“Eli… I-I can’t do this anymore! It’s over!” The blonde boy known as Kevin shouted at his current, or as you can say, now ex-boyfriend, Eli.

“Kevin, what do you mean it’s over?!” Eli had a panicked look on his face. He was unconditionally in love with Kevin. He didn’t want his relationship with Kevin to end. At least, not now and he hoped not ever.

Kevin didn’t speak a word. Instead, he turned around and walked away from Eli. Not explaining why it was over. Kevin couldn’t really say why it was over but he knew what the reason was. Actually, there were two reasons why he broke it off with Eli. One, was because he was tired of Eli hiding him from everyone. No one at school knew Eli was gay. They only knew Kevin was, but not Eli. Secondly, Kevin suffered from depression, bulimia, and from schizophrenia. Eli nor anyone knew. Only his parents knew about his medical condition. Kevin had always wished to be normal like every other person.

One day, I want to wake up and be normal like everyone else. I want to be able to actually see people and say hello to them so people won’t think I’m crazy nor think I’m talking to myself.

Kevin is a Korean-American boy, who grew up in Danville, California. Around the age of 14, he moved to Seoul, South Korea, where he met Eli a year later after living there. In the beginning of his relationship with Eli, he thought Eli was just a figment of his imagination. But after becoming friends and then, dating for a couple months, he realized he wasn’t. Before going to sleep at night, Kevin would always get on his knees and pray every single night, begging to God that he wants to wake up and be just fine without needing to take his medication.

I wish I hadn’t been born like this. Why… I don’t blame my parents, but.. why God? Why did I have to be born with schizophrenia? Schizophrenia is the reason for my depression because I know I can’t be like everyone else. And, my depression caused my bulimia. I just want to die sometimes because the pain is so unbearable. One of these days, I think I’ll just die by committing suicide. I can’t take this. It’s too much for me.

Kevin sometimes couldn’t bear the pain he would feel inside of his body. He remembered when he was eight and his heart stopped pumping blood. He died for just a few seconds until his parents, who always come prepared, brought him back to life with shock paddles. The first time it happened, Kevin was extremely terrified. He didn’t want to die at such a young age and not be able to experience life. But, he kept having heart failures, over and over and over again. When he started becoming depressed, that’s when he stopped caring about everything. Eli was the only person he really cared about and his parents as well.

I wouldn’t be surprised if I have another heart failure. If it happens again, I rather let it occur in the middle of the night when I’m asleep. That way, I’ll be completely dead in the morning by the time my parents wake up and also, I wouldn’t have to worry about my stupid medication pills or those stupid defibrillators anymore.

Eli, on the other hand, was known to be a very goofy and y boy. He is also Korean and American like Kevin. He was born and raised in Washington, D.C. Eli was a young male model for Vogue magazine. But when he turned 15, he had to quit modeling because his parents decided to move to Seoul, South Korea and that’s where he attended high school, Hanrim Entertainment Arts School with Kevin.  In the beginning, Eli was being rebellious because he didn’t want to live in Korea, but right after he met Kevin, he instantly fell in love with the blonde boy. Kevin had an unpredictable personality and a very feminine appearance. He was silly and always happy. At least, that’s how Eli saw Kevin. After a few months of getting to know Kevin, he secretly asked Kevin out. His parents don’t know he’s gay at all, only Kevin’s parents know because Kevin is openly gay and everyone knows what he’s interested in.

I think I might be in love… But, not with a girl. With a boy. And his name is Kevin. Kevin Woo. I want to be with this boy for a long time. I believe he’s the one for me.

When Eli and Kevin began dating, their relationship was perfect. No fights, no problems, no nothing. But after the first four months of being together, Kevin began fighting and arguing with Eli. Eli never knew why Kevin would fight with him but, as for being the calm one in the relationship, Eli ignored Kevin’s contempt behavior and tried to calm his lover down. Sometimes, Kevin would just breakdown and apologize to Eli. Other times, he’d shove Eli away from him and tell him to stay away. Eli always accused himself of why Kevin would be upset most of the time. He felt that Kevin needed more attention, but as for Kevin, he would be upset because he was just frustrated that he couldn’t vent out his true feelings to Eli and tell him the truth about his medical issue.

Why is he acting like this all of a sudden? Did I do something wrong? Of course, I did. I need to give Kevin more attention. He deserves it. I have to stop ignoring him. What’s wrong with me…

But now that Kevin broke it off with Eli, Eli didn’t know what to think or say. He ran after the boy he loved so much and pulled him back by his skinny wrist, turning him around to face him completely.

“Kevin, you can’t be serious… Is this what you really want?” Eli’s eyes welled up with tears.

Kevin had already been crying. He pushed Eli away from him and yelled at him. “I’m tired of you hiding me from everyone! I hate the fact that we have to sneak around in school to see each other! Sometimes, we can’t even see each other at all because you’re too busy hanging out with your friends! If you can’t accept yourself, then, why should I continue being with you, Eli? I’m tired of all this… It’s so stressing…” Kevin wept even more. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this anymore, Eli.. I’m sorry.”