You had three months

„We can talk about this, Suhoon!“ Kyumin said, running after his boyfriend. „I can change myself, seriously! We can’t let my temperament to ruin this relationship!“ She was really stubborn and her voice was getting louder and louder. To be honest, Suhoon was a little scared. And that really meant something, considering he had had many girlfriends with very different personalities. And when he finally said that it would be best for them to break up... well, the result wasn’t anything he was prepared for.

„Kyumin, really. Just go home. You can’t save a sinking ship.“ Well, that was probably really wrong thing to say. But his confused mind just couldn’t come up with anything better. ’I’m sure I heard it somewhere,’ Suhoon muttered to himself. He really wanted Kyumin to leave, that’s all. People were staring at them and he still had a reputation to keep. Finally he let out desperate sound and stopped. „Okay. I didn’t want to tell you, but it’s all about me, not you,“ he said when Kyumin got closer.

The girl looked like she was sure about her win. She even let a little smile creep on her lips. „What is it? I’m sure we can get over it, when we are together. You know that I want to help you, right?“ ’Definitely stalkerish. And creepy,’ Suhoon couldn’t help but to think. „That’s the problem, we can’t, because I... I like boys. Here. I said it.“ After that he almost held his breath. Kyumin’s expression changed slowly but then there was that stubborn look again. „I don’t believe you.“ Her laugh was short and sharp.

„Look... I...“ Suhoon took a deep breath and suddenly smiled. „Hey, Jay!“ he yelled and hurried towards a person who had just came out from underground. „I was just thinking of going to your place, fancy seeing you here,“ he continued. To the stranger’s surprise, Suhoon pressed his lips on his. Kyumin cried out something rude and turned around to stiffly walk away. „Finally,“ Suhoon said, when there was no way she could hear him. „I thought it was never going to end.“

The victim coughed and tried to get Suhoon’s attention. After a minute or two he succeeded. „Well, I’m glad you got rid of your little problem, but... what was that?“ In his opinion, the stranger who had just randomly kissed him was arrogant and annoying. He really wanted to get over with this but he just couldn’t walk away, could he. He was 16 and it had been his first kiss. Sadly.

Suhoon sighed and turned to him. „Oh, I’m really sorry. She is my ex-girlfriend, what a bother. But now it’s cool.“ He paused and his lips. „Uh... can I get you a taxi or just send you home? It’s pretty late and I really feel sorry for what I did. Also – Jay was just the first name that popped into my head. No hard feelings?“

Jihwan rubbed his face. „Nah, it’s okay. I don’t really have... the permanent place of residence,“ he said. This was the polite way saying he was homeless. Suhoon froze. „Okay.“ He backed away slowly. Did he really just kiss that homeless dude? That was just... disgusting. He wished his face didn’t show it, but actually his thoughts were really visible. It hurt Jihwan. Hurt him a lot.

-o-

It was just another Friday night and to be honest – Suhoon was drunk. More than usual. When he usually drank, he just was more outgoing and light-headed, but this time he was really drunk and felt like throwing up. „Okay, sober up!“ Hyunmin gave him a glass of water. „We have to get going, it’s already four in the morning,“ he said, „also, Chiran seems to be really tired so if you don’t want to ruin this, you have to get yourself together.“

„Ah, yes.“ Suhoon drank the water and after a few moments already felt better. „Should we get going?“ he asked and others answered with a nod. He took Chiran’s hand and they exited the club, taking a deep breath. It was rather cold outside so this also helped them to sober up a bit. „Okay, we’re off then,“ Hyunchul said and Hyunmin muttered a goodbye. „Have fun.“

„Shall we walk a bit?“ Suhoon smiled gently and Chiran giggled. „Yes, I’d like that.“ Her eyes glittered and she was obviously so in love with her companion. Suddenly, Suhoon felt disgust. Why was he always doing this? It wasn’t good, it only hurt everyone. Despite these thoughts, they walked quietly, hand in hand. He couldn’t just say that he wants to change and everything is different. It wasn’t that simple. And then he saw him. And all strength was gone from his legs. Agan, he felt like throwing up and world started to spin around. He stopped and Chiran did the same. „Dear?“ Suhoon cupped his new girlfriend’s face. „I don’t feel well. I’ll get you a taxi that takes you home, ’kay? I really can’t do this today,“ he said and ended it with the small, soft kiss. „Don’t be mad, okay?“

It was clear that if Suhoon hadn’t kissed her or hadn’t sounded so gentle and polite, the girl would have been really angry. But now she just smiled, like a doll, and nodded. „Okay, baby. Just get some rest and let’s meet on Monday.“ Chiran’s voice was sweet, he yearned for another kiss. Suhoon complied. When she was finally gone, the boy sighed and closed his eyes. Suddenly he wasn’t sure – was this really the stranger he had kissed almost three months ago? It had seemed like it, but now... Well, it didn’t hurt to give him a closer look.

Jihwan was sleeping on a near bench. Suhoon could tell that things had become even worse for him, also, it was already October, weather was quite cold and he could see small clouds of vapor in air every time he breathed out. Slowly to not wake the other, he sat down beside him and put his head on his lap. „I wish you could tell me, what to do,“ he whispered. „I’m so freaking tired of this life. And friends – are they even friends? Or just companions who stick with me because of money?“ He slowly slid his fingers through the other’s dirty hair. „I’ve done so many things I regret now. I bet you don’t have to regret anything. I wish I could just... just disappear.“

„I have things that I regret,“ Jihwan suddenly said. Suhoon’s mind froze. His first idea was to run away, but he blocked it. „What?“ he asked. ’I’ve been drinking enough. It’s alcohol acting like this, not me,’ he tried to convince himself. „Well, actually I regret only one thing. Saying that I don’t have home. That night, three months ago. Things could be really different from what they are,“ Jihwan said with a sigh. „You know, after that... your look. It made me hate myself. I truly wanted to kill myself.

Suhoon didn’t dare to move. „I’m sorry,“ he finally said. His problems seemed like nothing, compared to that guy’s. „I’m sorry. I really am.“ Jihwan smiled a little. „I think you are, now. But you have been walking past this place for three months. Three ing months. Where was your pity then?“

„I don’t pity you. I. Don’t. Pity. You. You have no idea.“

„Then tell me. Just tell me and then go home or whatever. It’s my birthday today and I don’t want to spend it listening to your problems. You have no idea how lucky you are.“ Jihwan panted. He had stood up without noticing it. „Tell me!“

All of as sudden Suhoon stood and wrapped his arms around the smaller guy. „Happy birthday,“ he whispered. „I don’t know your real name, so I keep calling you Jay. And I will never, never let you go. From now on.“

„You are drunk.“

„Not drunk enough.“ Suhoon smiled when he pressed their lips together again. It meant a lot more than it had before. With Cherin. With others. And they both knew it. „What about going to my place? It’s rather cold at your’s.“ Jihwan couldn’t help a chuckle. „Okay. And by the way, my name is Jihwan. I have nothing agains being Jay, though.“

Suhoon laughed. „Okay. Let’s get to my place now. You need a bath, some new clothes and definitely a breakfast.“

„Some kisses as well, if you wouldn’t mind. You still have to make up for these three months.“

„Anything for you,“ Suhoon answered, kissing him several times and not noticing looks from people who were already on their way to work. He really didn’t care about so small things. Not anymore. Jay or Jihwan or whoever had made everything so clear. With only his presence.