugs.  Feeling like a loser and wanting support; and thinking that both her dorm mates are now sleeping peacefully in their rooms downstairs. Oblivious to the fact that she is once again “stalking” Baekhyun. Sojin smiled at the thought of how Sena and Chanmi would have if they are with her right now.

“Mind over matter”, she muttered, quickly placing down the pink box on the doormat. She looked at it yet again and felt a pang of sadness- she really is a whirlwind of emotion at the moment, it’s 3AM and she’s tired and thinking a lot of crazy thoughts.

“AAAAH”, she let out another sigh, closing her eyes, placing both palms on the door and repeatedly banged her head softly on the door’s beige wood- it was cool against her skin and the soft banging didn’t help alleviate her headache but she was just glad to feel the coolness of it.
She continued banging her head softly on the door, eyes closed and absorbing all the stupidity of what she’s been doing for the last two weeks.

“Stupid stupid stupid stupid”, she muttered under her breath.

Baekhyun will never notice me. Ever. I will never like someone this way again. God, I will die a .

She felt the doorknob twist beneath her and she gasped at it, standing straight in the process, fully aware that another p