There’s a saying that the darkest hour is just before the dawn. It means there is hope, even when you are dragged down to the bottom, a hand will be lent to help you back up. However, for Jongin’s situation, he is almost certain that the dawn, which is in a few hours, will never reach his sight. By the time the sun peaks through the horizon, his eyes will be closed, and will never open again to see the sun rise.

            He will only live through the darkest hour, just before the dawn.

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           Jongin watched as brown haired boy pranced around cheerfully with a white Pomeranian dog securely in his arms. With footsteps ever so lightly, as if his feet were barely touching the ground.

           It’s graceful. Jongin likes watching Luhan, the way he walks. It resembles a ballet dancer on a stage performing, with cautious steps of elegance.

           As soon as Luhan spots Jongin, he scuttles to him with those nimble footsteps. Beaming a joyful smile, Jongin couldn’t help but ruffle the older male’s hair affectionately as he sits on the space next to him.

           “Mmmm…” Luhan made a pleased sound to show his happiness.

           Luhan can’t speak. He would make incomprehensible mumbles to communicate, but has never said a coherent word. At least not in the 3 weeks that Jongin has known him.

           The boy was found by the sea shore next to Jongin’s mansion, nearly lifeless. Since he regained consciousness, they were never able to dig out any information from the boy about his family, which is why they took him in. He looked too precious to be left in an orphanage or police station.

           Jongin looked down to see the messy state of Luhan’s feet – covered in sand and dirt. He hissed disapprovingly as he used his own hands to dust it clean. “You’ve been by the sea shore barefooted again. I told you to wear sandals at least, you might step on something sharp if you don’t,” he lectured. Luhan doesn’t like wearing any form of footwear and prefers walking around barefooted. Everywhere.

           Luhan will just smile, making it hard for Jongin to scold the boy.

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            12:00am: the digital clock on his bedside table informs him. It’s midnight and his mind is still racing with thoughts of Luhan, of what may happen anytime now.  

             He sits at the edge of his bed, holding a medium sized portrait of the brown haired boy. He remembered when he sketched it, just a week ago. He was watching as Luhan admired the sun rise, with the sun halfway visible from the horizon. He made sure to capture those angelic smile, pure brown eyes, perfect nose, and plump pink lips.

              Jongin just stares at the sketch on the canvas, in sheer sorrow. Memorising every detail of his face, the face of the person he loves. The face of the person he will never have.

              A tear, that he didn’t notice forming, escapes his grief-stricken eyes.

              “It’s okay Luhan,” he whispered, as he trails his thumb on the outline of Luhan’s sketched lips. “Don’t hesitate...”

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                Jongin bit his bottom lip, contemplating on what to do. It’s a bad habit. Luhan has been worrying him the past three days. The usual cheerful boy hardly faked a smile, and when he does, it looks broken.

                 It started when Jongin’s father announced his plan to organise an arranged marriage for Jongin. Luhan nearly choked to death upon hearing it, worrying the whole family.

                 They know nothing. They know nothing of Luhan’s feelings. They were oblivious of Luhan’s agony of not being able to express his love for Jongin. Jongin’s parents know nothing.

                 But Jongin does.

                Jongin is fully aware of what Luhan feels for him. It’s more than friendly love. He realised it after the first week of Luhan living with them. The extra care and  attention Luhan was showering him with, those attentive glances when he thought Jongin wasn’t looking, and a lot more, gave it all away.

                It wasn’t long till Jongin himself, felt the same way. But the reality of the world they live in makes their love impossible to happen, hence why Jongin just continued pretending to be clueless about it. To be oblivious of Luhan’s unconditional love.

                He loves the boy dearly. More than a mere friendly love or a brotherly love – definitely more than that.  But he can’t tell him; he can’t express it. They’re both males and this kind of love is looked down on by the society they live in.

                He doesn’t care what people may think of him, but he doesn’t want Luhan to live through the pain of having people look at him with those dirty judging eyes, scrutinising his every move as if he was the filthiest creature alive. No, Jongin doesn’t want that. For him, Luhan is the definition of beauty, and such innocent beauty shouldn’t be tainted or damaged.

            Jongin stood in front of Luhan’s room, to check on the older boy. He raised his hand to knock on the wooden door, but the noises inside made him halt his actions. There were multiple voices and none belonged to Luhan except the soft murmurs. He pressed his ear softly against the door. He isn’t usually the eavesdropping type, but curiosity is seeping through him.

            “You must come back Luhan, back to our world,” a male's voice said softly in a pleading manner.

            Jongin knits his eyebrow into a frown, unable to comprehend what they meant by ‘our world’.

            “We found a way. We negotiated with Outcast, and he gave us a way to bring you back.”

            “We had to trade half of our powers, so now I can hardly scare a butterfly,” a soft chuckle followed, to break the suffocating tension in the atmosphere. “We’re your brothers; we’ll do anything for you.”

            Jongin’s eyes widened in the realisation that Luhan isn’t human; no, he doesn’t belong in this world. But it didn’t shock Jongin as much as he thought it would do. Luhan is remarkably beautiful, and an unusual character, that it isn’t difficult for Jongin to believe that he is anything but human. Humans, after all, are very vicious creatures, whereas Luhan is pure and innocent.

            “It must be done tomorrow, sometime after the dusk and before the dawn. Remember, before the dawn.”

            There was a seconds of silence as if the next words were heavy to bear.

            “. . . You must kill him.”

            Jongin’s complexion turned ashen, as sweat started drenching his whole body. The words came out clear and sharp that he couldn’t have misheard it. Incoherent sounds of disapproval were made by Luhan, as sobs followed after.

            “Luhan it’s the only way!” a desperate cry came from one of the brothers, “You’ve suffered enough, it’s time to come back!”

            “You can’t even speak! You can’t even walk without feeling like there are a hundred knives beneath your feet! Luhan, don’t do this to yourself! You gave up all that for a human that can’t even make you happy?! There’s no point!”

            It stabbed Jongin right in the heart, where it is most painful. It doesn’t take a genius to know that the ‘human’ they’re referring to is him. And somehow, he feels responsible for Luhan’s despair. Jongin now understands why Luhan is the way he is. The light graceful footsteps that he loved to watch, were actually pain to Luhan. Guilt and sadness filled Jongin’s heart.

            “You have to pierce his heart with this knife. It’s the only way.”

             Luhan’s cries echoed.

             “Before the dawn. Or else . . .”

             Jongin pressed his ear against the door harder, dreading to hear the next words that are coming.

             “. . .or else you’ll dissipate into nothing.”

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            5:13am: the digital clock on his bedside table informs him once again. He shifted uncomfortably in his bed, feeling anxiety causing his heart to beat faster. Dawn is in 17 minutes and Luhan has yet to appear in his room.

             He looked outside the window, the moon is out of sight but a cluster of stars glistened like a bundle of gems. They are almost as beautiful as Luhan. Just almost.

            Jongin turned, facing the wall. If Luhan doesn’t appear in two minutes, he’ll go and look for him himself.

            Just then, he heard the creaking sound of the door opening and closing. Jongin held his breath for a moment and stayed stationary on his position. Light footsteps that are barely audible followed.  Jongin stayed still, pretending to be sleeping.

            It’s okay Luhan.

            He heard sobbing and felt warm tears landing on his cheeks.

            No, don’t cry.

            He mustered all his effort, to prevent himself from tearing up.

            Kill me, because I will never let you disappear.

            Soft lips pecked his forehead lightly. He felt all the emotions in that one small peck. Then silence placed itself between them. Jongin was just waiting. Waiting for the sharpness of the knife to pierce his heart. Waiting for Luhan to free himself from this agony. Just waiting.

            But it never came. No knife, no blood, no death. Instead, the sound of the door opening and closing startled him. He’s alone. Luhan didn’t kill him.

            Luhan chose to disappear.

           Into nothing.

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            Jongin slammed the door open in haste and panic. Just as he predicted, there stood Luhan at the edge of the balcony by the railings, facing him in shock. His sudden entrance must have startled him.  

            The moment their eyes met, time has seemed to stop. Both holding their breath while staring intently into each other’s eyes, no words were needed.

            Jongin could read Luhan’s pleading eyes asking him to turn around and leave, while Jongin’s eyes begs him to stay and do what he should do – kill him.

            Luhan started shaking his head. He’s scared. Scared that Jongin will see him turn into nothing. Scared that Jongin might try to stop him from disappearing – which is exactly what the younger male is intending to do.

            Jongin started scurrying towards him with heavy steps. He pulled the older male in his arms, hugging him tightly as if it will stop him from disappearing; as if the tightness of his hug will change the cruelty of their fate. But it won’t. Nothing will.

            He cupped the Luhan’s face with his warm hands, as his thumb caresses those soft cheeks, wiping away the teardrops it encounters. He rests his forehead against Luhan’s.

            “I will never let you disappear,” Jongin whispered softly, causing a new bundle of tears to form in Luhan’s eyes. Luhan shook his head lightly in protest, sobbing his heart out.

            Jongin turned his head slightly, to look at the clock tower that is visible from the balcony.

            5:26am

            Four minutes. Four torturous minutes before the dawn.

            They are in the darkest hour.

           He turned back to Luhan. “Don’t cry,” he soothed, forcing a broken smile, “Just pretend none of this has ever happened, and live your life happily okay?” he pressed his lips tenderly against Luhan’s forehead.

            He looked deeply into Luhan’s eyes. Those light brown eyes that had always given him comfort and strength. Slowly, he leaned in, until their lips met. It’s a light and innocent kiss, contrasting the harsh reality that’s eating their soul up. But for this moment, nothing matters. Just the two of them, feeling the tinge of enchantment from their forbidden love.

            However, Jongin knows that their time is running out. He slowly placed his hand on top of Luhan’s hand that’s gripping the knife. He did it affectionately, to deceive Luhan that it’s nothing but an innocent touch. The softness of the older male’s lips is entrancing him, but Jongin had to take control of himself. He will never let Luhan disappear.

             Luhan didn’t seem to notice, lost in the midst of their kiss.

             Slowly, Jongin raised the knife that’s in Luhan’s grip.

             He feels the clock ticking, and it’s as if he is racing with time.

             When Luhan least expected it, Jongin plunged the knife towards himself.

            The bells from the clock tower chimed, marking the beginning of dawn.

            Jongin felt the sharpness of knife pierce through his skin, going deeper and deeper.  A gasp of horror and shock from Luhan followed after. Jongin wondered, did he win?

            It’s painful. In fact, too painful. However, Jongin doesn’t know if it’s because of the knife in his chest or the fact that he may never see Luhan’s mesmerising smile again.

            Everything seemed to be in slow motion. Jongin couldn’t hear anything but his footsteps as he stumbles backwards. He felt his knees lose strength and his body staggering. Luhan was quick enough to catch him before his head crashes against the hard concrete.

            Luhan caresses his cheeks, crying harder than he did previously.

            Jongin, with much difficulty, lifted his arm to told Luhan’s hand. He smiled.

            “I-I love you,” he said with great struggle, “Always remember that.”

            Luhan is slowly fading.

            Jongin could almost see through the older male. He didn't understand. He’s terrified. He held Luhan’s hand tighter, but he could hardly feel it in his hands.

            “Stay closer,” Jongin said as if it will save brown haired boy from dissipating.

            After realising what’s happening to him, Luhan looked at Jongin. His eyes carried more serenity now, than it had few minutes ago. He smiled. Their hands still intertwined.

            He was a second too late.

           Just a second after the dawn.

            In the end, time won against them.

            Jongin couldn’t save Luhan. Luhan couldn’t save Jongin.

            And maybe, just maybe, this is better than to live in a world where the other didn’t exist.

            Tears fall from the corner of Jongin eyes as he could hardly make out Luhan’s figure. But he could still see, although scarcely, his loving smile.

            Jongin could hardly gasp enough air.

            And Luhan has nearly faded.

            Jongin smiled back.

            This is goodbye.

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Author's Note:

The End!

Pahaa~

How was it? It's my first one shot hah!

Drop some comments! =D<3

If anyone is interested in reading my chaptered story, here's the link:

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/155825/secrets-exo-kai-luhan-sehun-lukai-kris-kaihan

Buhbye!<3

|| Teardrops ||